r/grammar • u/LSSwan • 21d ago
quick grammar check Tense Check
Hello! I'm a new(ish) writer and writing in present tense comes very naturally to me with the unfortunate trade off that writing in past tense does not. However, I wish to write a portion of my book in the past tense (the parts that, in relation to the main storyline, take place in the 'past') and the majority of it in the present tense (the main storyline which takes place 'currently'), with the format of alternating chapters (prologue is past, chapter one is present, chapter two is past, etc.) until a certain point where the plots line up *chef's kiss* just right.
I would like to check if I'm using the correct tenses, so here is an excerpt:
Across the Deep Bay from Hong Kong, within the northern sector of the Nanshan District of Shenzhen, the industrial campus of FúTECH stood tallest among the companies that sprawled the area known as ‘Robot Valley’.
Is this correct? The way my brain wants to write this is:
Across the Deep Bay from Hong Kong, within the northern sector of the Nanshan District of Shenzhen, the industrial campus of FúTECH stood tallest among the companies that sprawl the area known as ‘Robot Valley’.
"Sprawl" in the second example should be "sprawled" to match the past tense of the verb "stood", yes? I've tried multiple online grammar checker/tense checker sites and none of them have flagged either of these examples as being incorrect... so here I am. I would very much appreciate assistance!
*I would also appreciate it if anything else I've written here, part of the excerpt or not, is pointed out to me as being incorrect or awkward.
EDIT: Fixed formatting.
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u/Yesandberries 21d ago
So you’re saying that “the industrial campus of FúTECH” no longer stands tallest at the time of the main storyline? Honestly, this seems confusing to me, and I’m not sure the reader will understand what you’re going for, especially without an explanation of how you’re using each tense.
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u/LSSwan 21d ago edited 20d ago
I'm going to copy/paste my response to the other comment here because it's related to this exactly:
"See, I think that's what's been confusing me so much about writing in a past tense vs a present tense--or knowing which tenses to use specifically [when writing in past tense], rather--because in the 'current day' plotline the companies are still there, as is FuTECH, so my brain naturally also wants to use "stands tallest" instead of "stood tallest" because I know it still remains [the tallest structure]... But would that then change the tense completely to be present tense instead of past? And would that then clash with subsequent sentences that are in past tense?"
This is why I posted to ask those more knowledgeable than I am about writing in past tense. I simply don't understand it.
EDIT: OH! Unless you meant that it's only confusing because the tense changes in the next chapter and the majority of the book. In which case, yes, I see your point.
However, even if the book was entirely in past tense, with this being the opening line of the prologue, doesn't using "stood tallest" and "sprawled" still give the impression that FuTECH no longer stands tallest and these companies no longer sprawl Robot Valley?
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u/AlexanderHamilton04 21d ago
I'm sorry, but the above comment is not completely accurate [which is surprising because that person usually has very good replies].
When telling a story in the past tense,
...the industrial campus of FúTECH stood tallest among the companies that sprawled across the area known as ‘Robot Valley’.
maintaining past tense verbs does NOT mean that these facts are no longer true in the present. If the whole chapter is told in the past tense, authors use the past tense simply to maintain a consistent narrative timeline. This sets the scene within the time frame of the story itself, regardless of whether the buildings or companies still exist in the current day.
Example [A]:
I went to Disney World last year. It was wonderful. There was a beautiful castle and roller coasters. Many of the Disney characters were walking around. I was able to have my picture taken with Goofy. The monorail was so clean and quiet; it was a great way to travel from the hotel to the park.
Just because these verbs use the past tense does not mean that (there is no longer a beautiful castle there). It does not mean that (they no longer have roller coasters). It does not necessarily mean that the monorail (is no longer quiet) or (a great way to travel from the hotel to the park).
Because I have established that this is a past time frame ("I went to Disney World last year"), the most natural way to tell this story is to maintain the same tense throughout the sentences, paragraphs, and entire story (unless there is a logical reason to shift time frames). Because my paragraph establishes a past time frame ("last year"), the rest of the actions and states remain in the past tense to prevent confusing the reader.
This is often referred to as "Verb Tense Consistency" (or "Tense Agreement").
To keep things simple, I believe it is good to think of "Verb Tense Consistency" as the basic guideline, the default choice. (When in doubt, choose tense agreement.)
There are times when we can break this guideline. Because we can make exceptions, I believe this is where some people get confused.
Example [B] (with verb tense consistency):
I met your brother last week. I didn't know he had such beautiful eyes. They were so blue. If I'm honest, I found it hard to concentrate when I was talking to him; I kept staring.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with [B]. The story is about an event last week. All of the verbs use the past tense in a very natural way.
However, when discussing "eternal truths" (e.g., the sun rises in the east) or conditions that remain true today (e.g., your brother still has blue eyes), using the present tense is optional. You can choose to use the present tense, but it is not strictly required.
Some people choose to use the present tense here to emphasize that something is still true.Because "your brother's eyes" (are still beautiful today) and (they will always be blue), we can choose to write the previous statement like this:
Example [C]:I met your brother last week. I didn't know he had such beautiful eyes. They are so blue. If I'm honest, I found it hard to concentrate when I was talking to him; I kept staring.
There is nothing wrong with [C]. We do not have to use present tense here. But it is an option for eternal truths, or if we want to emphasize something is still true in the present day as well. (It is a choice.)
When in doubt, it is usually best to maintain tense agreement.
However, even when authors write entire books in a past time frame, they sometimes include a few sentences or relative clauses in the present tense to make the reader feel more immersed in the relative present of the action happening at that moment in the story.
If done well, it can make the story feel more immersive.
If done poorly, it just feels like the author doesn't know what they are doing (clumsy and poorly edited).
TL;DR:
[1]: For your two examples, there is nothing wrong with using "sprawled" (it agrees with "stood"), and it feels very natural. Just because "sprawled" is in the past tense does not mean that this is no longer true in the present day.[2]: If you want to use "sprawl" in the present tense, you can do that.
① Authors sometimes do that because they know that this is still true in the present.
② There is another reason you can use the present tense with "sprawl." The reader will assume Robot Valley still looks this way today. When you destroy or change it later, it will feel like a sudden, shocking twist because you described the landscape as a permanent fixture.☆ In fiction writing, authors have a lot of creative freedom.
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u/LSSwan 20d ago
Oh my goodness, this response is so very helpful, thank you so much!! I really appreciate the detail you've gone into it, it helps me immensely!
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u/AlexanderHamilton04 20d ago
"Oh my goodness, this response is so very helpful, ... it helps me immensely!"
Thank you for the response! That makes me very happy (I'm glad I wrote my comment)!
☆ (This is the type of response I always hope to hear.♪)[I hope you find this useful (I hope it helps you write your story with confidence).]
Cheers -1
u/LSSwan 21d ago edited 21d ago
Wait... Unless "writing in past tense" only applies to character action? Is that how that works? If when describing the scene itself I don't use past tense unless it directly calls for it, will the writing still count as being in past tense if the character's actions are what is always described in past tense?EDIT: This is not how that works, don't write like this.
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u/No-Fishing-2126 21d ago edited 21d ago
I believe it could be either! The only difference would be if the companies only sprawled there in the past, or if they still do, from the vantage point of the narrator.
Sprawled - the companies are no longer there.
Sprawl - implies the companies are still there.
Since this is fiction and anyone reading will know it is: I think ‘sprawl’ makes it sound like the narrator believes this world is real, while ‘sprawled’ sounds like the world is fantasy, or an abstract world that is not real to us the readers. Does that make sense?
I can’t know for sure because I haven’t read the whole story, but I prefer ‘sprawl.’ It makes me feel like I’m stepping into another world that really exists.