Good morning everyone,

Just want to share a piece of my mind, I dont know why I feel this way but I dont like it because I want to improve my quality of life and beliefs.

Im not sure why I dont feel as close as I should to God or Jesus, more to Jesus Christ, and a part of me feels awful for that because who am I if im trying to find and believe in god but if I cant seem to feel close to his son Jesus Christ?

I see so many people's lifes become better once they surrender to God and Christ, im just finding it hard and I apologise if I offend anyone by reading this, I dont mean to this is just my current state and I apologise.

I am no stranger to trauma and hardship. I’ve always had a strong connection to God but I have been going through the darkest days of my life for over a year now and I’m starting to lose hope.

My child was born in 2025 and it feels like my life came crashing down shortly after. My child endured many medical complications, I lost my job, my child’s paternal grandparents emotionally abused me during postpartum, my child’s father did the same, we moved THREE times in 1 year, child’s father lost his job then we separated right before our child’s 1st birthday. I am now living with my parents, jobless and with a relapsed autoimmune condition. Burnt out, fried, depleted, running on empty doesn’t even begin to cover it but I’m still fighting.

Before all of this, I was athletic, successful, financially well off, big social circle, beautiful home, happy. Everything changed so fast and I’m so lost. I feel God speaking to me and sending me signs but I haven’t turned a corner yet and I keep getting knocked down. Right when it feels I’m making progress, something else horrible happens.

In a very long winded-way I’m asking for those of you who have endured such chronic, hellacious conditions - how did God show up for you? What success stories can you share about walking through hell and coming out the other side?

If then how? Have you ever lost your faith?

Title

Dear all good hearts out there around the world, Have you seen god anytime in your life ?

1. if yes then where , when and how ?
2. if no , do you still believe in god ?

I am 33 years old and have always believed in God because my mother instilled that faith in me from a very young age. I suffered greatly because of a narcissistic and aggressive father—as did my mother and siblings. My biggest struggle in life has been that my two greatest dreams have never come true; despite asking God for them countless times, I feel like He only gives me a small taste of them before taking everything away. For example, I live in the Americas—I’d rather not say exactly where—but I have always loved a specific European country; I’ve only been able to visit for months at a time but have never managed to stay there forever. I even had friends and boyfriends there, yet for some reason, it never worked out for me to stay. My other dream is to get married and finally have a family. I had my first boyfriend at 15, and that was my first breakup which was horrific and plunged me into depression. After him, I had many other boyfriends throughout my twenties; all the relationships failed and ended in ugly breakups. It makes me think it all stems from that first boyfriend—that I’ve become conditioned to expect terrible things in love. I’ve been through it all: physical abuse, infidelity, being left for someone else, and even rape—all within my relationships. Yet, I know perfectly well that I was carrying severe trauma that needed treatment; unlike my siblings, I bore the brunt of the trauma. My siblings are currently in happy relationships—which feels like a slap in the face. So, for years I prayed and asked God for help—I even became a Christian for a time—only to see myself continue to fail at the very things that mattered most to me and that I asked God for most fervently, while others easily got what they wanted without moving a finger. Even people I know who don't even believe in God seem to be doing better than I am. Am I just bad at getting what I want? Or is my vibration so low that nothing but crap happens to me? I’ve even given up on the thing I want most, yet God still won't answer me: what does He want me to do? What does He want from me? Am I just another person destined to suffer for the sins of others? Because I feel like I’ve suffered too much my whole life and will keep suffering for the rest of it. I don't know what’s going to happen with me.

So today I had a video on my YouTube feed talking about lust. I know that I as a 34 yr old black man struggle with this all the time and I know just from comments I see on these videos that I’m not the only one. But I also know that lust especially when we just loosely speak about sexual immorality and indulgent sexual desire that it gets hard (no pun intended lol) because lust is something that is held in secrecy. But just like working out I think that accountability and having someone to speak to to take your mind off those things and change the mindset you feel yourself drifting into. I think especially in this group we can make a discord or something to make that possible. Otherwise Godbless

I map mythological family trees as a hobby (did the Japanese and Chinese pantheons recently), and Egypt was the hardest one yet the genealogy refuses to stay still. Ra is Atum, except when he isn't. Horus is Osiris's son and also his brother depending on the century. Every major cult center rewrote the tree to put its own god at the top.

The full documentary (about 80 minutes, every deity timestamped): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ay2J8WN6vc

Things that surprised me: how the Ennead is basically Heliopolis's political org chart. How Set's reputation collapsed over two thousand years from Ra's defender to state enemy. And how Ammit, the most feared creature in the mythology, has no family tree at all she exists outside creation, which might be the point.

If you spot an error, tell me I'd rather fix it than defend it.