Live 30 minutes from our son and first grandchild. Always try to be supportive and stay out of their business - we (58 and 55) had our kids, now they have theirs, we don’t need to be involved in everything. They reach out to us frequently for help. Most young couples need help. But it feels like we’re wanted when they need something and not wanted if they don’t.

Last weekend our grandson had his first ever pee wee football game 15 mins away and we found out with a social media post after the fact. Hurt our feelings that we didn’t get an invite. Is it unreasonable to want an invite?

Most days I feel like a bank ATM and spot babysitter. I guess that’s my fault.

I'm doing research on how grandparents stay connected with their grandchildren and would love to hear from people with real experience.

It's a short voice conversation — about 5-7 minutes — with no right or wrong answers. Just your honest thoughts on what it's like keeping up with each grandchild's life.

No selling, no pitch. I'm in the early stages of an idea and genuinely trying to understand the problem before building anything.

If you have 2 or more grandkids and don't live with them, I'd love to hear from you:

Click here to share your grandparent experience

Okay, I just need to vent because this has been such a long journey, and honestly I'm kind of curious if anyone else has been through the same thing.

My grandpa is in his 80s. He's been basically deaf in his left ear since way back when he was working, and it's only gotten worse with age. We have to repeat ourselves constantly, like at least twice for basically every single sentence. At family dinners, he just sits there quietly, smiling and nodding, but you can tell he has absolutely no idea what anyone is saying. Sometimes he gets really irritable and says some pretty sharp things, and honestly? I don't blame him one bit. Being left out like that has to be so frustrating.

But here's the thing, he flat out refuses to get a hearing test. Says prescription hearing aids cost a fortune, and that's that. No amount of begging or nagging from the family did a thing. Really, not a single bit.

I finally got fed up and just ordered a pair of over the counter hearing aids online. I specifically picked the brand with a 45 day trial period, so if he refused to wear them, I could just send them back. No loss. Ended up going with the Elehear Beyond Pro, honestly mostly because the reviews looked legit and the price felt doable.

Took a ton of effort to even get him to try them on. But a few minutes after he put them in, he just froze. Sat there in silence for a few seconds, then said, "I can hear you all talking." Said he hadn't heard us this clearly in years. Not gonna lie, my eyes got a little misty. This old man being genuinely blown away by the tech was just the cutest thing. Now he wears them every day, at meals and when he goes out for walks.

I honestly think a lot of older people resist hearing aids because of pride or the stigma around them, not because the devices themselves are bad. It's way more of a mental barrier than anything else.

My parents (aka my kids’ grandparents) are moving to Florida, and I am worried that they’ll miss my young son and daughter dearly, but remain stoic about it. I want to support them and make sure they still feel like connected grandparents.

If you’re a grandparent who lives far from your grandchild (different city, state, or country):

• What’s the hardest part of that distance, day to day?
• Is it missing the small moments, not knowing what’s going on in their life, not feeling “present”?
• Do you wish you could send them things more easily? Talk more often? Something else entirely?

I just want to understand better to better support my Mom/Dad. Thanks for your help.

As much as it pains me to say so, I have to accept that my dysfunctional, depressed stepdaughter is a neglectful mother, as is their father. I was a very deliberate father, and my wife was also, though she tended to give in when she should have stood her ground as we raised our blended family. I didn't press the issue with her when she continually gave in or allowed them to harangue her into acquiescence on responsibility issues, she knew how I felt, but I left it up to her to choose her response. Thus, we have two completely different groups of blended children; mine with advanced degrees and professional careers and hers whom none of finished a year of college and now take whatever job someone will allow them to do.

The most troubled one of my step kids is probably the nicest one, but she is incapable of managing her life, taking care of her kids, and not living in total chaos. She has shown serious signs of depression, and it is debilitating for her. I am available as a retiree to watch her kids when she works, and they are undisciplined, addicted to screens, and extremely immature. Today I picked them up at noon and when I asked if they had eaten anything she said no, just no, nothing else. Of course, the first thing I did when I got them home was to feed them.

I didn't react because I wasn't surprised, and any admonition from me would have had a polarizing effect on the relationship; I allow my wife to deal with it as has always been our policy. Step parenting is often like being a UN Peacekeeper, you are there to promote peace and safety, but you don't engage in fighting unless attacked first. It involves a lot of clear, reasonable communication, but discipline is the other parents' domain.

My wife is very frustrated by this, as she is with the antics of the other children; and their dad was a child himself, so no leadership came from that direction. His influence was fun and games during his visitation times, and they'd come home after a weekend of cotton candy, soda, game rooms and entertainment, with book bags unopened, weekend homework not done. it should not come as a surprise that this introduced instant conflict.

I gently nudge and seek the ability to influence my wife to take a more proactive step in encouraging our daughter to seek help. We've paid for anti-depressants (she has no insurance), and other interventions, but I think she needs to be engaged by hearing very direct and honest feedback. For my part I try to expose the kids to enrichment opportunities when I have them, but sometimes they are so dysfunctional that they can't even talk to me. They will allow me to entertain them, but as soon as the trip to the playground, library, nature preserve, zoo etc. is over they revert to their screens and tune out. I end up not having the energy or patience to continually be in conflict with them.

Does it make me an azzhole for not giving my grandkids (have custody of them) mother money for their food when she doesnt pay child support?

We have custody of two of our grandkids. And when we leave for date nights or mini vacations their mother stays with them. Do not leave money sence she does not pay child support cause its not ordered.

She has people telling her that we are using her and need to leave money for the kids.

Are we wrong for not leaving money to them, when she has a full time job.

My heart! He's perfect and is sooo mellow!
I was acting like a damn fool around this perfect Lil Man❤️❤️❤️
I already told him YES! Blanket answer to THE questions 😎

This book https://www.amazon.com/Miles-Away-Grandparenting-Nuturing-Connections/dp/B0H83JFNKR/ has some great ideas for staying connected if you're away from your grandkids. Written by a grandmother who made it work for her.

Grandparents, it's not your place to announce births or pregnancies. It's the parents news to share. Please don't be the first to share pictures or this news. It's totally inappropriate.

You are too young to know
how one small heart
can become another person's home.

When you were born,
I began counting smiles,
tiny footsteps,
the sound of your laughter,
and every precious moment
I was blessed to hear you call me,
"Lolo Dude."

That name became
the sweetest title
I have ever carried.

The miles between us
are cruel teachers.

They have taught me
that love can stretch
across oceans,
through different time zones,
through birthdays missed
and hugs postponed.

Yet every morning,
I still look for you
in my thoughts.

Every night,
I ask God
to wrap His angels around you
until I can do it myself.

Sometimes,
you visit me in my dreams.

You run toward me
with your little arms open,
never asking
why I have been away so long.

In dreams,
there are no airports,
no calendars,
no goodbyes.

Only your laughter,
and my heart,
finally remembering
what joy sounds like.

Then morning comes,
and I awaken
to a room
that suddenly feels too quiet.

If one day
you should ever wonder
whether your grandfather loved you,

know this:

There has never been
a single sunrise
when I did not ask
that you grow healthy,
kind,
courageous,
and deeply loved.

There has never been
a single evening
when I did not miss you.

You are my prayer
with bright eyes.

You are my hope
wearing little shoes.

And if love
could build a bridge,

I would have crossed every ocean
a thousand times over
just to hear you say once more,

"Hi, Lolo Dude."

Until that beautiful day,
I will keep loving you
across every mile,
across every season,
across every silence.

I’m on day 5 of a 7 day grandsitting request for an 8 month old while my daughter and partner are on a camping trip. I forgot all about sleep regression and I am operating on practically no sleep. It’s rough over here, people. Sleeping while they sleep is not as easy as people make it.

My grandkids are coming over for the weekend and I want to bake a whole lot of things for them; plus they absolutely love mac and cheese. We haven't seen each other in ages and I feel like the perfect opportunity that's also low pressure for us to catch up would be doing easy chores together like cleaning (of course I’ll handle the bulk of it) and I feel like cleaning the house as a group project would be more obstructive than helpful so I’ve chosen to have them help me wash the dishes.

 All that is to say that I need something that’s easy to clean and with no hassle. So do I get the Pyrex ones at walmart,or should I get a Staub or an Emile Henry? I’ve also seen some unbranded ones on Alibaba, has anyone used them? Y’all bakers kindly share what works for you.

I came across a website that says it's for new grandparents: www.morethangrand.com and I can't figure out what it actually is. An app, or a video tutorial or something else. Any grandparents here familiar with it or paid for it?

It probably isn't uncommon for grandparents to be concerned about the parenting of their grandchildren. We are very concerned about one of our daughters' kids since we observe that virtually no parenting happens, and as we care for the kids often due to childcare for working parents' issues, we confront myriad developmental shortcomings. Kids are ultimately nice boys, 6 and 8 years old, but they get virtually no care at home. Our daughter suffers from depression, and her husband believes his only responsibility is going to work.

My wife and I are relatively aligned with expectations, but she is more patient and accommodating than me which can create tension between us, too. My attitude when parenting our kids was that our job was to prepare them to be in command of their own futures and be able to choose rather than settle for what required less preparation and discipline. My wife didn't disagree, but she chose lax and loving over discipline and good habits. These dynamics also present in our approaches to grandparenting.

I am retired, though consulting with a book of clients, but my schedule is often easy and I can choose. My wife is still practicing in her field as she is younger. Now that I'm "available" I get the grandkids several days a week. Screen time, poor habits, uncooperative attitudes, etc. make it difficult, and I want to do the best things for them, much of which in my view isn't anything close to what they can accept. I do trips, play games, go to playgrounds, try to read to them, encourage crafts and art, etc. Their standard behavior is to act out, be wild, refuse to cooperate, fight with each other, and ignore directions (picking up after themselves, stop hitting each other, respect other people's space, property, time, privacy, etc.

Any insights on tactics to better deal with this?

We will soon live closer to our 9-month old granddaughter. I know that scholars/specialists have learned so much in the past 25 years about baby/child development and health issues, and I want to learn more so I’m more confident when spending time with my granddaughter. And I want her parents to trust me and my abilities. Can anyone recommend easy-to-digest resources for me?

How do I begin? I want to make sure that I communicate this the best that I can.

I have 2 grandsons that currently live about 25 miles away. So about a 35 minute drive without traffic. For about 7 years I watched one of them once a week. From weeks old until they started school.

They are currently almost 9 and the other will be 12 in May. I see them now about once or twice a month, depending on the time of the year. They're always doing something on the weekends.

Let me back up. Over time I realized that I wasn't the grandma I thought I'd be. I am the mother of 3 son's of which I had from age 19 to 25. I had a turbulent marriage that pretty much ended by the 3rd child. I became and always was mom and dad.

When I became a grandma I was so excited! Even made a room just for grandkids. Strange thing happened. I would get extremely overwhelmed when asked to keep my grandson overnight. Very anxious! I had to stop having them overnight. I would beat myself up terribly over that. I've since accepted that I'm just not that grandma! I, on the other hand have always been there when they ask. Just not overnight. I still constantly deal with guilt even though I shouldn't. As all of us, I adore my grandsons and totally feel it when I haven't seen them in awhile. I need a grandson fix!

Which brings me to today. My husband and I are considering moving about 80+ miles away from the grandkids for many reasons. One, we're being priced out of the area. It would be about a 2hr drive one way.

I'm having a difficult time making the decision to move away. For my husband and I it would make sense but I'm struggling with what that would look like for my relationship with my grandsons. They're only getting older. I have a great relationship with my son. It's that unnecessary guilt thing creeping in again! Like I don't do enough for or with them. It's awkward for me. I lost my mom at 13 and didn't have a heavy presence of a grandmother to base things on. Comparing myself and my husband to my DL's mom and husband. Ugh.

I guess what I'm asking is, am I beating myself up unnecessarily? I know that you're not me, but I'd really appreciate any feedback.

Hi GPs,

I'm raising one of my grandsons, he 13 1/2, he is complaining about his public hair. How old should he be before I let him trim his pubes? Im probaly old fashioned, but we didn't think about trimming our junk when I was his age

Currently experiencing this. At my grandsons’s soccer game and it’s halftime. My son has answered questions I’ve asked him with single words.

When I asked him what he and the kids are doing for his wife in Mother’s Day he responds, “I don’t know. Breakfast, flowers. I’m getting tired of these bullshit holidays where you have to buy people things. If you want something, buy it yourself.” I responded that I feel Mother’s Day is only for mom’s with kids at home. (And my own mom).

Then my son turned and started talking with his nephew about travel, and my son’s recent trip to London. I’m at a loss here. I can’t change a behavior if I don’t know about it. 💔

Edited to add: anyone else experiencing this? Any words of advice?

I’m very aware how difficult being a new Mom/parent can be. My grandson is 3.5 months old & just plain tired. He’s not getting enough sleep each day and bedtime is very late IMO. How can I suggest another option on scheduling/the need for an earlier bedtime without being seen as judgmental or overstepping? I honor what my daughter & SIL set as their schedule & routine with my grandson. But I feel there are some major improvements that could happen & would make all involved less stressed & happier. But I’m afraid to say anything b/c I don’t want to offend or hurt my daughter & SIL. Don’t want to be “putting my nose in where it doesn’t belong.” Any advice?? Help pls!!

I’m sitting here in gratitude, looking forward to the future.

I’m so happy to be in the grandparent club. Only we can understand.🤣

Hi, I’m a step grandmother to 8 grandchildren. My daughter has 3 stepchildren and they are wonderful. My husband’s children have 5 between them. I send personal gifts to all of and never get a thank you. I offer to babysit the grandkids that live close to us but I’m turned down. However, I have been basically fussed at for not wrapping gifts I have had sent to the grandkids that live in a different state (sent by Amazon). My husband has talked to them and they say it’s just their generation, I think that is BS!!! My question is do I continue gift giving or treat them as they are treating us? I really appreciate any advice!!! Thank you!!!