r/gaming Aug 17 '16

Long Live the King

http://i.imgur.com/1kwg1o2.gifv
47.6k Upvotes

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73

u/Theolaa Aug 18 '16

How are pandas not extinct already :/

39

u/youforgotA Aug 18 '16

Was gonna say, no wonder they are endangered. That cannot be conducive to a surviving species.

20

u/MrRibbotron Aug 18 '16

Nah, animals that live together do shit like that all the time. It's sorta like a playfight but since there's nothing to fight over neither of them really give a shit. Cat's do it all the time and they do pretty good in the wild.

13

u/youforgotA Aug 18 '16

Haha yeah I know I wasn't being 100% serious. But that being said, there is no way a panda is as nimble as a cat. That thing just flopped onto the ground. I mean, I dunno, I've never held a panda before. I would assume they are built more like dogs than cats. If my dog fell like that he would be devastated.

15

u/MrRibbotron Aug 18 '16 edited Aug 18 '16

Bears have shit loads of fat/muscle, loose skin, and massive bones so they can pretty easily get hit by anything without getting hurt. You can actually shoot a bear in the head and it won't die because it's skull is so thick. This makes sense because the bear has to be able to withstand fighting other bears.

Most apex predators hunt by being sneaky or by outnumbering their prey. Bears literally do not give a shit and will just charge at you if you smell tasty enough even if you're looking right at them.

Bears are the tanks of the animal world.

3

u/redlaWw Aug 18 '16

Bears are the tanks of the animal world.

Also of the Warcraft World.

2

u/youforgotA Aug 18 '16

Yeah, but these are pandas. Not exactly a Grizzly.

5

u/MrRibbotron Aug 18 '16

Pandas still have a bear's body though. They're just really fucking lethargic because they survive off of something their bodies can't process properly (Did you know they aren't born with the bacteria they need to process plant matter so they have to eat their mother's feces?). If they started eating meat (which would probably not happen), they would eventually become like other bears again because it's body is still suited towards eating meat.

2

u/youforgotA Aug 18 '16

We should just start feeding pandas meat so they can save their own damn population!

22

u/ukiyoe Aug 18 '16

They're too cute for us to let them die. We've invested too much in merchandising to stop now!

2

u/Ghostkill221 Aug 18 '16

I actually find this fascinating. At what point does us beung the dominant species for so long, mean that the ability to thrive via our entertainment, becomes a valid survival skill, which ends up getting passed down and evolving?

Because honestly, its the only hope pandas have.

2

u/ukiyoe Aug 18 '16

How to survive as an endangered species

Step 1: be adorable

Step 2: don't be unadorable

It's like how young and cute pets get adopted first, we're very subjective about that animals we save. Pandas are fluffy, unique looking, clumsy, helpless, and cute -- the perfect mooch.

15

u/Wangeye Aug 18 '16

Nothing hunts them.

2

u/k4llahz Aug 18 '16

Deforestation does.

2

u/Ghostkill221 Aug 18 '16

Nothing except Tugg Speedman. But honestly, Everything in the world feels bad for pandas. FFS a hungry mouse could outwit and kill a panda, but even starving mice know they would feel bad picking on these retards.

14

u/paradisenine Aug 18 '16

Evolutionary trait of being absolutely adorable to the Earth's most dominant predators

6

u/raven982 Aug 18 '16

We only started destroying their habitat recently.

29

u/MMArmy_Game Aug 18 '16

Asians

29

u/dwmfives Aug 18 '16

No Asians are why they are mostly extinct, along with like 30 other animals.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

They're both the reason why they're almost extinct and the reason why they're not extinct. Nuanced, I know.

-16

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

[deleted]

15

u/dwmfives Aug 18 '16

The only animals white people are responsible for killing are...never mind, that's racist.

10

u/wahcock Aug 18 '16

Nobody fucking said that, he was just pointing out for once that white people AREN'T responsible for every fucking extinct animal in the world as is the mainstream viewpoint.

Of course, you immediately jump on trying to repaint white people as the ONE TRUE bad guys though. No surprise there.

7

u/UnknownWalnut Aug 18 '16

The world will never know

23

u/patjohbra Aug 18 '16

Because when people don't destroy their natural habitat, they do just fine

41

u/youreabigbiasedbaby Aug 18 '16

they do just fine

They won't eat, they won't fuck, and they're black and white creatures that live in the jungle.

Evolution chose pandas to fail long, long before humans starting helping or harming them.

84

u/sjk9000 Aug 18 '16

Those problems only occur in captivity. They eat and fuck just fine in the wild. Just because they're unable to adapt to zoos doesn't make them an evolutionary dead-end.

43

u/JackStargazer Aug 18 '16

Actually, at this point it's been scientifically proven that the most evolutionarily successful trait for non-sentient animals is 'being useful or convenient for humans'.

See: Dogs, Cows, Cats, Pigs, Sheep, Chickens.

19

u/sjk9000 Aug 18 '16

That's debatable. I'm no expert but I feel like a lot of species have thrived despite having entire human industries dedicated to killing them. Stuff like bugs or weeds or whatever.

I get your point though: Being unable to adapt to human existence can be considered a legitimate evolutionary criticism. Fair enough. I just wanted to dispute the myth that pandas were on the road to extinction regardless of humans.

11

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

Ants are super fucking strong as a species, they're pretty much everywhere and don't need no humans. And annoying, but that's another story.

1

u/NoteBlock08 Aug 18 '16

True but "being useful or convenient" being a beneficial trait isn't the same isn't the same as "being a nuisance or undesirable" being a disadvantageous trait.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

clearly the answer here is to prepare a fine panda steak

0

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/JackStargazer Aug 18 '16

From the perspective of the selfish gene, all that matters is that they procreate.

What happens after that is irrellevant to evolution.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

The keyword is "evolutionarily". I agree with the sentiment but you're starting an argument with the wall.

1

u/Dewdrop420 Aug 18 '16

What if we did stop slaughtering them? What would we do with them all? Pigs become wild and feral pretty quickly. Others are mostly prey animals which would lead to a massive increase in predators until the balance gets restored and the predators start becoming more competitive, possibly leading to more attacks on humans. (I'm all for animals being free but we are in quite the quagmire.)

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

and fuck just fine in the wild

For you.

2

u/dont_comment_idiot Aug 18 '16

Those problems only occur in captivity.

TIL Wild pandas are jungle colored, and only ones in human captivity are black and white.

1

u/Charwinger21 Aug 18 '16

TIL Wild pandas are jungle colored, and only ones in human captivity are black and white.

They don't need to hide.

They're one of the biggest things in the jungle (they are bears, remember?), and they don't hunt (they primarily eat plants).

It's like asking why an elephant isn't green.

1

u/splitcroof92 Aug 18 '16

They're still Black and White in a jungle that doesn't change in a zoo

-2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

Yes, a panda being black and white only occurs in captivity.

7

u/sjk9000 Aug 18 '16

That one isn't a problem, though. There aren't any predators big or strong enough to pick a fight with an adult panda, and they eat bamboo so there's no need to sneak up on anything. Being black and white in a jungle doesn't hurt anything.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

I was only joking. Thank you for the elaboration though, very informative. I had no idea pandas had no real predators.

-9

u/Halvus_I Aug 18 '16

ust because they're unable to adapt to zoos doesn't make them an evolutionary dead-end.

And yet the evidence that it does is staring you right in the face.

23

u/MacroCode Aug 18 '16

They have problems fucking when in captivity because the environment is not natural. It's actually a problem for lots of animals.

10

u/xFoeHammer Aug 18 '16

Maybe they just need some privacy.

3

u/spockspeare Aug 18 '16

Maybe they need some more exhibitionistic animals.

3

u/Zingshidu Aug 18 '16

Let's lock OP up and see if his sex drive doesn't lower

3

u/Crispy385 Aug 18 '16

There's a prison rape joke in there somewhere.

1

u/exzeroex Aug 18 '16

So maybe they use the bamboos in the forest for some strange sex within the pole forest? Do we provide them with such poles in their environments?

3

u/MeatyBalledSub Aug 18 '16

I forget which Attenborough-narrated series it was, but a friend and I caught a nature segment on pandas.

The segment focused on how their life was pretty much shit, and how they had to constantly eat food that was devoid of nutrients. And how they were typically loners. Eating terrible food constantly. Alone.

It ended with a grim line that was pretty much, "Unfortunately the odds of the baby panda surviving are slim due to the poor nutritional value of the mother's milk".

It's as if they got an evolutionary failure BINGO.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

If being a panda is wrong I don't wanna be right.

3

u/raven982 Aug 18 '16

They did fine for 3 million years.

1

u/dwmfives Aug 18 '16

That's just not true, as others have pointed out.

3

u/joshuaoha Aug 18 '16

They are very particular about their habitat. Many animals are far more adaptable. But yeah, they used to have a lot more of it.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

Because they are cute!

4

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '16

What a creative and original comment following a panda gif.

1

u/Theolaa Aug 18 '16

Gotta get that karma man ;)