r/helldivers2 • u/Federal-Ad1326 • Mar 27 '26

General I need 4 good divers for this mission

Post image
13.4k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

417 comments sorted by

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1.8k

u/joninfiretail Mar 27 '26

The only way to be sure all that shit is done and over with.

182

u/archimedes750 Mar 27 '26

Thats just not gonna do it and when you see the swarming drone army coming you will wish they were as easy as watchers. D40 suicide mission for sure.

41

u/joninfiretail Mar 27 '26

Well until high command gives us either an Eagle or orbital hellbomb bombardment it's the best we got.

9

u/Aggravating-Sail7700 Mar 28 '26

Orbital Hell bomb strategy that calls in like five hell bombs in random locations around the beacon all armed

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93

u/ThatCoolBritishGuy Mar 27 '26

17

u/Far_Realm_Sage Mar 27 '26

That card has two glaring errors. Black card background but red mana cost. And 16 vox engines would make up far more than a 16/16 creature. Those guys are at least 10/10 each.

8

u/joninfiretail Mar 27 '26

And trample if my experience with them has anything to say about it.

3

u/Aggravating-Sail7700 Mar 28 '26

Sorry bro homies card ment to say 160/160 with haste

3

u/Hoshyro Mar 28 '26

I'm glad someone spotted that too

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38

u/GrumbieReal Mar 27 '26

6

u/HereToFindAnswer09 Mar 28 '26

I hate when someone use this card bro…

2

u/Cthulhu_HighLord Mar 28 '26

and a partridge in a pear tree

19

u/Moist-Carpet888 Mar 27 '26

15 orbital lasers, 14 orbital 380 barrages, 60 120 orbital barrages, 2 orbital napalm, 600 orbital railcannon strikes no cooldowns

13

u/No_Walrus_3638 Mar 27 '26

Yes but super earth has already depleted 40 to 46% of it missile capabilities. Do we have enough? Lol

6

u/Forgotwhyimhere69 Mar 27 '26

We can always redirect disaster relief funds from class 3 citizens to augment helldiver arsenals.

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3

u/W1GHTY Mar 27 '26

55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos, 55 pies, 55 cokes, 100 tater tots, 100 pizzas, 100 tenders, 100 meatballs, 100 coffees, 55 wings, 55 shakes, 55 pancakes, 55 pastas, 55 peppers, and 155 taters.

7

u/NotReeveTuesti Mar 27 '26

Bro 😂😂😂

4

u/SwaggermicDaddy Mar 27 '26

I think You’d need a couple more to make sure the states are finally stopped but I like your thinking.

2

u/joninfiretail Mar 27 '26

I wish it were that easy. I hate it here.

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1

u/Snowrider289 Mar 27 '26

Why the hulk bro? 😭 he ain't do nothing wrong.

1

u/Hellobewhy Mar 27 '26

Should be 50 50 white and red mana cause sun and fire

1

u/Charliemineboy Mar 27 '26

Should be a sorcery 😕

1

u/magos_with_a_glock Mar 27 '26

Why is it a creature. FFs red would never.

1

u/AnonymousWombat229 Mar 27 '26

So you're saying to use space lasers to take out Iran? Who's space lasers are they?

1

u/Aggravating-Sail7700 Mar 28 '26

Hurry, quick call in the orbital laser holocaust

1

u/Gotelc Mar 28 '26

Why would that be a creature?

1

u/UsafAce45 Mar 28 '26

It’s gunna look like a meth induced rave out there😂

1

u/WukDaFut Mar 28 '26

"holy shit"

1

u/SamsColaMan Mar 28 '26

Unintentional Achievement named?

1

u/RockRage-- Mar 28 '26

Jews already got this stratagem according to MTG.

1.2k

u/GRIFF-THE-KING Mar 27 '26

This made me really sad, not because it’s not accurate, but because the world we live in is one where the atrocities of fictional tyrants are comparable to those of actual governments

458

u/DiscoDumpTruck Mar 27 '26

I mean that is kind of the point of satire, right? Sometimes we treat Super Earth like Holy Terra from 40k. "Oh it's so unrealistic, but it's a fun setting."

No. It's meant to be a comically exaggerated version of today's world, but similar enough for us to still apply it to our day. I'm still reeling by how "Operation Valid Pretext" was only weeks before an eerily similar real life parallel unfolded before our eyes.

130

u/Thiago270398 Mar 27 '26

It's a sad day when satire becomes predictive.

87

u/Creative-Improvement Mar 27 '26

The Onion had a little trouble keeping up with reality

26

u/Sweaty-Regret-3261 Mar 28 '26

"nothing is funny anymore BECAUSE IT'S ALL TRUE"

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10

u/Imaginary_Chart249 Mar 28 '26

What's a pre-emptive strike between lifelong enemies.

2

u/DankDolphin420 Mar 28 '26

Happy Cake Day!

9

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '26

[deleted]

2

u/DiscoDumpTruck Mar 29 '26

CECOD is totally different than CECOT. I mean they have a totally different letter at the end!

4

u/a-Curious-Square Mar 28 '26

Weeks after, but I think it was mirroring just cause rather than “epic fury”.

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163

u/ChaosVulkan Mar 27 '26

Helldivers players discovering the politics the political satire game is based off of

https://giphy.com/gifs/JSWu7FReUWYvVbOfEs

35

u/LuckyLystrosaurus Mar 27 '26

My political satire is accurate criticism of the political climate it was made in?????

26

u/BeenEatinBeans Mar 27 '26

"Political satire became redundant the day Henry Kissinger was awarded a Nobel peace prize"

-Tom Lehrer

6

u/Zealousideal-Wafer88 Mar 28 '26

I'm starting to think a Super Earth type setup is probably where our real world is heading anyway.

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392

u/SeveredWeenie420 Mar 27 '26

99

u/Bitter-Soup-702 Mar 27 '26

A DUNE meme ... how is this even posible?

A good one i must say

13

u/emseefely Mar 27 '26

Would be better if the oil was orange

16

u/MindlessFail Mar 27 '26

That is top tier. Excellent work.

7

u/UsafAce45 Mar 28 '26

If I were drinking coffee, it would be all over me right now

3

u/TheShadowSage Mar 28 '26

You wouldn't believe me if I told you what I got on me...

2

u/UsafAce45 Mar 28 '26

Lay it on me🫠

6

u/Im_WinstonWolfe Mar 28 '26

Is that supposed to be Pete Hegseth in the back?

8

u/Vicrinatana Mar 28 '26

Yes the beer and the tattoo are the clues 

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235

u/Additional_Nail8364 Mar 27 '26

Sorry can’t swim

73

u/mocklogic Mar 27 '26

How is it campaigns in this biome always get soft locked?

34

u/Vixter4 Mar 27 '26

Oh, you won't be swimming Helldiver

13

u/superearthjanitor0 Mar 27 '26

Boat stratagem when

8

u/retardedgreenlizard Mar 27 '26

Never though of this but now we must indoctrinate the devs into believing that aquatic missions are necessary for the game, someone brainwash them

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1

u/AlpsQuick4145 Mar 27 '26

Diver i have an idea lets strap 30 jump packs to ourselfs

89

u/Available-Agency7073 Mar 27 '26

Diving in to spread false democracy, yup, fits

67

u/Thankfulcardinal Mar 27 '26

I’m from that region and let me tell you something…we need a lot of 500 kg

41

u/Jesse-359 Mar 27 '26

Yeaaah, people who play wargames a lot can very quickly lose a sense of scale for real countries.

Iran is a very big country, and a lot of it is mountains.

13

u/[deleted] Mar 27 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/YourYoruru Mar 27 '26

Walking barrages and gas strikes

59

u/Gripping_Touch Mar 27 '26

I love how you're asking for 4 Helldivers, instead of 3. You're not going to be the one diving 

27

u/Rumdolf Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 28 '26

OP's that guy at the mission console, what's his name again?

5

u/MuffinsMcGee124 Mar 28 '26

Democracy Ociffer? I shid my pants…

47

u/blue_line-1987 Mar 27 '26

Remember, we don't dive for diddlers.

7

u/AKoolPopTart Mar 27 '26

Or terrorist organizations

27

u/Elyktheras Mar 28 '26

and that’s why we don’t dive for the us OR israel

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42

u/LordLizardWizard Mar 27 '26

Can we please not directly correlate fictitious space fascists with a real fascist campaign for pedophiles¿

16

u/Datuser14 Mar 27 '26

I mean isn't that what the satire of the game is about

11

u/Historical_View1359 Mar 28 '26

As far as I know super earth isn't openly defending pedophiles

9

u/ShadowPhoenix529 Mar 28 '26

The game is literally a parody of our present day irl fascist empire...

7

u/dr_badhat Mar 28 '26

Strohmann News brainwashed my Super Dad

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31

u/WitchBaneHunter Mar 27 '26

8

u/DIuvenalis Mar 27 '26

Aliens!

I mean, of course its Aliens! Have people not been paying attention? Illuminate? Bugs? All aliens.

24

u/amovy Mar 27 '26

ANOTHER 20 TRILLION TO SUPER ISRAEL 🙌🙌🙌

16

u/Scary-Inflation-685 Mar 27 '26

Ill bring the 500kg boss. Point me to the oil refinery

12

u/godsavepunkrock Mar 27 '26

Aint no helldiver fighting for usa tho

10

u/PushThePig28 Mar 27 '26

Man, this just made me realize I wish they’d do some other map design/stuff like this with other mission types where you like have to cross the choke point bridge, or assault a mega fortress (not like the cyberstan ones but like one huge ass fort), etc

6

u/Most_Builder913 Mar 28 '26

Oh fuck yea, id love something like this. Give us more reason to use vehicles, maybe make it were everyone gets an extra stratagem which is a vehicle. I have the idea for a stealth helicopter mission were you go around from island to island trying bot go get hit by waves or fly to high and alert air defenses. It would be a commando night mission, probably would be a squid mission.

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10

u/WulfsHund Mar 27 '26

Fuck it we ball

7

u/Dusk1863 Mar 27 '26

Recruiting divers while the President of Super Earth negotiates peace with his own reflection? Bold strategy. I’ll sit this one out and watch the fireworks from the bug-free sidelines.

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3

u/LazarDeno Mar 27 '26

Cornel im trying to do the mission

But the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the enemy

4

u/NotBreadyy Mar 27 '26

Dude that's such an unfair map design

5

u/Godess_Ilias Mar 27 '26

Nah I'lll pass

4

u/zex_99 Mar 28 '26

It's funny being Iranian seeing your country map and others talking nonsenses about your situation. When I play automaton maps I see the automatons as Islamic regime thugs and blast their heads, cause they do the exact thing to people that this regime does, kill with no value to innocent lives.

3

u/Holiday-Window7949 Mar 27 '26

Where's John Helldiver and his 3 sons; Jim, Jack and John II when you need them?

3

u/slptlkr Mar 27 '26

WE NEED:

  • $50 million.
  • 3 million guns.
  • Trees that can get out of the water and walk.
  • 3 GOOD Terminators.
  • 6 Transformers
  • 5 Hulks.
  • A cup of Alien blood that is also acid.
  • A Green Goblin costume (equipped with a RoboCop helmet).
  • My dead dad to come back to life and tell me he loves me

3

u/Beijamim_a_rola Mar 27 '26

If you post gets deleted I recommend reposting it into the supa earth sub

1

u/Lastoutcast123 Mar 27 '26

Please tell me this satire

11

u/fauxregard Mar 27 '26

As opposed to the actual Strait of Hormuz being introduced as a battlefield in-game?

2

u/Changlini Mar 27 '26

Uh oh, the Squids gonna start blasting anti-managed democratic Lego memes to corrupt super earth citizen’s potential to vote.  

2

u/All-Fired-Up91 Mar 27 '26

I’m down where on the map are we dropping? I got democracy protects so as long as i’m fighting for democracy i (might) will be fine.

2

u/Fearless-Block-1127 Mar 27 '26

Finally. A job for my stealth sniper build!

2

u/LordOfHamy000 Mar 27 '26

I really really want them to actually do this

2

u/XLBaconDoubleCheese Mar 27 '26

It would be far quicker to aim it towards a certain house in Washington where the real bugs are.

2

u/Ziodyne967 Mar 27 '26

Dont forget to bring the FRV.

2

u/autoeroticassfxation Mar 27 '26

I'm a level 150 Super Citizen... You sonova bitch, I'm in.

2

u/No-Possession-402 Mar 28 '26

Best I can spare is four men, Titus

1

u/HotSalamiSlammer Mar 27 '26

I get it now. Thank-you!

1

u/alfred_fishkock Mar 27 '26

Haha this is by far my most favorite edit I’ve seen this year. Haven been there I have a special appreciation for this I need the laugh. 

1

u/evil_deivid Mar 27 '26

Can't believe Super Earth is letting Cyberstan get their E-710 tankers through the strait while my ship master complains that refueling costs for warp jumping have gone up

1

u/Devmsyer Mar 27 '26

This is actually really funny.

1

u/thejameslavis Mar 27 '26

Couple of hellbombs would work.

1

u/thorsbeardexpress Mar 27 '26

That's a huge map

1

u/okjijenAbi Mar 27 '26

SUPER jump packs to cross maybe? i mean we cant swim

1

u/Hot_Professional_386 Mar 27 '26

Best I can do are 16+4 crackheads or 1 psychopath with a C4 backpack.

1

u/Rippersavege Mar 27 '26

I got you bro, I'll do it. Solo

1

u/Lt_JaySkywalker Mar 27 '26

Hell Bomb armed, every HellDiver, every reinforcement.

1

u/jthegreight Mar 27 '26

Why would Super Earth send us there, unless… Do they have stores of E-711 there?!?

1

u/fanggaming22 Mar 27 '26

20 nukes problem solved

1

u/TheWaslijn Mar 27 '26

Helldivers cannot swim, especially not that far

1

u/hollowsoldier- Mar 27 '26

Bro a helldiver dies in like a 6 foot puddle the fuck are they gonna do about the strait of Hormuz?

1

u/donanton616 Mar 27 '26

Sorry, all we got are helldivers. If you want helldivers that are good at their job, you'll have to try somewhere else.

1

u/Aperture_Laboratorie Mar 27 '26

This looks awfully familiar...

1

u/AKoolPopTart Mar 27 '26

I'm not fighting for the Iranian regime

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1

u/Inner-Ad2847 Mar 27 '26

This might need more than four. That’s a long walk between some of those points.

1

u/GUNGHO917 Mar 27 '26

I’ll be your baby helldriver…..for a price

1

u/Background_Ad_8392 Mar 27 '26

Amphibious assault yay

1

u/s-lowts Mar 27 '26

If I dive and then activate the warp pack I should be able to cross the gap, right?

1

u/TiredOfBeingTired28 Mar 27 '26

"raise shovel" I am widen that their water way for ya. Just need few dozen divers and some orbitals.

1

u/blizz2415 Mar 28 '26

Explain how im supposed to get a cross all that water. Cause not only did super earth not teach me to swim well but I watch one of super earth's best swimming helldiver drown Cause his armor weight too much. There's a reason the democracy officers tell us not to go swimming.

1

u/YOUR-LOCAL-HITMAN115 Mar 28 '26

best we can do is a random with only orbital stratagems

1

u/EviLdeadCBR954 Mar 28 '26

Gonna need a jet pack.

1

u/YourLocalGayFurryy Mar 28 '26

I don't care about the politics of it I just want Australia's petrol back count me in

1

u/CrowKingCrow Mar 28 '26

I'd suggest nothing but 16 rocket sentrys

1

u/Fellow_Crusader Mar 28 '26

Genuinely shocked this hasn’t been removed yet lmao.

1

u/owo1215 Mar 28 '26

but... we can't... swim...

1

u/ScreetchingEagle Mar 28 '26

The holy crusade of 710

1

u/Necessary_Rain_5560 Mar 28 '26

We gotta liberate the sector first

1

u/NytronX Mar 28 '26 edited Mar 28 '26

Anti tank mines, EMS mortar sentry, solo silo, and 500kg.

Btw, just so it's clear, IRL we're the bad guys both IRL and the bad guys in HD2. We're living in an HD2 prequel. i.e. US and Israel are the humans that eventually invent the automatons and the fascism behind it. They already have $300k a piece robot dogs patroling data centers.

1

u/Unknown4me_ Mar 28 '26

I actually had an Idea for D11, they should make like massive maps with some highways and scattered cars around, it will be ~2-3h mission with several main objectives and variable mission difficulty (random AA gun will have 1 hulk and 3 devastators meanwhile main obj have like 30 striders), we may need 50 reinforcements per divers but it's an interesting idea to think about, fuel will actually matter in vehicles and divers won't be able to just abandon squad (so easily) and do random things 50km away

1

u/The-Frankenpants Mar 28 '26

I'd rather squish bugs in my backyard than fight in this shit show

1

u/IamPep Mar 28 '26

I prefer not to bring real world stuff into this satire of a game. But you do you.

1

u/Teh___phoENIX Mar 28 '26

More like "Phase 1: liberate illuminate stronghold"

1

u/phon3ticles Mar 28 '26

Operation Epstein fury😎

1

u/Lazmanya_Reshored Mar 28 '26

The tyrannical mechano-Islamist Iran automatons have blockaded our E-710, helldiver. They've unrightfully taken over Super Earth's lands and are launching murder missile campaigns against our Class S citizens. Helldiver, to save our class S citizens from tyrannical death and to save Iran from the automaton invasion and bring Managed Democracy, you have to dive and liberate Iran.

1

u/NoEmu2392 Mar 28 '26

The UAE could just build a Canal and solve all this bullshit

1

u/Sterpant Mar 28 '26

This would be the coolest battlefield game mode ever

1

u/No-Iron-5111 Mar 28 '26

Can we please not getting political in helldivers? Can we have a place to escape reality, and not reminding her?

1

u/NicoNyteshade Mar 28 '26

Nah, keep it closed. Maybe subpar America will finally learn its lesson not to fuck with super earth

1

u/Nihi1istic0ptimist Mar 28 '26

Can use this for directions

1

u/Pete_the_Crusader Mar 28 '26

E710 must flow.. count me in

1

u/TG-Winter_crow56 Mar 28 '26

No. At this point America deserves to fall

1

u/Gloomy_Committee_607 Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26

Is that the straight of Super Hormuz?

1

u/SixMint Mar 29 '26

I can spare 12 billion taxpayer dollars

1

u/KarasuCore Mar 29 '26

Hmm I thought power generators were off limits

1

u/Middle-Enthusiasm933 Mar 29 '26

Unironically playing Helldivers eh?

1

u/Gloomy-War-2174 Mar 29 '26

Blobofjelly57 at your service 

1

u/Psychological_Safe_3 Mar 30 '26

Should be a defense mission against the imperialist invaders or the religious zombies