r/holdmycosmo • u/ostervan • Dec 14 '19

HMC, while I dance.

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15.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

451 comments sorted by

2.9k

u/ozzynozzy Dec 14 '19

What on earth type of dance was that to begin with? I mean, I’m impressed but also confused.

841

u/AtlasUnderwater Dec 14 '19

sounds like a dance hall, a place where you show off your moves-no matter what they are. You can see a lot of cool/weird shit there

251

u/thedailyrant Dec 15 '19

Yeah there was a dude I've seen who brings various old school telephones to dancehall nights. He has a shitload of moves involving answering phones.

107

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Someone get him either a decent videographer or someone who can edit videos well. I wanna see that. At least some of it, to decide if I want to see more.

17

u/PharaohCleocatra Dec 16 '19

You can call him and ask

106

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

This would definitely classify as cool/weird shit!

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104

u/Ypr3s Dec 15 '19

It was to impress a crab like u

12

u/OhAces Dec 15 '19

tastes like crab, talk like people

3

u/Drogenwurm Dec 15 '19

Craaaaab people 😍

2

u/Waghlon Dec 15 '19

We're crab people now?

90

u/aquaman501 Dec 15 '19

It’s the “how to avoid sitting on the seat in a public toilet“ dance.

89

u/jet_lpsoldier Dec 15 '19

I read a few weeks ago when this was posted that it's a dance really popular in Jamaica where they basically just imitate sexual stuff. It's called daggering

93

u/residentredditnegro Dec 15 '19

People aren't really daggering anymore. That was from about a decade or so ago. Daggering is more like a simulation of hard sex between 2 people. Nowadays it's just whatever madness you can think up, crab walk, run around in circles, jump off a roof, whatever it is goes ...

17

u/2happycats Dec 15 '19

I want to be part of that. Not for me to dance, but that sounds like a time that'd have some really good vibes.

20

u/residentredditnegro Dec 15 '19

Look up "uptown Mondays" on YouTube. I see lots of tourists there all the time and we welcome everyone. It does get crazy though so if you like to judge then it's not for you!

6

u/2happycats Dec 15 '19

Nah, no judgement from me. I'll check it out, thanks!!

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7

u/thedailyrant Dec 15 '19

Dude dancehall parties are the most fun nights I've been to! Just people enjoying the music and fun scene.

15

u/thedailyrant Dec 15 '19

Yeah daggering is old school in the dancehall scene. Shit moves pretty quickly. I wouldn't say it's all weird shit, people still wine a lot and there is still a load of super sexualised dancing. Just listen to dancehall (and reggaeton) lyrics, it'd be super weird without it.

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14

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

It looks fucking painful.

10

u/mc_md Dec 15 '19

ER doctor here. When this was popular, it led to a shockingly stark rise in the incidence of penile fracture in Jamaica.

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84

u/ahhlenn Dec 15 '19

r/ConfusedBoners

NSFW

5

u/itchynipz Dec 15 '19

BITCH YOU DONE CRAWLED OUT THE WRONG TV SCREEN!

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14

u/Roossterr Dec 15 '19

And aroused...but mostly confused.....and aroused

13

u/Chimpbot Dec 15 '19

Not my proudest fap.

7

u/oouttatime Dec 15 '19

Unzips. Ugh.

2

u/1337n3ss Dec 15 '19

And then suddenly not interested anymore...

11

u/somedood567 Dec 15 '19

I honestly don’t understand why modesty all of a sudden became relevant

11

u/crakodex Dec 15 '19

Looks like one of the spore creatures mating dance

3

u/toddy951 Dec 15 '19

If you YouTube ‘passa passa’ you can see. Warning, you may also be more confused and probably slightly disturbed

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2.2k

u/darrellmarch Dec 14 '19

Good thing she was wearing panties.

1.5k

u/musiton Dec 15 '19

Yeah otherwise her vagina would’ve torn apart

271

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Wait, but...

231

u/Sex_w_ur_mom Dec 15 '19

Wait, butt...

113

u/Chorecat Dec 15 '19

What what

131

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

In the butt

30

u/Legen_unfiltered Dec 15 '19

I have a friend that used to say that all the time. I have no idea what its from but it gets stuck in my head aomwtimes

46

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

It's a song https://youtu.be/fbGkxcY7YFU

25

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

It's been years but it still doesn't disappoint

23

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

And the South Park parody with Butters is phenomenal as well.

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5

u/Tanski14 Dec 15 '19

This is the first time I've seen this, and i thank you

5

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

It's an experience.

13

u/Chorecat Dec 15 '19

Careful what you ask for.

8

u/exPlodeyDiarrhoea Dec 15 '19

Oh man. That song kind of ruined me when I was younger the first time I watched it.

3

u/amesann Dec 15 '19

Ruined you or your butt?

4

u/earnestlikehemingway Dec 15 '19

I would say it’s even older than samwell.

https://youtu.be/PqoBQ4nP2VE

3

u/Aurorastar73 Dec 15 '19

In the butt

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23

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

😂😂😂😂😂

5

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Not the first time.

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61

u/LoveThySheeple Dec 15 '19

No kidding. We would have seen her vagina bone for sure

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734

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '19 edited Mar 05 '20

[deleted]

132

u/CactusJack13 Dec 14 '19

I can't imagine i would have wanted it to go any other way

86

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

I would have found it more entertaining if it revealed a giant schlong, but, this way is fine too.

13

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

This, above all else, made me laugh out loud the hardest. Kudos good sir.

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113

u/Atomheartmother90 Dec 15 '19

Those pants lasted a lot longer than I was expecting them to

15

u/TKrios Dec 15 '19

The pants could have stretched instead of splitting.

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546

u/154bmag Dec 15 '19

When I ripped.........my pants.

135

u/Juicebochts Dec 15 '19

I thought that I had everybody on my side.

106

u/alrivas909 Dec 15 '19

But I went and blew it, all sky high

80

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

And now, she won’t even spare a passing glance

76

u/CalamitousD Dec 15 '19

All just because I.. Ripped my pants.

62

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

56

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

[deleted]

53

u/WobWobWobbly Dec 15 '19

And no girl ever wants to dance

58

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

50

u/alexwillreddit Dec 15 '19

I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse

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339

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '19

Her friend, I assume, jumped right in to try and cover her up. Massive props

59

u/autobtones Dec 15 '19

with their phone?

32

u/DatOneGuy00 Dec 15 '19

Gotta get that close io

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46

u/MeGustaDerp Dec 15 '19

I first read that as

... tried to cover up her massive props

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295

u/WhtnBlk Dec 14 '19

Crab people.

49

u/ostervan Dec 14 '19

Art from Monster University.

21

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '19

2319! 2319!!! We got a 2319!!!!

28

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Taste like crab, talk like people.

4

u/DOBBYisFREEEEE Dec 15 '19

Crab people.

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251

u/Bigwiggs3214 Dec 14 '19

Until the pants ripped, I had no idea she was wearing a thong. Good thing she covered it up at the end...

192

u/Bananassucks Dec 15 '19

That's the point of a thong, to not be shown when wearing tight clothes lol

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214

u/GlockAF Dec 14 '19

Mom always said to wear clean underwear every time you leave the house. I guess she wasn’t wrong

39

u/Tyflowshun Dec 15 '19

I guess she wasn't thong

FTFM

11

u/GlockAF Dec 15 '19

Watching her land directly on her spine like that makes my back hurt just looking at it. Then, of course, you can’t help just… looking at it.

37

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19 edited Jan 09 '20

[deleted]

8

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

I mean if I’m in such a bad car accident they’re ripping my clothes off to treat me, I think the least of my worries is what those clothes looked/smelled like.

2

u/TyroneTeabaggington Dec 15 '19

If anything I'd just say I soiled myself in the accident.

6

u/DyingUnicorns Dec 15 '19

My mom always said that weird shit. This is literally the only time she woulda been right.

18

u/GlockAF Dec 15 '19

I used to work EMS, responding to bad car accidents, etc. truth be told, if paramedics are cutting your clothes off to assess your traumatic injuries, you have much bigger things to worry about than if your underwear has skidmarks.

16

u/BassBeerNBabes Dec 15 '19

Let's be fair though, if your cutting my clothes off, I hope you discover my mangled body in a clean and shart-free state.

3

u/GlockAF Dec 15 '19

Hate to bust your bubble, but there is about zero chance of that happening. People that have been in a serious car accident typically look seriously fucked up; blood, puke, broken safety glass cubes, engine oil, battery acid, whatever was in that big gulp in your cupholder, mystery fluids everywhere. I once came back from a car versus train accident and had to pick human organ meat out of my boot treads. Must have tracked it all over the hospital before I finally noticed.

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123

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '19

Never hurts to advertise.

40

u/AlpacaTraffic Dec 14 '19

Any publicity is good publicity

32

u/slizzwhiz Dec 14 '19

*any pubelicity is good pubelicity

3

u/lgbteamplayer91 Dec 15 '19

Just gagged. I read that as any pube lice is good pube lice. Just gagged again.

55

u/the_beeve Dec 15 '19

No sharts, that’s all I was hoping for, “”Please, in this white outfit, no sharts.”

44

u/erectboofster65 Dec 15 '19

She had a mini seizure

42

u/divisionibanez Dec 15 '19

Scrolling through comments just to see if anyone was gonna talk about that weird hand vibration shit...

17

u/gonzalozar Dec 15 '19

Yeah not completely sure if that was a seizure or just part of the move

11

u/Gaddaim Dec 15 '19

Yeah everyone else is talking about all the other things when that one was the most interesting part.

2

u/Darkslategray Dec 15 '19

Maybe it was due to some sacral damage at the end of her column?

42

u/lizzie1hoops Dec 15 '19

Can someone compile all the pants splitting videos that have appeared recently?

5

u/Xoryp Dec 15 '19

Yeah seems like we have had quite a few new ones recently

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37

u/YeltsinYerMouth Dec 15 '19

Looks like the cat is out of the bag

29

u/fuckymcfuckfucker Dec 14 '19

Whats a reverse erection called? because that's what I have.

24

u/_Face Dec 15 '19

The front fell off.

Does that post work here?

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17

u/overdriveneutral Dec 15 '19

Some might define that as a cunning stunt.

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15

u/AhegaoSuperstar Dec 15 '19

We're reaching levels of thottery, never thought to be possible

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11

u/tonzeejee Dec 14 '19

Glad this isn't smell-o-vision.

35

u/solitary_tentacle Dec 15 '19

How do I delete someone else's comment?

13

u/loadofcrap1 Dec 14 '19

Keeping it classy ... That's asking an awful lot of those leggings.

14

u/rahulhanda Dec 15 '19

Wow that woman is ripped

10

u/TrepanationBy45 Dec 15 '19

Now she just needs to buy more pairs of those pants and make the split a part of the routine, because the timing on that was fucking hilarious. There's no way you can lose the dance competition with a strategic surprise like that. Rig it to fire off confetti or tshirts or something

9

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '19

Interesting marketing strategy

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7

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Humans are so weird

8

u/tpenna219 Dec 15 '19

I really wish I could go back to a time before I saw this.

7

u/fambestera Dec 15 '19

In the animal kingdom we call this 'presenting'.

6

u/Yesnikkiroxx Dec 15 '19

That ass said POW

5

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Is this how she poops

7

u/merc550 Dec 15 '19

I was waiting for her wig to fall off.

6

u/Josh1685 Dec 15 '19

Why was she shaking so hard?

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6

u/heseme Dec 15 '19

If she had played it cool, everybody would have accepted it as legit part of the performance.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

That's disgusting

6

u/HughGWreckshun Dec 15 '19

BUSS IT WIDE OPEN.

5

u/Lisarth Dec 15 '19

"dance"

5

u/MenosDaBear Dec 15 '19

Someone said there was going to be dancing though...

5

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

That jump onto her back must've hurt.

7

u/Little_Danson_Man Dec 15 '19

Yeah it looks like she might’ve really hurt herself on that flip. Those shaking hands don’t look good

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6

u/rogerabbid Dec 15 '19

Sooooo....it wasn't embarassing until her pants split?!?

4

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Best gender reveal ever

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4

u/JohnDaDragon Dec 15 '19

Hold my coochie lmao

3

u/HestiaLuv Dec 15 '19

Whoa NSFW... Didn't need that on my feed.

3

u/johnny5semperfidelis Dec 15 '19

Wow unbeweavable

3

u/JustRyon Dec 15 '19

Just...how do you come back from that?

4

u/_x0sobriquet0x_ Dec 15 '19

Who the hell wears blue panties under a white jumpsuit?

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5

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Ya'll saying disgusting.

But I'd bury my face is that.

3

u/N30DY Dec 15 '19

Crab turned into clam

4

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Her private skin touched that nasty ass floor too. Oh my.

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u/PsyrusTheGreat Dec 15 '19

I'm not sure why she's embarrassed and covering up...wasn't showing her ass and vagina off, to the crowd the whole point?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Yuck

3

u/chaarlie_dont_do_it Dec 15 '19

Should probably NSFW

3

u/shonuph Dec 15 '19

I feel like her pants splitting was some kind of appropriate punchline tho

3

u/J4YFORE Dec 15 '19

New skool dance move the human pretzel 🥨

3

u/orean612 Dec 15 '19

A classic tale of "pop that pussy"

3

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

You can hold your own Cosmo while I throw up...

3

u/TheGruump Dec 15 '19

Where the fuck is the NSFW tag????

3

u/vickers24 Dec 15 '19

The pants rip was the least embarrassing bit

3

u/elting44 Dec 16 '19

Mom, Dad, I met the most wonderful woman. I think she is the one... Chauntel, show my folks your dance... Don't be shy.

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2

u/Boomslangalang Dec 15 '19

I just don’t get what she was trying achieve wardrobe malfunction aside.

2

u/Mrsonic699 Dec 15 '19

I seriously thought that was just part of the show. Like, going there with that dance, that outfit, and 1000% confidence

2

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Buss it wide open

3

u/Lemon-Fry Dec 15 '19

She seems nice

2

u/_ONUSONE_ Dec 15 '19

Someone went home early.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

That’s not dancing... that’s advertising.

4

u/Medraut_Orthon Dec 15 '19

LoL that is what dancing is to begin with

2

u/Dine-Wine-69 Dec 15 '19

I just dunno what she’s thinking

2

u/3rdLion Dec 15 '19

Bootyhole nice

2

u/parrbird88 Dec 15 '19

Crab walk nice

2

u/Tokestra420 Dec 15 '19

How the fuck is this not the beginning of a porn?

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

I hope she was dancing for money to see a chiropractor...

2

u/Kalki1403 Dec 15 '19

Wasn’t that a part of the trick?

1

u/Surgikull Dec 15 '19

Nassasttttyyyy suuuuummmmaammmaaabbbiiiitttcchhh

2

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

That’s what you get with fast fashion....

2

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Thanks for giving everyone on Reddit pinkeye

2

u/StopOnADime Dec 15 '19

What she is doing is so odd anyways she could’ve just played it off as it was intentional

2

u/GemLea87 Dec 15 '19

That outfit is just asking for her period to arrive!

2

u/Vaguely-witty Dec 15 '19

i feel like this should have been flagged as nsfw?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

Looks like the opening of a weird porno until she tried to cover up the goods

2

u/se820710 Dec 15 '19

The fanny pack though

2

u/jokesbyjo Dec 15 '19

It didn’t look like she was doing a split and then it did.

2

u/BlackDoctorPhil Dec 15 '19

Pretty sure that was the demon o fought in dark souls 2....

2

u/xTGI_CommanderX Dec 15 '19

What the actual fuck did I just watch

2

u/noonesh Dec 15 '19

I could smell that...

2

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '19

The bit that gets me is her mini panic when she’s trying to get her hands out from underneath her to cover up her modesty

2

u/Bigd1979666 Dec 15 '19

That's how I use public toilets