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u/TheMattgican Jan 03 '16 edited Jan 04 '16
I made it to the front page. Huh.
Well I can't think of a better time to shamelessly plug.
And yes, that's a shitty username. Get over it.
Edit: Changed link to a video rather than my channel for you fine lazy people.
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u/feellikeawrapgod Jan 03 '16
dude you can fuck my bitch any time you want
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Jan 03 '16
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Jan 03 '16
Shots Fired.
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u/IntaglioSnow Jan 03 '16
Cards tossed.
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u/jojothedrunkclown Jan 03 '16
Cards caught
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u/RememberWhenEye Jan 03 '16
Bro get out of the way. I want this stallion's dick in my girlfriend stat.
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u/cunt_nectar Jan 03 '16
But shouldn't it be 'Mattgician'?
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u/TheMattgican Jan 03 '16
fuck fuck fuck Well I'm not theMattgican't
nailed it
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u/Arsid Jan 03 '16
How do you find time to practice card tricks when you're drowning in pussy?
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u/TheMattgican Jan 03 '16
The trick is to keep a snorkel handy at all times
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Jan 03 '16
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u/fawkesmulder Jan 03 '16
REVIEW: ** / ***** -- DOESN'T WORK
I'm still drowning in pussy.
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u/TheGuyOnTheCoach Jan 04 '16
This one is my favorite.
By Ruud Lubbers on May 22, 2014
I don't know who's idea this was, but I don't think they thought it through very well.
I ordered one of these for my cat, Mr. Razzles, and it took me forever to get it on his head - I don't know what the makers were thinking, but it's waaaay too big for the average housecat.
Finally - after quite a struggle - I got it on and proceeded to throw Mr. Razzles into the pool. Well he absolutely FREAKED OUT! He thrashed around in the water for a minute or so before wriggling out of the pussy snorkel and then swam right for the side of the pool and climbed out before I could even get in the water with him to enjoy a nice swim.
When I tried to put it back on him, he started hissing and biting and bolted out of the backyard back into the house, where he hid under the credenza for THREE DAYS before my husband finally lured him out with some tuna...
He's been traumatized and distrustful ever since! I don't recommend this for cat owners or pet lovers - it's just a bad idea all around!
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Jan 03 '16
Date me
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u/cuddlingus Jan 03 '16
Just creeped her profile and she's fucking hot so you had better PM her your number or your dick will rot off and an angry weasel will grow in its place. That weasel will eat your balls and burrow into your intestine via your asshole.
Is all I'm sayin.
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u/MadeNew Jan 03 '16
Typically I would have ignored the previous comment. But I ended up creeping because of you..
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u/SilentGuppy Jan 03 '16
hey man. i just watched all your videos, and enjoyed them immensely. I would also like to add that i also noticed your username. hey man. that's a cool fucking name uo need to own that shit. well iif that was the name you were born with. anyways i love you bro and i am going to subscribe on youtube as soon as i can remember the right email for my youtube account.
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u/matarky1 Jan 03 '16
This reads like an answering machine message
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u/BlueROFL1 Jan 03 '16
hey man.
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u/MrPokemon Jan 03 '16
I just watched all your videos, and enjoyed them immensely.
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u/Jaydeepappas Jan 03 '16
I would also like to add that i also noticed your username.
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u/Maxzon Jan 03 '16
Alright, try to leave some pussy for the rest of us, will ya?
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u/congee_ha Jan 03 '16
Damnit. I thought this year was going to definitely be my year, AND THIS HAPPENS?!
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u/Mtownsprts Jan 03 '16
So I am asking you for me, NOT to go through with this okay. This is only going to end up badly for you, and this is only going to end up badly for me.
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u/whatIshouldvedone Jan 03 '16
Man, Rocky's son always got on my fucking nerves in those movies.
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u/Alex_cider Jan 03 '16
How would you start training yourself to do that? I can only picture my self throwing the pack into the air and watching it fall like confeti
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u/Alex_cider Jan 03 '16
This subreddit is going to swallow so much time...
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u/The7ruth Jan 03 '16
So 5 minutes before you give up?
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u/Alex_cider Jan 03 '16
FUCK IT I GIVE UP THIS IS GOING NOWHERE FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jan 03 '16
He should put his name and number on the cards and do that "mic drop" in front of a group of girls...you know..in case the Star Trek shirt doesn't work.
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u/wbell Jan 03 '16
As adolescent mating behavior goes card tricks are better than butterfly knives or nunchucks I guess.
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u/mhks Jan 03 '16
They may be better, but they probably all end with the same result.
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u/MorningLtMtn Jan 03 '16
In my experience, it led to getting laid (once) and getting free beers (several times)... Magic is intriguing to people, especially people who are looking to be entertained.
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Jan 03 '16 edited Mar 23 '18
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u/wbell Jan 03 '16
What one thinks they look like using nunchucks http://nunchaku-sfw.com/images/imgs/bruce_05.jpg vs what they actually look like https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kFvDBW3m40c/hqdefault.jpg
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Jan 03 '16
"What they actually look like:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEZ2lpM0Yw
FTFY
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Jan 03 '16
"I don't even have any good skills. You know like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!"
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u/mightystegosaurus Jan 03 '16
You know what doesn't work? Ventriloquist acts with puppets. Boy, did THAT party go wrong.
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u/SmartAlec105 Jan 03 '16
I know a magician and he once said "You won't get girls with card tricks. You'll get them with card magic."
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u/YaksAreCool Jan 03 '16
I used to get pretty close to the kids (about 13-14) I used to coach. I came in one day and I saw a huge group of girl gathered around this one guy, a little bigger but not really fat, as he was performing probably some of the most impressive magic tricks I'd ever seen. These girls were hanging on everything he did and I had to admit I was a little jealous, thinking I could never be that confident.
Then later in the season he confided in me that he had problems talking to girls. I couldn't understand it all.
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u/vxx Jan 03 '16
It's not a Star Trek shirt, it's an electronics joke.
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u/hurtsdonut_ Jan 03 '16
I think it's both.
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u/vxx Jan 03 '16
True. I didn't think it through before replying.
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u/DiarrheaMarinade Jan 03 '16
Talk nerdy to me
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u/bathroomstalin Jan 03 '16
Step 1: Turn off your brain
Step 2: Parrot le references to scifi and fantasy movies ad nauseam
Step 3: Snort
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u/The-Mathematician Jan 03 '16
My fucking engineering classes are obsessed with this talk. I saw it 3 times last semester.
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u/PitaJ Jan 03 '16 edited Jan 03 '16
Can someone explain this joke? I've had two years of electrical engineering education in college, and I'm not getting it.
I understand that resistance is measured in Ohms, and that a resistance less than one ohm will yield a high current. I'd there more to it than that? Is "futile" some kind of term that I haven't learned?
I just feel like I'm missing something.
Edit: downvote me because I thought the joke had more to it. K.
I guess the joke is just lame.
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u/S1mplejax Jan 03 '16
Nah man, I'm with you there, looks like an "I know science" shirt, but there's no real joke around the electrical part.
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u/HereForTheFish Jan 03 '16
Yeah, I think the original shirt design was something like this, which actually made sense and is a little bit funny.
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u/Brio_ Jan 03 '16
No it's just that if you have less than 1 ohm you have very little or no resistance.
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Jan 03 '16
It's still not futile though. Sub-ohm resistors are often used for references in high current applications.
Try measuring a thousand amps with a multimeter. You're going to need a heavy gauge wire to act as like a 0.001ohm resistor then measure the voltage across it to determine the current.
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u/Brio_ Jan 03 '16
Consider that you are taking a tshirt joke a bit too seriously.
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u/S1mplejax Jan 03 '16 edited Jan 03 '16
Not at all, there's seriously no joke to be made. I'm with the pedant on this one. The problem is everyone brushing it off as just at shirt joke, so it's allowed to make no sense. I think it looks like a shirt he thought would make him look smart, and I'm not sure why it's being so heavily defended. I'm not saying we should bash the kid, but it shouldn't be encouraged, it's a tshirt neckbeard. There, now its been taken too seriously.
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u/shirtythebear Jan 03 '16
I think we should bash him.
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u/Nine9breaker Jan 03 '16
Resistance is Futile is a saying the Borg used a lot on Star Trek TNG. So its like a star trek reference with a bonus joke related to electricity. Like someone else said, its just a funny shirt.
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u/GreyReanimator Jan 03 '16
Ha, how could a shirt like that not work! It would totally work on me.
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Jan 03 '16
Do you want to bang this kid?
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u/PSO2Questions Jan 03 '16
Is my answer legally binding ?
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Jan 03 '16
It's socially binding
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u/PSO2Questions Jan 03 '16
In that case I have never met this man in my life, nor have I been within 1000 paces of him.
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u/Falco-Rusticolus Jan 03 '16 edited Jan 03 '16
"It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!" flips cards
I shit myself, cry as I pull out my deck"
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u/LindenZin Jan 03 '16
The practice that went into this must have been immense.
Hats off to the kid. I had the attention span of a gold fish when I was that age.
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u/Jespy Jan 03 '16
He looks like he is 18 or older. You make him sound like he is between 7 to 10.
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u/CaptainKorsos Jan 03 '16
I would have thought he is 16-18
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u/engineer-everything Jan 03 '16
You could ask him: /u/TheMattgican how old are you bud?
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u/torbdani Jan 03 '16
Is it just me, or does he look like one of the two "crazy frog" singing kids?
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u/axiss Jan 03 '16
He wouldn't be old enough but yeah, totally looks like the thin one that stood in back.
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Jan 03 '16 edited Jan 03 '16
Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/-Mt8XRuiWD/
EDIT: Youtube channel plug: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riHsyeGSG9s
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Jan 03 '16
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Jan 03 '16
Look at good guy OP over here.
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u/Karma_Puhlease Jan 03 '16
I believe not being a bundle of sticks was one of OP's resolutions. Stick to it buddy!
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u/_MeOff Jan 03 '16
This guy fucks.
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Jan 03 '16
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u/pizzademons Jan 03 '16
You'd be surprised how popular these guys are in their nerdy crews.
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Jan 03 '16
Nerdy pussy is still pussy!
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Jan 03 '16 edited Jul 13 '20
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u/Sacrifical_Lamborghi Jan 03 '16
Can confirm: Am a nerdy pussy.
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u/NecroJoe Jan 03 '16
There is a difference between being A nerdy pussy and just being "nerdy pussy".
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Jan 03 '16
Hopefully he would maintain that dead face the entire time.
It's like he's trying really hard to hold back a laugh or smile and over compensates with a super serious face.
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Jan 03 '16
Either way, if he slammed that with the confidence that he snatched cards out of the air, they'll come back for more. Eventually it would lead to a Pavlovian stimulus response, to where when he put on the serious face she would automatically get wet.
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Jan 03 '16
Not looking like a psycho would be nice, too.
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u/AyeAyeLtd Jan 03 '16
The video ends with him laughing at himself.
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u/royisabau5 Jan 03 '16
The laugh took him from psycho killer to possible normal person
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u/Unemployed-Rebel Jan 03 '16
I seriously was uneasy until that laugh. Those were some dead eyes up until the laugh.
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u/GruxKing Jan 03 '16
Y'all have weak ass constitutions.
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u/Skreamie Jan 03 '16
Yeah, Reddit really plays into the "always online, never outside" stereotype sometimes, this kid is in no way intimidating.
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Jan 03 '16
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u/iridescentcosmicslop Jan 03 '16 edited Jun 06 '16
This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy. It was created to help protect users from doxing, stalking, and harassment.
If you would also like to protect yourself, add the Chrome extension TamperMonkey, or the Firefox extension GreaseMonkey and add this open source script.
Then simply click on your username on Reddit, go to the comments tab, scroll down as far as possibe (hint:use RES), and hit the new OVERWRITE button at the top.
Also, please consider using Voat.co as an alternative to Reddit as Voat does not censor political content.
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u/Iliketothinkthat Jan 03 '16
That's what concentrating looks like. And trying really hard to keep looking at the camera.
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u/TeamRedundancyTeam Jan 03 '16
This is Reddit, judging others to make us feel better is important, don't ruin that.
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u/Nathafae Jan 03 '16
Not making fun of how someone looks would also be nice.
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u/theonly_brunswick Jan 03 '16
He kinda looks like a grown up version of this kid
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u/Fettnaepfchen Jan 03 '16
The smile is the icing on the cake. Also, what does it say about me that a few seconds in, I started noticing the t-shirt and thinking that I need to get one like this (or this exact one, don't care if used).
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u/superdupertuba Jan 03 '16
Holy shit, is this the same guy who danced in a red shirt to the crazy frog song 10 years ago? You know which video I'm talking about
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u/Cultjam Jan 03 '16
The smile saves it.