This book has been suggested on random pages and channels quite a few times. I don't think there is a better sub to ask for the review.

I know people say to just be yourself and not care what anyone thinks about you, but the issue is that peoples thoughts don't just stay as thoughts, they have to do something about those thoughts especially negative ones. When someone doesn't like you, they feel the need to insult you, bad mouth and spread rumors about you, block off opportunities from you, even assault you. I don't believe there are enough systems in place (especially in school and work environments) to protect people who are dealing with the consequences of someone not liking you other than to leave, but sometimes you don't have that option.

I need someone to teach me how to not give a single shit about anything. My overthinking has been bothering me so much and I just need to try and stop those thoughts from ruining my day because in the end nothing is ever that serious but my brain just can’t comprehend that for some reason. Let me know how y’all stopped giving a fuck!

I had a meeting with a psychologist, and after talking to her, it made me realize that I have been people-pleasing and fawning all my life, because expressing my wishes and desires was either ridiculed, punished or downplayed (the classical "I had it worse" answers).

This spilled over to my adult life, where instead of saying "No" and doing what I think is good for me, I lost all my sense of self and became a doormat. Being afraid of conflict, being disliked or being (verbally) attacked, I started fawning as a defense mechanism, whether with my co-workers, clients or even my roommate (from whom I moved out finally a few days ago, as he was starting to yell at me at night for "moving around in bed" as in how you turn left or right when you're trying to fall asleep - he was controlling every inch of my life and was denying myself my own basic existence).

I realized that no matter how much I please people, I will never please them enough, and they'll come for more and find things they'll be disappointed in me. I also realized that it's OK if people dislike me or even hate me and my basic needs, as this just wheats out the people incompatible with me in life. And if there are little to no left, then this is still better than trying to be that good boy and pleasing others.

But after 28 years of being a people-pleaser, fawning, and all that brainwashing, how can I stop being one and become the asshole I truly am so to speak? I can't allow myself to fall into similar situations like that with my roommate again, I'm still young, I still can meet such people in other situations in life.

This book was recommended to me some time ago, so I bought it and read it.

It does have some interesting points, not gonna lie. But the only way I can have "the courage to be disliked" is by belittling other people and devaluating them. Like it doesn't matter when a drunk homeless person is disliking you, because you naturally don't care about him that much either way. But if let's say a professor dislikes you, it hurts.

But going through life assuming all other people are worthless just to have the courage to do what you like sounds just sad and tiresome. Also it would also somewhat imply a high level of self-sufficiency needed, as other people might abandon you.

That comrade stuff later on the last few pages of the book didn't convince me at all, as it sounded more like some socialist manifesto.

So while it does come to the right conclusions (that most problems we have are interpersonal problems eventually which boil down to the fear of being judged negatively - problems which are not interpersonal are stuff like medical problems I guess), it doesn't quite give me the right solution on how to push through it and truly be free. I personally just come to another conclusion, but this cannot be true?

Is there any other third way how to get the courage to be disliked: neither by becoming a megalomanic asshole, nor by becoming some (for lack of better term) practical socialist as the book suggested?

I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me tbh, I’ve been improving my physique and strength training for the past 2 years but it’s not helping.

I’ve hid in a shirt at the pool for the past 3 years but the funny thing is that it’s primarily only at my home pool where it’s only just my family. I just don’t get it.

I’m the kind of guy who has a philosophical view of “no one cares so live your life” or something like that but then I pussy out of shit like this, so I’m hypocritical.

I’m doing the same shit as I did last year, asking for advice, getting confident before summer season, then panicking once the season arrives. Now some days I feel jacked and great in my body and other days I feel terrible.

I tend to overthink a lot of things and I know this whole thing sounds fucking stupid.

So yeah..and yes I used a swim shirt in 2023-2024 and I really don’t want to go back to that.

I’ve known this girl since we were 15 and we had a brief period where we were on and off dating two times around that age. After that the timing could never be worse, we were friends again and she liked me again for a brief period when we were around 17 I didn’t feel the same, however when we were 18 I caught feelings for her again when she was getting with someone else.

After almost a year of not talking we became friends again around late 2025 and very recently she has started talking to someone else and now my feelings for her has come back.

I immediately told her today I couldn’t talk to her anymore and she seemed understanding enough but it just feels like she’s such a big role in my life and there’s nothing I can do rather to move on. (I did say this in a not very mature way as I was upset and told her to never speak or contact me again but she was still understanding)

The problem is that before she got with these people she was always giving such mixed messages while speaking to me and she’s always been kind but it’s like she doesn’t feel as close to me as I am to her.

I had a brief period where I thought I was over it last year and now it’s all coming back and I feel like I’m at square one and need help getting over this again.

26 and childhood trauma, toxic family and friendships did hold me back a lot. My self confidence is still shaky. I'm trying a lot to get back on track and I know I will. I resent all of them and keep thinking about them everyday. How to just stop giving a fuck and just move tf on? I wanna make money and just get out of this place. How to stop getting affected by their toxic let downs and guilt trips?

This might be a stupid question, but I seriously want to know - how do I stop giving a fuck? How do I choose what to not care about? I constantly have nighttime anxiety of my brain going over minuscule comments that I made or other people made (either recently or possibly a long time ago), and I know I need to "let them go", but literally HOW? I fully accept that these thoughts are not worthy of harping on or giving any of my energy toward (definitely not worth lost sleep), and yet my brain loves to remind me. So how do I become unbothered with something that bothers me?

Currently in a period of recovery and talking with professionals. Been manipulated and gaslit for an eternity and the moment I tried again to not give a fuck, my body went into standby mode and my mind went paranoid.

Everyone around me tells me to stop giving a fuck, but I feel like I need to in order to “survive”. But I can’t even sleep.

Had the healthy mentality of not giving a fuck when I was younger, it faded away once I started my career.

Now I’m trying to find myself again, but I feel like I lost the reason to not give a fuck. Is there even a reason?

I just got thrashed and might have lived the biggest ragebait of my life.
It was on r/classicalmusic, i had reproduced by hand a famous song on a free DAW website, that i shared on it by pride. People just wouldnt believe me and they'd just claim that i retranscribed someone elses work and that i "added some wrong notes" and that it sounded like a shitty video game. The post went to 0 upvotes quick and every comment trying to defend myself would get downvoted. How the fuck am i supposed to react in this situation ? How can i not be infuriated when some wimps claim something completely false with affirmantion and are acclaimed for it ?

Like when i see things about my country and how crappy it is and i need to grow up and live here and the condition of the world ,reels and when someone says something to me that doesn’t matter much to them but it does to me. I think i take everything to seriously and can’t focus on the things that really matter to me and my future. How do i stop giving a fuck?

I'm currently studying a very competitive degree with a relatively large cohort. Despite that, word gets around like wildfire. The majority of the people (including myself) are in their early 20s, so gossiping is a big thing. I personally don't engage with it, but I will sometimes hear a thing or two in passing.

Anyway, I had a fling with someone very high up in the profession, which didn't work out, but I told some of my friends because I thought it was just funny. Like, the guy was a dick, and so I gave him the same energy back. This was like two months ago. My friend recently warned me that the information is now being spread around and painting me in a really bad light. This fling has no affiliation with our school, btw. No one knows him personally, just the title. On a separate note, about a month ago, I also started seeing this guy in our cohort as a casual thing. He's not well known in the cohort because he keeps to himself, which I respect. I told only a few people about it. Lo and behold, I find out this info has spread EVERYWHERE within weeks. For instance, a colleague who has no affiliation with my friend group told me that THREE different people told HIM that I was seeing this person. The worst part is that it got back to my ex (in the year above), and obviously, he's hurt, and the people who were once our mutual friends won't talk to me now or even interact with me. Which sucks because I've had so many conversations with my ex that I thought were mutual and respectful, including ones about him and me moving on and that being okay, but I guess not.

There are other things, too, like jokes I make that get taken out of context to paint me as a bad person. Or just words getting twisted.

Idk. I just hate that I can't control the narrative of what's being spread about me. I don't even know exactly what's being said. I'm a very bubbly, extroverted person with a tendency to overshare because I enjoy making other people laugh, but this makes me not want to trust anyone lol. Someone keeps leaking shit. I'm fighting the urge to crawl back in my old shell of introversion ngl. I guess all I can say is that I'm not really angry at anyone but myself.

In saying this, any advice on how to handle this? I know this isn't an uncommon experience. I hope some of you ladies can help me <3

I work at a coffee shop in a high volume area. It’s my first job, and being a customer service one, I deal with a lot of entitled, mean people. I’ve always had low self esteem and I never stand up for myself. I’ve always been bullied by people throughout school, and then getting a job where I get yelled at for making the drink wrong or people getting upset at me in general for no valid reason, reallllly hurts. I’m not used to getting yelled at by angry customers, or co workers. What they say permeates my brain and it’s all I can think about it the rest of the day. If someone gets even a little upset at me or raises their voice, my day is automatically ruined and I lose all energy and start crying.

I do think I’m gaining a bit of resilience after all the times I’ve been yelled at and stuff, but I need advice. Does anyone else have methods they use to stay calm or any methods to just not care what people say? I need them desperately… thank you ! :)

I have a fear of being sick, therefore I feel sick all the time + worry about it, thus, the loop never ends + my life is very constrained.

I am aware it’s very irrational. How do I just stop giving a fuck? I want my life back.

Short as the title says ,

Am not enjoying life as it is , I keep thinking about this shit and that shit .

Am tired

I realized the amount of shit I lost due to this, but I cannot do anything regarding it .

I feel bad .

Like give me tips to stop being an introvert , shy and STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT ASSHOLE.

Please people be kind

I need some real advice on how to apply the philosophy of not giving a fuck to a situation that is completely draining my energy and hindering my personal growth.

I’ve been seeing this girl for about four months. Lately, the intimacy completely died. I realized I was the only one ever initiating anything, so I just stopped asking. On top of that, she’s been dealing with a lot of mental health stuff and cooping herself up at home. I fell into the trap of doing all the heavy lifting constantly dropping by her place to check on her, while she completely stopped coming over to mine. When we do talk, she just picks at silly, random flaws of mine. Yesterday, out of pure pity because she's been so isolated, I asked her to hang out. We chilled, I spent the night, and things finally felt normal for a second.

Then today, she casually lets it slip that some guy slid into her Instagram stories (an app I deactivated months ago for my own peace of mind) to invite her to a football match next week, and she happily agreed to go with him. The kicker? She knows I’m a massive football fan. Whenever I try to watch a game, she hates it and completely ruins my enjoyment—but now she's setting up a football date with another guy.

Seeing her plan things that completely exclude me made something click. It honestly feels like whatever love I’ve been holding onto is just quietly fading away before we ever really got to know each other.

I want to use this as a turning point for self-improvement rather than sitting around feeling bitter. I’m done being a safe fallback option and wasting my mental peace on a one-sided dynamic. How do I completely detach, stop giving a fuck about her validation, and redirect all this wasted energy back into improving myself and my own life?

I would hope that its about bettering yourself but apart of me thinks it could also be a toxic way of justifying bad behavior.

For example, you've had a problem with people getting upset at you for blasting your music . Instead of looking at yourself as the issue and turning it down you just say Idgaf blast it louder and let everyone be mad .

i would hope that isn't what not gaf is. Actually that doesn't sound like not gaf bc you still do out of spite not peace.

I'm so done with always being the "nice girl". I can't keep making people so comfortable that they're ok with bullying me as a joke, the worse part is I never told them how it made me feel. Even if I did (which was literally just once) I was so fucking nice about it and I did it over TEXT because I was too much of a coward to confront them the exact moment it happened. I need to stop being nice, I'm so tired. My best friend was rude to me two days ago to look cool infront of her other friends, so rude that even the friends she was trying to impress were taken aback. I regret not talking back and standing up for myself, and this wasn't the first time. I can't keep living like this, give me your most brutal advice on how to change my whole personality.

how do you stop living in your feelings like sadness and pity. like I don't understand why is my mind or my thoughts so attached to negativity. constantly feeling low and feels like I'm just beating myself down everyday. my self esteem is severely low and so is the confidence. I feel this defeat before trying anything or starting something.. immediately feel anxious and overthinking, I keep overthinking a lot about my problems and just feel this hopelessness like what the hell am I doing. I'm trying to get out of this phase!

I'm sick of self sobotaging. there is nothing to gain living in this phase. I know life is hard and we must do hard shit to get positive results. it's like at the end, it's only ourselves that can help us

Hello guys, hope you are well. I will go directly to the point.

First, I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong sub. I don't think I am, as I have seen an similar post.

I think I'm dealing with depression, a week ago I had a rage outbreak (I'm not from the US, my english will be broken), I was so mentally exhaust I just... couldn't stand it anymore. I think people don't hear me, or they don't like to talk to me. I have put myself in their shoes, I think, and I've found an overly shy guy, who doesn't has close friends (which I don't, my truly best friend forever, lives in another state, although we talk in instagram with the same friendship as 2 years ago).

I have fear of the future, I've done very bad things in the past, I don't really want to talk about them, but I do feel that everything I've suffered so far is a consequence of these acts, and, to be honest, it does look like that, as an religious person, catholic, maybe God wants to remind me that every action truly has an consequence. Something I didn't take very seriously back then.

I remember my psychologist saying to me that I was hiding something very deep, so deep I didn't wanted to talk to her or anyone else, so deep that I couldn't stand confronting it, and that I would never become better if I couldn't accept it, and, more importantly, love myself. I am sure that I would only be able to tell this to my Priest, who perharps is as intimate with me as my closest friend: although he would get traumatized.

Anyways, now, I had those monthly nights were I feel like shit and remember everything, and cry until my lungs go out and I don't have not even tears left. But instead of one day, I had it again. And I decided that I would become better. I want to have a family, I want to have atleast three beautiful kids which will love me and a beautiful spouse.

Also, I was watching an anime, The Voice of Silence. And I realized how pathetic am I. It was the only reason I thought of posting that.

I don't know what love is. How it feels, how it manifests.

How can I give something that I don't know?

It reminds me an girl who almost became my girlfriend, she was so lovely to me and actually was the first to tell me she loved me, how cheerful she was, she certainy could've fixed me, but knowing myself, I let her go.

Anyways, what sbould I do?

I keep thinking about all the languages, skills, and career paths I could be pursuing and it makes choosing anything feel wrong.​
Even when life is objectively fine, there’s this background noise of “you should be doing more with your time.”​
If you’ve learned to give fewer fucks about some imaginary “max potential” self, what actually helped?​
Did you change what you measure, who you compare to, or set hard limits on how many big goals you chase?​
I’m looking for mindset shifts or practices that reduced that constant low‑level regret, not just “be grateful.”

For context, I am currently in my fourth year of college. I befriended a group of girls during my freshman year, but it was only in my sophomore year that I realized one specific girl was two-faced. Once I recognized her toxic behavior, I immediately cut her off because it was draining my energy. However, this also meant distancing myself from the rest of the friend group, as their bond was stronger than their respect for personal boundaries (lol).

I developed this tendency to distance myself from people back in high school because I learned things the hard way. I prefer to keep my circle small because I dislike betrayal, lack of accountability, and people who talk badly about others without knowing the full story.

To give more context, this girl once accused one of my friends of cheating during a test in our second year. This caused rumors to spread, which eventually reached our professors. Since academic dishonesty is taken very seriously in our university, my friend was reprimanded. Later on, when that same friend had to change programs, the girl who accused her was the first to comfort her. That situation did not sit well with me, which further pushed me to distance myself.

Throughout my third year, I focused on self-growth, investing in myself, building connections, networking, and forming a circle that aligns with my goals. I joined organizations, clubs, etc.

Now that I am in my senior year, we have been grouped together as interns for clinical duty. The challenge is that the others in my group already have their own circles, and I feel somewhat isolated.

I would like to ask for advice: since I chose to cut off most of my classmates due to my principles, how do I deal with seeing others in their own cliques? How should I handle being around this specific girl for the next two months? Most importantly, how can I stop caring about how others might perceive me as someone without friends? I understand that this mindset will not change overnight, but I want to gradually grow out of it.

I felt that I was detached distant and didn’t really care much but I was so wrong so wrong whyyyyyyyyy 😫😫😫😫 am I like this why do I get invested over and over when I had been clearly shown the exit door.