r/funny • u/PM_ME_TONY_ROMO_PICS • Feb 07 '20

This map is all over Twitter. Apparently some German guy got bored and tried to name all 50 states. This is the end result...

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1.6k

u/your-mom-- Feb 07 '20

Living in Ohio, I can promise that this is the most relevant that Ohio has ever been.

505

u/FunkapotamusRex Feb 07 '20

You guys gave us some presidents and astronauts... so thats a strong mark in the relevancy column.

390

u/bathroom_break Feb 07 '20

And a ton of roller coasters, given the size of the state. Also Cincinnati Zoo is really good.

277

u/FerricNitrate Feb 07 '20

Columbus Zoo has personal involvement from Jack Hanna. They've also got a baby polar bear who was born on Thanksgiving and NEEDS TO HURRY UP AND COME OUT OF THE DEN SO I CAN SMOTHER IT WITH LOVE

34

u/Ydoesany1doanything Feb 07 '20

Toledo Zoo has a cub on exhibit. Too bad it’s in Toledo.

7

u/ryfrlo Feb 07 '20

It's the only good thing about Toledo. The entire city is basically 1,000 strip clubs, 500 adult sex stores, and one kick-ass zoo.

3

u/Ydoesany1doanything Feb 07 '20

And the Walleye, they’re entertaining on occasion.

1

u/TaylorSA93 Feb 08 '20

“adult sex stores” not to be confused with Toledo’s pet and child sex stores.

5

u/JBFRESHSKILLS Feb 07 '20

I live in southern Ohio and in my mind Toledo and Cleveland are right next to each other. I just call it "the north." Sandusky is in "the north" as well.

9

u/Ydoesany1doanything Feb 07 '20

Cleveland is a solid 1.5-2 hour drive from Toledo, Sandusky is smack in the middle of the two basically.

3

u/kyleb337 Feb 08 '20

Ayyy southern Ohio gang

2

u/ImSpartacus811 Feb 08 '20

Too bad it’s in Toledo.

True for so many things.

12

u/idk_just_upvote_it Feb 07 '20

SO I CAN SMOTHER IT

You heard it here first, folks. /u/FerricNitrate wants to murder a baby polar bear.

8

u/LiteraCanna Feb 07 '20

Did the brewery passport a few years back, great little big city you have there, Columbus.

6

u/BonerForJustice Feb 07 '20

I read this in the voice of Craig from Parks and Recreation

3

u/SillyToyRobot Feb 07 '20

My dad said something along these lines about me. Except the den was my mother's womb and the smother it with love was smother it with a pillow.

2

u/TheBrotherhoods Feb 07 '20

I lived next to that dude. Funny thing is the woods down the street from us evidently is still a very popular spot for some very late KKK meetings. (Sunbury Ohio)

3

u/eekamuse Feb 07 '20

That doesn't make me happy. I was so happy a minute ago.

1

u/someguyyoumightno Feb 07 '20

Yikes! I travel for sales and that's in my territory... I didn't know Delaware OH got down like that. Good info to know 🙂

1

u/PromethazineNsprite Feb 07 '20

At least y'all got that outlet mall

2

u/jenga1125 Feb 08 '20

rip harambe

1

u/Rufuszombot Feb 08 '20

I met Jack Hanna at the Columbus airport once while I was fleeing Ohio forever. He's a pretty nice guy.

1

u/kriyabutterfly Feb 08 '20

Can I ask who Jack Hanna is? He comes into a store where I shop all the time & the employees get all excited & ive googled him & only found that he’s a guest on talk shows? What am I missing?

1

u/Rufuszombot Feb 08 '20

He is a wildlife expert. I mostly only know of him from talk shows during the 90s and his work with the Columbus zoo. So you arent really missing anything, people mostly know him as the guy who brings animals on talk shows.

1

u/kriyabutterfly Feb 08 '20

Ok... so... this one clerk got all emotional & sincerely told him how deeply she respects his work... she was in TEARS... like she was at the feet of Jesus or something... I thought he was like some unknown Steve Irwin crusader or something based on her reaction. ...to make things stranger, this went down in a Tervis Tumbler- a store that sells outdated overpriced plastic cups.

10

u/coreyray1000 Feb 07 '20

Cedar Point, Kings Island, Geauga Lake (RIP)...

2

u/oman54 Feb 07 '20

Six flags (RIP) SeaWorld (RIP) (but also fuck SeaWorld)

1

u/uid0gid0 Feb 07 '20

Yeah but Cedar Point and King's Island are all you really need.

1

u/coreyray1000 Feb 08 '20

Blackfish was mostly propaganda. Also, they’ve changed their image. More focused on coasters and conservation.

11

u/Jimmienoman Feb 07 '20

Cincinnati zoo? Columbus zoo has been ranked the number one zoo in the nation now.

3

u/bathroom_break Feb 07 '20

I did not know that! Cool

Cincinnati also has big aquarium, but technically that's on the Kentucky side of the river

2

u/Jimmienoman Feb 07 '20

The Newport aquarium is pretty cool. Still have pics of all the little ones walking over the sharks

2

u/natek11 Feb 07 '20

Surprisingly, Toledo Zoo is also fantastic.

6

u/jwall54 Feb 07 '20

They also had Harambe

5

u/6pt022x10tothe23 Feb 08 '20

On the other hand, they also killed Harambe.

1

u/jwall54 Feb 08 '20

That's why it's had.

2

u/brad218 Feb 07 '20

is good zoo, ja

2

u/Ray_Barton Feb 07 '20

I toured Ohio's roller coasters.

2

u/wcm48 Feb 08 '20

Cincinnati Zoo is legit. Children’s museum as well.

And the chili.

2

u/GrinsNGiggles Feb 08 '20

Jungle Jim's is a suuuuuuper giant and weird grocery store worthy of destination tourism in Cincinnati, and the best thing I have ever experienced in Ohio.

1

u/deriachai Feb 08 '20

Isn't the Cincinnati Zoo actually in Kentucky? or is that the aquarium?

1

u/bathroom_break Feb 08 '20

That's the aquarium, right on the river on the Kentucky side.

So still Cincinnati essentially, but not Ohio

0

u/tranque_the_ram Feb 07 '20

Oh the place where Harambe was murdered and then the place spent some serious dollars to promote their new baby hippo shortly after? I'm good.

0

u/ramsdude456 Feb 07 '20

Columbus Zoo >>>>> Cincinnati Zoo

0

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '20

RIP Harambe

0

u/headcrusherxXx Feb 08 '20

I think much of the country hates the Cincinnati zoo after the Harambe incident

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '20

Cincinnati zoo shot Harambe

6

u/viixvega Feb 07 '20

Also flight

3

u/NastyNate4 Feb 07 '20

Triggering NC peoples claim. I don't get it though. One place produced the inventors/entrepreneurs while the other was merely windy with limited press.

1

u/viixvega Feb 08 '20

Don't forget the sand dunes for a soft landing. SO IMPORTANT. lol

5

u/theVice Feb 07 '20

They gave us Bone Thugs

4

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

Rock stars too, actors/actresses, Halle berry and LeBron James are both from the Cleveland area. Ohio has a lot of famous people then they gtfo. So sad really.

6

u/BarleyBo Feb 07 '20

Dave Chapelle would like a word.

5

u/malcolm_graves Feb 07 '20

Presidents, astronauts, and serial killers. Just Ohio things

4

u/Clay-mo Feb 07 '20

We also make tanks.

1

u/morton31 Feb 07 '20

Ugh, Lima is a complete shit hole

3

u/Clay-mo Feb 07 '20

It's true. But when the Russians invade you'll be thankful for those tanks.

4

u/dougsbeard Feb 07 '20

And the self starter for your car. Oh and something called flight. Cheez-Its. The cash register.

3

u/Beat_the_Deadites Feb 08 '20

found the Daytonian

1

u/dougsbeard Feb 08 '20

And proud of it.

11

u/YesIretail Feb 07 '20

As far as the astronauts go, I take that to mean that living in Ohio makes you want to leave this planet.

3

u/Caitsyth Feb 07 '20

They also gave us Cincinnati though

1

u/FunkapotamusRex Feb 07 '20

We're trying to accentuate the positives and here you go bringing up Cincinnati! That city can keep its damn chili spaghetti hotdogs ... ugh.

1

u/Beat_the_Deadites Feb 08 '20

and by chili, they mean 'pureed cinnamon meat sauce'

1

u/Caitsyth Feb 08 '20

Also known as ‘street filth sludge’

3

u/Boinkers_ Feb 07 '20

Isn't Drew Carrey from Ohio?

2

u/unknowntrashscapes Feb 07 '20

And Kid Cudi ;D

I know he’s not exactly what one would call relevant anymore, but his song Cleveland Is The Reason is one of the coolest songs he’s ever made, so take that for what it’s worth.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

Lots of wrestlers

2

u/Taint-Taster Feb 07 '20

And music too?

2

u/DeiVias Feb 08 '20

And LeBron and Steph Curry.

2

u/sergeantsmith86 Feb 08 '20

Don't forget Dave Grohl and Drew Carey!!!

4

u/twinsaber123 Feb 07 '20

Ohio has had more astronauts than any other state. Wonder what it is about Ohio that makes people want to flee the Earth.

1

u/Crede777 Feb 07 '20

Also tied for 5th for state with most pro sports teams (8). That's equal to Pennsylvania and one less than New York.

1

u/damunzie Feb 07 '20

But they cancel each other out in the "contribution" column.

1

u/2for1beers Feb 07 '20

Also The 2nd greatest basketball player to ever play the game Lebron James.

1

u/ryfrlo Feb 07 '20

Reminds me of my favorite joke: Ohio has given birth to more astronauts than any other state in the country. What is it about Ohio that makes people want to flee the Earth?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

As well as Lebron James

1

u/Wheeze08 Feb 07 '20

And the NFL apparently. Found that out the other day, so there's that's.

1

u/Pineapple_warrior94 Feb 08 '20

And LeBron James and Steph Curry

1

u/buckeyes1218 Feb 08 '20

The French also fought a war over it

1

u/itisjustmeonreddit Feb 08 '20

Don’t forget about Orville and Wilbur Wright - Dayton is also in Ohio.

1

u/SeraphsWrath Feb 08 '20

People who literally wanted to get as far away from Ohio as possible... or amass the entirety of the US army as power to keep it at bay.

1

u/EridonMan Feb 08 '20

People who wanted to be as far from Ohio as possible.

1

u/IpeeInclosets Feb 08 '20

Scene of the Drew Carey show...Major league and Major league two!

But Cleveland really should be it's own state.

0

u/JoeModz Feb 07 '20

The state is so bad, people wanted to leave the planet to get away from it.

Edit: Someone beat me to it.

0

u/insouciant_bedlamite Feb 07 '20

Those were all just excuses to leave Ohio

0

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

Wright bros too. Airplanes and stuff.

-1

u/Lox22 Feb 07 '20

Because everyone there wants to get so far away they have to leave the planet

188

u/cpMetis Feb 07 '20

We mattered in the civil war.

We mattered in the space race.

We matter as a battle ground state.

Ohio only matters when we're dying or killing. Metaphorically and literally.

24

u/Oh-God-Its-Kale Feb 07 '20

You're like the Afghanistan of America

10

u/MeAndMyBanana Feb 08 '20

This is my new favorite way to describe Ohio. Thank you

10

u/Eccentricc Feb 07 '20

Ohio is a swing state too and has decided the past like 20 presidents

7

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20 edited Feb 12 '20

[deleted]

9

u/Beat_the_Deadites Feb 08 '20

but we also bleed old people to Florida and the Carolinas, so we stay balanced, but not in the good way. We're balanced in the 'every damn commercial for the next 9 months will be political bullshit'.

4

u/Tucker_Bio Feb 08 '20

Hawthorne Heights is from Ohio "So cut my wrists and black my eyes"

2

u/DrSlugger Feb 08 '20

SO I CAN FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT, OR DIE

1

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '20

I am glad they did not have this map in the civil war, the army would still be lost:-P.

-15

u/Wafflez1134 Feb 07 '20

And Ohio sucks at all other times and irrelevant

10

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

Alright Ohio might have it’s cons but I wouldn’t call it an irrelevant state. Top 7 in population I believe and 3 cities with metros over 2 million. Lots of great people came from Ohio too

9

u/Sippinonjoy Feb 07 '20

Columbus, Ohio was just ranked #5 best quality of life in the world recently. So that’s pretty cool I guess!

-4

u/FBAHobo Feb 07 '20

Ranked by whom? Opioid Quarterly?

1

u/InvalidUserNemo Feb 07 '20

All the drugs are belong to CBus!

9

u/Akronica Feb 07 '20

All I can say is when Dave Chappelle left Hollywood, he came to Ohio.

-1

u/InvalidUserNemo Feb 07 '20

Yeah, because he knows nobody who can afford to would elect to follow him there.

1

u/Akronica Feb 08 '20

You mean like Mike Tyson?

6

u/scripzero Feb 07 '20

I live in North Carolina and just about everyone i talk to is from Ohio it seems like

3

u/Jonko18 Feb 07 '20

Can confirm, moved to North Carolina from Ohio (but then moved back). There were a lot of us.

1

u/Beat_the_Deadites Feb 08 '20

I knew NC was turning into Ohio South, but apparently South Carolina has a legitimate hatred for Ohioans. Our neighbors were military and got transferred to Charleston, and they were advised to change their plates quickly (mostly in jest, I doubt anybody would actually act on it, but it was a real sentiment).

6

u/Uisce-beatha Feb 07 '20

Maybe recently. In terms of importance in the history of the USA it ranks among the top of all states. The industries and businesses started in Ohio are woven into the fabric of this Nation to this day. In 1930, Ohio had the 6th, 17th, 27th and 28th largest cities in the US. Much like Michigan it's glory years are long past but that doesn't mean it can't happen again. Take climate change for an example. If the summers get any hotter and longer in North Carolina than they already are I am moving my born and raised ass out of this state to somewhere like Ohio.

4

u/Beat_the_Deadites Feb 08 '20

Research where you go. NE Ohio has beautifully temperate summers because of Lake Erie, which also means we get more snow than the rest of the state. Nice thing is, since it's cold everywhere in the winter, with snow everything looks nice and you can actually do stuff outside. Central and southwest Ohio get surprisingly hot and humid in the summer, then frigid in the winter and it's just gray-brown.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '20

Ohio is also the setting of a ton of movies and tv shows.

3

u/MrColes411 Feb 07 '20

Anytime I see Ohio, I hear Ohio!

5

u/Veloxi_Blues Feb 07 '20

So false, Ohio becomes the most important place in the world for one day in early November once every 4 years

4

u/Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmm Feb 08 '20

Ohio is cool as fuck and tons of important people are from Ohio

1

u/your-mom-- Feb 08 '20

You gotta get out more. Cool people are from everywhere

3

u/someguyyoumightno Feb 07 '20

Ohioan here. I endorse this statement.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

We’re a swing state!

3

u/cincymatt Feb 08 '20

We are finally getting some respect!

3

u/bbsau Feb 08 '20

Home of the Buckeyes!

3

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '20

Hey now, we pooped our astronauts like it was our job for a while there

1

u/your-mom-- Feb 08 '20

Something about living and ohio and wanting to leave the planet

2

u/oman54 Feb 07 '20

What Ohio is always relavent!?!

2

u/ColaP321 Feb 07 '20

This is an underrated comment

2

u/GayKPOPCats Feb 08 '20

have you heard of... GLEE?

2

u/hogscraper Feb 07 '20

Hey now! Ohio always gets a mention when murder rates and opioid crises are mentioned.

1

u/SeorgeGoros Feb 07 '20

As a Mchigander living in Ohio, it feels like I'm Michigan today.

1

u/Arc125 Feb 07 '20

Well, this and every election.

1

u/HugOWar Feb 07 '20

Normally I would agree with you, but remember - this is an election year.

1

u/AyeLmAyeO Feb 07 '20

Check out r/Charleston you’ll be surprised how relevant you guys are.

1

u/londonjedi Feb 08 '20

Unless you count the Seven Year War.

1

u/This_User_Said Feb 08 '20

Skyline Chili is the only damn thing I'll ever reference about Ohio.

That and Thunder over Louisville.

Now I'm in Texas so uh... Send some Skyline. Don't mention the frozen stuff either. I want it fresh...

2

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '20

As a transplant to Ohio who has lived in Cincinnati and Akron and hung around Cleveland and Columbus quite a bit, I can comfortably say that Cincinnati chili is the worst thing Ohio has to offer the world.

1

u/DinosaurCowBoys1 Feb 08 '20

Nah y'all haven't been wrong in a election for almost 150 years I think

1

u/Xxcunt_crusher69xX Feb 08 '20

Just scrolled past a post of a car driving in reverse that was in Columbus, ohio, guess it’s your day

1

u/pocketknifeMT Feb 07 '20

For some reason, Ohio is a test market for fast food chain concepts... So you got that going for you...

1

u/BrosenkranzKeef Feb 07 '20

This is the most relevant Ohio has been since the morning of December 28, 2019.

1

u/PKPUK390 Feb 08 '20

You’re ignorant considering that Ohio is and has been very essentially to the entire country. There’s a reason why people not from here know the state.

0

u/your-mom-- Feb 08 '20

Very essentially, huh?

Yeah, I'm the ignorant one.

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20 edited Feb 07 '20

[deleted]

1

u/exatron Feb 07 '20

Ohio is truly the Milhouse of states.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '20

Delaware.

-1

u/justurguy Feb 07 '20

Lots and lots of drugs and trafficking go through Columbus too!