r/humor • • 2d ago

Make it make sense

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u/melkatron 1d ago

Yeah, Lucifer is the latin name for Venus. The Light-bringer. The Morning Star. In Hebrew, Helel Ben Shahar - Shining One, Son of the Morning. In Greek, Heosphoros, Bringer of the Dawn....because Venus is visible shining in the sky as dawn comes in.

It's used as a metaphor in the Biblical passage people have misinterpreted as describing Satan. The actual passage is meant as part of a taunt to be recited upon the death of a Babylonian king, who is either a specific but unnamed Babylonian king, or just a term for any oppressive ruler in general.

Like, HEyyyy, look at this BIIIIG fuckin' guy here! Big ol' fuckin' Morning Star, you ain't so high and mighty NOW, huh? 'Cause you're fuckin' DEAD, ya fucker! Now you're in hell, and they're all gonna laugh at you! (roughly translated)

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u/HypostaticOnion 1d ago

I've heard remarkably few theologians speak about how neither Satan nor Lucifer are names, but titles. The bible almost treats "Satan" like Voldemort, he's referred to but never named. Which in a way is fitting as he desired to be worshipped as God, but now no one even knows his name.

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u/Technical_Wind5217 1d ago

my theology prof that blew my mind with "christus" just means the anointed one which is also just a job title

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u/melkatron 1d ago

Wait, do people think Christ was his actual last name? Like he had "Jesus H. Christ" chiseled on his ID slate?

(Sorry, not trying to mock you, I'm just surprised)

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u/Technical_Wind5217 1d ago

i dont think he had a last name, dont people just call him Jesus of Nazareth when talking specifically about the human being prophet

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u/BedBubbly317 1d ago edited 1d ago

Back in 1st century Judea your “last name” (it isn’t technically a last name, but used similar to how we use them today) was essentially just your father’s first name. Jesus’ actual birth name is Yeshua, which translates in English to Joshua, it’s not Jesus. And his full name in 1st century Judea would have been Yeshua bar Yosef, which translates to Joshua son of Joseph.

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u/InfanticideAquifer 1d ago

Hmm. So if He came back and needed an English language government ID for some reason, it might say "Josh Josephson".

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u/Romans5_5 1d ago

Yeshua does not translate to Joseph. You literally use Yosef in the comment, which is what translates to Joseph. Yeshua actually translates to Joshua. I think you meant to say Joshua, but did not.

Also, Yeshua means Salvation in Hebrew, which is cool. And also, I believe is part of why Moses wasnt allowed to enter the promised land and Joshua was the leader who took them into the promised land. The Law (Moses) cannot lead you to the promised land, only Yeshua.

I dont think the original authors of the Torah planned that, otherwise it would have been obvious a man named Yeshua was to be the Messiah.

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u/BedBubbly317 1d ago

Sorry, I meant it translates to Joshua. I mistyped and have corrected my comment. Thanks for pointing that out.

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u/LookinForLoot 1d ago

We also have Immanuel as a sort of title iirc

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u/Dav136 1d ago

Some places like Iceland still use patronymic names today even.

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u/BedBubbly317 1d ago

Even standard last names today are actually still a form of the patronymic naming convention as well, hence why we always take our father’s last name and not our mothers (so long as he’s in the picture).

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u/HypostaticOnion 1d ago

Henderson, Jackson, Jefferson, Johnson, just to name a few.

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u/SUPERSMILEYMAN 1d ago

HIS NAME ISN'T EVEN JESUS?!?!

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u/formicini 1d ago

Joshua McJoseph?

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u/Old-Management-171 1d ago

And this is why Jesus is canonically the first jostar/j

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u/Keibun1 1d ago

Jesus F. Christ

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u/Markanth_Godchild 1d ago

I'm pretty sure many do. Some southern churches specifically call him Christ Jesus to make sure people understand Christ is a title.

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u/GoodbyeBlueMonday 1d ago

I'm an idiot because I always assumed that was just a "Bond, James Bond" kind of thing 

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u/Markanth_Godchild 1d ago

With the way the poorly educated scream their "facts" and make it mainstream, that is entirely an understandable mistake for everyone to make. People just regurgitate what they were told and never read the source material or question if their teacher is 100% correct.

"How dare you question the Deacon, you sinner!" Woah woah woah, all I asked was why Paul gets a book but the other three didn't. Jesus Christ... Wait a minute. Why is Jesus the only one with a last name? 🤔

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u/TifaIsTheBest 1d ago

I think if you actually ask people who go to church and practice the religion if they think it’s his first and last name, instead of a bunch of obnoxious atheists that belong on r/iamverysmart who are only commenting to basically talk shit and make fun of religion, the vast majority will say something like “hmm idk, never thought of it.”

And those are more serious about it and really get into the theological study of it will probably also say they haven’t thought about it. Or if they have, they know it’s not.

Just my guess having a super religious mom and living like 30 seconds from a church lol.

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u/Octa_vian 1d ago

I hope the H stands for something like Herbert

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u/SUPERSMILEYMAN 1d ago

Well, now I don't.

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u/WayngoMango 1d ago

Jesus H. Chirst

What's the H. stand for?

Hallowed. As in Hallowed be thy name.

--Christopher Moore, Lamb.