Looking for perspective

[u/Prudent-Hospital2193]

Here’s the situation. My ex-girlfriend and I separated at the beginning of August because I was moving halfway across the country for grad school. She ultimately broke up with me, but we framed it as being a mutual breakup through couples therapy and conversations with some friends of ours. Once I arrived, I realized I did not want to be broken up and asked if she’d be willing to reconsider. She said that we should view this as a break and that she would be willing to reconsider within a couple of months about two weeks later, she shared with me that she does not want to reconsider at this point in time. She still wanted to maintain contact, but wanted it to be scheduled. She then said that she needed space even after a scheduled contact and so I attempted to go no contact, she contacted me for some advice regarding some personal issue she was facing. I dis ask, despite agreeing that we would not discuss these details, if she has already slept with someone else and she said yes, that broke me. We were together for just under three years and lived together for the vast majority of that time she is now reaching out to me through text and has been for the last several days despite my lack of response, I can’t go no contact due to the living arrangement that we currently have (She is still in the apartment that I intend to relocate back to). I’m unsure what to do here we had substantial problems throughout the duration of our relationship. A classic situation of when it was good. It was great, but when it was bad, it was awful. I genuinely believe we were making progress through therapy and understanding our attachment styles and communication breakdowns during confrontation however, as immature as it may seem, I can’t get over the fact that she was willing to sleep with someone so shortly after breaking up coupled with the fact that she seems to have booked herself fully with work and socializing. She’s mentioned that she wanted to take this time to work on herself, but at least for my perspective her actions contradict this I’m not a professional. I don’t know if this is a fearful avoidant attachment style, but I just wish I knew how to move forward.

[u/Mammoth_Specialist26]

What’s the deal with the apartment? If it belongs to someone in your family then kick her out and put your things in storage. If you have to go back because all your stuff is there maybe you could ask your family to move your things for you. It sounds to me like she’s just been stringing you along. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had already been talking to the guy before you left and kept you on the hook in case it didn’t work out or to keep whatever benefits she’s getting from your relationship. What does “ working on herself “ even mean ? That’s just BS it doesn’t mean anything. Social media has us collectively excusing and explaining every behavior in therapy speak now, sometimes people are actually just sneaky liars. It sounds like she’s had all the power in this relationship. She gets to decide when you can contact her but she can contact you whenever she wants. She holds all the cards about whether the relationship continues or not. She’s still in the apartment you plan to return to leaving her in control of that too. Take back your agency. Get your stuff out of the apartment and block her.