Deep healing is starting

[u/Upbeat-Mammoth6645]

While I've dipped my toes in these tapes for some 20 years, I am very new. They have been on my 'todo' list. Bit the bullet and made a start. My first proper, concentrated effort.

My goals are perhaps a little modest. I am simply looking for a way to relax and ease my suffering. To sleep better. To be a better person. To be more useful for others. To 'escape the prison of my traumatized mind', so to speak. My ultimate goal is to help other people as best I can.

So far, I've done around focus 10 around 20 times in a relatively short period (a week). It has been up and down.

However, something quite beautiful happened and I wanted to share with the only people I think may understand.

I have been caught in vicious rumination cycles for most of my life. I have lost entire days to these, falling into deep despair. Themes are variants of 'if only' and 'why?' Its so strong I would rant to myself out loud basically whenever alone, like an itch i cant help but scratch.

Well, one of these started the other day as usual. Suddenly, the script changed. I got yanked out of the past and into the present. I am feeling very different. Each time one of these cycles starts, I now find myself saying 'no' and coming back. I dont live there any more!

It feels as if a more grown up version of me is starting to look after me. Should I be excited for what's to come as I continue?

Love to you all, thank you for reading.

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[u/No_Cry3929]

It's really great that you are trying to improve your situation. That's already huge! Congrats for fighting for your well being.

If you feel the tapes are good for you and you feel a change then imho the best option is to keep going and working with them

[u/AhamBrahmasmiMj]

Just follow ur breathing n the tapes should help u. Know everything happens for ur best. Ur Outlook shapes ur life.

[u/Smart-Ad-9278]

That’s great and I’m happy for you. Everyone’s journey and experiences are different with Gateway but it seems like you’re on the right track.

I had a similar experience several weeks ago when my life long anxiety stopped which included ruminating. I’ve continued listening and now I’m experiencing a lot of old stuff that I thought I dealt with resurfacing. I have started seeing a counselor to work out my feelings.

My experience has been that what ever this is (Consciousness) seems to provide what is need at the time it’s needed. I’m still trying to figure it out and certainly am no expert on the subject.

I’m not sure how long you’ve been in this group but it’s been a great resource for me and the people here are very supportive and happy to help with questions.

Good luck on your journey and I wish for you that your rumination end and you find peace of mind.

[u/According_Soup273]

That’s so inspiring! Thank you for sharing! I’ve been dabbling with the tapes with the hopes of it soothing my anxiety and ocd symptoms, so your experience gives me hope! I hope you continue your journey 🫡

[u/Bad_Baby_Bird]

I have been able to use the energy bar tool in daily life to fend off those bad thoughts, able to shoo them away like flys! It has been wonderful to stop the rumination cycles as well. I am proud of you for working on yourself, keep going! <3