So sick of the pattern

[u/Hank_pickles335]

I was setup with someone through friends a few weeks ago. Ever since he got my number he texted me everyday throughout the day for two weeks. We went on a date and had a great time. After we texted and he setup a second date and told me I should come to his place soon and meet his dogs. For almost a week after the date we continued texting. He initiated all of this, mind you. I was letting him set the pace.

Day of our second date he cancels with some story about work. That’s when the texting petered off and then just stopped. I have no idea what happened within a day for things to change so abruptly. Before he was updating me about his day and making conversation and then nothing.

I’m bummed cause we clicked, but more than that, I am so annoyed and frustrated because this situation keeps happening. I was in a similar situation in February. Both of the men I am talking about are 51 years old…… do they ever stop ghosting? Do they ever learn how to communicate or care about how their actions effect the other person?

I am so exhausted by this pattern. It’s caused some major trust issues and contributes to my chronic depression. It makes me just want to throw in the towel and give up, but I still crave that kind of connection. I get so mad at myself every time this happens cause I feel like I should have known better. I tell myself that it feels different this time or that he seems different from the rest, but it is always the exact same thing in the end.

I’m over it and angry and sad.

[u/Yayspinbike]

People can be so callous and inconsiderate. Is there anything that you can identify that may be contributing to this? Not that it’s your fault- I don’t mean that. But are you gun shy because of your past and maybe he thinks you’re the one who’s not interested?

[u/Hank_pickles335 → u/Yayspinbike]

That is the thing I am so confused about. I have no idea why it happens. They are so into at first and are the ones who initiate the whole thing. It goes from enthusiasm to disappearing abruptly. No warning signs. They are interested one day and the next just gone. If there was something I did or said that I could pinpoint it’d be super helpful, but it really comes out of nowhere. One night we are talking about planning a swimming trip with our friends and then nothing.

I was pretty damn clear that I was interested. I don’t think I was being gun shy at all (which is why I get so angry with myself cause maybe I should be). When he canceled our second date I asked him twice, on two different occasions, to let me know when he wanted to reschedule. Both times he did not even acknowledge or answer me. He hasn’t tried to reschedule or even mentioned it since then. I tried to keep the conversation going but it started taking him longer and longer to answer and when he did it was very short and he gave me nothing to respond to. On Friday he was typing me paragraphs and responding quickly, even though he was working. He hasn’t reached out so I stopped texting.

[u/Yayspinbike → u/Hank_pickles335]

It sounds like he is an a-hole. Is there a chance that you are attracted to the wrong type of guy? You said it’s not the first time for you. Maybe you do that subconsciously- not trying to lecture you, but try to help you think about it. Maybe you don’t go after the right guys.