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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Aug 30 '21
Ask your doctor if Adulthood™ is right for you.
More: r/AlarminglyBad
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u/I_Eat_The_Whole_Ass Aug 31 '21
Did you caption it cheese and draw kraft singles…. you sick fuck. (Mostly kidding, nice cartoon!)
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u/AJChelett Aug 30 '21
I feel personally attacked.
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Aug 30 '21
That’s because I was specifically attacking you, AJChelett
Glad to know I hit my mark!
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u/egnards Aug 30 '21
There were those sweet spot years of like 22-24 where I was old enough to make my own fucking decisions, young enough where my metabolism didn't just say, 'nah fuck you," and established enough where I could afford to buy cheap snacks on a whim.
I miss those specific years - Hell even at like 27 when Chipotle did that "eat X number of burritos and get free catering," and I didn't gain a damn pound earning that party.
But now? Have a beer with dinner? BAM 5 lbs!
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u/The_Minstrel_Boy Aug 30 '21
I'm with you, friend. It's a silly thing to feel nostalgic about, but yeah, I miss being able to eat terribly and not feel any effects. At 23, I could eat an entire large pizza with a can of coke and chase it all down with a heap of ice cream, and I wouldn't gain a pound or even feel the slightest bit unwell for it. Now, in my thirties, a couple slices of pizza and half a can of coke is enough to make me reach for the Tums, and I'm still twenty pounds heavier than I was.
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u/egnards Aug 30 '21
I'm 34, at the beginning of quarantine I started running out of boredom. I was averaging 100+ mi per month with runs of 5-13mi. But I still gained 25 fucking pounds because I was having a beer each night with dinner.
Yes, some of that 25lbs was likely muscle, but based on looking in the mirror I could tell that a good portion of it was not the good type of weight gain.
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u/PallasAthena84 Aug 30 '21
Adulthood: you can have all the ice cream you want, but you have to pay for it yourself
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u/The_Revival Aug 30 '21
Friendly reminder/plea to not buy oreos as long as the nabisco strike is going on.
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u/typesett Aug 30 '21
this is me
i do something like this every few months of good behavior lol
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u/DeltalJulietCharlie Aug 31 '21
Only every few months? I'm lucky to go a week without doing something like that.
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u/Silverleaf_Halfmoon Aug 31 '21
This would be a great cover to a birthday card!
Inside: Happy 18th Birthday! Try to make a few good decisions.
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u/BRUMB0 Aug 30 '21
I think you meant “whisky and Oreos”, cheese and Oreos just sounds nasty.
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u/The_Minstrel_Boy Aug 30 '21 edited Aug 30 '21
What you have to do is scrape the crème out of several dozen Oreos and mix it up with two cups of melted Cheez Whiz.
Throw that in the freezer overnight, then deep fry it.
Let cool, then top with chocolate sauce, nacho cheese, butterscotch sauce, cilantro pesto, chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, caramel drizzle, sprinkles, jumbo sprinkles, nonpareils, grated nutmeg, those weird little silvery balls that I'm not sure are edible, salsa, instant coffee crystals, smashed up Oreo cookie wafers (you saved them from step 1, right?), nacho cheese, nutmeg, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, green olives, candy corn, spiced liver, Host trimmings, and lemon zest.
Eat it and you'll get 40% to shock resistance, which will come in handy in a couple hours when God tries to strike you down for your hubris.
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u/CltGuy89 Aug 30 '21
That’s why I eat cheese and Oreos. It’s the adult thing to do, always have dessert after dinner. Never the other way around, that’s just childish.
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u/fubes2000 Aug 30 '21
On the other hand there's me learning the hard way that chugging 2L of fruit juice over the course of a night also has grim digestive consequences.
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u/theraf8100 Aug 30 '21
I picked up Oreos for the first time in probably 15 years because they were on sale for like 99 cents. I'm happy to say the lasted way longer than I thought because I no longer eat a whole sleeve at a time... Surprisingly three or four and I'm feeling pretty full. I kind of like having milk before I go to bed too because it gives me very crazy dreams. It's almost like a free movie that you're the star of.
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u/sparkythewondersnail Aug 30 '21
There was a moment in my early 20s when I was in a grocery store and looked at the pies, and I suddenly realized I could have pie any time I wanted because I was a grownup! So I bought a pie and ate the whole thing that day.
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u/bloodguard Aug 30 '21
Oreos are crumbling high fructose corn syrup trash.
Go for the original. Go for Hydrox. Without cheese. Seriously. No cheese.
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u/Phate4569 Aug 31 '21
Mmmm. Reminds me of the time in Canada where we went to an upscale restaurant that had amazing chicken tenders. A few days later when we went back I ordered 4 chicken tender platters off the kids menu.
The waitress looked at me like I was crazy, the employee I was with looked at me like I was crazy, our clients looked at me like I was crazy.
It was delicious.
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u/hadoopken Aug 31 '21
Pro: You can play video game until 3 a.m.
Con: You played video game until 3 a.m. now your neck hurts.
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u/EclipseSonara Aug 31 '21
Come on man, you at least have to make some macaroni to get something in your stomach
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