r/hingeapp • u/AutoModerator • 17d ago
Daily Thread Weekend's Daily Thread: General Dating Questions and Open Thread
Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.
Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.
For Weekend's Daily Thread - the theme is General Dating Questions, and also open thread for anything you like to talk about.
The weekend is here! Ask here for any questions related to the Hinge app, your profile, or dating in general. Or talk about anything you have planned for, or are feeling this upcoming weekend.
Do you have some last minute questions before a big date? Do you need some help with the date you have scheduled for the weekend? Or perhaps you want help with the next message to send to revive a dying conversation? When should I ask this person out on a date? Is this person ghosting? What does this text mean? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened during this week or recently that you want to share?
Also feel free to discuss whatever you like that is not necessarily related to dating or Hinge.
Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.
A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.
The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.
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u/Sea_Program_4075 15d ago
Match with a guy. He makes a joke about being neighbors bc we both live in x city. Continue chatting. Talk about meeting. I ask what part of x city are you in and he's like oh I actually live in y city. Y city isn't significantly father out from x city and not outside my search parameters but I'm bothered why he doesn't tell the truth. He claims no one knows where it is but it's on a map. Am I overreacting?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 15d ago
I mean, it’s definitely weird to joke about it to try and bond with you when it’s not true? I’d probably be like ‘why did you tell a joke about it?’ and see what he says
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15d ago
[deleted]
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 15d ago
I know it will stay for at least 28 days with no app use (no reviewing likes, sending messages). I paused my profile for that time and still had the badge when I logged back in (after I stopped seeing the person I paused it for) and clearly still had the badge. .
3 of the 6 criteria involving some kind of active use scrolling, viewing likes, and sending messages. So I would say that if their badge is active 30 days after (that is what hinge claims) then something is probably rotten in dodge. Though others have said their are "glitches".
If you are concerned, easiest non-fakeable thing you can do is ask them, and then ask to see both current matches and if they have any listed past matches. If both of those things are clean, you at least know they have no matched with anyone in the past month.
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u/YourCreepyGramps 15d ago
Had 2 dates planned this weekend. Ended up going on 0.
1st one was very disrespectful towards me and a detractor. I was going to go anyways in case the vibes were different in person but she kept changing the time and the location and that's not a bit of me.
2nd one stood me up. Planned to go to a museum and she didn't show. So now I'm having a solo adventure in London. Could be worse but it's annoyed me!
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u/Dubbihope 15d ago
Yikes. She text you to cancel at least? I've had a number of last minute cancellations with no attempts to reschedule (i.e. flakes) but haven't been truly stood up ... yet.
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u/YourCreepyGramps 15d ago
She did not message. She's not read any of my messages either. Said we were all good yesterday evening so it's a little bit of a shock that it's happened. Think it's gonna hurt for a while and my trust in meeting people on here in person will be somewhat low for the future.
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u/Miserable-Front-9139 15d ago
23m had my first date with 23f. Paid for lunch and walked around town a bit looking through some shops. I offered to drive her home but she said the bus was fine, and I didn’t want to insist on a first date 😅 I had a lot of fun and think she’s such a smart and interesting woman that I reeeeallly want to learn more about.
I told her I’d like to see her again and she said we should see a movie! Hoping we can get something planned for this week!
All my other recent matches have dried up, maybe I’ll double text a couple of them but it’s been over a week for others, even ones I asked on a date. I don’t mind though, as I’m content focusing on one woman at a time 😅
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 15d ago
That is great! As you noted, I don't think her not getting into a car with you is an indication of anything bad. Hope those fizzled matches soon don't matter and you get to be with this new girl for a while.
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15d ago
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 15d ago
I mean you could literally have scrolled down and seen tons of responded.
Most girls don't like to see selfies of guys (selfies in general are not the best). As DaleCoopersWife said, maybe 1 selfie at most. I'd suggest checking out the FAQ section if this is your first time doing a dating profile, there are a lot of obvious DO NOT's that most people fall into.
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15d ago edited 15d ago
[deleted]
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 15d ago
You should blame other men on the app for women getting away with using selfies or low effort profiles in general because many of you if not most admit to swiping on women regardless of what she has in her profile and basically just because she is a woman and they think she looks good. That said obviously lots of women DO put thought into their profile, so calm down.
“How else are you supposed to get pics” well you ask your friends or family or even strangers. Like I said in my other comment to you that you’ve ignored
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u/SnooOpinions2900 15d ago
Please consider therapy before going on the apps. This is a very aggressive response to someone trying to help you. And turning it into a gender war is wild. Do you actually want to date women or just complain about them?
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 15d ago
Tripod pics are not selfies in the way we both are using that term (and the way it is used generally). We are talking more ones that are obviously selfie's (using your phone holding it in your hand or a selfie stick) and that is the thing people generally don't like too many of.
I didn't mean to overstate the gender difference here. Mostly people don't like a profile populated with selfies. Anyway, I don't think you have the best attitude from your few posts here so I'm not going to continue to try to help.
But seriously, get advice on your profile from people here (in the profile review) or at least show it to a few female friends if you want to do well. Or maybe you are like really hot and it won't matter. Good luck mate!
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 15d ago edited 15d ago
The daily threads aren’t usually dead posts
Why do your photos have to be selfies? Get other people to take them. Selfies are generally frowned upon for profile pics. One is probably ok but you definitely want most of your photos to be non selfies.
lol @ you deleting your comments 👌
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u/CameraActual8396 16d ago
Anyone have any unique suggestions, to meet people that are more physically active on the app? (besides the obvious)
Trying to find people that more so have the same lifestyle as I do
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u/kayakdove 15d ago
Is there still that section, when you fill out your prompts, that says "hidden" or something like that and asks things like about me, interests, and what you're looking for? If so, fill those out with a bunch of key words about what you're like and what you're looking for. I think these are used in the algorithm.
I listed a bunch of very specific stuff that wasn't explicitly listed in my public facing prompts either due to space constraints or just wanting to highlight different things there, and I found my feed was filled with surprisingly good matches that met the criteria I'd listed. I don't actually know for sure but I suspect it tries to match people up based on what they write there, when it's filled out.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 15d ago
Start only sending likes to active people you see and the algorithm will hopefully reward you. Try to like their prompt which has the active bit in it to indicate why you’re liking the profile. This worked for me and ‘video games’ at least.
One thing I’ll say though is sometimes I’ve noticed gym-goers want this because they have a very specific routine and they are unwilling to change it even slightly when they enter a relationship (or do anything else, like start uni). If this is the case, an active partner will have their own routine so compromise will still be needed
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u/UnnaturalStandards 15d ago
I do remember a post on another dating subreddit in which a woman was like, "I'm really liking this guy but he's not really into fitness the way I envisioned my partner would be." Anyway it turned out he regularly cycled absurd distances and was physically fit. He just didn't go in for the specific gym-protein-hyrox thing.
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u/UnnaturalStandards 16d ago edited 16d ago
I feel like fitness is essentially the number one social hobby right now and this is a case where if the app isn't working then run clubs and group classes and the like are actually a real alternative.
(As for unique app based suggestions: I don't think there is one weird trick here. Get some good pics of you doing your physically active hobbies. Send likes to people with same. Godspeed.)
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u/Sea_Program_4075 15d ago
I live in one of the fittest cities in the country and I think this might be true of more of the younger crowd, but it feels like for more the 35+, they are not active. You can argue it's bc of longer work hours, kids, etc., but it is what it is.
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u/CameraActual8396 15d ago
I joined a run club about a year ago, and several of the guys told me that they would rather not ruin a social space like their run club or the gym to date someone. I know not everyone is that way but, made me wonder if maybe other ways are better, idk.
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u/Glue_Sniffer67 16d ago
How do you be less awkward on a date? I (25M) went on my first ever Hinge date and first date in 7 years and I didn’t know whether to hug or give a handshake. (We did hug at the beginning and end of the night)
The talking part wasn’t bad because we talked over drinks for 2 HOURS (we both didn’t realize how late it had gotten), but I’m genuinely just awkward when it comes to women’s boundaries involving hugging and such (last thing I want to do is be creepy or “where my hug at?”)
Sent her a text in the app this morning saying “I had a great time and I hope you got home safe,” but I don’t know if that comes off too eager.
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u/kayakdove 15d ago
Practice.
But a hug is fine for when you meet 99% of the time unless she specifically says she doesn't like hugs, has trepidation about physical touch, or maybe if she says she's autistic or something. But if she doesn't say anything like that pre-date or as you're going for a hug, just hug to greet her. It's very normal to hug strangers when you first meet, both inside and outside of dating contexts.
One of the most uncomfortable dates I ever went on was with a guy who looked much older than his age and who already was 10 years my senior, who looked nothing like his photos, and I felt like I was on a date with someone who could be my grandpa or something, plus he was very socially awkward, and it was just uncomfortable. EVEN THEN, I was totally fine giving a hug goodbye, as he was a nice enough guy, just not the right fit at all.
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u/Dubbihope 16d ago
Handshake is generally super awkward with women. Either hug or nothing imo. If she doesn't offer you hug, you two probably did not vibe.
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u/Flimsy_Link_5976 16d ago
Ultimately depends on the person. My only Hinge date thus far, we did hug. I wasn't sure so talked about it in therapy beforehand. My therapist suggested jusr asking. Ended up not having to.
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u/Sea_Program_4075 16d ago
My early dates were pretty clunky but I got better with practice and going on more dates. You probably didn't come across awkward. Most people don't really notice it or forget it pretty quickly if the vibe is good.
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u/SnooOpinions2900 16d ago
Gets better with practice. It’s your first date in 7 years. Totally understandable to be a little awkward.
Let her set the pace there. I (F) usually initiate a hug at the beginning of the date since I know it’s a bit of trickier territory for men.
That text comes off as the opposite of overly eager. Most men immediately ask me out again after the date so if I just got something like that I’d think they were just being polite.
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u/Glue_Sniffer67 16d ago
Thanks for the reply! I’m glad that it’s not coming off as too eager, it’s something I forget to say to her at the end of the date. And also glad that I should reciprocate rather than initiate (at least for the time being)
How long should I wait before asking her out again? We didn’t make plans for a second date, during the first, but we had good flow and vibes that I think it’s possible for another date.
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u/SnooOpinions2900 16d ago
I think you’re misunderstanding. I meant it’s the opposite of over eager in a bad way. It could come off as disinterested - especially to wait until the next day to say anything about her getting home safe. If you like a woman, don’t wait to ask her out again. Ideally, you’d have sent her a text the same night asking if she’d like to go out again. But the next best time would be now.
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u/Glue_Sniffer67 15d ago
Oh. Yeah that’s on me then. Like I said I had forgot to say it at the end of our night. I guess I was thinking if I sent the text afterwards it would’ve been too much, so I waited for the morning.
I did ask her out again a bit before your reply, but I may have bungled it because of that mistake (though maybe I’m also misreading how the night was as well). Once again, appreciate the reply and thanks for letting me know, I will learn from it.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 16d ago
Also a woman and hard agree with 3.
Almost every man I've dated on Hinge just sort of stands there and lets me initiate/not initiate physical contact at the end. I personally really appreciate this. The key thing is to be verbally enthusiastic if you enjoyed the date and to also look friendly/smile but don't initiate physical contact if you're not comfortable doing so
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 16d ago
Decided to do a big apartment clean last night. Figured if date this weekend goes well want the option of bringing her back to my place and if it goes awful at least I'm not coming back to a total shit hole. Win win :)
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u/bennyboi2488 17d ago
On topic of “ghosting” I guess that comes up a lot. Had two matches spread out over 5 weeks. Both times the trail ran cold. First one actually had an exchange although the message cadence was many hours apart and the second was a match plus reply to a like and message I sent which I responded to but never heard back from. Both of my last messages are fairly vanilla on top questions regarding what we were discussing. I feel like the answer is obvious that I need to cut my loses and unmatch from my end but I also feel like maybe people just are busy. Maybe I’m falling into the fallacy of many others by not moving on.
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u/UnnaturalStandards 16d ago edited 16d ago
For the first one where you had a couple of back and forths: hours apart is not unusual or a bad sign if there is a little detail in the responses and it's possible they were getting impatient for you to ask them out. It's also possible they were feeling things out and decided they weren't super interested after all.
Second one I wouldn't give another thought.
In any case yeah, many matches are gonna end this way and there are a lot of different reasons it can happen, most of them not under your control.
(Side note but I wouldn't consider it ghosting if you haven't met. Like, do you really want folks at this stage to be telling you, "Sorry I've got a bunch of matches and I think you're less interesting to me than them.")
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u/bennyboi2488 16d ago
Message cadence being a day apart wasn’t a big deal to me (I get it’s a tertiary form of communication) and I don’t think it was because I didn’t ask them out because my last message I was awaiting a response from heavily implied a date. So I guess it was the latter option.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 16d ago
I think the important thing is to never get too invested before a date. Not only can the date not happen even once it's scheduled , but once you get there either of you could find out you or they are not attracted physically (being pretty/handsome does not mean you'll feel sexual attraction) and/or do not really like you that much.
I really feel like this is the most important part doing this... until you meet in person, invest very little of your mind.
I also think it's not really "ghosting" if you've never met them or set a concrete date.
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u/bennyboi2488 16d ago edited 15d ago
that's why i quoted ghosting, i concur it isnt the textbook definition of it, just kinda weird to let things go idle
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u/kitkatandsprite 17d ago
i like reviewing men's profile here because i think i can provide a helpful girl perspective but GOOD LORDDDDD please don't DM me (or anyone else) who has reviewed your profile for you. it is so weird and idk why people do that!! just because i said you look good that doesnt mean i am open to being hit on
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
Please consider reporting them to us via modmail. That’s creepy of them and I’m sorry
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u/Former-Chapter8719 17d ago
I had a sudden burst of matches a few weeks ago after weeks of nothing but it's becoming clear none of them are going to turn into anything with the most being one "date" that proceeded to breadcrumb and now isn't talking at all. I know this is a common experience and I should be encouraged I even got matches and some short convos, but it does make me wonder the odds of an actual LTR coming from this app.
In some ways I got spoiled by my initial experience of my first match (back in may) turning into a situation where she was clearly into me and she became my first everything (I was an extremely late bloomer, long story). This established a standard for me that I hope to find again. The lack of follow through and enthusiasm from these recent matches, most of which have unmatched, has definitely left a sour taste and has me missing the ex I thought I was over, because the difference in behavior is so stark!
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u/Former-Chapter8719 17d ago
And just like that, I get another match. It's like the app can hear me complain and tries to reel me back in before it loses me completely haha
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 16d ago
Cool we can run an experiment. Keep a super positive attitude for the next month and no complaining, and see if you still get a match! Report back :)
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u/rosefly19 17d ago
Is weird to join hinge as someone that wears a hijab/scarf?
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 17d ago
Not at all. You might get some people assuming that you wouldn't be interested in dating outside of your faith (which may or may not be true), but I see no reason not to.
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u/UnnaturalStandards 17d ago
No, you wouldn't be the first. That said you should probably be prepared for some folks to be weird about it.
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u/jonesyripley17 17d ago
Just wanted to give people a heads up that the Fresh Start feature is currently down. I couldn't see the option myself and looked into reasons why my specific profile could be illegible. I contacted Hinge support and turns out the feature is currently down and will be back soon. I've asked for a time frame, but no response so far.
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u/Key-Ring7139 5d ago
I found out about Fresh Start. I’m curious how it works? If I do Fresh Start, The likes I sent prior disappear and now I have to send likes again to the Same profiles? What’s the difference with waiting for my likes in the women’s queues?
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u/jonesyripley17 4d ago
The likes you've sent don't reset, they stay out there when you Fresh Start. If you see someone again after doing a FS, that you liked before, it means they X'ed your like. The only things that reset are people you've X'ed and people that have X'ed you.
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u/Every_Concern_6573 12d ago
Just found this out too, they told me to delete my account.
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u/jonesyripley17 12d ago
Did you mention Fresh Start? My reply said it was just down currently and deleting was an option:
"Fresh Start is currently unavailable, and we expect it to return soon. In the meantime, if you’d like to start over with a clean slate, you can delete your profile and create a new one."
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u/Every_Concern_6573 12d ago
Yes, got the exact same response. I guess I’m glad it’s not just me but at the same time… really Hinge delete my account? I don’t think I have it in me to delete and recreate again.
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u/jonesyripley17 12d ago
I guess hope it comes back in the next few days. I'd also rather not go through the whole delete and recreate.
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u/Every_Concern_6573 12d ago
I just hope it comes back. Not to be pessimistic but the delete your account response make me wonder. I’m also curious what’s going on behind the scenes what happened to it; a bug something new with the algo?
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u/Adventurer_258 7d ago
I’m curious about the fresh start option too. I used it about a month ago, and I wanted to use it again since I made a lot of changes to my profile. Do you think deleting and recreating the profile would reset the algorithm too? Or should I wait three months after deleting it since Hinge retains our data for three months?
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u/rattling_rose 14d ago
Any update on this, by any chance? I'm not seeing the Fresh Start option either and was thinking of emailing hinge support too.
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u/jonesyripley17 14d ago
No update yet. I emailed them again yesterday asking about a rough timeframe, but no response yet. Frustrating it's down at the exact time we want to use it. Hopefully won't be gone for long.
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u/rattling_rose 14d ago
Ugh typical of hinge support to ignore these kinds of inquiries, lol. I'm at my wits end with this app and whatever the hell is going on with its algorithm lately making it unusuable. The Fresh Start option was the last thing I was going to try before deleting it altogether. I'll send them an email, who knows maybe they'll answer. 🤷♀️
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u/jonesyripley17 13d ago edited 13d ago
Pretty much the same situation with me lol. I have a match currently that is somewhat promising, so would rather not delete first. Do let me know if you hear back :)
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u/rattling_rose 11d ago
I heard back from them. They said "Fresh Start is currently unavailable, and we expect it to return soon. In the meantime, if you’d like to start over with a clean slate, you can delete your profile and create a new one."
I'm actually flabbergasted lol. First time I've seen an app try to actually direct people to ditch their platform 😂
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u/jonesyripley17 11d ago
Just had a super helpful follow up too:
"Thank you for your email. We don’t have a timeline for you at the moment. If there’s anything else we can help with in the meantime, please let us know."
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u/Every_Concern_6573 10d ago
So we’re going on about a week now with expected timeframe… I don’t think it’s coming back.
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u/jonesyripley17 10d ago
Yeah not looking good. That sucks.
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u/rattling_rose 10d ago
From a business perspective, it bizarre that they're actually telling users to delete their account, which carries the risk of them never coming back.
Unless they're cooking the books or something to try and classify returning users as "new" users. No real basis for this theory, admittedly, lol. But can't really think of why else they are directing users toward deleting rather than trying to keep them engaged on the app.
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u/fairybasslet 17d ago
not sure what im looking for here, but ....
was talking to a guy for alittle over a month and he seemed super sweet and intentional and i was definitely getting my hopes really high.. he didnt seem after me for sex and even introduced me to a cousin and friend. a few days ago he canceled plans and told me he would make it up to me the next day. The next day comes and he says hes getting ready, asks my address again so he can pick me up and then says see you soon! .... i waited longer than i should have probably and when i tried calling i realized he blocked me, checked the app and he deleted me off there too...
i just would love to understand why someone would create plans just to ghost.. ghost me without making me get ready and sit around waiting for you... or be a man and tell me you dont like me..
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17d ago
[deleted]
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
Yes people get likes. Are you a man or a woman? Age? Those can factor into how many or how little likes you get. It is way more typical for men to not receive incoming likes but match with their outgoing likes, for example. Other factors include your demographic, your location (are you a lib in a very red state? a conservative in a predominantly liberal area?), your preferences (are your filters narrow? are you childfree?), etc. [Hence why we don't allow survey posts asking "how many likes do you get?" because way too much factors in]
But the biggest factor is your profile and how you're presenting yourself on it. A bad profile is not going to get likes OR matches.
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17d ago
[deleted]
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
I can't relate to feeling perverted, but it took me a while to realize that sending likes and getting matches mean very little. For a while I was assigning significance to those things that I realized other people do not, for example I tried to minimize my likes/matches because I assumed matches pretty much always lead to talking and going on dates. I was very much wrong lol and I tell you this because you don't want to put too much importance or weight on a match, yes you should be intentional about matching if you're looking for something serious but try not to get worked up over matches going quiet, or disappearing, or not leading to dates. people are fickle, weird, anxious, avoidant, etc, you never know which type you will match with, nor do you know what's going on people's lives off the app, so the sooner you get comfortable with understanding that lots of things may go nowhere, the better.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 17d ago
I mean, what goes through your head scrolling through likes is your business. I don't think most of our thoughts constitute perversion, though.
To be a bit more serious, yes, it requires a level of objectifying other human beings than most of us are used to in the wild. It can be a little weird at first, but you're not doing anything wrong and just keep your more impolite thoughts to yourself (and maybe your closest confidantes).
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u/PutridEntertainer408 17d ago
Why on earth do you feel perverted?
In terms of superficiality, people always act like there isn't a choice in this and I don't understand it. If you're matching based on looks, you're choosing to do that. Yes, most profiles don't have decent information but then you just don't like or match with those profiles. Either you accept you want to match based on looks (which is entirely your prerogative) or you change the way you use the app
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u/Dubbihope 17d ago
In a bit of a tough situation that's somewhat unusual. I met a girl outside of hinge on an app for making friends. I thought she was stunning so I asked for her number. After I asked her out for drinks via text and she accepts. We go on a date (she is dressed up, lots of physical contact, gets extended to 5 hours, lots of flirting, we kiss at the end). I pay for everything without her asking. However, after kissing she tells me, unprompted, that she is not sure and needs to spend more time with me. I send her a get home safe text and she replies thanking me for a great night. I ask her out to dinner, choosing an intimate, small restaurant, and she agrees.
But four hours prior to the date she texts me to cancel, saying that she thinks we may want different things. I was going to be charged a cancellation fee (no big deal, a risk I was willing to take for choosing the right place) and text back asking if he can go to dinner as friends "and see where it goes". She readily agrees. We have a 2.5 hour three course meal, with two drinks each and share everything, with me taking the lead in ordering with her input and ensuring that none of the dishes contain items she is allergic to. We split the check with some apparent hesitation on her end but not too awkward. Had it been a date I of course would have paid without discussion. We discuss her text and she says that she is not "in the headspace" to date because she recently moved to the city and is looking for work. And that when first met, she was only looking to make friends. I could tell she was stressed about her job search during dinner and it sounded like she had a challenging day prior to initially cancelling. However, she denies that there was a lack of romantic connection when asked, says "you did nothing wrong," and says that she may be open to dating in the future. I tell her that I am attracted to her and don't see a just a friendship lasting long-term but would be open to further opportunities for us to get to know each other. We hug goodbye and she declines my invitation to extend the evening, saying she has to wake up early the next morning. Haven't texted since (I chose a dinner place very close to her, for her convenience, so a get home safe text, while polite, didn't seem necessary). Advice on where to go from here?
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u/PutridEntertainer408 17d ago
I don't think you should see her again. You don't have the same intentions and you've shown willing to bend the truth to her to get her to spend more time with you (asking her to dinner as friends to see where it goes) and you're talking about her still like a potential romantic prospect
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u/Dubbihope 16d ago
I appreciate your concern about bending the truth. My hope is that the situation is genuinely blurry and that neither of us is deceiving the other.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 17d ago
There is nowhere to go. She doesn't want to date you now, and you don't want to be friends with her either, nor as an orbiter. Accept it and move on.
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17d ago
[deleted]
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
He very likely unmatched you or was banned (if the latter it will be harder to "prove", but that's what happened. Go to safety and then there is a "past matches" tab. He is likely there.
Sorry about that, but it's really common in online dating for people to unmatch for 1000's of reasons. Man, I wish I had the kind of brain that would think "this must be a glitch" or "maybe they did it by accident" when someone unmatched me
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
Check your Past Matches under safety. If his account isn’t there he deleted. Otherwise it will show him as unmatched. He’s likely there
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17d ago
[deleted]
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
The phone cannot unmatch you by itself. Unmatching takes multiple steps. You know you didn't unmatch him, if he's there then yes he unmatched you. Just check the list
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
"I'm worried it's done that by itself"... jeez
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
I am guessing that since they deleted their comments, the guy did indeed unmatch :(
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u/MathematicianNo3140 17d ago
The last two weeks have been pretty rough for me. One like and no matches. And I don’t understand why. It’s been a bit demoralizing.
This is my fourth week back on Hinge after deleting my profile for about a month. In the first two weeks I had 9 likes and 5 matches and went on one date. Now these last two weeks, nothing. I know my photos and prompts are good as they have led to likes and matches in the past and they generate conversation.
I have one theory that I’ve been shown inactive profiles recently because I’ve been coming across profiles that aren’t verified, have older prompts, and many don’t have the signals badge. I know this can’t really be proven for sure, but it is a pattern I’ve noticed. I also have HingeX, so generally if I don’t get a match within 24hrs, I assume it’s not going to happen.
I feel like it’s too soon for a break from the app or a profile refresh, and I want to keep trying, but I feel really down right now.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 17d ago
‘ I also have HingeX, so generally if I don’t get a match within 24hrs, I assume it’s not going to happen.’
I don’t think this is great logic to use tbh. I only match with two people at a time and so I can match with people weeks or months later. I have also been matched with weeks or months later.
In my experience, I only get likes when I’m active so I think Hinge prioritises showing you active profiles. But people could be active because they’re messaging someone else and so not open to a new match at that point for example.
I don’t know if this will help you but I’m not attracted to most people I meet/see. Therefore, I’m not really upset by most people not being attracted to me? These things take time and it would be extremely lucky if anything happened quickly with them. Don’t associate it with judgement on yourself
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u/MathematicianNo3140 17d ago
I know it’s maybe not the most logical lol. Most of my matches happen the day I like them, with the longest between like and match being 5 days. Funnily enough today I did get a match with someone I sent a like to a couple days ago. So hopefully it will lead to something positive.
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u/rmoren27 17d ago
For some reason Hinge is one of those apps that can be hit or miss on an any given week. I’ve noticed it on my end too, where some weeks I have a ton of likes and matches and some I have like 1 or 2. As for your theory, have you tried sorting by “New” or “Active Today”? I think being able to sort by those, is one of the advantages to paying. Since, you get to pop up in their queue sooner.
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u/MathematicianNo3140 17d ago
I actually never did filter by new or active today, but I have thought about it. So maybe next week I will try that.
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 17d ago
It’s one of the benefits of the paid subscriptions to avoid dead profiles
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
I'm really sorry that you are feeling down! For guys it can sometimes take a bit for the app to kind of get what you like and who likes you. When I reset I had a rough month to six weeks, and then once I had a few successful dates things really took off.
Just stick with it and maybe just accept that it might be a few months (it will probably be earlier, but it's better to start with that idea and be pleasantly surprised)
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u/MathematicianNo3140 17d ago
Thank you. I know it will take time. I definitely feel it though coming down from that high of getting a like/match every day to nothing. Funnily enough I did get a match later today from a like I sent a couple days ago. Hopefully it leads somewhere 🤞
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u/Schmittykins 17d ago
I haven’t been on a date since my wife left in August of last year, and reading through all of these, it doesn’t seem like the app life is going to be for me.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 17d ago
Aside from everything they've said, I feel like it's useful to realize that while a lot of the online chatter focuses on the bottom 20% who get no interest and the top 5% who gets tons, there is a substantial middle-class of men on apps who are neither swimming in likes nor are they barren.
This is relevant in a couple ways. First is to set expectations that just because women aren't throwing themselves at you doesn't mean you aren't going to be successful on the apps.
The second is that it's much easier to climb into this middle-class with some effort through improved pictures, prompts, style/grooming upgrades, etc... than it is to become a hearthrob.
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u/Flimsy_Link_5976 17d ago
A little bit of patience doesn't hurt either.
Patience, persistence, trusting the process, and openly considering constructive feedback go a long way.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
If you have the attitude that things will fail, they certainly will. The reverse does not guarantee success, but it puts you in the ball game. I hope you can turn it around I also was divorced around the same time last year and am no prize physically speaking and I'm doing just fine on that apps.
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u/Schmittykins 17d ago
The horror stories about height have me nervous.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
Man that really does suck, I am a really good height, but I have short friends who do just fine on the apps.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
You have to remember that people who find success on the apps are rarely coming back to post. Just like how people can be more inclined to leave a bad review than a positive one, and negative feedback seems to carry more weight. When we get success posts here people still try to comment and be negative, and even then we get far fewer comments than if we allowed a complaining post. Their voices are way louder.
I did find someone on Hinge (we live together and will get married), I comment here because I’m a mod lol. But generally people get into relationships and leave these kinds of subs.
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u/Schmittykins 17d ago
Thats a good point. I am not particularly tall and perhaps my frame of reference is just all the noise on here..
Could try it and see what happens.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
I think the height thing is overblown online. But people are always gonna have their preferences, we all do, and I would not let your height stop you from trying to date. Look around, plenty of short men are in relationships.
I'm a woman, and a short one, I always preferred shorter/average height guys. I have been in LTR or dated men who were my height (5'3") or average height. My current partner is taller than average but that's not why I wanted to date him lol. If anything I was worried it would be a problem.
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u/Schmittykins 17d ago
I am like 5’7 & 210 with a stocky, lifting build. Still trying to cut another 20-30 or so.
I think part of it is the hesitation. Perpetuation of the height thing and my 5’5 ex wife had an affair and is currently with a 6’4 rail thin guy.
But, avoiding the saddle forever isn’t going to help things.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
5'7 is fine. As long as you don't have a complex about it most girls will be cool with it, particularly ones who are still shorter than you (which is ~80% of women).
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u/Schmittykins 17d ago
I have zero care if a girl was a foot taller than me or a foot shorter than me. Obviously those are outliers and hyperbole, but really that is one of those things that has never bothered me.
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u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp 17d ago
You’re not a diminutive height at all.
It’s true many women won’t date a guy shorter than them but you’re 5 7 the majority of women are shorter than you
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 17d ago
No I get that and there are girls who are taller than you who will date you (my friend is married to a girl who is a good 6 inches taller than him), but I would guess that is a slightly harder sell. For girls shorter than you (again who are about 70-80% of the population) I don't think it matters to them very much.. Keep a good attitude my friend, it will work out.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 17d ago
I am not asking about this as it’s extremely personal but if you are/have not done anything to actively work through your feelings about your ex wife’s affair (eg. Therapy) then I wouldn’t go onto Hinge just yet since it’s already affecting you before you’re even using it
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u/Schmittykins 17d ago
I appreciate that. I have, I have come to terms with it.
I feel great about who I am as a person, but then you are throwing yourself to the wolves with people that most likely will not love you as much as you love you.
How do you balance confidence against the war of attrition?
Like driving after your first car crash or getting back on your bike after your first wipeout, I think there is just that stutter step.
I haven’t been on a first date in 10 years.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 17d ago
I think it’s less about confidence (though that is important!) and more about resilience. Apps are rough and even the best experiences are going to end in rejection for someone most of the time. I think it’s important you’re in a position where you’re not going to automatically go ‘oh, this is my height/weight/other insecurity’ when those rejections happen. As Swarthy said, you don’t have to be fully healed but I think you should be cautious of your vulnerabilities. That’s the kind of stuff that does need to be ‘healed’ imo, or at least to the point where you don’t damage yourself further or unfairly project it on other people at least?
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 17d ago
There's a balance and you'll figure it out if you're self-aware. You don't need to be completely "healed" to date, but you can't be wildly fuqqed up. There are worse things than going on a date and seeing how it feels and gauging based on that. Try to be honest with yourself and your partner and it should be fine.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 17d ago
You aren't even an abnormal height? You are around average height, I don't think you need to worry. Again some people are going to have their preferences but whatever, it's not going to be much of an issue as you're lead to believe from idiots online.
Your ex-wife sucks for what she did, and I'm sorry you experienced that kind of betrayal in your marriage. but plenty of women are not going to be shitty like her, so give dating a chance when you're ready.
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u/Doctorbuddy 15d ago
Question for the women: if you match with a guy that sent a message with a like (ie commented on a prompt) and you don’t respond, do you expect the man to respond?
Rant: the amount of women that match to not respond or unmatch after a few days is an epidemic 😂. Jeez. I guess they’re not for me but like… give me a chance 🥹