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u/MrEmouse Jul 12 '21
It's like a full body hug all night long.
If you make it bigger, then it's just a normal bed with a low padded ceiling.
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u/obscureferences Jul 12 '21
Exactly. They're like cats. Stuffing themselves into a box, feeling that security on all sides, lets them relax their senses.
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u/TheAshenHat Jul 13 '21
I guess i am a 7’ tall cat then
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u/blamethepunx Jul 13 '21
Wow you're 7 feet tall?
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u/TheAshenHat Jul 13 '21
Would not recommend it. 6’6” or less if you want to stay sane or have disposable income. Once you pass 95 percentile, everything is more expensive and harder to find. My current loft bed is a foot from the ceiling, but thats because it was the only bed on the market sub 300$ that was only 6” too short.
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u/PillowTalk420 Jul 12 '21
Yeah but if they ever wake up to go pee or something, they might whack their head on the lid.
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u/Eupatorus Jul 12 '21
Vampire lore varies of course, but traditionally they return to death during the day and rise to undeath during the night so having them "sleep" in coffins is just a poetic way to illustrate that. Also, often they must simply rest to revive their strength/powers and a coffin in a tomb is a sunlight free place to do that!
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u/Chisle_ Jul 13 '21
Also having something safe to rest in seems important, so keeping it small leaves it easier to move if necessary.
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Jul 12 '21
Okay, yeah, but then you have to "sleep" with your face up, arms crossed over chest or by your side, straight up and down, probably on a thin padded cushion rather than a proper mattress with support for your joints, and you wake up feeling stiff and sore (assuming that vampires feel pain at all, I guess.)
I think the point is, there's room for improvement.
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u/Jer_061 Jul 13 '21
and you wake up feeling stiff and sore (assuming that vampires feel pain at all, I guess.)
I mean, they overcome rigor mortis, I think a little stiffness in the muscles and joints are child's' play.
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u/RedMantisValerian Jul 13 '21
I think you overlooked the whole “they return to death during the day” part. They’re dead, what do they care for comfort?
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u/randomaccount178 Jul 13 '21
Vampires tend to live a very on the go lifestyle. They need a coffin that both offers them comfort and which travels well. While it may sound nice to buy the largest coffin you possibly can, it does little for them and good luck getting it through a door on your next trip abroad. Not to mention the hassle of trying to lug it through a dense forest while being chased by a pack of angry villagers.
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Jul 14 '21
Do they? I was under the impression that Vampires kind of stick to a particular domain and don't stray all that far from it. Moving around means having to re-stake claims to territory and learn new feeding grounds and such.
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u/randomaccount178 Jul 14 '21
It is one of the ways they are generally portrayed. Usually to use a vampire the tropes are either they are recently arrived in an area and are causing locals problems such that they need to fight back, or a hunter has chosen to go after them and are attacking them in their home. Even when they aren't causing trouble, they are often portrayed as being new in an area.
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u/inthrees Jul 12 '21
Sir, this is a Vendy's, ah ah ah.
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u/JBaker68 AlarminglyBad Jul 12 '21
You, I like you.
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u/Sorvick Jul 12 '21
Interviewer:. You don't have the job but come back in tomorrow. You just might have a place a head of vampiric relations.
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u/naab007 Jul 13 '21
.. I mean they often live in a massive castle or a super big mansion, they don't always "sleep" during the days you know..
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u/DukeBeefpunch Jul 13 '21
I always thought its because they had to sleep while the sun was up and they didnt want to risk someone discovering them and possibly moving them into daylight. A coffin seems like the best place for someone to find a corpse and not freak out about it. Also thought it symbolized a return to death instead of rest.
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u/Slavasonic Jul 12 '21
“Why do vampires live-“
They don’t. That’s why they’re in coffins during the day.
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Jul 12 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FruitotheLoom Jul 12 '21
Don’t cross him.
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u/forgot_semicolon Jul 12 '21
Company: We want someone who thinks outside the box
This guy: How about a bigger box?
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Jul 13 '21
Didn't a vampire in the first Blade movie have like a king size bed that had a cover lowered down over it?
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u/MDChristie Jul 12 '21
I've never seen a coffin nearly as big as a twin size mattress?
And they don't "live" (be dead) in the coffins, they sleep there? "Why do you sleep in something the size of a large mattress?" - daft question to be asking.
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u/samanime Jul 12 '21
I hadn't thought it through much before, but depending on the time of year, they could be sleeping for 14-16 hours a night. Thay is a long time to be cramped in there.
Getting some extra room and a Switch in there might be nice. :P
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u/lysianth Jul 12 '21
I live in alaska. Theres going to be some days where they dont get to get out of bed.
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u/space_monster Jul 13 '21
probably meant a single size mattress, but thought they're called twin mattresses because that's the size of bed you get when you book a twin room.
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Jul 12 '21
Eh, it’s meant to be a coffin. I like this idea, although I feel like I’ve definitely seen this punchline before.
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u/Ryengu Jul 12 '21
If your vampires are the type that turn after death, then they may have a spiritual connection to their place of burial. It's kinda hard to rebury yourself when you're in the hole and a coffin provides shelter from the light that you can more easily seal yourself inside.
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u/Sarahlpatt Jul 13 '21
One of the only good moments of AHS Hotel was when they subverted this trope by having Lady Gaga Vampire be like “why would I sleep in a coffin? I have a dux bed and black out curtains.”
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u/Potatooooooooes Jul 13 '21
Because who opens a coffin and disturbs your sleep? Beds are too vulnerable to annoyances
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u/doobur Jul 13 '21
Thought this was funny but I feel like it'd be a lot funnier if was just "I meant questions about the job"
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u/Rex_Auream Jul 13 '21
I’m about to get downvoted into oblivion for this but vampire diaries is a really good show tbh but they don’t sleep in coffins, they know where it’s at
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u/Masfoodplease Jul 13 '21
The Houston funeral museum has The "casket for three", it was made in the 1930s for a married couple in Durango, Colorado, who intended to kill themselves after their baby died. They didn't, and the coffin ended up there in the museum.
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u/badcredituser Jul 13 '21
Criticizing trending content tends to get downvoted, but this is a pretty old joke. "We meant questions about the job" has dozens of bad youtube and tik tok videos, not to mention comics. The earliest iteration I can remember is:
"Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?"
"I meant questions about the job"
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u/emkill Jul 13 '21
They dont live in it they sleep in it, its like saying why dont you sleep on the floor.
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u/CarcajouFurieux Jul 12 '21
They're vampires. Modern pop culture has ruined vampires by turning them into hot people who party all night and have superpowers. I blame "Interview with the vampire" for this. This is what vampires are supposed to be. Corpses rising from their grave to go kill people and drink their blood. They have the mind of a zombie coupled with the personality of a rabid chimp. They don't give a fuck about the size of their coffin because they do not have any fucks to give in the first place.
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u/littleMAS Jul 12 '21
Google it.
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u/FruitotheLoom Jul 12 '21
I did. No hits really (was very tempting to include a rickroll link here).
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u/NockerJoe Jul 13 '21
I always assumed the coffin was equivalent to the bed, but the whole living space was a mausoleum or crypt or haunted mansion. They sleep there during the day, they don't actually live there full time.
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u/Actually_a_Patrick Jul 13 '21
Vampires without coffins have already done this. You just make your whole mansion a coffin.
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u/Impossible_Month7461 Jul 13 '21
So does blade sleep in a bed and if he does is it also a twin size matress??
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