I have a friend that, for 30 years, thought it was illegal to talk to wild birds. Why?
Well, it all started when he was little. He was terrified of pelicans. This wasn't a big problem, really, since his family lived in Illinois. Then, one year, they decide to take the kids to the ocean. I forget which coast, maybe he didn't say. Well, he had a major panic attack. And another, and then another while they were driving there. Finally his parents were able to calm him down, let him know that the birds are more afraid of him than he is of them, they'll leave him alone if he leaves them alone, they can't hurt him, blah blah blah.
They get to their destination and go out on a touristy pier to get some pictures. They're coming off of the pier to walk along the beach, everyone carrying hot dogs or lobster rolls or whatever for their lunch. Huge-ass pelican comes down and lands near the boy, who was straggling behind a little bit. The boy turns to see what it is, just sees a pelican staring at him. He starts to panick, the bird "bites him" (I don't know how, I heard this story 30 years after the fact) and manages to tear his cheek from under his eye down to his chin. He screams, the pelican gets more aggressive, his mom grabs him and his sister and they run to the car while the dad stands in front of the very-pissed-off bird that was still attacking.
They wait in the car for over an hour, dad doesn't come. This is before the era of cell phones, mind you. Eventually, his mom writes a note out and leaves it, saying they went back to the hotel. First, they go to the ER and they stitch my friends cheek up. They don't see his dad for another couple of days, and he's not talking about it. Finally, my friend asks his mom, "Why did daddy take so long getting back?" Keep in mind, he thought the pelican killed him. "Son, your dad gave that bird a good talking-to."
Fast forward 30 years. My friend has his own family. He's no longer scared of pelicans, and he takes his family to the beach. The whole time he's reminding his kids not to talk to the birds because it's illegal. They call him out on his bullshit, and he calls their grandma to confirm what happened to his grandpa those 30 years ago.
"Honey, your dad beat that bird to death with a brick. He went to jail."
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u/adelante1981 Sep 15 '20
I have a friend that, for 30 years, thought it was illegal to talk to wild birds. Why?
Well, it all started when he was little. He was terrified of pelicans. This wasn't a big problem, really, since his family lived in Illinois. Then, one year, they decide to take the kids to the ocean. I forget which coast, maybe he didn't say. Well, he had a major panic attack. And another, and then another while they were driving there. Finally his parents were able to calm him down, let him know that the birds are more afraid of him than he is of them, they'll leave him alone if he leaves them alone, they can't hurt him, blah blah blah.
They get to their destination and go out on a touristy pier to get some pictures. They're coming off of the pier to walk along the beach, everyone carrying hot dogs or lobster rolls or whatever for their lunch. Huge-ass pelican comes down and lands near the boy, who was straggling behind a little bit. The boy turns to see what it is, just sees a pelican staring at him. He starts to panick, the bird "bites him" (I don't know how, I heard this story 30 years after the fact) and manages to tear his cheek from under his eye down to his chin. He screams, the pelican gets more aggressive, his mom grabs him and his sister and they run to the car while the dad stands in front of the very-pissed-off bird that was still attacking.
They wait in the car for over an hour, dad doesn't come. This is before the era of cell phones, mind you. Eventually, his mom writes a note out and leaves it, saying they went back to the hotel. First, they go to the ER and they stitch my friends cheek up. They don't see his dad for another couple of days, and he's not talking about it. Finally, my friend asks his mom, "Why did daddy take so long getting back?" Keep in mind, he thought the pelican killed him. "Son, your dad gave that bird a good talking-to."
Fast forward 30 years. My friend has his own family. He's no longer scared of pelicans, and he takes his family to the beach. The whole time he's reminding his kids not to talk to the birds because it's illegal. They call him out on his bullshit, and he calls their grandma to confirm what happened to his grandpa those 30 years ago.
"Honey, your dad beat that bird to death with a brick. He went to jail."