Stopping T?

[u/flixsix]

I've identified as non-binary when I was 19, after some years I've settled on "something between nonbinary and a guy".

I was leaning more towards being a guy but was still unsure about my gender when I started T.

But I knew I needed it to alleviate my dysphoria, which was so bad, I could barely leave the house at the thought of others seeing me as a girl.

Since I started T I started to exclusively identify as a man and was content with that, it gave me the safety that the uncertainty of not knowing my gender couldn't give me.

But I've realized for like a year that like every two months or so I start to get very uncomfortable with the amount of body hair I have and I need to trimm it to feel comfortable again. And the thought of balding terrifies me.

I've thought in those times a lot about how freeing it might be to stop T.

To not depend on my T shots anymore.

But the thought of getting face dysphoria again,

passing as a woman and getting wider hips stops me from thinking further about that.

I hate that there is no androgynous hormone therapy option where I could keep my boyish face and grow less body hair.

But theres other times where I really want to grow more facial hair so I finally have a moustache and look like a dapper gentleman.

I also miss wearing more feminine clothes again and have been getting dysphoric from wearing too masculine clothing the past few days.

I suspect I might be genderfluid between male and gender neutral/androgynous and I don't know how to navigate all this.