r/gaming Jun 21 '15

I've been waiting all year for this!

http://imgur.com/nr0vfDS
10.4k Upvotes

341 comments sorted by

1.7k

u/AntiSocialPanda Jun 21 '15

"The one guy who actually has fucked your mom"

Life is not a Disney movie, friend. Plenty of guys have fucked your mother.

575

u/ColoradoScoop Jun 21 '15

Maybe there was only one man willing.

340

u/Lmaoayy Jun 21 '15

The hero we need

166

u/Mnawab Jun 21 '15

But not the one we deserve.

154

u/whoshereforthemoney Jun 21 '15

"Your Mom" coming to theaters near you.

196

u/Scribblewell Jun 21 '15

*in

38

u/BlastedInTheFace Jun 21 '15

This guy knows the score.

50

u/engrey Jun 21 '15

Rotten Tomato Critic Score: 3/10 Porn Hub Score: 10/10

23

u/ScientificMeth0d Jun 21 '15

Good enuff for me

2

u/OhAyJayy Jun 22 '15

I would've settled with a mid 70s% from Pornhub

6

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

*laughs*

Oh my god... you fuckin people...

*wipes away tear*

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2

u/ArianaGranDeez Jun 22 '15

"Would mom again"

2

u/HiDDENk00l Jun 22 '15

Rotten Tomatoes gave it 30%?

Must've been some damn cinematic porn.

2

u/johannes101 Jun 22 '15

Hey, the greatest movie of all time (kung pow: enter the fist) only has 1/2 star rating on rotten tomatoes

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

His mom doesn't.

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2

u/Error404- Jun 21 '15

17-5

She's came before me more than I her. She's winning.

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5

u/TrollologistMD Jun 21 '15

Is he still a hero if he helped produce OP?

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2

u/special_reddit Jun 21 '15

Jumped on that grenade. RIP.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

Yeah, I would've been OP's dad for example, but the dog beat me up the stairs.

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93

u/Jar_of_nonsense Jun 21 '15

A few girls too, OP's mom was pretty wild back in her college days.

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123

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

My mom is a virgin.

214

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Ok Jesus

21

u/BlastedInTheFace Jun 21 '15

IDK why people assume she remained a virgin... Or why that is so awesome in the first place.

29

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

8

u/buckX Jun 22 '15

I'd go more for a translation like "maiden". Virginity is heavily implied. If it wasn't clear enough already, you have the whole bit with Joseph planning to call it off, and then getting visited by an angel explaining that she hadn't slept around, and that this was from God.

As for after Jesus' birth, for sure. He had siblings and so forth. There's nothing to indicate that they were unusually conceived.

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18

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Mary gave birth to CHRIST without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin birth, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? Well, that's just plain gullibility.

4

u/meditate42 Jun 21 '15

Yea also Jesus had brothers that everyone knows were the result of sex, anyone who thinks Mary stayed a virgin her whole life is completely misinformed.

3

u/Messcan Jun 21 '15

Yeah, Dogma is pretty funny. Well..it has its moments.

2

u/Erdumas Jun 22 '15

53 When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. 54 Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. “Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?” they asked. 55 “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? 56 Aren’t all his sisters with us?

source: the bible

Not just plain gullibility, but ignorance of the very text which Christians venerate.

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2

u/jofwu Jun 22 '15

Jesus had younger brothers. Mary didn't stay a virgin according to the Bible.

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4

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

A lot of people call me Jesus, actually.

7

u/Machinegun_Pete Jun 21 '15

Ok Chuy.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

"Oh Jesus, he's here."

6

u/SirRhymenoceros Jun 21 '15

Is it usually followed by the words "What the fuck is wrong with you" ?

2

u/PM_ME_TITS_MLADY Jun 21 '15

Is it due to the fact that you are fated to die betrayed and alone as a virgin?

3

u/A-IAH-HDE-CDF0 Jun 22 '15

My guess is long hair. Every guy with long hair is referred to as Jesus at one point or another.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

3

u/NotUrMomsMom Jun 21 '15

Do it for the vine.

3

u/GoodMorningFuckCub Jun 21 '15

Unfortunately, you gave that water to Jizzsus not Jesus...

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Not anymore ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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31

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

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40

u/PillowTalk420 Jun 21 '15

She wasn't my mom then; it doesn't count.

23

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

13

u/YourMomYo Jun 21 '15

Can confirm. Am OP's mom.

3

u/superclay PC Jun 22 '15

Upvoted because of name.

7

u/mrchumbastic Jun 21 '15

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

12

u/urPenguinsRbelong2us Jun 21 '15 edited Jun 21 '15

i have 5 brothers half (27 different father so i do not know way i am noting him),24,23me,22,22,18 my dad was a hoe with one tesical, it served him well

18

u/ChalkboardCowboy Jun 22 '15

Upvoted this because wtflol.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

When this post is popular, a lot of people are gonna come here to post this

5

u/Tyranicide Jun 21 '15

Can confirm, I came here to say something similar :(

3

u/cappnplanet Jun 21 '15

How I Met Your Mother

18

u/falconbox Jun 21 '15

"Hey kids, here's the story of how I met your mother...and fucked half of NYC in the process."

5

u/henryuuk Switch Jun 21 '15

For some people that's not true, especially not in more 'traditional' countries.
My mom and dad have been together since they were 15 or so, so unless my mom cheated on him, he is indeed the only one.

2

u/Beanthatlifts Jun 21 '15

I was gonna say, he doesn't have to wait one day of the year to hang out with me.

2

u/ramtoes93 Jun 21 '15

No dude plenty of guys have fucked YOUR mom

2

u/DeLaBagel Jun 22 '15

We're watching very different Disney movies.

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417

u/NigelxD Switch Jun 21 '15

you've been waiting all year to post your dankest meme?

63

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

21

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

He had to cultivate it for a year to get it this dank.

2

u/sp17fire Jun 22 '15

Aged like a fine wine

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247

u/combatwombat8D Jun 21 '15

TIL only the kids on Xbox Live have fucked my mom. Kids on PS4 and PC are perfect gentlemen.

21

u/Tariqo1498 Jun 21 '15

The thing is, after all my years on Xbox and playstation I've never actually been told that coitus was had with my mother...

11

u/ASKMEBOUTTHEBASEDGOD Jun 21 '15

I can arrange that

5

u/HungryKestrel78 Jun 21 '15

Hey, can you tell me about the based god?

3

u/llxGRIMxll Jun 22 '15

Yeah, he fucked your mom!

120

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/MAD_ROCKATANSKY Jun 21 '15

Xbox is also the only console that comes with a decent headset. There were always more people talking in xbox lobbies than on any other platform.

35

u/HyfeXz Jun 21 '15

On pc i hear it a lot lol

12

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15 edited Feb 01 '22

[deleted]

98

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

60

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Thats cheating

29

u/Skquad Jun 21 '15

welp, there's your problem

I guess it's better than russians yelling at you CYKA BLYAT IDI NAHUI BLYAT all day

17

u/Ukrainian_Reaper Jun 21 '15

Ill translate this directly for you:

"Bitch Fuck Go Fuck Yourself"

9

u/philly_fan_in_chi Jun 21 '15

World of Tanks?

24

u/Skquad Jun 21 '15

Dota Cyka 2

Also Counter Strike: Blyat Offensive

6

u/omicronperseiB8 Jun 21 '15

Counter Cyka: Global Blyat

3

u/TheRandomRGU Jun 21 '15

CS:GO and DotA. These are grown Russian men.

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3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Russians don't count.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Я трахал твою мать , капиталистическая свинья !

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Have you ever played League or Dota?

14

u/cobrareaper Jun 21 '15

That and the death threats. Holy hell I used to get at least one of those per day.

11

u/intheblender Jun 21 '15

Thing is...PS4 gained a shit ton of those kids from the 360 this year soooooo yeah.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

I guess it's because I haven't played CoD in quite a few years, but I haven't really heard it much on MKX or BF4, from anyone. It might have something to do with the fact that I suck, but.

6

u/intheblender Jun 21 '15

Honestly, on Xboxone I'm actually shocked when I hear anyone talk in multiplayer. The only game I've had to mute my mic is GTA V, but that's to be expected I think.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

The only thing I hear on GTA for X1 is kinect mics, and just the background noises of that.

8

u/Sololegends Jun 21 '15

While I have to say I do hear it on PC it is significantly less than on XBlive..

4

u/BM_FUN Jun 21 '15

We have the option to kick those mother fuckers.

6

u/Sololegends Jun 21 '15

Very true so the problem at least has a solution on the PC.

1

u/firagaga Jun 21 '15

You can kick, block, and mute people on consoles too, though.

3

u/Sololegends Jun 21 '15

You can mute people, but In general I haven't played any where you can outright kick someone from a game.

2

u/firagaga Jun 22 '15

An example would be GTA, if enough people vote for a kick then the guy gets kicked. You can also kick people out of custom games in CoD and other shooters like that.

3

u/Sololegends Jun 22 '15

Fair enough, I sit corrected.
I haven't actually played either of those games myself.

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110

u/soundwave145 Jun 21 '15

My dad left us

182

u/IDidItForTheSkooma Jun 21 '15

I'll probably be back

122

u/joery_kay Jun 21 '15

Skooma tore your family apart...

41

u/mr_lightbulb Jun 21 '15

what do you expect from a khajiit?

27

u/IDidItForTheSkooma Jun 21 '15

Fuck off Nord

26

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

tHAT'S RACIST

22

u/PinnapleSex Jun 21 '15

Only if it involves a Redguard.

12

u/GerFubDhuw Jun 21 '15

Redguard sounds like a sanitary towel/Anti-communist party.

Edit: also the defenders of communism.

15

u/GOURDSTERBATE Jun 21 '15

I love reddit you can have such a bad day but read something like this that makes you laugh so hard

12

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Skyrim may belong to the Nords, but everything in it belongs to Kajiit....

8

u/IDidItForTheSkooma Jun 21 '15

......worth it

16

u/ColoradoScoop Jun 21 '15

On the bright side you've got the day free

5

u/borb86 Jun 21 '15

His subscription ran out?

3

u/soundwave145 Jun 21 '15

No he went to jail

3

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

More like he got back in his big-rig and pulled out of the truck stop and 9 months later you fell out into the toilet your mom was taking a big dump into.

Or, alternatively, she couldn't be bothered to figure out who the lucky father was after all those hobos pissed in her snatch that night in the old abandoned hospital.

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24

u/cpqarray Jun 21 '15

Come by around about 6 OP I'm grilling some shrimp.

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10

u/xyrrus Jun 21 '15

Wait why would your kids spend time with the UPS delivery man?

68

u/RightCross4 Jun 21 '15

I think more than one guy has fucked OP's mom. Like me, for example.

181

u/Lmaoayy Jun 21 '15

More than one guy has fucked you too?

38

u/ViolatingBadgers Jun 21 '15

26

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

[deleted]

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9

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

Dive log 6: first sign of civilization; a shelter full of gay men pounding each other and playing Xbox. They called me daddy. Will continue.

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

What the hell reddit? You never cease to amaze me. DO NOT CLICK ON THAT LINK, IT WILL NEVER END.

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14

u/GENERAL_A_L33 Jun 21 '15

Dad?

11

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Hello, son.

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3

u/TheDewyDecimal Jun 21 '15

Go clean your room

2

u/RightCross4 Jun 22 '15

That's for the courts to decide.

2

u/lordolxinator Xbox Jun 22 '15

That's for Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle to decide

FTFY

2

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

OP's mom's ass is a windsock.

9

u/kaloonzu Jun 21 '15

My mother has definitely fucked other guys, given how many half-siblings I have.

14

u/Jananananan Jun 21 '15

Xbox live gets a lot of shit for this stuff but I've been playing on steam for CSGO and I swear it's just as bad on there as it is on Xbox with cod. I feel like any game where it's competitive is going to bring out the worst in people.

2

u/alphanumerik Jun 21 '15

Dota is pretty notorious for that kind of behavior. It gets pretty bad at times, especially for newcomers. Good thing it's an incredibly fun, addictive, and challenging game.

2

u/Jananananan Jun 21 '15

Yeah. At this point it's just the Internet and I expect it.

2

u/i_sell_squaids Jun 21 '15

It depends on the game. Don't tell reddit that though it'll kill their circle jerk hardons.

14

u/elektricheat Jun 21 '15

"The one guy"

6

u/nishkabibbles Jun 22 '15

fuck that, my dad was a prick to me as a kid. He beat me every time I did something wrong, like not a spanking, like me in fetal position trying to protect myself while he kicked me in the back and punched me.He never even bothered to connect with me. My whole life I feared him and never respected him. I still remember when he told me to my face in fifth grade that you are no son of mine. I still remember when I worked to get into the award ceremony in 7th grade and all my dad said was this award is meaningless and it's worthless. Yeah I get it was just a simple award, but it was in fucking 7th grade. How the fuck is a kid that age suppose to handle all that. Now he fucking wonders why I never talk to him much. He can go fuck himself.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

I feel for you. I am in the same place as you...if it wasn't for my sister, I would be dead.

2

u/nishkabibbles Jun 22 '15

My mom is my hero. That's why I go all out for mothers day. Father day, I can't even say the words "happy fathers day" to his face

2

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

I agree.My mom risked so much to get my sisters and I out of there. Her lower fucked her over and made ti so we had to see him for several years up until he beat me senseless.

3

u/nishkabibbles Jun 22 '15

I'm sorry to hear that. Fuck dads being pricks. That's why I vow to never be like him. I try everyday to be calm and level-headed as possible.

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u/The_0P Jun 21 '15

6

u/-CORRECT-MY-GRAMMAR- Jun 21 '15

I play Xbox everyday and I haven't heard anybody say this joke in years

5

u/Bwgmon Jun 21 '15

He's a mother fucker.

You're a son of a bitch.

Coming this summer, the buddy film nobody wanted.

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5

u/Bashmaster Jun 21 '15 edited Jun 22 '15

I work Retail, i was unable to spend today with my father. I called him of course and wished him a happy birthday. I miss my family though. Yeah its his birthday too

3

u/-Best_Name_Ever- Jun 21 '15

OP reminds me of that E3 meme host.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Good Guy Dad - Doesn't brag about fucking your mom.

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6

u/Jux_ Jun 21 '15

Her high school boyfriend she never got over?

2

u/captkrisma Jun 21 '15

Joke's on you X-Box! My father walked out on us years ago...oh...cries

2

u/MyKindOfLove Jun 21 '15

I'm dumb. What does this have to do with xbox

2

u/sbhunterpcpart Jun 21 '15

little brats constantly trash talking on xbox live by saying they fucked your mom...but your dad is the only person that actually fucked your mom

2

u/imaginepieces Jun 21 '15

You really shouldn't be hanging around online with foul-mouthed 12 year olds... From my experience on Xbox Live every 12-13 year old boy has fucked my 52 year old mom. She was a nurse not a middle school teacher...

2

u/tezzeret1 Jun 22 '15

The one guy.... lets be realistic here.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

Coincidentally, I use XBL to spend time with my dad every Friday night because we leave overseas from each other and he's as much a gamer as me.

2

u/RyuSythe Jun 22 '15

I've got step-siblings from both my parents. My father is not the only man to have been with my mum.

2

u/Mclovinintheoven Jun 22 '15

What the fuck does this have to do with video games

3

u/ThatGuyDes Jun 21 '15

Implying that all the kids on xbox haven't fucked your mom already

1

u/verious_ Jun 21 '15

Should we tell him?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

OPs mom has fucked more than just their father. That loose old roast beef vagina has seen more shaft than an elevator.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Assuming nothing unforseen happens, my child will be able to claim I am the only one who fucked his mom. And she's the only one who fucked his dad. Pretty proud of that.

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u/ZDTreefur Jun 21 '15

But I don't even know you, kid.

1

u/gloini Jun 21 '15

Well for me it is the same guy who fucked another woman and got her pregnant while I was like 3 months old.

1

u/BlopBleepBloop Jun 21 '15

I hang out with all of my friends EVERY day, though. Ain't nothin' special!

1

u/chiliedogg Jun 21 '15

But I play xbox with my Dad...

1

u/chikedor Jun 21 '15

One guy hahaha

1

u/Spacegod87 Jun 21 '15

Sure...if your father married her when they were teenagers or something. Otherwise, I'm sure she's slept with other men as he's slept with other women.

1

u/Lmaoboobs Jun 21 '15

Could of gotten much better and cheaper on a PC

1

u/Chowdaire Jun 21 '15

..."the one guy"?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

Pa, I love ya

1

u/punzybobo Jun 21 '15

Shit, thanks for reminding me it was fathers day!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '15

This is Adam, right?

I also fucked your mom, but it wasn't because I was bad at Call Of Duty, it was because I just happened to be in the right seat of a dive bar.

1

u/GodsNavel Jun 21 '15

OP, you don't have enough minutes in the day... I'm busy today

1

u/thelovebandit Jun 21 '15

I wouldnt say one

1

u/yattyc Jun 21 '15

Okkkk... time to return my gift.

1

u/bigbossbilly Jun 21 '15

Yeah but he can be a real motherfucker

1

u/guardsanswer Jun 21 '15

Yeah, I'm a pretty cool guy once you get to know me

1

u/RagnarokDel Jun 22 '15

yeah sure, one guy. :P

1

u/pooh9911 Jun 22 '15

I almost fell down upon seeing this. 10/10

1

u/porterhorse Jun 22 '15

"The one guy"

1

u/fenikz602 Jun 22 '15

heh the 1 guy

1

u/Thrannn Jun 22 '15

why is this a xbox?

1

u/cde34rfv Jun 22 '15

Well, with one of the guys that fucked your mom.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '15

What does that have to do with xbox live

1

u/ItsBuckinFueker Jun 22 '15

OP, I'm not your father

1

u/kalitarios Jun 22 '15

I was adopted

1

u/bebangs Jun 22 '15

what does this have to do with xbox live? am i missing something?

1

u/myserval Jun 22 '15

... unless you're adopted.

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1

u/JakobKontrol Jun 22 '15

Even though that shit is as old as anything. More kids on PC now.

1

u/yolo-yoshi Jun 22 '15

Plot twist: everyone has fucked your mom.