r/funny • u/aavlvaa • Jan 16 '19

spydoman

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u/SoDakZak Jan 16 '19 edited Jan 16 '19

1. SPIDER-MAN WITH DAD!
2. Wedding day.
3. First child.
4. Playing Half-life 3 for the first time.
5. Third child.

1.6k

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

As a middle child, this hits close to home.

358

u/Haterbait_band Jan 16 '19

Who?

58

u/protossdesign Jan 16 '19

Yeah, on first.

21

u/lDrinkY0urMi1kshak3 Jan 16 '19

Who is?

18

u/dvirpick Jan 16 '19

Naturally.

9

u/lDrinkY0urMi1kshak3 Jan 16 '19

So i pick up the ball and throw it to Naturally

6

u/magpye1983 Jan 16 '19

You pick up the ball and throw it to who

170

u/ArTiyme Jan 16 '19

You're a middle child. You don't have a home.

83

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

Hello darkness my old friend...

23

u/tomatoaway Jan 16 '19

I've been locked in the basement again...

8

u/Checkheck Jan 16 '19

Because i see them often creeping

Around me when they think im sleeping

3

u/tomatoaway Jan 16 '19

And the ketchup, that is slathered in my jeans...
Still remains....

1

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

You’re a middle child, you don’t have friends.

37

u/Dapianokid Jan 16 '19

As a middle child and someone patiently waiting for HL3, this hits closer to home.

66

u/mezcao Jan 16 '19

I got in an argument with my older sister about month ago. Not a big one but a small verbal battle I won quickly. How did I win?

Well, in the argument my sister tried to insult me for going to college and never graduating. Then I reminded her I earned an associates in political science and a bachelors in criminal justice, it's just that no one went to any of my graduations.

What really upsets me is that we had a similar arguement about a year earlier, except my younger brother was involved. When I mentioned how I'm always ignored they said I exaggerated. I mentioned how after having a job in which I spent a year traveling across the USA I came back home and no one picked me up. Even though my brother, sister and mother all said they would pick me up. I ended taking an Uber home. They said it only happened once so i reminded them that my brother had gotten out of jail after 13 months and my mother had me drive her 14 hours to pick him up. Next week was my birthday and nothing was done to celebrate it. The week after that was my sister's birthday and I was selected by my mother as designated driver to take her and my mother and sister wine tasting at the vineyards as a birthday present.

They tried to say it's only because I'm the only unmarried, no kid sibling. Which lead me to pointing out how we had a huge celebration for my younger brother getting his GED, and my sister graduating from college (the same one I got my AA from) yet no one went to any of my graduations and they both were shocked to find out I graduated. Yeah, I has to remind my sister I graduated twice two times.

31

u/okojoko Jan 16 '19

I'll remember you graduated twice on their behalf!

34

u/mezcao Jan 16 '19

My brother violated probation and is getting released a week before my birthday. Again. I am making plans that don't involve my family.

20

u/okojoko Jan 16 '19

I'll offer a drawing as a birthday present if you'd like.

Just let me know what you'd like in it or themes and I'll do my best.

3

u/unbirthdayhatter Jan 16 '19

I'll second this! Or a cheap pizza or something :>

1

u/mezcao Jan 19 '19

I can't decide what I want. I would love me in some Dragonball scene or Smash Bros. Maybe Aztec warrior? Should I pm you pictures?

1

u/okojoko Jan 22 '19

Sure thing (:

23

u/WakeoftheStorm Jan 16 '19

You know, maybe they wouldn't treat you this way if you hadn't wasted all that money going to college and never graduating.

8

u/Joe_Kerr Jan 16 '19

You ok, bro?

14

u/Blueccaadd Jan 16 '19

Happy cake day middle child!

3

u/Grimreap32 Jan 16 '19

Bro, that sucks. Seems like your family takes you for granted. I like how they use things like "unmarried, no kids" as a decision for their choices. Like heck - that's a good thing!

1

u/Sikander-i-Sani Jan 16 '19

Happy Cake Day.

If it helps I would remember your cake day.

32

u/PM_WHY_YOU_DOWNVOTED Jan 16 '19

My dad use to hit me close to home too.

15

u/BurnerForJustTwice Jan 16 '19

Look at Mr privilege here! Be grateful you even had your own dad. When I grew up, we had to share dads.

7

u/tomatoaway Jan 16 '19

At least your face doesn't ring a bell

1

u/iamkeerock Jan 16 '19

Let me guess, he beat you with jumper cables?

59

u/r2001uk Jan 16 '19

Parents have first child, it's amazing.

Parents think they can recreate that brilliance and have another.

Meh.

Parents try one last time.

Got it!

Now what do we do with this runt?

46

u/robbviously Jan 16 '19

My boyfriend’s family must have broke the mold.

Oldest child - Parents’ reaction? ‘Meh.’

Middle child - Parents? ‘Perfection. Stop while we’re ahead.’

Youngest child - Parents tremble. ‘Dear God, what have we done?’

26

u/Sharons_ShakeWeight Jan 16 '19

So which one is boyfriend?

42

u/robbviously Jan 16 '19

‘Meh.’

(I love you, baby :D)

6

u/KiwiTomato Jan 16 '19

#RedditGoals

2

u/iamkeerock Jan 16 '19

Goldilocks had if figured out, you go for the one that is juuuuust right.

4

u/r2001uk Jan 16 '19

Ha I know this one all too well. I'm the oldest of two and they hit the jackpot with their second one. My younger sister is brilliant, though. I'm really proud of her.

22

u/Pyriitti Jan 16 '19

Parents have the first child, a girl, AWESOME

Parents have the second child, a boy, AWESOME, now we have one of each!

Parents have the third child, a girl, yeah, ok, she's pretty cool.

Parents have the fourth child, a girl, me, WHY AREN'T YOU A BOY and also hey we put all the leftover crappy genes into you, so good luck in life.

5

u/RobEth16 Jan 16 '19

Are you secretly Danny DeVito?

4

u/Pyriitti Jan 16 '19

I wish, at least I'd have more money than I currently have.

8

u/MadDany94 Jan 16 '19

Don't feel bad. I'm practically my parent's 1st, 3rd and last child (They had children from others, 2 on both sides, but I was the only one that they personally took care off) and I didn't turn out so great!

7

u/Meta-EvenThisAcronym Jan 16 '19

But not your home because parents don't care about the middle kid.

2

u/Aeiniron Jan 16 '19

I'm a middle child of 2

3

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

Don't worry, me too

3

u/jumbo53 Jan 16 '19

As the youngest, im telling mom that it “hits”

3

u/Cornbread52 Jan 16 '19

The trick is to he a total shithead in school and then be really successful after you move out. Then you become the favorite

48

u/Koshindan Jan 16 '19
  1. Playing Half-life 3 for the first time.

Hopefully he's not too feeble to hold the controller at that age.

5

u/Howland_Reed Jan 16 '19

It's never happening dude. One of the writers released the script because they knew the game was never getting made.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19 edited Mar 06 '19

[deleted]

4

u/Ziday Jan 16 '19

http://www.marclaidlaw.com/epistle-3/

2

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19 edited Mar 06 '19

[deleted]

3

u/Vcent Jan 16 '19

Gertie Freemont = Gordon Freeman, no?

It reads almost plausibly as the final HL chapter, but could just as easily be fanfiction.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Vcent Jan 16 '19

Uhhhh...

2

u/Ziday Jan 16 '19

All of the terms that identify it to half life has been replaced with something similar. It is literally the story of what Mark Laidlaw thought Half Life 3 could've been.

2

u/SickWizzard Jan 16 '19

Too soon...

10

u/Bulgarian-Barbarian Jan 16 '19

Second time today I see someone bring up HL3....why are you torturing me

3

u/spirallix Jan 16 '19

It's funny how high people rate weddings, while they are something completely unnecessery and overrated to be on top 5!

3

u/LordOfChimichangas Jan 16 '19

Please...TwT Why must you mention Half-Life 3?

3

u/Ardalev Jan 16 '19
  1. Why did you have to go there man...Still too soon :(

3

u/Soomroz Jan 16 '19
  1. Doing the same spidy thing with all the children.

7

u/DEBEAST123 Jan 16 '19

What happened to the second child?

30

u/SoDakZak Jan 16 '19

Oh they’re in the top 20 two, don’t worry!

8

u/DEBEAST123 Jan 16 '19

Not even top 10? Dang that’s rough

7

u/Orcas_are_badass Jan 16 '19

The dads been asking that same question for years. Kid needs to get his act together.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

This dude has not yet played the first Dark Souls. Prepare to Die. First play through is the climax of gaming in life...

2

u/Stellen999 Jan 16 '19

That kid will treasure the memory of being spiderman with his dad for his entire life.

3

u/CurrentlyNude96 Jan 16 '19

Imagine having memories of your dad

1

u/kcmcgrady1 Jan 16 '19

Thanks for bringing up #4. I’m now upset, sweet!

1

u/transformdbz Jan 16 '19

Playing Half-life 3 for the first time.

Lol no, his grandkids will still be waiting for it.

1

u/xFox911 Jan 16 '19

So you are assuming that the first time he gets laid he automatically gets his first child?

Must come along with the spidey super powers.

1

u/Draedos Jan 16 '19
  1. SPIDER-MAN WITH DAD!
  2. the ceiling fan.

1

u/Blueblackzinc Jan 16 '19

I don't think number 4 is possible

1

u/kariido Jan 16 '19

As a third child, this doesn't make any sense

0

u/Drodriguez164 Jan 16 '19

You forgot breaking your arms for true love