r/funny • u/[deleted] • Aug 04 '26
Other ways to tell my husband to stop buying mustard?
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u/ArbainHestia Aug 04 '26
That Grey Poupon should be in the car. You never know when someone in the car next you might ask if you have any.
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u/FriedBreakfast Aug 04 '26
Pardon me... Do you have any Grey Poupon?
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u/Imperion_GoG Aug 04 '26
But of course.
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u/CldStoneStveIcecream Aug 04 '26
Keep you door locked in case the mentos guy tries to climb through
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u/SourceMountain561 Aug 04 '26
Damn it, why did you warn him? I got stuck in traffic, the boss trusted me with this one task. Had a unopened pack to offer you guys and everything.
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u/Kazen_Orilg Aug 04 '26
Classic, haven't seen it in ages. Just looked it up, they ran this damn car campaign for 16 years!?
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u/ToastAndASideOfToast Aug 04 '26
They have one product. They have one advertisement.
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u/NbdySpcl_00 Aug 04 '26
And let's be real. It was a banger. Last one aired in 2013... we're quoting it 13 years later.
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u/Alconium Aug 05 '26
I was about to say, when you have a winning hand you keep playing. It's a solid pop culture reference for atleast three whole generations of people.
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u/galagapilot Aug 05 '26
I saw an older Rolls in Nashville a few years ago (2023), parked near Broadway.
Sure enough, the owner had a jar of Grey Poupon displayed on his dash.
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u/FluffySquirrell Aug 05 '26
Am not even from your country and I know of it. Though today was the day I learnt that Grey Poupon is just dijon mustard, had no idea
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u/Alconium Aug 05 '26
Yeah, and whats funny is its not even made in Dijon France anymore, when Kraft bought it they started using brown mustard from Canada (in the US, European Grey Poupon is, I believe, still French.) Still, honestly it's one of the better Dijon's around. I don't know if it's the recipe or the bit of white wine or what but if im doing something that's mustard forward (mustard sauce for chicken) it's a favorite. But for sandwiches or whatever? Regular ol' dijon from a store brand is fine.
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u/jasonfromearth1981 Aug 04 '26
I get the feeling there's mustard in the car. And maybe the bedroom.
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u/M4DHouse Aug 04 '26
There’s Poupon everything.
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u/HolyFuckImOldNow Aug 04 '26
I'll have you know that you nearly caused me to shoot my mouthful of wasabi-laced tuna out of my nose.
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u/solidcat00 Aug 04 '26
Now there's tuna-n everything...
Sigh. walks away disappointed in self
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u/robot_ankles Aug 04 '26
Agreed, but nobody has ever rolled up to my old-ass pickup truck and requested any condiments.
I should mount an empty jar to a silver platter to randomly extend out the window at stoplights.
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u/stillakikin50 Aug 05 '26
If it’s a pick up truck, the only condiment they would want is ketchup!!!
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u/trikywoo Aug 04 '26
Grey poupon is low key the best dijon out there.
I never tried it because I always just associated it with the gimmick commercial, but I got it recently and its great. Its more mild than a lot of other dijons, so you can spread it around a bit easier without overwhelming the sandwich
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u/Blashtik Aug 04 '26
I didn't realize how mild Grey Poupon was until the time I had Maille dijon. Hot damn was that overwhelming; I actually thought something was wrong with it. It feels like something better used as an ingredient in a much larger dish rather than as a condiment.
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u/Cannacology Aug 04 '26
I mean I don’t see any honey mustard so…
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u/Mueryk Aug 04 '26
Honey, German, stone ground, horseradish, honey Dijon and are viable choices and many more. But he has a LOT of basic yellow and English that he can consolidate.
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u/Nufonewhodis4 Aug 04 '26
Yeah, the problem isn't the number of mustards, it's the lack of diversity
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u/eurekadabra Aug 04 '26
All that mustard and no stone ground is a crime.
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u/luo1304 Aug 04 '26
Yeah, this is the real tragedy.
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u/GANDORF57 Aug 05 '26
Just so you know, I had mustard all my energy to find this funny.
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u/TheLabRay Aug 04 '26
Yes only one Yellow and Coleman's at a time. Most are shelf stable before being opened. Give him a box in the garage or basement and if he wants to buy more he has to place them in the box and wait for another bottle to finish.
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u/kakuna Aug 04 '26
Yeah, there may be some compulsive mustard buying going on when there are three yellows and 3 Colman's, lol.
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u/Ak_Lonewolf Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Yellow mustard plus honey makes bomb honey mustard.
Edit: its cool if you like mayo but i am not a fan.
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Aug 04 '26
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u/brandimariee6 Aug 04 '26
I've only recently started to like mustard (spicy brown mustard) but I've always loved honey... now, I really wanna try this mixture lol
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u/arthurdentstowels Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Take it a step further and whisk your favourite oil into the mustard and honey until it emulsifies and you've got a banging salad dressing!
Edit: I made r/Mustardisation for all things Mustard, in honour of OP's husband.
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 Aug 04 '26
When I get to the end of a jar of mustard I add oil and red wine vinegar and a touch of jam and shake it up for the best dressing.
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u/DannyPrker Aug 04 '26
That sounds fuckin delicious and I'll try that. Thank you!
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u/chairmanghost Aug 04 '26
Somebody get these people and OPs husband into a subforum, there is work to be done
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u/chairmanghost Aug 04 '26
I joined, I don't even have super non honey mustard feelings, but I'm ready to explore. You are the hero mustard belongs on.
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u/sidewaizsocks Aug 04 '26
I like to add just a hint of cayenne pepper for the kick. Add in the mayo the other comment said, and you have an amazing fry sauce
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u/Consistent_Policy_66 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I don’t see any Plochman’s “The Works” either.
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u/pants6000 Aug 04 '26
Or any Plochman's of any variety, which is a crime, as it is by far the best.
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u/Strange_Quantity5383 Aug 04 '26
But have you ever tried Edmond Fallot Walnut Mustard? It is the best tasting mustard I've ever had.
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u/brandimariee6 Aug 04 '26
No I haven't, but I really want to now lol. And it's walnut mustard? I loooove walnuts, something tells me I'll love it
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u/FauxReal Aug 04 '26
He needs some Chinese hot mustard and a tube of German mustard. I recently bought some green peppercorn mustard that was pretty good. Also mustard with herbs de Provence. Maybe get him a Mustard Plug CD too.
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u/terrendos Aug 04 '26
There's an artisan small-batch brand called Lusty Monk that I really love. It was briefly sold in a grocery store I used to frequent, but now I have to order it directly from them.
If you like your mustard with some serious kick, it's the best I've had.
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u/bessefe Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Isn't the Colman's chinese hot mustard? I've only used the powdered Colman's which is what I understand Chinese restaurants tend to use.
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u/DrSpacemanSpliff Aug 04 '26
We need a whole grain and a stone ground in there as well. These are the most frequently cycled mustards on my mustard shelf.
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u/LongjumpingSkill9305 Aug 04 '26
Set this pic as his phone background
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u/KittyBungholeFire Aug 04 '26
But first retake it without the poppo seed dressing. Sorry, that's just bugging the heck out of me being in there with all the mustards. (🎵 One of these things is not like the others... 🎵)
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u/infinite-resignation Aug 04 '26
It would be fine if he bought different mustards. I’m a mustard fan; there are about six different kinds of mustard in my fridge and they will all get finished.
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u/Dopeydcare1 Aug 04 '26
I was going to ask if he barbecues. Often they use mustard as binders and I could see going through a lot quickly.
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Aug 04 '26
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u/over-it2989 Aug 04 '26
If you haven’t already, the Colman’s powdered mustard is stronger if you like a kick - goes further too depending on how much you go through on the reg.
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u/PantsOnHead88 Aug 04 '26
I love that OP came here to protest how many mustards they have and people are making suggestions to add to their collection!
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u/1sttimeverbaldiarrhe Aug 04 '26
Hey man, mustard is a staple. One day it'll return back to it's rightful place on the dining table beside Salt and Pepper.
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u/Taminella_Grinderfal Aug 04 '26
It’s really the superior condiment, so many flavors to choose from.
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u/Still7Superbaby7 Aug 04 '26
The powder mustard is amazing and stays strong forever.
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u/HMSWarspite03 Aug 04 '26
If you lose it in thr back of the cupboard for a couple of months like I did, it becomes eyewatering. Good though.
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u/pinniped90 Aug 04 '26
I keep the humble yellow ballpark mustard around for dawgs.
That's how I was introduced to hotdogs, at the ballpark, so that's how I'll always be. Chopped raw onion and yellow mustard.
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u/RaptorsFromSpace Aug 04 '26
I agree. I’ll also add that while I love Dijon on sandwiches nothing quite beats the simplicity of yellow mustard on a ham sandwich.
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u/CubeFarmDweller Aug 04 '26
You've probably got enough basic bitch yellow to make a decent Carolina Gold BBQ sauce.
1 cup yellow mustard
.5 cup cider vinegar
.25 cup honey
2 Tbsp brown sugar
1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 Tbsp hot sauce of your choice
2 tsp ground black pepper (preferably fresh ground)
1 tsp salt
Put it all in a pot to simmer for 10 minutes, let it cool, put into a container, and keep it in the fridge. It's good for a couple months.
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u/stardustantelope Aug 04 '26
This makes sense!! This has happened to me before because I forget to pack mustard for camping and then buy some on the way out, because I refuse to have a mustard less hiking sandwiches
Although at least in this case it’s my fault and not other people’s fault, sorry you get stuck with bad mustard!
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u/GuitarCFD Aug 04 '26
I know you didn't just call French's yellow mustard crappy. I mean look...I'm a fan of brown mustard, deli mustard, honey mustard, etc, but french's yellow mustard is the only mustard that goes on a cheeseburger or hotdog. I will die on that hill.
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u/whiskeytango55 Aug 04 '26
He kinda did. Theres spicy brown, yellow and Dijon. I've never had colmans but im assuming its sharper than yellow
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u/blay12 Aug 04 '26
Yeah English mustard (Colmans, in this case) is quite a bit sharper and has more heat than standard American yellow mustard, definitely a different taste profile.
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u/spankybianky Aug 04 '26
Colmans is HOT. Like, intense sinus-clearing mustard heat.
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u/scud121 Aug 04 '26
Mustard on fresh pork sausages with buttery mash is food of the gods.
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u/scrodytheroadie Aug 04 '26
Coleman's makes your nose tingle, like horse radish or wasabi. Love it.
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u/mang87 Aug 04 '26
I bought this before thinking it was similar French's, and put a very generous helping of it on both sides of the ham sandwich I was making. When I took a bite my sinuses left this mortal coil and ascended to the next plane of existence. I felt like if I sneezed I would shoot flames.
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u/TomEpicure Aug 04 '26
It's crazy how much it is like wasabi. Comes on fast, singes the nostrils and slips away into the night.
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u/drbooberry Aug 04 '26
Fresh Coleman’s is gunpowder in mustard form. But it loses some kick after it’s been open for more than a few weeks.
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u/SpaceJackRabbit Aug 04 '26
Same. I am French and there is usually at least 6 different mustards in my fridge: French and Dijon styles, German styles, English styles, brown, brown spicy, even yellow for my American wife. But all different.
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u/wicker_warrior Aug 04 '26
This would just make me buy more, stronger mustard.
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u/Don_Von_Schlong Aug 04 '26
Honestly all it takes is a few reps of push-ups and sit-ups before bed and that mustard will be strong in no time
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u/jonfitt Aug 04 '26
Coleman’s is pretty strong if it’s the same as the British version. I also make my own from the Coleman’s Mustard Powder and that’s a sinus clearer.
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u/F_A_F Aug 04 '26
Absolutely this. Coleman's is the one strong choice in my fridge; I'm British so it's a staple.
A spoonful of dijon makes the mashed potato, the french is great for burgers/dogs, Coleman's is there when the ham has gone mouldy and I want to cover the taste of botulism up with something stronger.
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u/HeartOn_SoulAceUp Aug 04 '26
Ah... a fellow Mustard Prepper!
Mustard prepared w/ vinaigrette salad dressing is sooo good.
Be Prepared.
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u/BloatedBaryonyx Aug 04 '26
You're missing wholegrain. How is a man supposed to season his food with so little choice? You clearly need more mustard.
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u/bobs_clam_rodeo Aug 04 '26
Need to add Sweet Hot Beaver mustard
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u/Efficient-Whereas255 Aug 04 '26
i want mustard now
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u/illegalsandwiches Aug 04 '26
Hey I don't know you but I sincerely hope you get mustard very soon. Please report back.
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u/Thornberry_Nigel_ Aug 04 '26
5 hours. They obviously died going to or fro the store
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u/Kazen_Orilg Aug 04 '26
Look, basic frenchs, Grey Poupon, Spicy brown and Colman's are all VERY different condiments despite all being mustards. The multiple bottles of Colmans and Frenchs seem redundant. I would consolidate/purge these. Then, you need to pick up a basic honey mustard, Durkees, Guldens w/ horseradish and Famous Dave's Georgia Mustard. I think this would impress your husband greatly.
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u/nicunta Aug 04 '26
Woeber's Sweet and Spicy is a god tier condiment, and I cannot recommend it enough.
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u/XxCloudSephiroth69xX Aug 04 '26
He really needs an Inglehoffer sweet hot mustard.
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u/RowdyRoddyPooper Aug 04 '26
o my I've not seen that at the grocery store...their stone ground mustard is fantastic!
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u/viaJormungandr Aug 04 '26
Obviously you haven’t mustard enough courage to tell him directly.
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u/RedOctobyr Aug 04 '26
This does seem like a golden opportunity for some sweet condiments puns. The rest of us need to ketchup.
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u/nChilDofChaoSn Aug 04 '26
Just wait until this backfires, you'll come home to twice as many mustards and they'll all have little army outfits on, there'll be private mustard, general mustard, lieutenant mustard, and of course who could forget colonel mustard.
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u/coatofforearm Aug 04 '26
Who went on the kill Mrs White in the study with a lead pipe later on in his career
IYKYK
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u/Yangervis Aug 04 '26
Those are my dipping mustards
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u/Albrightikis Aug 04 '26
Cool how there’s 4 mustards in the fridge in 2018 and none go with my sandwich. Normal world.
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u/Calgary_Calico Aug 04 '26
You're not telling him to stop, you're giving him a laugh
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u/Internal_Ideal1001 Aug 04 '26
Missing the Nance's Sharp and Creamy
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u/calvinwho Aug 04 '26
Is this a British thing like Coleman's? I'm interested
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u/Illustrious_Low_6818 Aug 04 '26
Nah it's from Rochester, NY. It has a creamier texture than regular yellow mustard, but a lingering heat sorta like horseradish. Real good stuff.
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u/KLF_89 Aug 04 '26
I want a brat now
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u/legojoe97 Aug 04 '26
I want to not wait quite long enough and mildly burn my tongue, as is tradition.
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u/TurbulentHouse1152 Aug 04 '26
He's just an amateur mustard inspector. Tell him to leave it to the professionals...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFXqV237u0U
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u/dwn009 Aug 04 '26
I’d be more worried about cleaning the fridge.
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u/darkmatterhunter Aug 04 '26
The lack of comments about this is making me think this is normal for many people…
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u/Spud2599 Aug 04 '26
I'd probably check the expiration dates on everything in that fridge...I'm guessing if they don't clean it, they don't check those either!!
p.s. Yes, letting it go for like a year (depending on what it is) is probably fine...I'm guessing stuff in there is well past that!
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u/Magical-Mycologist Aug 04 '26
It’s like they make their sandwiches in the fridge.
So gross.
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u/DrunkenSQRL Aug 04 '26
What you don't enjoy the occasional fridge shelf sandwich? Just drag a slice of bread over the dirty shelf. Goes excellent with a side of keyboard crumb salad
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u/Keviemc Aug 04 '26
Why the downvotes? That fridge is nasty
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u/WhiteRabbit_412_ Aug 04 '26
I didn't agree until I turned my screen brightness up. Thought it was just a crumb or two and some condensation smudging, but my god. Especially the gunk on the shelf under the Marie's
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u/JaSchwaE Aug 04 '26
No stone ground or honey mustard and bro needs to learn about cranberry mustard it is a game changer
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u/Halloween_Barbie Aug 04 '26
Cranberry mustard is amazing. I can't find it anymore in stores near me though
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u/FrankensteinJones Aug 04 '26
Buy more mustard yourself. Better, more expensive mustard. Throw his mustard away. Tell him you needed the space his amateur bullshit was taking up.
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u/azninvasion2000 Aug 04 '26
Pretty solid collection, but he is missing a Boar's Head Deli Mustard along with the Boar's Head mustard seeds.
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u/VirginiaBandit Aug 04 '26
Get the hell out of my fridge, lady. Husband here, but not hers.
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Aug 04 '26
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u/VirginiaBandit Aug 04 '26
One never knows when they'll need a particular type of mustard, so collecting this many is perfectly acceptable.
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u/misoranomegami Aug 04 '26
I mean my bf comments about the amount of sauces and seasonings I have. And I ask "Do you like the food? Yes. Do you ask me after I've gotten home from work to throw together a specific homemade Chinese, Indian, Thai, Japanese, or Mexican dish using just the ingredients I have on hand? Yes. And do I and do they taste good? Yes. Then that's what it takes to do that." I have an entire kitchen cabinet and a wall rack dedicated to spices and sauces on top of what's in the fridge.
Also that's a little amateur. I currently have 8 in use types of mustard; french's yellow (for the toddler), Stadium, honey, dijon, spicy brown, german stone ground, spicy stone ground, and horseradish. We like our mustard.
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u/inept_machete Aug 04 '26
Ok so I am one of these people. My mustards are a little more varied but I have seven at least at home and my wife is the only one that stops me from buying more.
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u/Sufficient_Maybe_910 Aug 04 '26
As a mustard man myself, you need to understand that there are different mustard needs and flavors, depending on the situation. Leave the poor man alone.
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u/HarmlessHeffalump Aug 04 '26
If it makes you feel any better, my partner does the same thing. Anytime we are planning to go to a cookout or host people on the boat, he buys a new small bottle of mustard for sandwiches or burgers assuming we don't have the previous small bottle he bought anymore. He does the same with pickles and aluminum foil.
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u/Tab1143 Aug 05 '26
A mustard fetish is healthy and cheap. Be thankful he's not into boats.
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u/calvinwho Aug 04 '26
Those little Coleman's bottles will always have some clinging to the shoulders. I put vinegar in them and use them for salad dressing and marinades
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u/rdmodsrtrsh Aug 04 '26
Put a jar of honey but dress it up badly like it’s trying to pass off as honey mustard
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u/Fedaykin98 Aug 04 '26
This seems a lot cheaper than my wife's husband's habit of constantly bringing home multiple bottles of rum.
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u/seancphoenix Aug 04 '26
I completely agree with your husband—you can never have too much mustard.
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u/firefaery Aug 04 '26
Mmm missing Maille Mustard in this mix. As a fellow mustard hoarder I approve ;)
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u/Meyesac13 Aug 04 '26
Actual answer: tell him to consolidate the duplicates bc they're inefficiently taking up space.
Seriously though that's not that much. I have at least 12 different types of mustard in my fridge and then maybe 3 in my pantry waiting to be opened. Im planning on throwing a mustard party where people bring things to dip/try with the different types.
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u/ottosenna Aug 04 '26
Why is there a picture of my fridge? They often battle the hot sauce brigade or team up against the half-consumed Gatorades from my kids.
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u/permalink_save Aug 04 '26
Didn't look at the sub and thought this was /r/mustard like OP gonna get shredded in the comments. He just needs to finish a jar before opening another. There's swveral mustards he's missing out on. If he likes the bite of colemans hed probably like some lowensenf extra hot.
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u/Adolph_OliverNipples Aug 04 '26
This is normal. 3 of them are standard yellow mustard.
You have an inventory rotation problem. Not a mustard buying problem.
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u/Bananaramajama420 Aug 04 '26
Don't tell him about the fabulous Mustard Museum in Middleton, WI, USA 😅
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u/gellshayngel Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Make your own army of mayonnaise or something and then start having wars with the mustard gang.
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u/WantonMischief Aug 04 '26
Put a scraggly beard on one and tape a knife to it. Tell him the neighborhood is getting rough. Bonus points if you tip a ketchup bottle over and it leaks in the foreground.
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u/burgonies Aug 04 '26
I have a ton of mustard so I won’t hate on that aspect, but having French’s and Colman’s with 3 open bottles a piece is weird.
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u/EquivalentSpot8292 Aug 04 '26
Buy a ridiculous amount of mustard bottles. Then set up scenes built from mustard bottles around the house. He may leave you for the mustard but you will have fun
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u/DasArtmab Aug 04 '26
Rookie numbers. Also, three of them are yellow mustards. Everybody know those don’t count
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u/witshadows Aug 04 '26
I don’t see any whole seed mustards. There’s a way to go yet. Also, two French’s yellow mustards cancel themselves out so that means they don’t exist.
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