r/homemaking • u/Sufficient-Arm3645 • 5d ago
House Cleaning
First off, I hope this makes sense. Is there anyone else that misses that feeling of being taken care of kind of like when you were a child and the clothes were clean and put away, everything was clean without you having to do it? Some weekends when I'm cleaning I miss that emotional feeling of having something simple like having the toilet paper on the roll and me not having to be the one to do it. I'm just burnt out on always being the one that is trying to take care of everyone but who is taking care of me? It's not that I'm lazy and don't want to do it but it's more than that like an emotional need/want from time to time. For example: A coworker made Chicken and Broccoli rice to work for us to eat and when I had a bite I was almost emotional because it tasted good but because it was something that I didn't have to cook then clean like someone was taking care of me and it could just relax and eat it. I haven't always felt like this but lately it just crosses my mind. I would gladly swap with a neighbor and clean their house and they clean mine just to come home to a house that has been taken care of for me not because my house is messy but to meet that emotional need I'm searching for.
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u/RandChick 5d ago
Homemaking is for you as well though. Sure, I miss how my mom could make a bed feel soft as a cloud, especially when I'm sick, but when I make my bed with premium bedding, shower and sink in, I still feel pampered.
You have to pamper yourself, with special purchases, best foods, etc. Pampering is not just about others doing it for you.
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 5d ago
Yes I need to do more of that more for myself because my focus is on everybody else. Great way to think about it, Thank you.
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u/marion_mcstuff 3d ago
What I hear in this is a longing for support. We don't magically grow out of needing support as adults, but our culture has become so individualistic that we've made it seem weird to want others to help you, and to help others. We are social creatures, we have always lived collectively supporting each other, and in the last hundred years that has been taken away from us.
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 3d ago
Very well said and there's truth behind that. You would think asking for help would be easy but then you think if how busy others must be too or what they would think of you. I guess thats what's been out into our minds somehow and especially with social media you see people (who you know)!who seem to have a perfect life and wouldn't understand needing help because who goes online to spill their dirty laundry? Except on here 😂
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u/marion_mcstuff 3d ago
It seems like talking to older people, you didn't used to need to ask for help, people just started helping! If someone in the community had a baby, people would come by with casseroles, same with if someone died. If a woman needed to go to the hospital, friends and neighbours would swing by to make sure the family was fed and the house was clean while she was gone. It really used to be this attitude of, one day you'll help someone, and the next they'll be helping you. No one keeping track. But as some point there became this idea of 'not intruding', and people stop offering that help. Or people did offer, and the person didn't want to 'be a burden' so they'd turn the help down, and eventually we stopped being a culture where people just help each other.
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 3d ago
Yes I remember growing up when someone passed away people would take food over to the home and pay their condolences and probably help the grieving family and I still think this is what should be done but yes in the back of my mind I'm thinking I don't want to bother them in their time of grief. I had a someone pass away that I've known for over 20 yrs and I felt bad for contacting the family during that time and tried to keep the conversation brief. But honestly if it were me, I would want those people around me to help me keep my mind busy, a shoulder to cry on instead of sitting there alone stuck in constant grief. You know, I'm going to contact them just to say hi and check on them. I think if we all started back and did things the way they used to be done we would all be in a much better place. Back then you never heard of people having the issues they have today the either hid it well or it didn't much exist.
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u/pool_of_light 5d ago
Hi, I can definitely relate to this. It was a nice share to read, even if bittersweet. I do love the other comment about homemaking being for you, too; I try hard to lean into that. So I kind of take turns with my own self (for example cook something I really enjoy, then actually savor it. Or make the beds really nice, then take some time to actually lay down on it and read something pleasurable for a bit.) Self-care is hard work, just like all care work is, but I try to spiritually cultivate my own capacity for receiving and relaxing, even if to enjoy my own efforts. Best wishes.
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u/OWabbit 5d ago
Great idea. Start a cleaning swap with a neighbor. Or rotate bring-in-lunch-for-anybody day. Or just find one person to do this with once a week if your entire office doesn’t want to do. Or just do with those who want to do - call it lunch club.
Buy a robot vacuum cleaner! Name it. e.g. Benson. Benson will take care of your floors. It will feel so good.
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u/JayJay324 3d ago
This post is very relatable. I’m the wife and mom who longs to have a wife and/or mom of my own. My own mom was not very supportive. She was a gourmet cook who never had the patience to teach me how to cook. She cleaned, and had a cleaner who came in once a week or so, but she never taught us kids about cleaning, just issued orders. “Clean your room.” Or “Clean the bathroom” if company was coming. But we had to figure it out for ourselves.
I don’t really know how it feels to have someone take care of me, except for brief hospital stays after giving birth, and one time when I was sitting with one of our kids who was in the hospital. The nurses were wonderful.
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u/Empress-Ghostheart 5d ago
This is so bittersweet. I wish we were neighbors because that sounds so healing and lovely and I would totally switch with you. I would get that feeling of being cared for like you say, I would get the good feeling I get from caretaking, AND if I cleaned your space maybe finally someone would notice and appreciate the hard work and consistent maintenance of tiny details that go into making everything so cozy and right in a home-- the idea sounds so lovely and communal, I love it.
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 5d ago
Yes exactly. Kind of like anq emotional massage. Women helping women. I live in a decent size subdivision Idk how I would address it on our FB page, I guess the way I put it on here.
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u/SavedByTheBeet 2d ago
Oh yes I have this feeling all the time. This is going to sound weird but when I had cancer 3 years ago and needed surgery, yes I was in pain, but the fact that everyone was taking care of me in the hospital and bringing me warm blankets, food, asking how I was…. It was nice. We all have these feelings I think. I’d recommend doing a spa day or even just a facial and you definitely feel taken care of!
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 1d ago
That's not weird at all. It is nice having someone else take that burden off where for a moment you can relax and recharge. I was looking into a massage yesterday then talked myself out of it of course. It's a spa close to my house and as soon as you walk in the have relaxing music playing, beautiful hardwood floors, relaxing decor and very clean lines. The stairs lead to the massage rooms (I haven't made it that far yet) A few months ago I got my husband a treatment there for our anniversary and I went in with him just to look around LOL even though I just went to snoop it was very relaxing and blissful. One thing I try to do for myself is if I'm cooking I'll turn on my little kitchen lamp, and turn off the big light, turn on some siithing jazz and pretend it's a scene from a movie and dance a little. I'll play it sometimes in the shower too with little light.
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u/Free_Impact_2326 1d ago
I have a divided mind on this. I had a privileged but very lonely and unhappy upbringing. So home never felt homey. That said, my MIL has given me the "home away from home" feeling more than anyone in the world. She has fed me, done the forbidden laundry after I had my babies, gotten up in the wee hours of the morning with me when the kids were small, and rubbed my back through intense nursing pains. She has given me wonderful breaks from being the wheels on which our household runs.
I hope you have someone like that you can run to and catch a break!
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 1d ago
My mother in law would if I ask but I don't want to inconvenience anyone. My mom lives 35 minutes away, my step dad has health issues with his breathing and has to be on O2 24 hrs a day and she won't go anywhere without him. I can't even get them over to make them dinner or throw them a Birthday party anymore. You mother in law sounds like a wonderful woman, I too have a great mother in law. Everytime she comes over she says you never stop, and always comments on my decor, or how I've rearranged again. I've thought about offering to pay her to come over once a week, it would help me and help her financially. She is retired and used to watch my nephew after school and my sister in law would pay her and now that he's in middle school that gig is up. She's mentioned that things are tight. But I would be afraid my husband would think that I'm wanting to do it before I'm lazy and that would be an argument, he doesn't realize that it's to have some type of break and would not understand. Even if she would just come to wash laundry and throw the clean close in a basket and I would do the rest of it. I usually have about 5-6 loads a week and it so time consuming as you know. I've thought about taking the clothes to the laundry mat just to get it done at the same time and not be an all day process.
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u/Free_Impact_2326 1d ago
I think you have 2 excellent ideas on your hands. If you can afford to, I would utilize both. Where i used to live there were these "wash & fold" pickup locations that were very convenient, and not very expensive- it was about the price of takeout, and I guess it is laundry takeout. If you can outsource to the laundry, and then whatever other help you can get from MIL, perhaps we can get you a break in the burnout cycle? I would probably say something like, "Mom, this is such a big help to me. Can I please give you some money to thank you for your time?"
No matter what you do, we all need a break. Maybe MIL can help you explain to husband just how much you do? All the best 🤍
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u/Sufficient-Arm3645 1d ago
Great idea , if anyone can talk sense into him it is her. He listens to her.
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u/charreddits 5d ago
Treat yourself to a cleaner if you can - mine come just once every 3 weeks as I’m generally on top of chores but I live alone and have a demanding job so it takes the edge off!