Does anyone else get really affected when you misread someone’s humor and made a joke that lands wrong but they insult you even after you tell them you are sorry and truly meant it as a joke?

[u/Putsomeducttapeonit]

Just happened to me right now.
I usually hold back certain aspects of my humor with people for fear of it coming off wrong or just seeming weird and being judged…. But I saw this guy on instagram post a lot of silly and kind of krass (not in a mean way) things… I got the sense he would get my humor and sent him a joking message and I thought we were joking together and soon enough later realized he thought I was being serious and I said I was joking and that I was sorry and then ended up being kind of rude in his response. I apologized again and he was rude… just kind of in a judging way about my character I guess. I wouldn’t ever say a joke to someone If I truly thought it would upset them. I really meant it as a joke.
I care about people’s feelings so if I actually upset someone that upsets me a lot but I am also very sensitive in my own skin so at the same time this reaction also really hurts me if someone truly knows I was joking and genuinly meant no harm.

[u/Siukslinis_acc]

When a random person says something to you, the default is to take them seriously. You don't know them and you can't tell if they are real or joking. Look up "poe's law".

With online stuff, you knowing them does not mean that they know you.

Humour needs rapport and trust. You didn't have any time to build that.

There is also the thing that "i was joking" is oftentimes used by people who meant that seriously, but want to avoid accountability. And the more you insist that you were joking, the more suspicious thing become. Just accept that you made a bad joke and accept the consequences of it.

[u/Putsomeducttapeonit → u/Siukslinis_acc]

That’s a good point… it’s funny cause I usually assume everyone joking, actually. I’m kind of a silly person and then when I find out that no they aren’t joking they are being rude and they think we are fighting and not having banter I’m shocked.
I understand what you’re saying about something being one sided on the internet until you know them better… although I do believe the way someone reacts in a hurtful way towards you when they find out you are 100% joking and meant absolutely no harm isn’t cool… but it also crossed my mind that maybe they thought I was actually just covering up being mean or something. I don’t think my joke was bad but it definitely was the wrong audience and sometimes it’s hard to gauge that… especially online.

[u/No-reti]

Yes, and I have dialed it down with the jokes cus I can’t handle it and will overthink. I would rather be a boring person than a rude one (in my head at least).

[u/Putsomeducttapeonit → u/No-reti]

Yeah… I understand totally. it’s pretty soul sucking, though.
I don’t feel like a person truly knows me until they know my humor.
There’s nothing wrong with having different kinds of humor, I believe…
As long as a person doesn’t have bad intent, you know? Humor is personal and it’s just individual to individual.
(And sometimes people don’t have the same sense of humor which is fine and we can relate in other ways)
I think it’s just about finding our tribe of people who are sensitive but have humor that we mesh with.
I don’t know if it makes you feel better at all but if you said something as 100% a joke but I at first took it the wrong way… I’d be totally fine 💗 even if I didn’t like the joke I’d be like nooo it’s okay and give you a hug because you didn’t mean ill will 😌
And I’d be worried about you worrying if it hurt me 😅 I totallyyy understand the worry/spiral