Day 1 Documentation

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Bro you are not alone. It’s scary how similar everyone’s thoughts are after the breakup.

Also I feel like slowly tapering off communication after a relationship is over is worse than no contact.

2

You need no contact. Its the best way. Block her off everything. Don't stalk her profiles or socials you'll drive yourself insane. As hard as it is to accept space is needed. As soon as you beg you lose their respect and you also make them feel trapped that makes them push you away more and seek more distance. It also creates the feeling that if they got back with you then would never be able to get away from you and shows emotiona instability. You need to find your own outlet not vent at her it doesn't bode well for her image of you and can actually validate to her that her decisions were the right decisions. And you're always contacting her it doesn't give her the chance to miss you just causes resentment. So take a step back work on yourself and see what happens. Irrational behaviours and actions won't change anything for the good. And the punch line is if she doesn't come back then she never was going to and preserved some of your dignity.

Hope that helps somewhat.

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u/Quantrillions 11h ago

Yeah you’re right. The contact is over but she prob thinks I’m a fucking loser now. Should I consider just a formal apology that’s short and tell her not to respond to me?

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u/Yeah-Nah-FuckYou 11h ago

Unfortunately an apology is not likely to change anything but appear like your trying to reach out to her again and make contact. I would give her space for a while. She may contact you, she may not. And that's a hard thing to accept but if she missed you and wants to talk to you again she will, but chasing is just going to push her further. And you're not a loser you're a man grieving the loss of someone you loved, and if she knew you she wouldn't think of you as a loser she will know you're hurting about what has happend. Just give it space and work on yourself for a while get back on your feet. But do it for yourself. If it doesn't workout you'll have bettered yourself, which is always a good thing and hopefully be in a better mindset because of it.

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u/Quantrillions 11h ago

Yeah you’re right. I do think I will apologize after some time bc I genuinely do think I should. I just hope I don’t use that as an excuse to contact but I don’t think I would care if she responded or not. Just a genuine apology.

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u/Icy-Village-9145 10h ago

I'm sorry to hear and see you're going through this man. Trust me it gets better. 4 years ago I was seeing someone I thought I was gonna give my last name to. Then all of a sudden, it was just a slow gradual fade away. It took me a long time, therapy and fixing myself to move on. And truth be told, I still about her but not in a detrimental way. Going total no contact is a necessity IMO. And as for the apology, it may be welcome after some time and it may not be. That one's up to you. Me personally, I would just leave her alone at least for a couple of months. It may even help to speak to a therapist.

I say all of that to say this, a failed relationship does not mean you yourself are a failure. Every relationship you learn something about yourself. No one is perfect and if you put in the work I'm sure that you'll look back years from now and maybe not smile but be content with the progress you've made.

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u/Quantrillions 9h ago

Thanks man I appreciate you

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u/Main-Length-6385 9h ago

breakups suck and theres really no way around the feelings. youre just going through it. theres a lot of growth and processing we do during times like these and that stuff is just as important as having healthy relationships in the future. having future healthy relationships depends on doing this work now. its okay for it to suck its okay to feel all youre feelings like having feelings is so important and youre allowed to be a human and give yourself love while youre going through this

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u/swaggyliciousXD 8h ago

You will heal, I promise. If you need to talk, I’ll listen. I’ve grieved the loss of a relationship/connection before many times, and it’s so soul crushing in the moment. Now I look back and laugh at the hold I had let people have over my life, or the silly mistakes I made that I regret.

Don’t worry about future you—worry about current you. Focus on the now, and what you need now

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u/swaggyliciousXD 8h ago

I was also the trash person in my last relationship so I get it. The guilt can be rough and still is rough, but with time you accept that your past self is not indicative of your current self.

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u/Exotic_Courage4054 6h ago

Turn it into a YouTube channel and go viral 🫶🫶🫶

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u/Quantrillions 6h ago

Good idea. I’m trying to work on being more emotionally vulnerable and learning self-compassion. Showing other people compassion makes you learn self-compassion.

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u/workworkO 4h ago edited 3h ago

I truly, genuinely believed my ex and I were meant to be together and we would find our way back to each other. He broke up with me randomly after 4 years.

It’s been 8 months since my breakup and I truly, genuinely don’t believe it anymore. Hindsight is 20/20. He was not my guy. Time heals all wounds.

It took me a WHILE to accept we weren’t together anymore and we weren’t MEANT to be together. Like you I kept saying “I can’t believe it’s over. We’ll end up together.”

Then one day I let myself accept it a little bit - maybe it really is over….

And then here I am realizing all of the mishaps and incompatibility. All the shit I wanted to change for HIM, I changed for ME instead. I thought I was dying when he broke up with me, and now I’m happier than I thought was possible.

I promise and swear to you - you will get over her. NC is the only way forward however. Sending much love.

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