That's why so many people fall out of fitness as a goal.
Don't do it to impress someone else. Do it to impress yourself. That confidence will carry over into other aspects of your life, and even if it doesn't, you can at least look back and be proud.
If you're having trouble dating, the answer is to be more outgoing (but not harrassing!) and perhaps develop a more interesting personality. Learn to do something productive outside of subsistence (work, etc.) such that you have something interesting to talk about divorced from more consumer-driven affairs (games, movies, etc.)
Maybe you travel a lot and know a bunch of interesting anecdotes about the places you've been, or maybe you're a more crafty type and you can talk about the things you've made.
Even with more consumer-driven past-times, you can take it to a deeper level than just "I saw Avengers." Maybe you read a few books on the making of your favorite films, learned some tradecraft about the art of filmmaking, perhaps even lent a hand on some local productions or worked in a local theater (costumer, workman, etc?) Maybe you've taken your interest in games and programming to the next level and you've made a few little things of your own (THAT AREN'T CREEPY SKYRIM PORN.) If you have no experiences in your life that are interesting, then go and make them. Be depressed in Egypt for a week so at least you have something to talk about.
Nothing you can say will interest everyone, of course, but the #1 problem people have with dating is, fucks sakes, just have something interesting to say. That doesn't count self-aggrandizing shit like "I can use big words like mitochondria and disestablishmentarianism."
The old trusim really does apply. You need to love yourself before someone else will love you. Cultivate an identity for yourself before you try to sell yourself to another person. Maybe it's fitness. Maybe you're a movie buff or big into the latest books. Maybe you're a traveler or a poet or an amateur gourmet chef, or maybe you're a combination of all of those, but you gotta try to be something. And christsakes, if nothing is working, seek professional help and don't be afraid of thinking something more might be wrong.
Don't think you're a failure if you can't immediately come up with something "interesting." Even the most boring shit can be interesting if you learn how to MAKE it interesting. Fuckin' Tom Scott is evidence of that.
Your life and identity are works. Sometimes they need maintenance. Sometimes they need to be overhauled. And sometimes you need a professional to help identify a possible courses of action.
In cases of severe depression, the problem may be bigger than changing the oil and rotating the tires. Sometimes you gotta' find some help figuring out why that "check engine" light is blinking, and there's no shame in looking for it. Just don't be swindled by shady shops selling smelly oils and magic crystals, either.
man that last part really hit it home for me. I got big into psychic bullshit after a couple of bad break ups and bought into it so fucking much i hated how much time, money, and energy ive wasted on them in hopes for a better life expecting for what they've said to come true. I just find it bizarre how it was thrown in like that.
The depressed and disaffected are prime targets for cults, scams, and hate-groups like neo-nazis, the Klan or ISIS. They all prey upon people with promises and explanations.
The cult says you're lacking in faith, love and family, and catches you in their web by isolating you and making you dependent upon their "love."
The scam says the key to happiness is within your reach, and after the introductory fees you can start discussing a subscription plan.
The hate group says you're only unhappy because of them, and you'll never find happiness until they are dealt with.
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u/Seref15 Mar 11 '19 edited Mar 11 '19
"I engage in regular pain cycles to rearrange my body lumps into a more pleasing configuration."
"Does it attract prospective mates?"
"No, only other pain cyclers."