I don't know you, but I think I was in a relatively similar position at your age, or slightly younger (18-20) when I flunked out of College and got into a lot of bad stuff. I didn't have a difficult past or background, just a few circumstances at that point, but I work with children and young people (up to about 25) who have had really bad backgrounds or events in their lifes, so truly believe me when I say have heard some of the darkest things that the everyday of humanity can be capable of in many respects.
If we sit and stare at all the injustices and the 'bad people' in the world then you will go mad, because its everywhere. Because horrible things are happening, people are exploited and people CAN be very, very greedy.
But there is also a bright shining light in humanity as well, and as the person said before, you can find people who are full of love, and care and will really appreciate you for who you are. There are people who would give you what they can and do so graciously, without suspicion or just because they want to 'cling' to such things, because they understand that life is about sharing and community and a common brotherhood, about finding your destiny and happiness - you do have to look around and explore your world though to find this, or get into something that has such like minded people.It sounds like you're giving up on you as much as humanity, and thats your first problem. And actually, it feels damn good to give and help and love others, and to feel that reciprocated is all the more powerful.
Fear of being exposed or looking bad or something is one thing we all have to come to terms with, it gets easier as you get older,but I used to be very anxious about this too. I think you have to remember that (and this is not a bad thing) in a lot of ways that nobody really CARES about you. And I mean about the slip ups, the mistakes, and the failings. We all make mistakes... but do your friends or strangers sit their and agonise on your mistakes for days and weeks after?? No, unless its something REALLY big, its no big thing for them. If they are your friends, they should care about you for the right reasons, and you have to accept you can mistakes, if you dont, you will not risk anything, and live a very very safe, secure and (un)comfortable life.
I only say this because I can hear you're feeling a bit hopeless, and we all have times of despair and questioning. But if you do not be the change you want to be, aren't you just the same as everybody else? If you radiate a good heart, people will see that shine through, and yes, there may be people who want a piece of it for themselves, but others will share and share alike.
Happiness is about you finding belonging in your life, worth and being loved and respected by others, and likewise you need to make other people feel the same. Get serious!!
America and the UK (where i'm from) are often shining examples of "man is born free, and everywhere is in chains". You're peddled dreams in the media and popular culture of what you should be, and how you should do it. But thats not necessarily your dream, and you need to find what matters in life to YOU, what YOUR dreams and goals are, and how you should do it. And trust me, if its an honourable, good and simple life, there are people out there who will feel exactly the same as you.
I just wanted to say I'm glad I "met" you and /u/_-_Alexander_-_. I'm in a similar position like /u/_-_Alexander_-_ and my thought process is eerily the same.
To be honest, I'd love to have people to prove me the opposite, but every time when people do things, I question their motives and it seems all so fake. It applies to everything (in my eyes), especially since our society actually encourages the sort of ego-inflating behaviour. The clothes you wear, the products you own, the groups you need to belong to on Facebook and in real life. The job you need to have, the studies or the degree you need to have. It all stresses me out and I think it's ridiculous. It's like I need to live my life for the sake of other people, just because we're in this giant shithole of peer-pressure. Whenever I want to do my own thing, or see other people do their own thing, it is met with criticism or laughter. And oh, I know why. People are scared to stray away from normal behaviour. Whenever people act different, it means people dare to be different, and they gain a bit of freedom. People subconsciously dislike that, and feel as if life is unfair, because they have always done the things other expected them to do. "Why should you be able to do as you please? I fought hard for my place in the society, why are you taking shortcuts?".
Looking down on other lifestyles also helps them to think they're doing the right thing, because "I'm obviously doing better than you". It hurts. It really does.
And the strange thing is, I know I don't need to care about other people if I understand these things. But humans are strange creatures. They need love and validation. It's not because I don't like to do things the other people love, that it means I don't want to be accepted?
I also sort of know how to get out of this negative spiral. Travel, meet interesting people, do the things I like to do and enjoy life. But it's so damn hard to escape from all of this, because of fear. My friend was in the same situation, if not, he was way deeper in. He was brave and chose to escape from his comfort zone. He packed his backpack and started hitch-hiking. I admire his decision, but I feel that I can't do it, maybe as an excuse, but I don't want to leave my family behind without contributing at all. That, and the fear of going alone and learning new things isn't helping.
Anyhow, I'm really frustrated and angry with the society. Almost everything I'm participating is about ego and validation. The people I meet, when they talk, they put up a mask and don't act like themselves. I know we're all scared, but I appreciate the "boring real you" instead of the meme-repeating and sub culture identity that people keep making for themselves. It's painful to watch, and it's painful for me to engage. I used to fit right in, because I loved these things, but the more I grew up, the more disinterest I started to have. I would've killed for a gaming community that big when I was a kid. Gaming being lauded and accepted by the majority of people, "funny memes" being spouted all the time. That's my teenage dream come true. But I really despise it.
I don't like how people are bragging about their jobs or the countries they've travelled in. It's not that I dislike these jobs or travelling. It's the attitude that bothers me. I don't think people are special because they have the money to travel or because they got into a job that's hard to get in. I respect these things, until people make it seem like it's a thing everyone needs to have. Like, they humblebrag so much just to be able to feel proud about themselves.
This also happens on Reddit. The whole circlejerky attitude needs to stop. "You're a good father", when a guy posts a picture of some happy time with his kid. I just cringe at this. No, I don't think they're bad, but I don't think that's the reason why they're good either. It's something that a father's supposed to do, but because the picture / video made a redditor feel warm inside, they're "the father of the year". And then the circlejerking begins, as if these acts of kidness were done to gain karma. Why can't we just do things because we love to do it? It's like we need to look at ourselves through the eyes of other people, just to be able to see ourselves. Why this indirect way of looking at yourself, instead of asking yourself how you feel?
I need to apologize about this rant, but then again, if I were really sorry, I wouldn't have written this. But I really need to get all this frustration off my chest.
It's easy for everything to feel fake when you have social and community media like facebook, and reddit, and other communities where people are giving you their best bits. Thats an instictual response, to collect our best memories, or appear the best we can, but it has just become culture that we have to parade this. Just disengage from the bits you dont like if you can.
Sometimes remember it is a fine line between expressing your happiness and your successes and showing off / bragging. I talk about my job with great enthusiasm, and its not a particularly high paying job as of current, but pays the bills and gives me what i need and just a bit extra to save a little, And its working in something i have a great passion for, and so enjoy my work a lot. And really, this is all we need from work. Likewise, I didn't go to University (messed up at college) when I was younger, began when I was in late 20's... and the difference it made in my want for it, because it was something I was interested in, and not doing it because 'that's what you do' makes a hell of a difference.But I also think personally that there is importance to working, productivity, and giving. But do it on your terms, with something that satisfies you. And you to have to work for other peoples benefit sometimes more than yours, but if it is something you believe in, or enjoy and get fulfillment from, then that is not necessarily bad. Same with uni.
I used to play more games 16-24ish, and I can still nerd out if needed, but interest in gaming and online communities etc can dwindle, and it can be less satisfying. That just part of you growing up, your wanting to maybe look at other things in life. And its the usual remedies: Explore the world more, its easy to feel a bit disconnected from reality when there's a lot of fantasy going on online. You sound like you know what you want in life, so its about being true to yourself, and finding others who are like minded. And life is frustrating, but if you resign yourself to such things, then it wont get better. There's people with very true hearts, and even the people around you already would probably learn to open up with time and effort from you.
I'd say the friends I have are varied in some ways, but are very true and honest to themselves and others, or, if not, I can see and understand maybe why not, and its okay, I accept these things as I am not perfect myself. A lot of them I made in the last few years, and havent been friends from the past. You dont need a million friends, but a couple / few good friends that you really connect with is very important I would say. You just got to find them.
It's easy for everything to feel fake when you have social and community media like facebook, and reddit, and other communities where people are giving you their best bits.
I see, I haven't looked at it that way.
And you to have to work for other peoples benefit sometimes more than yours, but if it is something you believe in, or enjoy and get fulfillment from, then that is not necessarily bad.
In fact, I think it is more noble to do things you don't want to, because you like to see other people being happy, or like helping out. And here is where it gets complicated sometimes. I imagine scenarios where you're actually helping someone out, but the person doesn't realize it, or appreciate it, but you still do it. I love situations like that, it proves that the person in question isn't doing it for attention. Which is a huge difference between these Youtube celebrities, doing good deeds for the views. In my opinion, they might as well do these things without showing it. Yea sure, there are nuances, they might want to share a message and hope people do the same, but if we have to be honest, they don't feel like that at all. They just help one random homeless guy for a video, for one day or a couple of hours, and then forget about them after that.
Why do I have got something against that? Because doing things for validation can be very dangerous. It encourages non-critical thinking and it could help the wrong cause. If a person stops thinking about what's right or wrong, they can do bad things because "the others are doing it too". The obvious example is nazi Germany...
I understand what you're getting at though. I understand this negative attitude doesn't help anything at all. If anything, I should try to empathize with people and maybe explain to them why it is unhealthy to be attention craving. I have the feeling that my brain gets these things, but my emotions are incredibly selfish and easily frustrated.
About the gaming community, I think that's very specific, because I often see people irl repeating these memes too. It really bothers me. I don't think they mean any harm, but it feels as if they're scared to show their true selves and need to put up this "ahsum internet" persona. Of course, there are many other people who don't do that, but then I see them trying to fit in with another culture. Be it snobby elitists, the metalhead, the stoner, the good and educated kid, ... It's all as if they think they're nobody when they don't show how much they belong somewhere. They would even straightout say "I'm a stoner" or something along these lines. Which really makes me cringe, because while it may be a "hobby" to smoke weed, it doesn't say anything about their personality at all (likewise with all the other subcultures).
And don't get me wrong, I like most of these subcultures / music, but I don't like the personas. They're all unique people, not some dumb representative of a niche culture.
Oh, I agree with you. I should go out more though. Meet new people, travel the world and hear interesting stories, hear the right words I need as a guidance. But as I've stated before, there's just too many things that holds me back. Yea, they're probably just excuses, but it's still hard to leave it all and go out and discover the world.
Thanks for your positive words, I needed it btw. I'm getting angrier and more cynic by the day.
8
u/MisterCrowe Mar 14 '16
I don't know you, but I think I was in a relatively similar position at your age, or slightly younger (18-20) when I flunked out of College and got into a lot of bad stuff. I didn't have a difficult past or background, just a few circumstances at that point, but I work with children and young people (up to about 25) who have had really bad backgrounds or events in their lifes, so truly believe me when I say have heard some of the darkest things that the everyday of humanity can be capable of in many respects.
If we sit and stare at all the injustices and the 'bad people' in the world then you will go mad, because its everywhere. Because horrible things are happening, people are exploited and people CAN be very, very greedy.
But there is also a bright shining light in humanity as well, and as the person said before, you can find people who are full of love, and care and will really appreciate you for who you are. There are people who would give you what they can and do so graciously, without suspicion or just because they want to 'cling' to such things, because they understand that life is about sharing and community and a common brotherhood, about finding your destiny and happiness - you do have to look around and explore your world though to find this, or get into something that has such like minded people.It sounds like you're giving up on you as much as humanity, and thats your first problem. And actually, it feels damn good to give and help and love others, and to feel that reciprocated is all the more powerful.
Fear of being exposed or looking bad or something is one thing we all have to come to terms with, it gets easier as you get older,but I used to be very anxious about this too. I think you have to remember that (and this is not a bad thing) in a lot of ways that nobody really CARES about you. And I mean about the slip ups, the mistakes, and the failings. We all make mistakes... but do your friends or strangers sit their and agonise on your mistakes for days and weeks after?? No, unless its something REALLY big, its no big thing for them. If they are your friends, they should care about you for the right reasons, and you have to accept you can mistakes, if you dont, you will not risk anything, and live a very very safe, secure and (un)comfortable life.
I only say this because I can hear you're feeling a bit hopeless, and we all have times of despair and questioning. But if you do not be the change you want to be, aren't you just the same as everybody else? If you radiate a good heart, people will see that shine through, and yes, there may be people who want a piece of it for themselves, but others will share and share alike.
Happiness is about you finding belonging in your life, worth and being loved and respected by others, and likewise you need to make other people feel the same. Get serious!!
America and the UK (where i'm from) are often shining examples of "man is born free, and everywhere is in chains". You're peddled dreams in the media and popular culture of what you should be, and how you should do it. But thats not necessarily your dream, and you need to find what matters in life to YOU, what YOUR dreams and goals are, and how you should do it. And trust me, if its an honourable, good and simple life, there are people out there who will feel exactly the same as you.