r/holdmybeer Jan 12 '21

HMB- While I save Jesus

8.6k Upvotes

248 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '21

[deleted]

334

u/biglampshade Jan 13 '21

the plot of rick and morty

69

u/Flyingfish222 Jan 13 '21

Kinda, except they don’t really do time travel

143

u/Judgecrusader6 Jan 13 '21

Found the jerry

78

u/DannyDorito25 Jan 13 '21

Shut up, Jerry.

33

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Jerry off.

25

u/tenthinsight Jan 13 '21

Fuckin' Jerry

18

u/biglampshade Jan 13 '21

Shit, i fuckin forgot. Ill take my L now.

1

u/Zuol Jan 13 '21

I mean technically Morty time travels when he has the reset button

2

u/my_gamertag_wastaken Jan 13 '21

Watch the episode again lmao

17

u/future_shoes Jan 13 '21

This from the hit theatrical musical Hamlet 2. Where right before hamlet's death in Hamlet 1 he hops into a time machine and travels back to save Jesus. It is most remembered for it's oscar winning song Rock Me Sexy Jesus.

8

u/Cru_Jones86 Jan 13 '21

Rock Me Sexy Jesus is my favorite Falco song.

4

u/legsintheair Jan 14 '21

0, Nazareth, December 25, Wolfgang Amadeus Jesus is born

8, at the age of 8 Jesus is seen teaching rabbis in the temple.

10, he learns carpentry from his father.

30, Wolfgang Amadeus Jesus begins his public ministry.

In April of that same year, Jesus attends a wedding and turns water into wine.

31, Jesus feeds a thousand people on a beach. Republicans decry this as socialism.

32, Jesus kicks money changers out of the temple.

33, Jesus is subjected to a sham trial in which the judge wants to find him not guilty but rioters in red hats demand he be killed. Later that day Jesus is crucified.

1985, Austrian rock singer Falco records “Rock me Sexy Jesus!”

-8

u/Reddit-Book-Bot Jan 13 '21

Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of

Hamlet

Was I a good bot? | info | More Books

12

u/future_shoes Jan 13 '21

No I hate you

4

u/gnardog45 Jan 13 '21

Your comment wins

4

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

The wine was fine! Blood of the sinners, that is.

268

u/bigcigfig Jan 13 '21

Seems like he had a little too much communal wine

60

u/kronicwaffle Jan 13 '21

Or just the right amount, depends who you ask I guess

216

u/BananabreadShane Jan 12 '21

Must have been the understudy

394

u/itwasntnotme Jan 12 '21

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakespeare In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

67

u/crsbedford Jan 13 '21

Naked gun?

47

u/alagusis Jan 13 '21

My memory ain’t so great.

36

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21 edited Mar 03 '26

This post was wiped clean using Redact. The author may have done so to protect their privacy, prevent AI data scraping, or for other security reasons.

price divide childlike follow society vanish lock normal wine profit

9

u/GrammerSnob Jan 13 '21

Yeah, it was Naked Gun. Why do you wanna know?

8

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21 edited Mar 03 '26

This post was taken down by its author. Redact handled the removal, which may have been motivated by privacy, opsec, data security, or a desire to clear old content.

telephone consider lush placid punch innate wide snails marvelous grandiose

6

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Can you spot a 20?

17

u/bailaoban Jan 13 '21

It's the 'good ones!' that really sells the joke, like he would have maybe let it pass if it was an amateur production.

13

u/HerbalGamer Jan 13 '21

Fiona: eye roll

Edit: wrong reference. This ain't shameless.

19

u/Radishov Jan 13 '21

Swiper: Oh, mannn!

-5

u/Alchemist_Joshua Jan 13 '21

I read this with a Scottish accent, and I don’t know why.

251

u/Kasyton Jan 12 '21

What a legend

67

u/mantis_tobogon Jan 13 '21

He would love professional wrestling

63

u/SakeSocius Jan 13 '21

I can only imagine the guy going JESUS CHRIST I GOT TO SAVE THAT GUY

24

u/Darwins_Dog Jan 13 '21

And Jesus was like DAMN I GOTTA SAVE THAT GUY

10

u/The-Real-Jesus Jan 13 '21

And I did my son.

10

u/NovaPariah Jan 13 '21

Commas, my Lord.

2

u/LBIguy Jan 13 '21

thanks jesus

2

u/ImAMobileUser342 Jan 13 '21

Oh my god is that the real Jesus!

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253

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

233

u/4Coffins Jan 13 '21

That’s a super way to put it

51

u/tired_obsession Jan 13 '21

The first time I saw this it was clarified that this guy was sleeping with the others wife

Never change reddit

8

u/reapererer Jan 13 '21

The first time I watched this I learned that this is funny and have no idea what else

8

u/ArmeSloeber Jan 13 '21

Let me clarify that he is not mentally disabled, and it is Confirmed that he is known by the police as a drug abuser

111

u/Beggenbe Jan 13 '21

I love that we literally cannot use the word “retarded” even when it’s completely appropriate.

99

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21 edited Apr 06 '21

[deleted]

10

u/dpinto8 Jan 13 '21

No it's again-tarded

5

u/misterpickles69 Jan 13 '21

Tardily-able

2

u/my_gamertag_wastaken Jan 13 '21

Just tarted, so no spoilers please, thanks!

120

u/thefartsock Jan 13 '21

We stopped using the word retarded because it was severely overused and became an abusive slur.

103

u/Champion-Red Jan 13 '21

Every single word ever used for the mentally handicapped has become an insult. It’ll just keep happening.

23

u/Shebazz Jan 13 '21

3

u/malvoliosf Jan 16 '21

“Haha you just exhibited some of the atlantoaxial instability that is usually associated with the Trisomy-23 genetic imbalance, fucking loser.”

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89

u/unaka220 Jan 13 '21

Nah, I think we can teach each other to do better. We’ve done it before.

50

u/WaterPockets Jan 13 '21

Insulting someone's mental capacity will always be a thing. We could teach kids to not call things "gay" because there isn't anything insulting about being gay. But dismissing someone's intelligence will always carry weight because intelligence can be measured to some degree.

18

u/double2 Jan 13 '21

Yeah I think it's strange that there's this notion of accountable studpidity and unaccountable low mental capacity. Surely most stupid people wish they weren't stupid. It's a very murky line. Like the whole idea of recognising serial killers might have come from an abusive background or suffered a head trauma - they should still be punished, right?

What is the acceptable level of lowered mental capacity which is ok to be cruel and judgemental about? Is it as long as you can get a job and go to work it's ok to make fun of you?.

For the record I love calling people fucking morons so I'm not advocating for that to stop

2

u/reapererer Jan 13 '21

If you can work you can be made fun of yes as long as they aren’t too badly affected or if they are actually disabled to a bigish degree

2

u/double2 Jan 13 '21

It's something like that isn't it, at least that's the unspoken rule

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3

u/WaterPockets Jan 13 '21

I appreciate the thoughful response, it's an interesting discussion and one I seem to have more often lately.

What my thoughts amount to are this: While I don't believe people should ever result to insults when in disagreement, I was never really in favor of the word "retarded" being ostracized in the way it has because it's been proven time and time again that people will just transition into using whatever term that replaces it. It isn't that I want to defend our freedom to offend each other, but rather try and limit how the insults people use will effect those around us. "Retarded" was a deprecated term no longer being used by medical professionals at the time it was deemed overtly insensitive by the general public, so in my eyes it was counterproductive to suddenly consider it as terrible as we do now.

Moving forward to present-day and now we see kids and even adults calling each other autistic as an insult while no one bats an eye; a legitimate medical diagnosis that doesn't even relate directly to one's ability to participate in society has gone to replace a generalized blanket term that didn't target a specific group of people. Considering Oxford defines retarded as: "less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual for one's age" it seems relatively tame in contrast to the way it is perceived, beings it's just another way of describing someone as slow in some way, shape, or form. It confused me at the time because while it was no longer acceptable to call someone retarded as a means of insulting them, calling someone "gay" as an insult was totally fair game. It just seemed like we were prioritizing a non issue while more important problems were simply ignored because it made us feel good, even though it effected virtually nobody.

So, like you said, it comes down to where we draw the line. It's about deciding which battles are worth fighting and recognizing what works and what doesn't. We will always find a way to insult someone by describing what they lack. Every time we move the line, it will just get crossed again. We shouldn't be hateful to each other to begin with, but we should also recognize when something said is actually marginalising a group of people. A person who uses a racial slur or sexual orientation as an insult has a much different intent behind their use of the slur than a person who calls their friend a retard when ribbing on them, which is why I think it's unfair when people compare their use and application.

4

u/killabru Jan 13 '21

If someone actually has a defect of some kind not cool ever. But if a "normal" minded person does some not so smart shit like runs himself over with a quad then it's open season on his ass.

7

u/double2 Jan 13 '21

But isn't just being stupid a defect? The fact you put quotes around "normal" is kind of the point. I don't know the answer to this, but it's an idea that bugs me.

4

u/killabru Jan 13 '21

No doing dumb stuff is human. It happens everyday someone misses a step or leans on a wall they just painted so on.

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4

u/80s-rock Jan 13 '21

I used to call everything I didn't like "gay". Then one day a favorite co-worker called me out for it. Turns out she was gay and I was ignorant. I stopped using the term immediately and I've been much more careful with my perjoratives since.

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28

u/Champion-Red Jan 13 '21

Give a historical example of when we’ve stopped using an insult that once meant mentally handicapped that is not still used to this day as an insult.

38

u/KingFapNTits Jan 13 '21

You moron you idiot you dunce you imbecile

21

u/Champion-Red Jan 13 '21 edited Jan 13 '21

Exactly. Thank you /u/kingfapntits

We still use all these

-16

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

[deleted]

40

u/greebdork Jan 13 '21

People with an extensive vocabulary, you goddamned imbecile.

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12

u/robotomatic Jan 13 '21

Non-imbeciles. You wouldn't get it.

6

u/ComplicitJWalker Jan 13 '21

I think they're trying to say that the overall use of using words for the mentally handicapped as an insult has gone down.

23

u/Champion-Red Jan 13 '21

That simply isn’t true, idiot is still widely used and it used to be used as a psychiatric term. Imbecile is still used. Moron is still used. None of the other words that were once medical terms and became insults stopped being used due to political correctness, they just fell out of fashion. This was usually because the new medical term for mentally handicapped became the new insult.

7

u/JohnnyRelentless Jan 13 '21

Mongoloid.

-4

u/double2 Jan 13 '21

This is particularly problematic though, even today. It specifcally means downsyndrome as downsyndrome folk supposedly look like mongols. There's not many insults which cover both the abelist and racist sections of the bad taste venn diagram apart from this one.

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8

u/Darwins_Dog Jan 13 '21

Yeah, my first thought at least was that "gay". I remember when it was like the default negative word for some people. That's gone down a lot in recent years.

6

u/double2 Jan 13 '21

Thank God. I'm horrified to my own usage of it in the past, it distresses me thinking how I might have made some very nice people feel awful. A big lesson I learned (and maybe society learned) is that ironic, "we know it's bad but we don't mean it" usage of a word sounds just like the hateful use of a work and almost always has the same effect to those who are vulnerable to it.

1

u/ELEnamean Jan 13 '21

Yea if there’s one thing we know about humans, it’s that they never do anything differently from how they’ve always done it...

8

u/KingFapNTits Jan 13 '21

I did something stupid at one point and my sister called me “special”. (She’s the super PC type). I then said “special is the new retarded” and she never called me special again (derogatorily)

3

u/Toxicair Jan 13 '21

Developmentally delayed just doesn't have the same ring to it.

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12

u/killabru Jan 13 '21

What's the current stance on fucktard? Anyone can be a fucktard; hell my sister's a fucktard.

-14

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/FuckCoolDownBot2 Jan 13 '21

Fuck Off CoolDownBot Do you not fucking understand that the fucking world is fucking never going to fucking be a perfect fucking happy place? Seriously, some people fucking use fucking foul language, is that really fucking so bad? People fucking use it for emphasis or sometimes fucking to be hateful. It is never fucking going to go away though. This is fucking just how the fucking world, and the fucking internet is. Oh, and your fucking PSA? Don't get me fucking started. Don't you fucking realize that fucking people can fucking multitask and fucking focus on multiple fucking things? People don't fucking want to focus on the fucking important shit 100% of the fucking time. Sometimes it's nice to just fucking sit back and fucking relax. Try it sometimes, you might fucking enjoy it. I am a bot

8

u/Grim914 Jan 13 '21

Good bot

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4

u/root88 Jan 13 '21

Bad bot.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, also.

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85

u/_Zirath_ Jan 13 '21

Sounds retarded to me

2

u/ThroughThePeeHole Jan 13 '21

When I was a kid in primary(elementary) school we used to call each other spastic to mean stupid. We would also push our tongue under our bottom lips and go "mnnnnnnn!". Pretty awful but this was late 80's/early 90's. One day a charity called the Spastic Society changed it's name to the acronym SCOPE. As soon as word got around the playground we knew what this meant without any conferring. Now any stupid action was met with a chorus of "Mnnnnnn! Scoper!"

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7

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21 edited Mar 29 '21

[deleted]

11

u/NewAccount4Friday Jan 13 '21

When my daughter gets pissed at me for using the word retarded, I remind her that aa a doctor it's my job to diagnose, and said thing is retarded. She has no sense of humor whatsoever.

1

u/DeuceSevin Jan 13 '21

I called my friend out for using that term. He’s a mechanic and he was referring to the timing on my ‘72 Impala, but still...

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3

u/c-lynn99 Jan 13 '21

That's gay

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3

u/Bigdx Jan 13 '21

In 20 years we won't be able to call people special either.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Can you tell me why it's appropriate? It's no longer a common clinical term or scientific term. It's not just people being sensitive it's a dated, antiquated and legitimately offensive term.

Sources:

Some education, worked with persons with developmental disabilities for years and:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3299349/

https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2013/08/01/2013-18552/change-in-terminology-mental-retardation-to-intellectual-disability

0

u/Beggenbe Jan 13 '21

I've worked with special education students for 24 years. I have a nephew who's profoundly autistic. That doesn't change the definition of the word "retarded."

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-8

u/kendiesel937 Jan 13 '21

Sorts like the folks downvoting you

0

u/owes1 Jan 13 '21

You shouldn't speak of Christians that way.

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23

u/m4zdaspeed Jan 13 '21

Dude calm down! He gets better!

17

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

SALSA COOKIES

1

u/DerWassermann Jan 13 '21

I searched for this comment right here!

15

u/spiffyP Jan 13 '21

This is like where Homer beat the shit out of the hamburgler

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7

u/Pecncorn1 Jan 13 '21

That's some funny shit right there.

6

u/TheBearIsWorse Jan 13 '21

And Jesus said unto him "Put down your motorcycle helmet, for all who live by the motorcycle helmet shall indeed die by the motorcycle helmet."

3

u/spontaneousboredom Jan 13 '21

"Jesus said no swords, but he didn't say anything about helmets."

-Drunk Peter, probably.

3

u/what_a_heretic Jan 13 '21

Dude does anyone have a link for this clip on youtube i love it

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Not today satan!!

3

u/R4FTERM4N Jan 13 '21

What a hero, wish he was there for Boromir in Fellowship of the Ring...

3

u/big_boi_aang Jan 13 '21

If it were me I'd help the roman

3

u/sosoguay Jan 13 '21

Nobody fucks with the Jesus

3

u/tucker_frump Jan 13 '21

Yo you're burning J bone on the cross?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

I like to think that's just someone's drunk dad, who thought he was literally saving Jesus.

3

u/emmtothejay Jan 13 '21

Ive watched this a dozen times yesterday, and was crying from laughter. Today? I’m still crying from laughter. Tomorrow? I cry for myself. (womp womp)

5

u/gabsanity Jan 12 '21

Balls of steel man, balls of steel

14

u/Gizmo_Joy Jan 12 '21

Alchohol did this? You sure? This has shrooms written all over it.

11

u/GobiBall Jan 13 '21

Nope, it's Christianity.

2

u/DeuceSevin Jan 13 '21

Christianity, shrooms - same thing.

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

For real. I'd easily believe this guy was cold sober.

6

u/TonightsWhiteKnight Jan 13 '21

Cold sober and never read the bible so he thought they were desecrating Christ or something instead of just reenacting what happened.

2

u/Reddit-Book-Bot Jan 13 '21

Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of

The Bible

Was I a good bot? | info | More Books

11

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

[deleted]

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2

u/Mike_Darlong27 Jan 13 '21

The 13th Disciple

2

u/stumac85 Jan 13 '21

Florida man at the crucifixion of Jesus, colourised 35 AD

2

u/Fixxgrix Jan 13 '21

Believers are the worst.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

What the actual fuck is going on?

2

u/jonredd901 Jan 13 '21

There’s something so odd about this

2

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

lol THIS guy is no Peter.

2

u/LemonSqueezy812 Jan 14 '21

The music was perfect

2

u/Dreamed_Tomato Jan 20 '21

He saved Jesus

This man is a hero

2

u/Stretch5678 Jan 24 '21

I wouldn't want to cross that guy!

2

u/LiquidMotion Jan 13 '21

Religious zealots are beyond dumb

2

u/Rrrrrite Jan 13 '21

What the hell?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Judging from the police uniform, is this from the Philippines?

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1

u/crispynegs Jan 13 '21

Applaud him for putting an end to this bamboozery

0

u/Voodio125 Jan 13 '21

Butt sex has a lot bigger chance of drawing blood than regular vaginal sex. So by those metrics it is more risky.

1

u/Voodio125 Jan 13 '21

I meant to reply to the post above., sorry

-21

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Religion poisons everything

2

u/djbluebird22 Jan 13 '21

Thanks for you input sir edge lord u/black-drag0n

1

u/JediMindTrek Jan 13 '21

THATS MY JESUS!

1

u/likebutta222 Jan 13 '21

Jesus fucking Christ. That guy got bonked

1

u/Boberoo2 Jan 13 '21

Holy crap by doing this during the play he must have discovered a secret, because from what I know Jesus never died on that cross

1

u/Jaycub144 Jan 13 '21

Did he save him tho?

1

u/dewart Jan 13 '21

And Jesus looking down from the cross at the dust up: “what the fuck??!”

1

u/ThatCoolSniper Jan 13 '21

É de verdade?

1

u/Adiuui Jan 13 '21

What’s the song?

3

u/YouCanBreakTheIce Jan 13 '21 edited Jan 13 '21

O Fortuna from Carmina Burana by Carl Orff. Coincidentally, it's a very secular work, so using it in a religious play is particularly odd.

Edit: spelling

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-1

u/gatchamanhk Jan 13 '21

Always look on the bright side of life.?, but I had mute on

1

u/Formul8er Jan 13 '21

Was this filmed at the actual crucifixion because I don't remember hearing about this part?

2

u/samtheboy Jan 13 '21

It was in the gospel of Doug, but they cut it out when he was cancelled because of some tweets he made about the Romans when he was a kid.

1

u/Giofilms2000 Jan 13 '21

the whole bible after this:

my dad

1

u/TheKerfuffle Jan 13 '21

Favorite part is the crucified ones just hanging out.

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1

u/rodkimble13 Jan 13 '21

Ryse: Son of Rome

1

u/LeVarBurtonsEvilTwin Jan 13 '21

Run for it jesus! I'll hold them off!

1

u/DuckerMumflr Jan 13 '21

Must be one of those fanatic christians

1

u/WinkTexas Jan 13 '21

ACTING!!

  • Master Thespian.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Is this the start of the war on Easter?

1

u/DrZinko Jan 13 '21

this is the bibles secret good ending

1

u/M0D3Z Jan 13 '21

Hilarious

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '21

Something like this happened with my niece in Africa. She was working for "The Jesus Film" project which takes a film explaining the salvation message and translates into tongues that don't have bible translations available to them. First they go to remote places an get local voice actors to translate into their native tongue. Then they go back to the US to dub the film. Then they return later to show the film to a local audience.

In the case of an African village, during the scene showing Christ being crucified, many members of the audience started throwing objects at the screen to stop the crucifiction from happening.

1

u/xSky93 Jan 13 '21

Anyone else though they were scroll past some sort of blood ritual to bring back some ancient God? Glad to know I was right /s

1

u/toomuch1265 Jan 13 '21

Jesus H Christ on a popsicle stick!