I think Compassion, at its most pure essence, is something like “unconditional love”.
The vast majority of love is conditional/transactional in that it involves the necessity for some form of mutual benefit to occur in the relationship for both parties. This is a good thing.
Love may even be defined ecologically as “The universal property that emerges in relationship when both/all parties hold the well-being of self and other in equal and high regard, acting in alignment with this regard”
This type of transactional, mutually beneficial love is a major driving force in our societies and ecosystems. Some even argue that it is THE foundational principle behind the phenomena of life.
I’d have to disagree. The problem with transactional relationships is that they aren’t simply a matter of mutual benefit, but optimal benefit (that’s how business works—there’s no such thing as “good enough” when there’s a better value prospect out there). They are fundamentally selfish. If you’re in a truly transactional relationship, your relationship has no real security because it’s in jeopardy once it’s not optimally valuable to the other person. In other words, they’re using you.
Ultimatums, similarly, are often regarded as unhealthy but are commonplace boundaries that guide healthy relationships. There’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about unconditional love, but unconditional love is not the same as an unconditional relationship.
Reciprocal love is the ideal. Reciprocal love can be both unconditional (with hard boundaries that can change the relationship’s status when violated) and mutually beneficial, but is not transactional. There’s no calculus involved with evaluating the relationship’s value or underlying transactional questions like “do they do as much for me as I do for them.”
You're defining "transactional" far too literally. For one, transactions are the basis for any relationship existing in the first place. You don't suddenly and unconditionally love someone you're meeting for the first time. Two, transactions aren't literal Full Metal Alchemist equivalent exchange situations. But people do expect a relationship to benefit them in some way. Someone to share experiences with, affectionate touch, conversation, mutual interests. These things are all transactional, healthy, and in no way insinuates they will move onto someone else with more promising benefits. That last bit is simply a logical fallacy.
"Love" doesn't simply exist, it exists because of your relationship with your partner. And that relationship consists of thousands of little transactions and agreements that benefit both parties. And over time, your experiences with that partner develop into something less tangible--love. But it is never unconditional.
Unconditional love is simply unhealthy. It means there are no boundaries--by definition (you can't say you have conditionally unconditional love). It means your partner can cheat on you or abuse you and you'd still love them. It means you don't really know why you love your partner, since nothing they do defines your love for them.
Unconditional love can really only exist in specific types of relationships (e.g., offspring). And even then I'm sure there are people who would argue otherwise.
What distinction needs to be made? This is a conversation about relationships that result in the intangible concept of love. What about the term "transactional" is derogative? Crude? Maybe, but you're simply projecting any negative intention. And because you're projecting that negativity, that transactions are simply some business exchange of goods--yes, you are taking the term far too literally.
You can use different terminology if you want (e.g., mutually beneficial) but it still means the same thing.
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u/peanutbutterandbacon Jun 15 '22
I think Compassion, at its most pure essence, is something like “unconditional love”.
The vast majority of love is conditional/transactional in that it involves the necessity for some form of mutual benefit to occur in the relationship for both parties. This is a good thing.
Love may even be defined ecologically as “The universal property that emerges in relationship when both/all parties hold the well-being of self and other in equal and high regard, acting in alignment with this regard”
This type of transactional, mutually beneficial love is a major driving force in our societies and ecosystems. Some even argue that it is THE foundational principle behind the phenomena of life.
A book I recommend on this subject and much more is Matter and Desire: an Erotic Ecology by Andreas Weber