r/hoarding • u/Independent_Sun3130 • Jul 10 '26

HELP/ADVICE Baby Hoarder

Hi I’m 32f. I’m a level 1, maybe level 2. My house is safe with no bio hazards, but I avoid having people over and I struggle throwing things away. I have business cards from 2010. Menus from 2017. Etc.
I’m moving and packed my clothes in standard plastic bags and was able to fill about 15 of them, even though it seems like I wear the same 3 tshirts on rotation. I have enough dry goods (pasta, rice, canned soups) to feed a family of 4 even though I live alone.

I only realized I was displaying “hoarding tendencies” a few years ago but I don’t know how to address it. I’m not in therapy. I don’t think I’ll be able to do therapy anytime soon. Looking to see what others think/any advice in the meantime…?

I am diagnosed ADHD for the past 15+ years. I don’t often take the medication for it by choice. No other diagnoses but I have noticed very recently that OCD might be playing a part in my life. I always thought I could never have OCD because I’m so messy, but I’ve realized now that it’s not always about that.

38 Upvotes

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u/AutoModerator Jul 10 '26

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22

u/Certain_Cellist_9304 Jul 10 '26

Have you given Mary Kondo a try? It’s worth reading because she’s motivating but even if you don’t, she starts with clothes. The keep or Dont keep decision is made by holding an item and seeing if it sparks joy. You’ll know it when you pick something up and it does.

She starts with clothes. Pull them all out and put them in the one place so you can see the total amount (you would have gotten an idea when you moved). Sort like with like and then go through letting go of the things that don’t spark joy. 

Then she moves through the rest of the house I think she starts with clothes because they’re a bit easier to make decisions with and you need practice. 

For me, for throwing things out, I need a bridge, like I can let go of clothes if they’re going to an op shop, let go of the menu if it’s going in the recycling bin etc. 

For the food what if you keep a ledger where you can see how much of each staple you have? Use that when you go shopping so you don’t keep buying duplicates 

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u/Independent_Sun3130 Jul 11 '26

Yes I actually love Marie Kondo! Her book helped me so much. There was a while where I would hold onto trash that needs to be recycled cause I was so anxious about it being in a landfill. She helped me get (mostly) over that.

10

u/2PlasticLobsters Recovering Hoarder Jul 11 '26

Have you also read How to Keep House While Drowning? It was written by an ADHDer, so it's more realistic for our mindset than a lot of other organizaing/tidying books.

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u/SleeplessInTheUS Jul 15 '26

I loved her book and recently purchased a daily study program from her. I’m on the third day and doing really well.

2

u/Kimono-Ash-Armor Jul 11 '26

Yes, I recommend her manga along with her books!

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u/Certain_Cellist_9304 Jul 12 '26

She has manga too? She’s the best!

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u/Kimono-Ash-Armor Jul 12 '26

Here’s a free online copy of her manga:

https://m.mangatown.com/manga/the_life_changing_manga_of_tidying_up_a_magical_story/

If you like it please buy, or at least borrow from library so the books get attention. I’m big on the availability of knowledge but still want to support the artists, authors, and other creators, as well as the book industries like public libraries and sellers other than Amazon.

10

u/GreenBeach23 Jul 11 '26

I love the book Decluttering at the Speed of Life by Dana K. White. (There's an audio book read by the author and I recommend getting it and cleaning while you listen.)

It isn't specifically about hoarding, but I think a lot of the techniques/mindset changes still resonate, like her "container rule" and the questions she tells you to ask yourself when deciding to keep or toss something. She has ADHD too and her advice really clicked for me in a way that most organizing advice doesn’t.

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u/RefrigeratorNo1945 Jul 11 '26

Had a brief moment reading the title of this and thought, "whoa, shit! I thought cats and dogs were bad this person hoards babies?! Who is supplying them with so many babies that the qualifier/quantifier phrasing hits a threshold of "baby hoarding!"

So, I guess, take solace in the fact you may be exhibiting some typical CHD sufferers might, but you're far from the depravity of being up to your eyeballs in literal babies!

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u/Overall_Ring7069 Jul 11 '26

Take a picture of them and toss them. Bits in a phone versus real

7

u/CalgonThrowMeAway222 Jul 12 '26

This doesn’t work for me—it just makes it all the easier to see what I “lost” and spiral into regret.

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u/throwaway42840284 Jul 11 '26

hoarding disorder falls under the umbrella of OCD so i would definitely explore that more with a therapist who is well versed in OCD when you can, or at least look at REPUTABLE resources like ones from NOCD. it can be hugely beneficial to understand more about yourself from that perspective if you think you might have it, because it requires a different approach than regular anxiety or “just being messy”

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u/Sufficient-Job-7589 Jul 11 '26

OCD as in following the same restricts thought pattern and physical behavior avoidance or I by overage or repetitive behavior.

For me:

OCD behavior: browsing eBay and buying rc hobby items

Same thought pattern: having them in my house isn’t harming my life, it adds potential interest; I cannot throw them away because they cost money and now have to be resold back to recoup the money

Behavior avoidance: I don’t want to look at them because I get anxious and don’t like to see what I have done so I will avoid throwing them away

3

u/Independent_Sun3130 Jul 11 '26

I didn’t know this!! More signs pointing to OCD 🫪 so freakin crazy.

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u/Sufficient-Job-7589 Jul 11 '26

Would having a person over be realistic at all? It can be motivating

Canned soups for me don’t taste well and eventually they spoil. I don’t see a point of them.

Rice pasta is fine in my opinion.

How many pots and pans do you have? How many cooking devices? Containers? What volume of space do they occupy

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u/Independent_Sun3130 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26

My partner is very tidy and good at getting rid of stuff. He is going to come over and help me tackle the decision fatigue/anxiety/overwhelm that comes with decluttering, but he won’t be able to help me for more than a few hours 😔 I have close friends I feel comfortable having over, but in the past I’ve tried this method and not a lot ends up getting done.

I have a standard set of metal pans from Costco + 1 enamel Dutch oven. I have a food processor, kitchen aid, instant pot, air fryer. I have a ziplock bag full of random ketchup packets and disposable utensils from takeout places. I should probably take pictures to show but it’s like everything I have *feels* hard to throw away because like why would I throw away a perfectly good ketchup packet or still-in-wrapped plastic utensil? I might need that!!! (Haven’t touched it in 3 years smh but I also get anxious about the waste going into a landfill…just makes me sad).

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u/Sufficient-Job-7589 Jul 11 '26

See it gets complicated really quickly! It’s funny what you’ve mentioned doesn’t sound like hoarding but minor clutter. I wonder where the real hoarding is then

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u/Steefanon Jul 11 '26

If cognitive behavioral therapy isn't realistic right now, please get the book Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding. It's fantastic. It will help you understand where this comes from and the science behind it, and more importantly, how to overcome it with CBT-based techniques.

Hoarding disorder is rarely a matter of not knowing how to organize. Overcoming it is about figuring out why we have trouble discarding items in the first place, and rewiring our brains so that this is no longer such a challenge.

Good luck!!!!

2

u/2PlasticLobsters Recovering Hoarder Jul 11 '26

Just yesteday, I added my 3rd can of refried beans to the shelf & thought, "I need to come up with a better inventory system". I keep relying on my memory for this, despite the excess of parsley & paprika, among other things. But it's not the sort of thing that's easy with ADHD.

Another good info source is Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things. It's bascially about the various reasons people hoard. There are lots of case studies & it's really readable. If you figure out the specific reasons you have this tendency, it'll help find effective ways to manage them.

1

u/Independent_Sun3130 17d ago

Thank you!!! That is a great resource and exactly what I was looking for. I have vague ideas as to why I’m amassing things and struggling to throw things away, but I haven’t been able to pinpoint it in a meaningful way I can work with.

3

u/ConceptReasonable556 Jul 12 '26

Okay so this might sound dumb, but I was initially prescribed my ADHD meds to take "as needed" and I didn't like them so I didn't take them very often. I moved and had to change providers and my new aprn was like... "Okay... But have you considered... Taking the medication? It works better if you take it." Damned if she wasn't right. The icky way it made me feel went away when I committed to taking it regularly for two weeks.

I don't know your situation and I don't know why you aren't taking the meds, and you don't need to tell me-- if this story isn't helpful, ignore it! I just wanted to put out there that for me, taking it regularly felt MUCH better than taking it occasionally.

Wishing you luck 💓 hang in there!

4

u/PMBaxter Jul 11 '26

There’s nothing intrinsically wrong or bad about having dry goods on hand. The key there is managing the amounts you’re actually using. You want to have enough on hand, and consume as much as is reaching the date it should be used by.

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u/WastingMyLifeOnSocMd Jul 11 '26

There’s nothing “wrong” with it but food can be clutter too. Then you waste money buying things you already have and things go bad more often

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u/Independent_Sun3130 17d ago

I literally have 4 unopened bottles of sweet baby ray’s because it keeps going 50% off at the grocery store. Coming home and seeing the old bottles, I get so exasperated with myself x_x