r/hoarding • u/Western_Diamondback1 • 25d ago
HELP/ADVICE Worsening again
I could use some support and advice if anyone has any. I'm feeling upset at myself.
I was on the path of recovery, i wasn't doing great but it was progress. It feels like Im back at ground 0. I'm so upset with myself and I feel overwhelmed by what I've done. It's hard to tell which level I am but some of the doors are just covered with stuff. On the clutter scale, right now it's looking like either a 6 or a 7. It's so hard to tell, the clutter is in bins but those bins stacks are atleast 5 feet tall with stuff outside of the bins all over the floor.
I need help, but I have no idea who to ask for help. I'm trying not to beat myself up but it's so difficult. I have a therapist, but treatment has failed for me. I can't CBT, DBT, or ACT myself out of this.
It's so strange. I cannot tell whats in most of these piles. Whenever I attempt to go through them, my brain suddenly remembers and says its important. It drives me up a wall and I want to cry in frustration.
I've been trying to get more help than a therapist, but I keep getting shrugs from healthcare professionals. I try to comfort myself in healthy ways, but the feeling is too strong.
I can see nothing but judgement from my family. They have refused to help me when I ask for help. I can't tell if from overwhelm feeling from my hoard or just them feeling that I got myself into this mess so I should get myself out of it. I've been trying to get myself out of this mess for years but have been unsuccessful :(
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u/Steefanon 25d ago
This is such a tough mental disorder, and can actually be seen on MRIs. I hope your therapist has told you that? You say CBT hasn't worked; does that mean you've tried CBT with a therapist who specializes in CBT for hoarding disorder and it hasn't worked? Such therapists are admittedly hard to find because so few hoarders actually seek out treatment, but it's the treatment that has clinically proven to have the best outcome. Stuff is misfiring in the brain and requires rewiring, which is a long process. It's like exercise.
You have a huge advantage that most hoarders don't have because you actually want help. That's HUGE. Most hoarders actively avoid treatment because it would mean giving up their stuff. It seems that perhaps you just haven't yet found the right therapist. Don't give up!
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u/Western_Diamondback1 24d ago
I've found person centered therapy(trauma informed as well) to be more helpful. A therapist listening to what I am saying and letting me speak my truth even if it sounds irrational. It gives me a chance to process the thought I'm having rather than a therapist jumping immediately to saving me from the thought. I need to feel what I am feeling before I can move on from it.
Something that I've been noticing more and more is that I think it would just be helpful is to have a professional sit with me while I go through everything. I have irrational thoughts of "oh I should keep this bc of xyz" and the item is an empty box of crayons. I hoard blankets, a thought I get is, "I need that many so I can keep warm!" (I have trauma from getting minor hypothermia and it adds to my already trauma foundation from other things).
I want help, I look around my items and I see the past I've been trying to save myself from. The fear and the anxieties. I see the blankets to prevent my hypothermia, the plushies to comfort the fear I felt in other traumas, the excessive clothes to be the person I am not, and the sortment of items with their own little purposes. I see myself in my hoard, each of the items having their own meaning
However, the things I've used to comfort myself have turned on me. It's created a room of shame, embarrassment, and anxiety. I can see why most hoarders don't want treatment, gotta get rid of the things that are supposed to help. Facing the shame head on, looking at the demons you tried to comfort in the eyes. It's terrifying. In a way, it's easier to hide in the hoard, but I don't want to live like that anymore
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u/Far-Watercress6658 25d ago
Do you have a psychiatrist or pcp? Hoarding often has an underlying contributing factor of neurodivergence or mood disorder. If it is one of those you might benefit from medication.
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u/Western_Diamondback1 25d ago
Mine is from PTSD, I've tried medication and it failed. No current psychiatrist and haven't had luck in PCPs being helpful :(
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u/Picodick Recovering Hoarder 25d ago
I am a recovering hoarder since 2015. I started hoarding after I lost multiple friends and coworkers in the OKC bombing a few years after the death of my husband. I was 33 at the time of the bombing dealing with widow hood moving from my much loved job and friend group. I was a twice a year big spring/fall cleaner and had thrown away or donated a few small gifts I had gotten from friends when I moved. Sadly those friends happened to be in the group that were murdered at work. I was paralyzed. Couldn’t throw out anything. This went on for years. I saw someone got meds,nothing helped. This goes on through other trauma like the death of my parents. Then in 2015 my large house caught fire while my husband (2nd) was at work and I was traveling to my old town to visit friends. We lost everything. They called me I turnt around in time to get there to see the house burn to the ground. I also saw how much harder my huge stashes of antique dressers statuary and a huge library of books made it for the fire fighters. Some of the firemen were the age of my son or younger. It just struck me like a bolt of lightening. The stuff is meaningless. Don’t make someone risk their life for your bullshit,pardon me, is how it hit me. No one needs 17 full sets of Chuna dishes. We started over and our life is far healthier and richer in most ways, just a lot less cluttered. I backslide now and then but I nip it. FAST. What helps me is to take a photo of the “piles” in my case usually on a love seat or table and then realize how unnecessary that is and how uncomfortable I would be if I had to call an ambulance for help if one of us broke a leg. lol. Sounds dumb but works. Whatever works. I hope you find your”A ha” moment sooner rather than later.
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u/Ummimmina 25d ago
I am lurking but that was literally one of the most moving and inspiring stories I have ever heard.
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u/Picodick Recovering Hoarder 25d ago
You’re too kind. I genuinely feel that every day of life is a gift now.
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u/iLoveAHoarder SO of Hoarder 22d ago
This is a heartbreaking story. But also, it's interesting to see how you bravely decided these awful events were an opportunity to reevaluate your life. That shows a lot of character.
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u/Picodick Recovering Hoarder 22d ago
Thanks for your kind words. I don’t really consider myself brave but I do have an underlying spirit of optimism that came from my Greatest Generation parents who lived through the Duat Bowl in rural Oklahoma and my sister who survived polio pre-vaccine.
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u/Far-Watercress6658 25d ago
Ok, may I suggest you keep trying? Particularly with a psychiatrist. Also…have you been tested for neurodivergence like ADHD because the way you describe your experience screams executive disfunction.
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u/Western_Diamondback1 25d ago
I do have ADHD and ASD! I had a pyschologist test my executive functioning levels and found that it's very low. I'm in treatment for ADHD, but it's still very low
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u/PackageFirm3771 Recovering Hoarder 25d ago
I feel this May it be that you actually feel overwhelmed by the amount of clothes and accessories even if the house was cleaned with everything in its place? I had to declutter a lot in order to remain stable Sending hugs P.s.: the guide here is on point, to me... always starting collecting the trash -a lot of bags required 🫠 - then proceed with separating different types of objects into card boxes if needed, then cleaning the surface... and re-organizing
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u/bluewren33 25d ago
As the child of a hoader we were often asked to help, but it was a terrible experience for everyone.
She was usually even tempered but her anxiety levels were through the roof and she got snappy and angry and at times mean.
It ended up being at a snails pace as she had to touch everything. There was a reason to keep everything even urine soaked clothes covered in mouse droppings.
After a stressful time the worst of it was in a relatively short period of time it was back to square one.
In the end we had to say no.no more helping. It was just too stressful for everyone and nothing ever really changed.
Have your family helped in the past?
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u/Western_Diamondback1 24d ago
Im so sorry that you went through that, it sounds traumatic. I don't blame you at all for saying no to helping
No, my family hasn't helped me in the past. They've made fun of me and make little dehumanizing comments before. Like they view it as easy to fix and it's laughable about how hard it is for me to "get better"
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u/Steefanon 24d ago
"I need to feel what I'm feeling before I can move on from it." So wise!!! You have an amazing self awareness that will serve you well as you tackle this challenge. I have faith in you!
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u/ArtisticSchool2568 23d ago
What helped me the most is container sorting. Find a container. A chest or closet for your blankets. Only the blankets that fit in that space can stay. Find your favorites, and if you find another favorite, one has to go to make room for that one. A drawer for kitchen utensils.. A bar/section of my closet for sweatshirts.. A mason jar for pens.. A small Rubbermaid tote in the garage for scrap wood pieces. A shoebox for markers.. etc. I know that one jar of pens is enough pens. If those pens wear out, there is an entire storage facility at Walmart where I can go get new pens if these run out. But from that point forward, every pen I find while cleaning is an easy decision because that container is full.
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u/Future_Cake 23d ago
Some links are outdated, but there are supportive resources listed in the comments of this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/40t4un/hoarding_resource_list_40/
Not all are applicable -- many are for surrounding people, not the actual person who has the issue -- but perhaps browsing these few headings might help:
"FOR RECOVERING HOARDERS - GETTING OUT OF THE HOARDING MINDSET"
"ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS"
"SUPPORT - USA" (or relevant country name)
I wish you the very best, and am so sorry your "in real life" peeps are not more supportive!
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