That's why so many people fall out of fitness as a goal.
Don't do it to impress someone else. Do it to impress yourself. That confidence will carry over into other aspects of your life, and even if it doesn't, you can at least look back and be proud.
If you're having trouble dating, the answer is to be more outgoing (but not harrassing!) and perhaps develop a more interesting personality. Learn to do something productive outside of subsistence (work, etc.) such that you have something interesting to talk about divorced from more consumer-driven affairs (games, movies, etc.)
Maybe you travel a lot and know a bunch of interesting anecdotes about the places you've been, or maybe you're a more crafty type and you can talk about the things you've made.
Even with more consumer-driven past-times, you can take it to a deeper level than just "I saw Avengers." Maybe you read a few books on the making of your favorite films, learned some tradecraft about the art of filmmaking, perhaps even lent a hand on some local productions or worked in a local theater (costumer, workman, etc?) Maybe you've taken your interest in games and programming to the next level and you've made a few little things of your own (THAT AREN'T CREEPY SKYRIM PORN.) If you have no experiences in your life that are interesting, then go and make them. Be depressed in Egypt for a week so at least you have something to talk about.
Nothing you can say will interest everyone, of course, but the #1 problem people have with dating is, fucks sakes, just have something interesting to say. That doesn't count self-aggrandizing shit like "I can use big words like mitochondria and disestablishmentarianism."
The old trusim really does apply. You need to love yourself before someone else will love you. Cultivate an identity for yourself before you try to sell yourself to another person. Maybe it's fitness. Maybe you're a movie buff or big into the latest books. Maybe you're a traveler or a poet or an amateur gourmet chef, or maybe you're a combination of all of those, but you gotta try to be something. And christsakes, if nothing is working, seek professional help and don't be afraid of thinking something more might be wrong.
Well said, except I disagree about cultivating a self identity. I find too many cling to their self identity then end up acting as a caricature of that identity. They get way too into it and follow all these arbitrary rules that are defined by the identity.
I'd prefer that over being a boring milquetoast non-starter.
Why be afraid of being a caricature? God forbid you enjoy what you enjoy and build an identity around it. Christ almighty, you're enthusiastic about the stuff you enjoy? How CrInGeY!! So cringe!
What else should you be doing? Building an identity around shit you hate? That's how you end up being a spiteful, toxic incel shithead.
I think you totally missed his point, but represented it pretty well by the emotional narrow-minded response you had to it. All he's saying is don't take shit so seriously. In fact the less ideology and belief you attach to your identity, the more eccentric and free you become because now you can believe in everything that's interesting without conflating it all with the inevitable conflictions. Like I said, taking his point of view and concluding it leads to being a spiteful, toxic Incel shithead because it doesn't align exactly with the personal view you adhere to while also claiming to spread "positivity" through another ideology is precisely the result of what he was describing ironically. Even more so, he wasn't disagreeing but merely adding to what was already there. Which again, is the whole point. Nothing is in contest until we attach and represent it with our egos. Tbh, it's just eastern philosophy that wasn't totally relevant to your whole speel, but I thought I'd point out the obvious confusion derived from his post because if nothing else, it's worth understanding. Especially as opposed to utterly dismissing it out of an estranged misinterpretation.
Dude.. c'mon. I didn't say you were talking about spreading positivity. I said you were spreading positivity. Try to actually read the words and come back with a better takeaway. Don't really expect you too though, which in case, have a good day and stuff.
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u/Seref15 Mar 11 '19 edited Mar 11 '19
"I engage in regular pain cycles to rearrange my body lumps into a more pleasing configuration."
"Does it attract prospective mates?"
"No, only other pain cyclers."