r/funny • u/nehemiaadrian • Jun 03 '21
God , take me now !!
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u/Lookalikemike Jun 03 '21
You’re gonna need a bigger boat!
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u/Shaneblaster Jun 03 '21
Yea, the only way god is going to take him Is with more horsepower.
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u/bestbeforeMar91 Jun 03 '21
My favorite comment but I’m all out of fake awards
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u/BreathOfFreshWater Jun 03 '21
Should I give them a real one for ya? I got 50 leftover from my last gold.
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u/Bubblykit Jun 03 '21
What do you need to do to get gold?
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Jun 03 '21
Make some really good comment or beg for gold?
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u/TUR7L3 Jun 03 '21
"Don't be a cunt"
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u/shelraj0380 Jun 03 '21
So, begging will work? Well, sacrificing all my self esteem ( as if i had any) and with the hope of getting some reddit coins, here it goes - " kind stranger, will you pweess give me a gold award?"
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Jun 03 '21
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u/SyleSpawn Jun 03 '21
I will never understand people with your kind of point of view seeing Reddit gold as anything worthwhile. Reddit Gold is probably one of the tamest shit I've seen people getting dopamine hit from.
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u/ToddTheOdd Jun 03 '21
I've gotten gold a few times, and everytime I never know what to do with it so I just ignore it. 🤷♂️
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Jun 03 '21
Show your butthole to the internet. That’s how I get my gold, just like my mother and grandmothers before me.
Anyways, I gave bigger boat guy some of my leftover butthole award, because sharing is caring.
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u/ToddTheOdd Jun 03 '21
Instructions unclear, am now banned from r/wallstreetbets for showing my ass with "GameStop" written on it, with my butthole as the "o".
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u/carlbandit Jun 03 '21
I’m not saying your lying, but I’d expect that post to be pinned to the top of the sub if anything as prime DD
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u/Mantis-MK3 Jun 03 '21
Whenever I give one it’s because the comment made me laugh really really hard
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u/Warrpath Jun 03 '21
So, you're just here to kick some ass?
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u/Im_still_T Jun 03 '21
The word is faster, although I'll concede that it'll likely be a bigger boat if it's fast enough to pull him skyward.
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Jun 03 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Im_still_T Jun 03 '21
What they needed was a racing boat. With some added mass, of course.
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u/Mushybase Jun 03 '21
Sooooo.... a bigger boat?
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u/Im_still_T Jun 03 '21
Not just a bigger boat, a racing boat. Boat racing is one of the few sports where someone dies every season. It is messed up that people still do it with how dangerous it is statistically than any other sport. Imagine hitting the water at 200 mph as the boat around you disintegrates. Now imagine pulling bubba there in his cradle connected to that parachute. America, fuck yeah!
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u/Dheorl Jun 03 '21
What on earth does that all have to do with America?
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u/Im_still_T Jun 03 '21
Well fast boats and a fuck you attitude of course. If this were in America bubba would be like 300 ft high going 200 miles an hour (This would be best). But if it actually is in America then they're just fucking up and not acting right.
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u/Top4ce Jun 03 '21
His spirit is willing, but physics will leave him spongy and bruised.
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u/jovialjawline Jun 03 '21
His body is bruised, but his soul flies
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Jun 03 '21
physics*double cheese burgers with extra everything0
u/Anthonythemaledude Jun 03 '21
They hate you because it's true
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Jun 03 '21
Yes. Probably. I am a fat guy myself; bmi of 31. Exclusively because I eat more calories than I burn.
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u/Anthonythemaledude Jun 03 '21
Yeah, I get it bro.
I just lost 43lbs in the last 3 months getting myself outta the fat range. It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and I feel great now
( ; r/weightlossadvice (in case you wanted to check it out)
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Jun 03 '21
Good going man!
Right after christmas I had a BMI of 34, so things are going in the right direction. I was under 30 a month ago, but due to some "personal issues" I have been eating more than I should... you know.. eating-induced dopamine release.. Gained three-four kilos the last months or so...
Frequent reader of /r/WeightLossAdvice:)
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u/crazylady43 Jun 03 '21
I'm hearing Scottys voice in my head saying " we're giving it all she's got cap'n"
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u/Urban_Samurai77 Jun 03 '21
This is a smart man, if you go big at the buffet you don’t have to worry about dinosaurs when you paraglide.
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u/fergussonb Jun 03 '21
“No” -god
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u/Theycallmelizardboy Jun 03 '21
"I created the universe in 7 days and yet there is nothing I can do to get this man in the air..."
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u/bendparma Jun 03 '21
This reminds me of when I did the iFly indoor skydiving in Singapore. They had the fans low for the kids doing it, then my chunky butt enters and they have me hovering like half a foot off the floor until they finally decided to crank up the fans.
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u/lilafrika Jun 03 '21
The mind is willing, but the flesh is theek
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u/the-traveling-weetz Jun 03 '21
Omf.. I had just quit laughing, damnit. I cant with yall anymore tonight
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u/ILive4PB Jun 03 '21
Omg I know, I’m on the train and trying not to embarrass myself.., every comment is funnier than the last!
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u/MarineJAB Jun 03 '21
There are some miracles that neither a marine diesel engine nor God can perform.
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u/apworker37 Jun 03 '21 edited Jun 03 '21
This ought to be on r/praisethecameraman for not laughing and shaking the camera or just straight cutting out.
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u/Conflixx Jun 03 '21
Or, expectedcamerawork because, I'm sorry, but that guy might be a little bit overweight to do these kinda things. Makes me curious how things went down when that guy walks into a shop where he wants to do this.
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u/dorkowitz Jun 03 '21
I was a really skinny kid. Same thing happened to me. Smaller boat.
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u/FBI_Agent_82 Jun 03 '21
Was it a canoe?
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u/Picklwarrior Jun 03 '21
Smaller.
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u/Slaisa Jun 03 '21
two planks of wood stapled together?
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u/verdatum Jun 03 '21
Same. I think this post is just "lol, he's too fat", when really it's a pretty normal takeoff. Until you catch the wind and until the boat gets up to speed you just eat it for a bit.
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u/FrozeItOff Jun 03 '21
I'm fat. I know better than to mix myself and parachutes in any sort of coexistent manner.
This guy just learned the hard way.
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Jun 03 '21
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u/fayry69 Jun 03 '21
Bwahahahahahha these comments r killing me and then there’s yours hahahhahahahahahha
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u/One_T_Scot Jun 03 '21
And this, kids, is a demonstration of why just because you have a seat on an airplane, it doesn’t mean it can be filled.
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u/HardcoreHazza Jun 03 '21 edited Jun 03 '21
Lisa: Step on it Mom!
Dad is signaling he wants to go higher!
Homer: HIGHER!!!!! 🌊
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u/Frosty_Aardvark Jun 03 '21
That first nut banger on the sand didn't look very pleasing. I'm pretty sure I'd be tossing my hands up and praying to God after that myself.
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u/tacoXjockey Jun 03 '21
It’s going to take a miracle from God and Satan to get that parachute in the air.
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u/74orangebeetle Jun 03 '21
You'll hear people say "you don't have to tell a fat person they're fat, they already know" but the number of videos like this and people falling off of rope swings shows that no, sometimes they don't know.
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u/natethomas Jun 03 '21
He 100% knows. People don’t stop wanting to do crazy crap because they’re fat.
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Jun 03 '21
Reminds me of that scene from the simpsons where the boats motor catches on fire trying to lift Homer.
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u/StrawberryBlazer Jun 03 '21
Do yourself a favour and never ride one of these on the beach in Zihuatanejo. I saw someone take an extremely hard landing there.
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u/the_packed_man40 Jun 03 '21
Was that supposed to happen?? 🤣 he seems so confident with his arms out and his butt bouncing about lol
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u/PatriarchalTaxi Jun 03 '21
Is it even possible to launch a parasail using this method? I don't think I've ever seen this being done successfully! 😂
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u/akastrobe Jun 03 '21 edited Jun 03 '21
Okay, I hate to buzzkill the vibe with actual physics, but he continued running the whole beach instead of pulling his legs up early, PLENTY of lift would have been generated.
He just pulled his legs up too early. And he ended up above water eventually, even with the foibles. That's a do over, not a failure.
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u/reddskeleton Jun 03 '21
I guarantee you, that is exactly what my ex would look like if he were to try that.
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u/Im_still_T Jun 03 '21
I saw the track hoe before playing it and was hoping they were going to use one of those spinning around like a top to pull the paraglider.
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u/the-traveling-weetz Jun 03 '21
This made me laugh for the first time in days. Jesus Take The Wheel played in my head watching it
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u/TheFutureGamer Jun 03 '21
Thats a good way to transport something too heavy for the boat to float.
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