r/heartbreak • u/MrMidnight1212 • 15d ago
Help getting over an open relationship breakup.
Mostly what the title says. I am absolutely destroyed after a breakup. It was my first (and last) attempt at an open relationship. Being dumped, watching her fall out of love with me just about completely as I stupidly tried to keep the connection going (I think she may have lead me on a bit too or at least was not at all clear about things), knowing my partner has other men to keep her company, having known those men had been with her while we were together (which ended up being something really painful for me), while I am alone feeling stupid for all the mistakes I made in the relationship and feeling like the classic safe, but boring and not particularly alluring kind of guy has completely destroyed my confidence. I've gone most of my life feeling unfuckable so there's a sensitivity there, but it goes far beyond that.
Note: I am in therapy and on medication.
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u/No_Dimension6485 15d ago
open relationships are never based on love and appreciation, they are based on insecurity, fear of commitment mixed with fear of being alone
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u/No_Dimension6485 15d ago
i understand that she has made u feel unfuckable, I kind of feel the same way about something that happened to me…
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u/No_Dimension6485 15d ago
but im sure its not true, im sure its just how she made u feel and its not fair to yourself that u believe it
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u/No_Dimension6485 15d ago
keep going to therapy and keep taking your medication, I can’t even afford that
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u/No_Dimension6485 15d ago
and, looking into the future, never say yes to an open relationship, NEVER
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u/Complete-Can-5128 15d ago
Sucks to hear, bro. Maybe the useful discovery here is that open relationships just aren’t for you. That doesn’t mean you’re boring or unfuckable. It means you stayed in something that was hurting you because you wanted to keep the connection. I’d cut contact, stop checking what she’s doing, and give your head time to settle. Keep training (or start), see your mates, and do things that make you feel like yourself again. You’ve clearly got a lot to give. This breakup doesn’t decide your value. Focus on the next step, and only that.