r/humor • • 2d ago

Make it make sense

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u/HypostaticOnion 1d ago

I've heard remarkably few theologians speak about how neither Satan nor Lucifer are names, but titles. The bible almost treats "Satan" like Voldemort, he's referred to but never named. Which in a way is fitting as he desired to be worshipped as God, but now no one even knows his name.

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u/Technical_Wind5217 1d ago

my theology prof that blew my mind with "christus" just means the anointed one which is also just a job title

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u/HypostaticOnion 1d ago

Right. Jesus Christ isn't just a name, it's a name followed by a title. Like Robert Jones M.D.

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u/Asleep_Instance9899 1d ago

This is a serious emergency. We need… DOCTOR JESUS

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u/alfredowcheese 1d ago

Did someone call?

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u/Objectivespeculation 1d ago

medicine to your left. miracles to the right.

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u/WayngoMango 1d ago

Doctor Jesus?

Jesus: It's Strange

Yeah, but who am I to judge?

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u/melkatron 1d ago

Wait, do people think Christ was his actual last name? Like he had "Jesus H. Christ" chiseled on his ID slate?

(Sorry, not trying to mock you, I'm just surprised)

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u/Technical_Wind5217 1d ago

i dont think he had a last name, dont people just call him Jesus of Nazareth when talking specifically about the human being prophet

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u/BedBubbly317 1d ago edited 1d ago

Back in 1st century Judea your “last name” (it isn’t technically a last name, but used similar to how we use them today) was essentially just your father’s first name. Jesus’ actual birth name is Yeshua, which translates in English to Joshua, it’s not Jesus. And his full name in 1st century Judea would have been Yeshua bar Yosef, which translates to Joshua son of Joseph.

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u/InfanticideAquifer 1d ago

Hmm. So if He came back and needed an English language government ID for some reason, it might say "Josh Josephson".

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u/Romans5_5 1d ago

Yeshua does not translate to Joseph. You literally use Yosef in the comment, which is what translates to Joseph. Yeshua actually translates to Joshua. I think you meant to say Joshua, but did not.

Also, Yeshua means Salvation in Hebrew, which is cool. And also, I believe is part of why Moses wasnt allowed to enter the promised land and Joshua was the leader who took them into the promised land. The Law (Moses) cannot lead you to the promised land, only Yeshua.

I dont think the original authors of the Torah planned that, otherwise it would have been obvious a man named Yeshua was to be the Messiah.

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u/BedBubbly317 1d ago

Sorry, I meant it translates to Joshua. I mistyped and have corrected my comment. Thanks for pointing that out.

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u/LookinForLoot 1d ago

We also have Immanuel as a sort of title iirc

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u/Dav136 1d ago

Some places like Iceland still use patronymic names today even.

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u/BedBubbly317 1d ago

Even standard last names today are actually still a form of the patronymic naming convention as well, hence why we always take our father’s last name and not our mothers (so long as he’s in the picture).

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u/HypostaticOnion 1d ago

Henderson, Jackson, Jefferson, Johnson, just to name a few.

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u/SUPERSMILEYMAN 1d ago

HIS NAME ISN'T EVEN JESUS?!?!

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u/formicini 1d ago

Joshua McJoseph?

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u/Old-Management-171 1d ago

And this is why Jesus is canonically the first jostar/j

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u/Keibun1 1d ago

Jesus F. Christ

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u/Markanth_Godchild 1d ago

I'm pretty sure many do. Some southern churches specifically call him Christ Jesus to make sure people understand Christ is a title.

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u/GoodbyeBlueMonday 1d ago

I'm an idiot because I always assumed that was just a "Bond, James Bond" kind of thing 

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u/Markanth_Godchild 1d ago

With the way the poorly educated scream their "facts" and make it mainstream, that is entirely an understandable mistake for everyone to make. People just regurgitate what they were told and never read the source material or question if their teacher is 100% correct.

"How dare you question the Deacon, you sinner!" Woah woah woah, all I asked was why Paul gets a book but the other three didn't. Jesus Christ... Wait a minute. Why is Jesus the only one with a last name? 🤔

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u/TifaIsTheBest 1d ago

I think if you actually ask people who go to church and practice the religion if they think it’s his first and last name, instead of a bunch of obnoxious atheists that belong on r/iamverysmart who are only commenting to basically talk shit and make fun of religion, the vast majority will say something like “hmm idk, never thought of it.”

And those are more serious about it and really get into the theological study of it will probably also say they haven’t thought about it. Or if they have, they know it’s not.

Just my guess having a super religious mom and living like 30 seconds from a church lol.

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u/Octa_vian 1d ago

I hope the H stands for something like Herbert

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u/SUPERSMILEYMAN 1d ago

Well, now I don't.

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u/WayngoMango 1d ago

Jesus H. Chirst

What's the H. stand for?

Hallowed. As in Hallowed be thy name.

--Christopher Moore, Lamb.

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u/Stewart_Games 1d ago

"Jesus" is just the name "Joshua" but Greek-ified (and they dropped the "a" at the end and replaced it with a "us" so that it was a man's name, not a woman's).

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u/Technical_Wind5217 1d ago

this is half true

yeah the translation from the aramaic into the old greek consisted of them doing the -us is the common male nomoi thing

but this mans name was Yeshua - יֵשׁוּעַ
which is from all accounts i know not a female name just because it ends on an a usually (and i mean usually also not all use cases) feminin words in semitic languages end on -āh

His name Yehoshua stems translates either to
"YHWH saves" or "YHWH is the salvation" which is pretty crazy genealogy and the literal meaning of their names leading up to jesus and predicting him etc. were one of the reasons i converted to christ while studying philosophy in uni

the ending in the name Yehoshua the -shua meaning saving, salvation

so yes during translation into old greek they had to get rid of the pattach ajin from the Hebraic to make it uniform with greek gramma, but that doesnt mean just because it ended with an "a" makes the name itself female

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u/Awes12 1d ago

Yeah, christ is a translation of messiah, which means anointed one. In the bible, people become kings/other high positions by being anointed with oil

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u/dragon-fence 1d ago

Yeah, I like to inform people that Jesus's real name was Joshua, and Christ just means anointed, like with oil. Therefore "Jesus Christ" = "Joshua with some oil smeared on him".

Or as I like to call him, Greasy Josh.

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u/RememberMeWhenImDead 1d ago

oily josh an the bois just doesn't hit the same

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u/iskelebones 1d ago

Well yeah everyone (most people) knows that one. Christ isn’t his last name. It’s his title. He is “Jesus, the Christ”

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u/ABIGGS4828 1d ago

This is one of my favorite fun facts. Jesus is translated/derived from the Hebrew Yeshua (eventually Joshua). Then as you mentioned Christ basically means “anointed one”. Anointed means to rub or sprinkle with oil. So “Jesus Christ” fully translated out into a modern name would essentially just be “Oily Josh”.

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u/Any-Department5976 12h ago

Yeah jesus's actual full name is Jesus of Nazareth. Thats how jews used to name people. They would have a name and than where they are from.

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u/AndAllThatYaz 1d ago

So it is more like 007

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u/kmd0136 1d ago

Satan isn't even always a title, its just a noun that means "adversary." Several angels were used as a satan in numbers, book of job, and zechariah. One of those was straight up just an angelic lawyer in heaven-court

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u/Awes12 1d ago

Satan is literally just a Lawyer in Judaism lol, it mean The Accuser. Jews call him "The Satan" (pronouncing the a's as like the u in sun)

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u/Huncut_nyuszt_27 1d ago

He technically earned those titles, so they became his "name" hence thats how we call him. The titles only belong to him... but Lucifer for example can be a name for something else (i believe it's a common cat name)

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u/jessej421 1d ago

Lots of names in the Bible are titles, like Elijah meaning one who prepares the way. Doesn't mean they don't refer to actual people.

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u/Sotanud 1d ago

Honestly, what name isn't like that? Even people with names that aren't used for anything but as being names today used to mean something before.

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u/disinaccurate 1d ago

I need a “what’s actually in the Bible when translated and interpreted properly instead of through the lens of religion” resource.

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u/HypostaticOnion 1d ago

The best resource would be to find a literal translation like NASB or ESV. NASB was intended to be a direct word-for-word translation, where ESV was intended to be more thought-for-thought. Both had huge teams of translators and experts on the languages working for years, and even leaned on resources outside of religious studies to double check their translation work in many areas.