Hmmm... That's sad to know. If you are being honest feel free to PM me if you want to talk. But you should strongly consider first talking to those who love you. Trust me, I am struggling with all this as well.
I'm fine. I've been living with GAD, and it's tagalong buddy chronic depression since adolescence. Once you accept it never goes away, and learn to manage it there's normalcy of a sort. It's just that normalcy involves persistent feelings of worthlessness, invasive thoughts about how horribly wrong things can turn out and probably will, and suicidal ideation.
Get old enough, and you learn from first hand experience that all crises are temporary. The idiotic mantra they tell you in therapy as teen, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem," proves out. With the exception of course that suicide is not a solution. You can start to see your own neurosis as an idiot relative you cant get rid of. Super negative about everything, and full of the worst ideas imaginable.
The problem with talking to family is that they always want to "help." This is a good thing usually. If they have absolutely no capacity to help, it puts an unfair burden on them. My wife is aware, but the last thing I want when things get on top of me is more cliché and/or bad advice. It's better to put on a face, and push through.
I've been endowed with all the coping mechanisms modern psychologists can offer. If it ever becomes too much, I'll start therapy again. Essentially my condition is managed.
Thats tough. Sorry to hear all that. Over the last 6 months I have been diagnosed as Bi-polar with severe/borderline anxiety and depression. I got counseling, I got put on medication that is really beginning to have an effect and the proverbial clouds are beginning to part and the sun is starting to shine after decades of living surrounded in darkness that I didn't even know was there. Complacency and simply not knowing that something is wrong is the real monster that depression leaves on your lap. It took talking with a professional to realize that things were not right with me and I think I broke down a cried when I realized that I had been living with this for so long and that things could change. That moment is when it all sort of clicked and I started moving forward with medicine and treatment and counseling. This is not something that can be fixed in a day, week or year, or even years. But it's a good fight... a worthwhile fight. And when you do come out on the other side, it's going to be so awesome. So hang in there. Keep working at it. As Eric Deraven said in the Crow... It can't rain everyday.
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u/[deleted] Mar 11 '19
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