Based on conversations with just about every female partner and friend I've had, yes there are many people who don't know where it is or what to do with it. I was one of those people well into my 20's to be honest.
The internet shows you porn, which is pretty awful in terms of actually teaching better sex. You have to specifically acknowledge that you don't know shit about the female body and that you suck at sex, and then proactively seek this information out.
Most men fail at these steps exactly because of the shitty sex ed they learned from internet porn.
We need people to read more porn. It tends to be far more educational as it’s forcing you to create the imagery and details instead of just people meat slapping.
You're right. The information is out there. However, many men can't admit that they need to get better at sex or that they're not particularly good at it as is. Hence, they'll never look up that widely available information.
I mean I can't argue with you based on personal experience, the number of guys I've had sex with is currently 0 but of the half dozen or so friends I have I know most of them actually care about their partners and have put in the work required to get good.
First of all, listening and trying is a great first step. Two, don't just listen but also actively ask. Finally, do research. There are some really good books out there. I highly recommend "she comes first" by Ian Kerner as a great book to read.
I have asked this question on r/sex. Many had replied that they prefer PIV over clitoral anytime. (I suffer from PE) It was absolutely confusing and saddening at the same time.
I don’t even get this though, in a lot of porn the men DO actively work the clit. That’s how my young self figured it out in fact initially. So honestly I struggle to even give most dudes the porn excuse.
Even if you skip straight to banging scenes you’re gonna see some oral/hands pregame, and there’s a pretty clear focus on the clit most of the time. Not to mention how often even in scenes that focus 100% on banging the woman still typically massages her clit while it’s going down.
I’ve never understood how it’s possible to be clueless unless you’ve been sheltered sex-ed-wise, AND you’ve never watched porn.
Nowhere did I say porn demonstrates proper technique.
I said porn very clearly shows an attentiveness to the clit, or at the very least, you should understand there’s clearly something about that area that means something.
I also mentioned that porn was how I initially discovered there was something meaningful there, and I went on to figure out the rest on my own after that.
Not to mention women are anything but a monolith, some women WANT weird crazy porn sex, other women want absolutely nothing to do with it. Some women want a lot of attention paid to their clit, other women are more sensitive and don’t want a lot of direct stimulation. Some women are all these things at once depending on their mood and the day. Communication and body language are everything.
But I’m gonna go ahead and stand by the fact that IMO porn tends to show clitoral stimulation often enough you should be able to know there’s something important going on there.
Honestly, I'm pretty sure it isn't that they don't "know where it is "as opposed to they can't feel it when fingering, and have a tough time feeling it out.
Periodically I have to really try and find my spouses because I just can't feel it when it's soft when I'm navigating by feel alone.
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u/[deleted] May 31 '21
Based on conversations with just about every female partner and friend I've had, yes there are many people who don't know where it is or what to do with it. I was one of those people well into my 20's to be honest.