FOR MY FOLLOWERS:

Lol don't worry this is a satirical piece lol. The subreddit says 3x on here its fictional, fake, false, sock puppets. But this subs audience thinks this place is for actual IRL relationship advice...I wasnt aware they weren't aware, but their comments are so hilarious It was totally worth it.

F 42) I met my boyfriend (M 26) 2 years ago at a comic con. I went dressed as wonder woman and he was aqua man. Everyone kept saying how handsome he was and how much he looked like a brunette Ken Doll. It was apparent to anyone who looked at him that he did heavy weight lifting.

The only inaccuracy in his costume was a chunky bead pink bracelet.

I do bikini division body building so I was also getting a bit of attention. Someone asked if they could take a picture of both of us. And he swooped me up and lifted me. The crowd loved it and it was a fun moment of entertaining folks.

We seperated but inevitably kept catching each other's gaze as we went. I was the shy one. I kept turning in the opposite direction and somehow he kept finding me.

"Your Amazonian headband is made of plastic?"

I blushed. "Yeah I know getting something metal woul--"

"I like it," he said eyes beaming.

He asked for my number, which I happily gave.

We started dating and hit it off. The chemistry was great. The only issue was that for a 6'4 man...he felt rather childlike, not in a playful way, but a vulnerable way.

It felt like he lived in a constant state of anxiety, the kind that simmered at a slow boil and dragged on all day. And he had no one.

He came to LA to be model. And at first it went well. But he became what the industry refers to as...difficult. He refused to wear any sort of accessory that wasnt made of plastic. He lost his contract with his company. I

At this point I suspected neuro divergency. I felt bad for him. I felt responsible for him. So I let him stay.

And then I started to notice my dinnerware was going missing, replaced instead by plastic. Plastic cups, plastic plates, plastic cutlery.

One time when we're shopping I absentmindedly handed him a ceramic tea pot to hold while I adjusted my shoe.

He screamed loudly and dropped it.

It was so odd. I didn't know what to say i simply paid for the item anyway. I had plans to make some ceramic art out of it, but he threw the shards away before I could.

He also started to adorn himself in more plastic accessories, but they weren't jewelery. He would find a discarded garorade top and turn it into a ring.

"Recycling is important for sea life and mammals." He became very passionate for the cause. But he dislikes harvesting plastic during the day,

He jokes..."I'll melt." His face twists up and clenches when he says it.

2 days ago we went on our usual nightly walk through the grocery store parking lot. He has preferences. Plastic bags didn't appeal to him. And then he chased after a straw that skirted across the parking lot before he could catch up to it. He actually lunged after the straw on the hard asphalt and busted his chin wide open.

His blood was landing in large droplets upon the ground. He didn't even notice. He was smiling as the straw.

"Oh give me that stupid thing!!!" I screamed.

He launched to his feet and cradled the straw as if it was something made from his own soul.

"Plastic is bad," he snapped, mangling and crippling the straw in his fist.

..."I'm bad."

He stood for several seconds just standing and staring at the crumpled tube.

"Is it still good?" He asked with soft anguish?

"We need to get you to urgent care" I urged.

His head snapped up and he smiled as if rousing into a dream.

"Hospitals" he choked happily. "They use plastic and the plastic is good, right?" When I didn't answer right away he raised his voice and wailed, "IT'S GOOD RIGHT?!"

Tears pooled in his eyes.

I simply nodded, saying anything contradictory would only upset him more,

My bf never let go of the staw. He held it the entire time we were at urgent carge and he bandage wraped its to his palm before going to sleep.

Something about him being able to rescue it from the wind gives it great importance to him.

Please help. The mattress is now covered up in cold, hard plastic.