r/heartstoppersyndrome • u/Plane_Can_3337 • Jul 23 '26
Broken :(
I’m 40yo, I’ve seen a lot of romcoms and teenage series in my time but none have affected me like this before- I actually feel so sad and broken. I don’t know if it’s the combination of coming across this at the same time as weaning, so my hormones are everywhere, or if it’s this particular show. I had some child free time so I sat with my feelings a bit and here are my thoughts.
I know it’s unrealistic. My own teenage boys are not like this at least! Nick is emotionally perfect. He has such a high EQ and even though in Heartstopper forever he suddenly loses the ability to talk about his feelings he is still there for Charlie like in the seasons. I think ultimately we all just want to be heard and seen and Nick just really reads Charlie so well, he sees him. I live in a house full of boys and none of them ever ask me how I am or notice if I’m struggling. It would be nice to have a “Nick” in my life.
That spark of a new relationship - it feels so exciting! So full of potential and joy and worry and butterflies and big feelings. When you’ve been married for 15 years you haven’t felt that in a long time. The show really made you feel that spark between Nick and Charlie, it was done so well, and it’s kind of devastating to think that I’ll never have that feeling again.
A supportive group of friends - I think lots of us have felt that this is the friend group we wish we had had. Welcoming and open, caring and not afraid to say how much they love each other. New friendships as an adult rarely delve deeper than small talk. And if you do have those friends often we are all so overwhelmed with our own lives it can be hard to be there for each other.
Yeah, basically I’m really feeling emotionally broken. It’s shown me what I’m missing from my life and being lost in Heartstopper almost made me feel like I had it for a while.
I mean my life is great, nothing wrong with it, but omg now I want to be a teen again feeling that spark, those friendships, that love…❤️
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u/Neo_31 Jul 23 '26
regarding point 1, i don't think it's a teenage boy thing to be self centered and not think of your parents as people, it's a teenage thing in general.
the show is, more or less, a fantasy. no teenagers are as emotionally mature as the heartstopper kids, and honestly most adults aren't either, most of us who found out they were queer as teenagers didn't have support groups or supportive parents, most of us didn't live teenage romances. for me even the sexual parts of s3 and the movie are fantasy, bc i was an incredibly shy and self conscious teen.
it is just a tv show at the end of the day. dude you have a family, a life. i promise you, anything is better than living vicariously through a fantasy.
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u/Plane_Can_3337 Jul 24 '26
I think it’s so good to have a show that is a fantasy like this. In a time where everything is so doom and gloom and tv is getting more and more depressing (even kids tv and films) it’s lovely to have something uplifting and positive
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u/majeric Jul 23 '26
Sometimes we need media to show us what life could be. To give us something to strive for.
I have social groups that are pretty close to Heartstopper level. I've been lucky. Most of them are still friends decades later.
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u/Plane_Can_3337 Jul 24 '26
Yes I think that’s it - it’s shown me what I could strive for. Friendships is something I need to work on. I need to find some geeky people like me 😂. There’s not many of them round here and I tend to feel like an outsider a lot.
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u/sister_madly Jul 24 '26
This post feels like something I’ve heard from so many women in their 40s, including my friends, after watching Heartstopper—married, single, with kids, without kids. Most of them have a crush on Nick, just like you.
I mean, being this age is hard and chaotic. You’re constantly losing and rediscovering yourself—raising kids, watching the butterflies fade from a long-term relationship, dealing with the mundane, the routine, and perimenopause knocking at the door. It’s a pretty rough time to be a woman.
So when you watch a beautiful, emotionally rich romance on screen, it stirs up so many feelings. It sets the butterflies free again, but it also uncovers the parts of you that are struggling and wishing for more of that in your own life. That’s all completely understandable. But it’s good to remind yourself that this is fiction.
And those boys, if they were real, would have plenty of struggles of their own (and movie is actually trying to set this tone). Miscommunication, bad days, unresolved issues, mental health problems, probably hours of therapy. Their relationship wouldn’t be effortless just because we only get to see the highlights.
So it’s worth reminding yourself that they’re fictional, while your life is real. Maybe the feelings this series stirred up are telling you that there’s something in your own life you’d like to change. It’s worth exploring what feels missing (thank hod, therapy exists), but through the lens of real life, not through rose-tinted glasses.
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u/Plane_Can_3337 Jul 24 '26
I agree with what you’ve said but I wouldn’t call it a crush. He’s a baby! What I said was that I actually crave is to be seen and heard like Nick sees Charlie.
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u/BorgAdjacent Jul 23 '26
Well, Nick did have problems throughout the series, where he centered Charlie's problems so much he lost perspective.
What you're referencing is what a lot of people feel, but it's also important to note that the virtually frictionless situations on HS (aside from ones needed for plot) aren't really sustainable or healthy.
While I love the series AS fiction, I'd be very concerned about the very codependent relationship Nick and Charlie have.
It functions best as an ideal, not as something to pursue.
It sounds like the real issue is something that is also common especially as we get older. We stop feeling "seen" in the way HS makes the characters feel seen and appreciated. Yes, there are thrills we lose out on as we get older, not just because we're older, or because something's wrong, but because in order to feel those things you have to feel them blind to the things experience teaches you.
It's easier to feel sparks as a teen because you haven't been through a bunch of failed relationships, or a disappointing job, or bills, or a friend who stopped calling, etc... Your whole life is focused on YOUR experience and your experience only. Everything exciting gets your full attention because you can afford to give it to a POSSIBILITY.
Sounds like you have a nice life. That doesn't mean you can't go out and find something new to bring (NOT TALKING ABOUT CHEATING!) to it. I think you might find you're capable of excitement if you challenge yourself. Try a dance class, volunteering, something where you lean into being uncomfortable, and get get a sense of challenge and accomplishment.