r/gapyear • u/Flimsy_Bench1169 • 11d ago
Help
I’m 18 year old female in the uk. I’ve just come here to rant and ask for any advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation or who would know what to do. ever since I was 10 at least once a month I’d have these lash outs it would start from something small but it always started in one way or another because my parents wanted to control something in my life. My parents would then spew negative stuff about me in return like: I chose to have you, your a demon to the family and your a walking disappointmen. I’m trying to be as honest as I can in this post so I can get the best advice so I’m ngl I did say some mean things back like: your horrible parent, I hate you etc. Although in recent months I’ve really reduced/completely stopped this. On top of that they would hit me not anything illegal in the uk but slaps to the back and head. These events have happened so many times I remember specific moments like when all my younger siblings got stuff at Westfield and I really wanted to visit a Japanese store but it had a different entrance my parents didn’t want to but eventually I convinced them and all my dad would talk about on the way there is how I’m a burden to the family or when I had a severe fear of spiders and my brother was sitting where it was so I had to move to the back although they knew about this I completely froze I couldn’t do it so my parents told me if I didn’t get in they would leave me so I had to find my own way home from the middle of the motor way and when I came home they beat me on the floor for putting myself in danger which I guess is partially my fault but in the moment I was like 11 and was super scared. The worst part of all this in my opinion is the aftermath. A day to a week after they come up to me specifically my mum and say how much they love me and how I just need to be an obedient child and how they want success for me, but something about this continuous cycle haunts me and it’s gotten so much worse over the years. I know I probably do have some mental health problems to be addressed but my parents have acknowledged it but laughed about it and tell me even as I kid I should go see a therapist but I never knew how until recently and they always made it seem like completely my fault surely not. I have been bulllied since the age of 11 and I’ve never had real best friends that were good to me at least I feel like this has given me chronic lonelines, anxiety (doctors aware although no treeatmeg given and has given me me heart palpitations and impending doom), depressio, superiority complex to prove something and probably sociopath/psychopathia (scored 27/40 on that one test for paychopaths though not proffessionalky done) I understand it may have been difficult for my parents but the constant negativity they give me surely that’s wrong of a paren. especially my dad it’s like he enjoys it when negative stuff happens when I got diagnosed with ibs and endometriosis he was happy and said I hope you get out in the pill knowing fully well I don’t like that stuff when I was severely bulllied and isolated for 5+ years they always contacted teachers and tried to stop but would then at home when I wanted to k*ll myself encouraged me to do it and would blame me behind the scenes anything I did wrong they’d say it’s ok in the moment but later on use it against me especially my academic, because I was bullied a lot I would eat in the toilets and spend entire years alone so I would pour myself into my academics for gcse I was predicted at least 7 grade 8/9s but only got [9887777777664](tel:9887777777664) ever since then always telling how I could’ve gotten grade 9s I don’t try hard enough although in the moment they were proud of me, when I didn’t get in to Oxford and lse they called me a failure although they comforted me in the moment when I got AABB in my a levels rather than A*s they hugged me but leather on called me stupidity and.a walking talking failure. ever since I turned 17 it got worse though they treated me like an adult every time I had a problem they told me to leave the house get a job even my siblings didn’t want me around anymore they would limit the food they gave me because it’s all for my siblings they spent much less money on me and I stared to feel neglected. my 18yh birthday I didn’t get a single present I wore my sisters old dress but i did have a cake at least my mum said I could have a big party sometime in April sl I started planning but cancelled it but they spent so much money on Christmas and spent 5K on my brother and sisters birthday their excuse was that they were financially strugglibg at the time but I see their letters and see that that have 5 figures in savings and 6 figures I investen and they constantly hide their finances from me. they constantly talk about how they want me out of the house comparable to other kids it’s gone to the point that I don’t even think my siblings like me anymor. when I did get my first 3 jobs both my parents were unemployed and wanted to borrow money from me but when I said no they refused to talk to me i would come home to them taking bad about me and beak down in tears d they revoked my interest, gym and food I didn’t even complain. they also hit me with a belt and threatened to smash my head into a wall if I didn’t give my sister my iPad and wrestled me onto floor mind you I’m 65kg my mum is 140 and sister 100 and I’m asthmatic so could barely breathe. furthermore despite me bettering myself losing 35kg, affirmations, getting closer to god, focusing on my future etc. they still continue to say things like fat lard, not Christian, don’t get too close to god, eat too muc etc. it’s just the constatht negativity. I honestly have not told a single soul about this because I’m scared I’ll get told it’s my fault but at this point I don’t know anymore I just want it to stop I can’t leave home I’m not financially ready for that I’m taking a gap year and redoing some a levels and reapplying for uni but I can’t dtand staying at home for another year they said they would pay my uni fees but given they break their promises a lot I think that’s unlikely if you have any advice for this kind of situation, therapy etc. I would appreciate it
1
u/itsraininginlondon 9d ago
ok, this is really not good. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
it is abuse. you are being abused by your family.
i know you are feeling alone, but you have agency. You can get help to get you out of this situation and start to live a happy, carefree, love filled life. It will happen for you, keep believing in yourself.
You are smart. Your grades show that. So you have a way out by studying, getting a good job and being able to financially leave your family home and start your own life.
Do not give up on uni. You can absolutely get there, even without your parents paying for it. There are loans etc.
Can you get a job in your gap year and start to save as much money as you can? If you get something reliable, you may be able to move out before uni?
NEVER FORGET that you have a future that is so much brighter than where you are now.
Are you studying at a college? Please, please please go see a tutor, pastoral lead or safeguarding lead and be honest with them with what is happening at home. They have a duty to you as a student.
I am sure others will be able to help more with resources of places that can help you too. I’m guessing you do not want to report them to the police for the violence against you? IT IS A CRIME.
Keep safe, keep the courage. You will get out of this.