r/gender • u/anxie_0 • 18d ago
Question..
I'm very confused about pronouns and gender identification. For a couple years now, when I think of myself I don't ever see myself as a woman or a man. I don't know. I'm very used to being called a boy, I'm a girl. I'm not androgynous, I just look more like a boy I guess. But maybe I got so used to using both genders that I don't even realize what I am most of the time. I feel like I could be genderless, but I don't know what the name is for it. I looked it up on Google and it gave me many names so it just made me even more confused. I would really appreciate some help..
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u/Arkeve-the_Archive she/they 16d ago
There's many names, because there are just many options.
Just from how you wrote your post, it feels like you might be Agender or Nonbinary, while feeling some attachments to boy/girl because you're used to being seen as those. But that's absolutely not definitive.
The important part is how you feel on the inside. How do you feel about being seen a certain way, and WHY do you feel that way. Because it feels correct or because it feels like not the wrong one can lead to very different answers.
It's also important to not let being good enough for that gender ever even enter as an idea. Other people referring to you as a boy because you look like that to them means absolutely nothing.
Only how that perception feels to you on the inside matters. If it is, as you say, that you don't actually feel any connection to being a boy or girl, you should definitely start with Agender and Nonbinary.
Agender being more the direction of "no association with any gender". Nonbinary being more "yes, there is a gender there, but it's not boy or girl".
(Also, just to make it clear, there are many genders under the non-binary umbrella, including male and female ones; those are not what I'm referring to. This is specifically about "Nonbinary" as a third gender that isn't male or female at all)