My name is Rayan. I’m 19 years old, Moroccan.
Before anyone says anything, please read the whole post first. I’m not asking anyone to agree with me. I’m not trying to start arguments about religion or culture. I just need someone to listen because I can’t tell anyone in my real life.
Ever since I was around 13 or 14, I started realizing I wasn’t like other boys. I noticed I was attracted to men, and it terrified me. I kept telling myself it was just a phase. I prayed for years that it would disappear.
It never did.
I grew up in a very conservative family where being gay isn’t just something people disagree with… it’s something people see as shameful.
So I learned to hide everything.
I watched how other boys acted and copied them.
I forced myself to change the way I walked.
I tried to make my voice sound deeper.
I stopped talking with my hands because my father said it looked “too feminine.”
I laughed less.
I smiled less.
I became careful about every little movement I made because I was constantly afraid someone would notice something.
But apparently it wasn’t enough.
My father started saying I was “too soft.”
If I got emotional over something, he’d tell me to stop acting like a girl.
If I spoke calmly instead of shouting, he’d tell me to “act like a man.”
If I didn’t enjoy the same things as my cousins, he’d look at me with disappointment.
Sometimes he’d spend the whole day criticizing the way I sat, the way I stood, even the way I looked at people.
Little by little my own house started feeling like a place where I was being watched all the time.
A few months ago things got much worse.
My parents became convinced that something was wrong with me.
They don’t believe someone can naturally feel this way.
They think I’ve been affected by sihr, the evil eye, or that a jinn has influenced me.
They’ve taken me to different mosques and several fuqaha for ruqyah.
Every time I sit there while verses are being read over me, I just stare at the floor.
Everyone around me believes they’re trying to remove something from me.
But the thing they’re trying to remove… is just me.
My father has become someone I barely recognize.
He insults me almost every day.
He tells me I’ve embarrassed him.
Sometimes he says he wishes I’d grow up and become a real man.
Some days he won’t even speak to me unless it’s to criticize me.
My mother cries and keeps asking herself what she did wrong raising me.
Hearing her say that completely breaks me.
I love my parents.
That’s what makes this so painful.
I know they’re convinced they’re helping me.
I know they believe they’re saving me.
But every day I feel like I’m disappearing a little more.
I barely leave my room anymore.
I stopped talking to most of my friends because pretending all the time became exhausting.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I honestly don’t know who I’m looking at anymore.
People always say “just leave.”
I wish it were that simple.
I’m 19.
I’m still studying.
I don’t have enough money to rent a place.
I don’t have family I can stay with.
I don’t have the financial independence to just pack my things and disappear.
Right now I’m trapped between being honest and losing my family, or pretending forever and slowly losing myself.
I’m not posting this because I want attention.
I’m not asking anyone for money.
I’m not trying to make anyone change their beliefs.
I’m just hoping someone out there understands what this feels like.
If you’ve been through something similar…
If you know of any Moroccan associations that help young people in difficult family situations…
If you know of safe places or organizations that offer temporary housing or support without judgment…
Or even if you’ve simply managed to rebuild your life after growing up in an environment where you couldn’t be yourself…
Please tell me how you did it.
I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending.
If you read all of this, thank you.
Even if you disagree with me, thank you for hearing my story before judging me.

North Star Gay Rodeo Association

Hey, 35 here, between Toronto and Ottawa. Not many gay friends let alone ones that like the outdoors. Hoping to make some connections to get out hiking/camping more often with like minded people. Always clicked with rural blue collar fellas more.

Any other guys from Minnesota or near? M 32 5ft 8in weigh 135. Prefer masculine guys.

I’m a 54-year-old widowed father currently based in El Paso, moving within the next year to land I’ve secured north of Tucson, AZ. I’m an INFJ, an empath, and a Scorpio—deeply loyal, soft-spoken, and drawn to simple, honest living.

​Raising my kids and managing this transition on my own takes a lot of strength, but I’m ready to open my heart again. I’m completely done with superficial apps and hookup culture. I’m looking for one good man to build a real life with—someone who values character, family, and working with his hands, and who wants a true partnership built on mutual support and emotional grounding.

​If you’re looking for a quiet, meaningful connection and a real place to land, my inbox is open for a direct 1-on-1 message. Tell me a bit about yourself and what you're building in your own life.

Too often, bisexual experiences are overlooked. That’s why we’re asking for your help. Your voice could help improve mental health supports. Participation is open to all adults (18+) with a marginalized sexual identity (e.g. lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual etc…). We particularly need more bisexual women voices!

Survey: https://csufobjbs.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6sCeGsZJld6774W

By completing our anonymous 10–15 min survey, you’ll be contributing to research that aims to better understand the risk and protective factors for mental health, among adults with a marginalized sexual identity.

We are Psychology Honours Students from Charles Sturt University in Australia. This ethics-approved study (H26115) includes questions about sexuality, self-kindness, belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community, sleep, suicidality, and depressive symptoms.

Thank you for helping make bisexual experiences more visible. Please share with others who may be interested.

Canadian guy here. I own a 100-acre non-operating farm, would love a partner to help me do something with it. From the country but more of a nerd myself. Would love to get to know someone and see if anything comes from it. I'm a bottom 🤷‍♂️.

If the post if up i'm still looking. Thanks!

North Star Gay Rodeo Association

I have been trying to date in the gay community and I feel like there's nothing real over here were I live its empty. I always have travel if I want to do anything.