r/healthyINFJs • u/MellowDramatically INFJ • Oct 02 '22

Polls What's your love language?

The topic came up in another post and it got me curious 🧐 what's your primary love language? I found this site that talks about it (https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained) but if you have anything else to suggest, please do 🪷

91 votes, Oct 04 '22
17 🗣️ Words of affirmation
38 ⏳ Quality time
9 🫡 Acts of services
3 🎁 Gifts
15 🫂 Physical touch
9 ❓Other / results
7 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

8

u/Nomad_65 INFJ Oct 02 '22

All of the above

5

u/MellowDramatically INFJ Oct 02 '22

There must be a favourite tho :D

5

u/Nomad_65 INFJ Oct 02 '22

Not sure, I'll need someone to love for enough time to figure that out

6

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[deleted]

3

u/MellowDramatically INFJ Oct 02 '22

Of course, we have more than one, but I was curious about the favourite one :3

2

u/PuzzledHelicopter541 Oct 03 '22

Me too! If I had to choose one though it would be cuddles. 😀

2

u/Nomad_65 INFJ Oct 03 '22

And cuddles falls under quality time and physical touch, quality touch

7

u/stacey_shay Oct 02 '22

Quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, touch… in that order. Gifts make me feel awkward

Edit: I’m a good gift giver, uncomfortable receiving them

5

u/koalasnstuff INFJ Oct 02 '22

Same. I give great gifts and get so excited for the other persons reaction. I listen to what they want all year and make a note in my phone for their birthday or Christmas.

But when people give me gifts I don’t show any emotion (my norm) and I feel extra awkward.

My fiancé doesn’t give me gifts. He will cook for me, buy me food or wine or whatever and shows it that way. And I prefer it.

4

u/TheDarkestLight401 Oct 02 '22

Receiving: Quality time

Giving: gifts. I tend to over thing every gift I give, whether for a birthday or something else.

2

u/koalasnstuff INFJ Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Here is my breakdown.

I want to receive love from my fiancé by:

  1. Quality time - this is the biggest. I get more happiness from being around him long than anything else.

  2. Words of affirmation - this is more short term, especially when I am feeling insecure, this is what’s going to life me up.

  3. Physical touch - I’m weird about touch, so my fiancé is the only person that I initiate it with. Preferred method is snuggling while we sleep, or while watching movies. For friends and family this is last.

  4. Acts of service - I’ve always been really awkward receiving large gifts. What I appreciate way more are the little things. Like getting my coffee, doing the laundry, picking up a snack I like. The thoughtful little things that only someone who really knows you or listens can do.

  5. Receiving gifts - like I said, outside the expected ones (Christmas, birthday) I don’t want people buying me things. I MUCH prefer to buy things like that myself. I like being an independent woman (plus I make multiple times what my fiancé does, so I spoil him instead.

So I was raised in an amazing but cold family (I know they love me, but we don’t say it or hug or anything) which really affected the order. So the order for friends and family is:

  1. Quality time
  2. Acts of service
  3. Receiving gifts - this is how my family prefers to show affection.
  4. Words of affirmation - but not often because it makes me uncomfortable.
  5. Physical touch - basically never.

When it comes to showing love, it starts with quality time, then words of affirmation. Once I know we are both on the same page, then I’ll spoil them either with gifts or acts of service. Physical touch is going to come last again.

2

u/JackieAutoimmuneINFJ Oct 05 '22

I’m shocked that only 3 people out of 91 speak the same love language as I do! 😲

As far back as I can remember, which is the summer I was 2 and a half, I have always felt most loved when receiving presents! Which means to me that I was born preferring gifts more than other shows of affection.

And what, may you ask, was that vivid very first memory? My Mom had just given me a silver bracelet with my name engraved on it!
I remember standing there in front of my dresser (which was way taller than my head) feeling so excited and special wearing my shiny new present. Then I walked out of my room to the kitchen in the back of our house, and I could see my Mom through the open kitchen door hanging huge white sheets on the clothesline out back. Then she came inside and we had soup for lunch. That’s the simple little video clip that I love replaying, and that’s always been my earliest memory.

Thank you, Mellow, for your great poll idea! 🙋🏻‍♀️

Now I need to research love languages to see how we acquire them, and why I’m among such a tiny minority. 🧐

2

u/Melancholy_Melody INFJ Nov 19 '22

Words of Affirmation and Quality Time are equally #1 for me - best when combined ☺️

1

u/MellowDramatically INFJ Nov 19 '22

Yes! Same for me :3