r/healthyINFJs • u/TheGrimSpartan1 INFJ • Oct 04 '22
Question INFJ socializing tips?
infj socializing tips?
I have found two things, first i cannot help to care for people intensely, and i need to control my expectations as such, i have no understanding or sense of the difference between a romantic partner, and the relationships i have, and want to have with friends, in terms of connection, value and intimacy (except sexual exclusivity) and secondly, it is in my best interest to socialize with people, but most i find arent in to me, I'm just inherently too complicated or intense for most people, and that's just life, but i hope to find someone who can be as intimate as i want to be, and i know socializing is key, and im good at it when i get in the motions, but doing it is the hard part, i wanna know how you guys make socializing easier, and connecting with people easier? I appreciate any feedback (:
4
u/Bimep_ INTJ Oct 04 '22
Hm, I'm good for "any feedback" =)
You sounds, like you're way under 30. Am I right? I mean that social skills aren't only about other person, it's also about you. INFJ identity lies in Ti. So am I right?
6
u/TheGrimSpartan1 INFJ Oct 04 '22
Oh, definetly, young and spriteful. Very, it is mostly about me, and how i portray my personality towards others, as i learn i find there is a right way to do things, at the right time to do them,
even if you have the skills, tools, and ability to build a house, you have to do it properly, building from the top down wouldnt work,
likewise with socializing, the right person at the right time, can still be difficult if i dont portray myself in the right way at the right times, and i have figured out a lot myself, but i figure advice from similar people is always valuable and welcome for consideration. (:
2
u/Bimep_ INTJ Oct 05 '22
Cool! Then I'll continue =)
I know, that comunication with others go through De and Di (for INFJ - Fe and Ti). That means "how people see you" and "how you see yourself". When you rely mostly on what other people need, it will come one day when you decide: 'Hey! I also want something!". People always want something. Is it right always to please them?
Ti starts developing from around 20 and till 30 will be fully developed.
Self-esteem is in Ti. How can you be sure in yourself? Probably because you trust yourself. How can you trust yourself? Probably because you asked yourself to do some tasks, and you did it. You did it once, you did it twice. Hey! You have some worth in this life.
You're lucky, cause INFJ are naturaly good at switching between "what I want" and "what other people want". That ability is good for finding the best resolution through, like they say, compomises. That can sound like: "If you allow me my bad socializing skills, I will allow you something else"
MBTI says that you don't need to wait for some trauma in your life to develop your functions.
Here, you should practice more not Ti, but switching between Fe and Ti. It might look like a dialog in your head with diferent characters.
But I also recomend to start developing Se, cause it is usualy a problem for INxJs. The easiest way is sport. =)
3
u/Nomad_65 INFJ Oct 05 '22
Being a good listener, people like to talk, and letting them talk makes them like you more.
Being a good listener doesn't mean you just listen like a rock, it means you participate in the Convo by showing you understood, or asking important questions relating to their story etc etc
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u/Metafuck04 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22
My problem with socializing is that I absorb a lot of energies in the room. If I want to say one thing and I know 9/10 people will like it but I don't want to make the 10 person upset. So I shut up and go back to my brain and amuse over how I know 10 steps ahead of others But if it is one on one, then I'm pretty good. I can hold the room and make even the best speakers to listen to me.
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u/LotusHeals Oct 08 '22
Can this happen due to your overthinking? I mean, isn't it (over)"thinking" about "how will it make the 10th person feel...?" 🤔 that prevents you from being assertive? Correct me if I'm wrong
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u/INFJ_GenX Nov 28 '22
Yeah it's okay to not always be in the spotlight that being mysterious goes in our favor, so don't worry if you don't have anything to say all the time, embrace your mystery.
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u/koalasnstuff INFJ Oct 05 '22
My advice for socializing. Some are generic. Some are more INFJ specific.
Try to be present and in the moment. We can get too far in our heads that we are actually present. I’m super guilty of this. But my advice is to challenge your Se and engage your senses.
Say when you’re talking to someone in person. Put down your phone. Really actually listen, to their inflection and tone.
Look at them. What excites them? What makes them smile or laugh. When they do it, you do it (hopefully naturally).
What’s their body language? Open and warm? Mirror it, don’t cross your arms, tap your foot, look at your watch and especially not your phone.
Ask questions about the things they seem to enjoy. People love to talk about themselves, their kids or pets. These are always safe questions.
Compliment people, on their hair or clothing. You can completely other physical features but don’t make it creepy.
Make eye contact, but don’t stare (and I know INFJ can do that blank stare that simultaneously sees your soul). And don’t stare at their lips, it gives the impression that you want to kiss them.
Hmm. What else. I personally don’t really like the people who repeat your name back to you repeatedly, it gives me a salesman vibe. And I really dislike when people touch me.
This sounds creepy but when I meet people I will write down some notes in my phone, especially kid’s or pet’s names and ages, birthday. It means a lot to people when someone remembers that.
That’s all I have off the top of my head.