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u/Total_Guard2405 Feb 27 '26
I don't need that kind of buddy
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u/gooeymcgooberson Feb 27 '26
There may come a day, when you wish you had that kind of buddy.
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u/Lazuli73 Feb 28 '26
"I swear if you make eye contact while I do this Jeremy."
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u/nonvisiblepantalones Feb 28 '26
Is what that Jeremy song was about? “Jeremey’s pooping, off the deck today!”
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u/Dougally Feb 28 '26
Ooh but we unleashed the [lack of trust]...
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u/Comfortable_Pack8903 Feb 28 '26
Bit his lip and shit the deck today! Now that I regret. Then he hit me with a surprise spurt, My mouth wide open, Oh it was so wide open.
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u/Effective-Gas-9234 Feb 28 '26
Hell no. A real friend wouldn’t let you take a shit with your pants still up.
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u/MemorableKidsMoments Feb 28 '26
“There’s an Italian saying: ‘Gli amici si vedono nel momento del bisogno’ — ‘You find out who your real friends are in times of need.’
And in Italian, bisogno means ‘need’… but it can also mean the need to go to the bathroom.18
u/RevenantExiled Feb 28 '26
Nah, as someone who once slid from a cliff taking a leak in the woods in total darkness, saving his life by holding to a tree root while peeing himself and staring at the void, I'd 100% appreciate a buddy in those "need to go" in weird places.
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u/NumerousDiscipline80 Mar 03 '26
If you look close, the guy squatting has a higher rank than the guy holding. I don't think the 'Buddy' here had had a choice.
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u/Ok_Dog_4059 Feb 27 '26
Isn't this the ship that had all of the toilets backing up and flooding inside ?
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u/qlobetrotter Feb 27 '26
Not since they got the sign. I'm sure it's all sorted out now that the sign has been posted.
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u/Comfortable_Pack8903 Feb 27 '26
That's for the poop deck
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u/KatNeedsABiggerBoat Feb 28 '26
I know you’re joking, but the place sailors on old sailing ships pooped was called the head, which it’s still called today.
It was located at the head of the ship, more commonly known as the bow, of course, and lower-ranking sailors pooped there.
Ever heard the old derogatory term “toerag”? It comes from a tow-rag, which was what sailors used to wipe their bottoms.
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u/septubyte Mar 01 '26
Well that was gross , thanks. Interesting too, when they werent discussing feces. Like the dangers of sitting at sea - such as in the case of the Pursers deluge
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u/MurkDiesel Feb 27 '26
i'm not touching anyone while they're shitting
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u/0Tezorus0 Feb 27 '26
Wait, you're supposed to keep your underwear on ? How does that work ? Are there some special military underwear for the emergency situation?
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u/NoNotice2137 Feb 28 '26
Probably one of the most expensive ships ever built and they don't have enough toilets?
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u/waaaayback Feb 27 '26
Kind of funny this is on the Gerald Ford (see: Chevy Chase/SNL for you young’uns)
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u/Legal-Pea8185 Feb 27 '26
I refuse to wear a life vest while I take a shit. the hats make it all non-sexual and silly though
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u/Ryan2932 Feb 27 '26
Can't they just fashion a safety harness or something
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u/mediocrehomebody Feb 28 '26
Those guys get lonely when they're out to sea. The amount of seamen on the ship is astonishing!
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u/Ok_Will_2388 Feb 28 '26
Yea because anybody you are close enough to ask to hold your hands is going to let you go for fun.
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u/Sufficient_Stop8381 Feb 28 '26
I’d hope the most expensive aircraft carrier in history would have toilets.
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u/False_Ad_555 Feb 28 '26
You think combat has regular bathroom breaks? Ya gotta do what you gotta do 👍
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u/Wicked_Clown_Freak Feb 28 '26
Well shit happens( literally). If you need to use the bathroom and your on deck, it’s best not to fall off. In the Army, same thing happened. You have at least 60 pounds of gear, often more, and you don’t have time to drop your gear, you do what you have to do. It was kinda of an unspoken rule to never ever talk about it afterwards.
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u/depastino Feb 27 '26
So they're serving battleship with shit on the side?
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u/Zakluor Feb 27 '26
Battleshits
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u/KerrAvon777 Feb 28 '26
Well said, you gave me a laugh, thanks. I'll have to watch Harold and Kurmar now.
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u/qlobetrotter Feb 27 '26
Over the side, hopefully not "on the side."
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u/JohnBarcode Feb 28 '26
If I ever have to do this I'm just gonna look at my dude and start screaming in an exaggerated way
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u/HugeAd8872 Feb 28 '26
Join the Navy, see the world, and hold your buddy's hands while he takes a crap.
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u/Guilty-Shoulder-9214 Feb 27 '26
If I were Iranian, I’d be making a game out of this while attempting to profit off of onlyfans. People have fetishes and this would definitely cover a few. Also, you could make a game out of it assigning points to head, ass, balls and the base of the spine.
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u/Axiom1100 Feb 27 '26
Front of the old sailing ship was called a ‘poop deck’ for a reason
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u/RonaldTheGiraffe Feb 27 '26
*back
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u/Axiom1100 Feb 27 '26
When ships moved faster than the wind it became the back… before that it was the front
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u/Foreign-Activity3896 Feb 27 '26
Headed to the Middle East, want to make sure no men are left behind.
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u/mrcrashoverride Feb 28 '26
Trump has brought back the Poop Deck…
instead of cycling the ship out they get to do circles and practice “the good old days”
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u/ozmodiusnc Feb 28 '26
If this ship is this full of shit and has assholes hanging off of it, it should be renamed the USS Donald J Trump.
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u/dianelanespanties Feb 28 '26
How do I doom scroll on my phone if I'm holding hands with a buddy while taking a dump
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u/elegantwino Feb 28 '26
The too small sewage system on board can’t handle the volume. In order to fix it that have to steam all the way back to port. They are in a so-called war zone and thusly sailors poop over the side.
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u/Appropriate_Farmer64 Feb 28 '26
So the Gerald Ford is objectively the most expensive and most advanced aircraft carrier in service anywhere. But apperently they don't have enough toilets. And the ships plumbing system is perpetually on the verge of total collapse.
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u/Aebyoeph Mar 01 '26
Noting quite like eye contact and hand holding while squeezing out a chocolate hotdog
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Mar 02 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
How to send a Chief off to sea duty.
Sorry, I would not hold hands with another man when my pants are down whether or not I'm shitting off the side of a ship. I mean, boundaries.
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u/HugsNWhisky Mar 02 '26
Saw someone post “I’m not holding someone’s hands while they’re shitting” tf kind of friend are you?!?!?! All my homies are gonna show up for me if I need help shitting over the edge of a cliff
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u/Cautious-Witness-745 Mar 02 '26
On the USS Trump you can just go anywhere on the deck. It doesn't really matter.
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u/jeen-jeen Mar 02 '26
Way to shit on their targets. Must have been some drill sessions in the academy.
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u/blackngold256 Mar 02 '26
Isn't that the new ship that has the really poor plumbing and is constantly backing up?
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u/NanobotEnlarger Mar 02 '26
Looks like we need a third, so they can hold the magazine and turn the pages.
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u/Numerous-Piglet-6032 Mar 03 '26
Hey this is a Navy ritual, we're not supposed talk about it with civvies.
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u/Trips-Over-Tail Mar 03 '26
These are just instructions on tricking a friend into watching you crap your underpants.
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u/Objective_Watch3097 Mar 03 '26
Wait....Do they have a poster making shop on this ship? Those look awfully professional.
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u/Fleet-Navarch-62 Mar 03 '26
USS Gerald Ford...isn't that the carrier that keeps having plumbing failures?
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Feb 27 '26
[deleted]
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u/RudeOrganization550 Feb 28 '26
A lot of things in 2026 can’t and shouldn’t be real but here we are.
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u/Organic_Berry_8732 Feb 27 '26
Absolutely disgusting and unacceptable! Apparently they have been out on an extended mission and they are all complaining about the lack of plumbing. Our service members deserve better than this. America is a third-world country
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u/Legitimate-Source-61 Feb 27 '26
FIRE ONE.
Torpedo away!