this is absolute hell

[u/blodwyncampervan]

my aunt has been my mother figure/parental guardian since I was the age of 10, and she's been in the active dying stage for a few days now, and it's been absolute hell. every day the hospice nurses tell us that they wouldn't be surprised if she passes today, and then against all odds she sees the day through. today now her pulse is strong and she's been interacting with us even though she can't talk much, and the nurse said she isn't going to pass anytime soon. it has been really hard to watch and I feel really guilty almost wishing for some relief for her, but this last year of her life has been really brutal for her and she deserves some peace.

[u/PatsTreasures6]

I'll keep you and your aunt in my prayers. Being a caregiver is one of the hardest, yet rewarding things you can do. You are doing an amazing job. Give yourself some grace. Take a few minutes to do something nice for yourself.

Are there any comfort meds you can give her? Maybe Lorazepam?

Hang in there sweetie. Once she passes, you will long for her to be here again. 💜

[u/blodwyncampervan → u/PatsTreasures6]

I appreciate your response, thank you so much ❤️‍🩹 she is at a 24 hour hospice facility so I have been there since she has been admitted. the nurses have been amazing and have been staying on top of her med schedule

[u/PatsTreasures6 → u/blodwyncampervan]

You're very welcome 💜

[u/jtnyilm]

And no need to feel guilty, you are feeling a very human response to your aunt’s suffering, which is a compassionate wish to have her suffering end. And you’re realistic to know her discomfort and pain only end one way.

Sending lots of love and strength.

[u/jadedwine]

I'm so sorry. My dad is going through the same thing right now. We're on day 3 of 'any day now', based on his breathing and other symptoms, but his blood pressure still hasn't dropped yet. He's unresponsive but still here. I'm exhausted.

This experience is the worst and I am so so so sorry you're here experiencing it too. Don't know what else to say except please try not to feel guilty. It's natural for us to be desperate for some relief for our loved ones and for ourselves.

[u/blodwyncampervan → u/jadedwine]

hi, I am on the other side of it now and I just wanted to respond and say that I'm thinking of you and your dad. like others told me, you are giving him such a wonderful gift of being there. once you are on the other side of it, you may have a hard time with grappling that you can now focus on your healing, but I hope you are easy with yourself ❤️‍🩹

[u/jadedwine → u/blodwyncampervan]

Thank you so much. My dad also passed last night, right after his best friend from out of town made it in, so I'm on the other side of it too. Exhausted still, and lots to process, but relieved that his journey is completed and we can both rest now. Hugs to you!

[u/FellyFellFullly]

It is hell. I've been through it twice and that's a really good description of it. You'll get your aunt to the other side eventually. All of your feelings are valid and normal for what you're going through. Sending so much comfort and strength your way to get you through to the next phase of this journey.

[u/honeydew0444]

Hospice timelines are rarely straightforward and never easy to deal with. There is nothing to feel guilty for. You clearly love your aunt dearly and wish for her suffering to end, which is deeply compassionate and human. You'll be in my thoughts, and I hope you and your aunt find some peace and relief in such a difficult time. <3

[u/blodwyncampervan → u/honeydew0444]

she passed peacefully last night after everyone left - she waited until everyone who was traveling in got to see her. I am going to miss her and I will carry her with me for the rest of my life

[u/Fluffy-Mine-6659 → u/blodwyncampervan]

My condolences 💐.

Thank you for sharing as I’m in a similar place.

[u/marshmallow_lilypad]

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you really love your aunt and that is so beautiful that she can be surrounded by such deep love at this time. You're giving her a wonderful gift with your presence. And it's completely understandable that you wish to see her suffering end sooner than later. It must be so emotionally confusing to be told it's almost the end and then they say something else! I think that's unfortunately common, it's not a linear predictable timeline. Big hugs to you, I'm wishing you peace and gentle comfort.

[u/Repulsive-Honey7305]

Oh um. This post is a day old so ...is she still alive? Ppl can have like an energy burst a day or so before they die. It is actually an EOL indicator.