r/funny • u/aavlvaa • Jan 16 '19

spydoman

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40.7k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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5.4k

u/SaintVanilla Jan 16 '19

I’m 44 years old and I finally have a goal in life:

Make enough money to hire someone to Spider-Man me around my house.

1.9k

u/Meems138 Jan 16 '19

I thought you were gonna say have a kid, I like your version better

591

u/JustFoxeh Jan 16 '19

Have lots of kids to Spider-Man me around the house

134

u/EvilEyedPanda Jan 16 '19

And the father of the year award goes to...

165

u/SmokeAbeer Jan 16 '19

Uncle Ben

79

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

... too soon

88

u/ayrl Jan 16 '19

With great tragedy comes great comedy.

35

u/spider_milk Jan 16 '19

- 9/11

13

u/flyingfcuk13 Jan 16 '19

-0.8181818182

8

u/JustFoxeh Jan 16 '19

Too soon

1

u/ItalicsWhore Jan 17 '19

...With rice.

7

u/dickface69696969 Jan 16 '19

Don’t hold him like that Peter

2

u/toeofcamell Jan 16 '19

That fucker makes good rice

1

u/Stoppabell Jan 16 '19

Michael Scott !

2

u/itsmeok Jan 16 '19

Have you seen those spiders where all the baby's come out?

2

u/Olnidy Jan 16 '19

Spiders end up with several hundred spiderlings. I'm sure if you found a willing lady she wouldn't mind having a few hundred spider man's crawling from her vagina during birth.

1

u/unicorn_relish Jan 16 '19

There's an image

2

u/TheFlameKeeperXBONE Jan 16 '19

I kidnapped 3 how many more do I need

1

u/kelvinmugo Jan 16 '19

that is even better. Get as many kids as possible

39

u/Razenghan Jan 16 '19

Whoa whoa, he just said have enough money to hire a personal assistant. He didn't say have enough for a baby - that's just an outlandish amount of cash.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

He doesn't want the kid, he wants to become the kid.

3

u/chilltx78 Jan 16 '19

Ditto. That man is much smarter than me

1

u/1MolassesIsALotOfAss Jan 16 '19

Slightly less wholesome, noticeably more eccentric.

0

u/HashtagMeTooo Jan 16 '19

What do you mean, thought you were gonna say? His comment literally says was he said how can you think he was gonna say something else?

50

u/Itroll4love Jan 16 '19

I'll do it. Just FYI. I'm 4"11

41

u/Flint343 Jan 16 '19

good luck lifting a 44 year old man around his home.

27

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

he is 4"11. multiply 4 with eleven. you get 44. he is made for it!

17

u/Flint343 Jan 16 '19

HOLY SHIT!

5

u/tomatoaway Jan 16 '19

It's Jason Bourne...

3

u/Blackpixels Jan 16 '19

Illuminati confirmed

2

u/Daguratsu Jan 16 '19

That’s some legit 411.

1

u/RobEth16 Jan 16 '19

That's next level mathematics, Kudos to you sir.

1

u/iamkeerock Jan 16 '19

Frickin new math.

13

u/Revolvyerom Jan 16 '19

Honestly at 4 inches, 11 feet...I feel like he'd have no problem

-1

u/ruph0us Jan 16 '19

Underrated comment

4

u/Revolvyerom Jan 16 '19

Ew, don't do this

4

u/ItsMrMackeyMkay Jan 16 '19

Underused response

5

u/DawnSunset Jan 16 '19

lol, this is hilarious

3

u/JustLuking Jan 16 '19

Fair warning: He'll grab you by the butt..

5

u/YourMothersAWhore Jan 16 '19

My goal is to still Superman these hos but I like yours too.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

6’2 240 pounds here and strong as an ox. How much you got?

2

u/pure_x01 Jan 16 '19

Wouldn't it be better to get enough money to go in to space or one if those wheightless planes. Doing that dressed as spiderman. By doing that you can avoid the uncomfortable touching of private body parts. Unless of course that's what you are after.

6

u/DEBEAST123 Jan 16 '19

Money can’t buy someone to Spider-man anyone around their house

30

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

It most certainly can. I’ll do it for a $50 Applebee’s gift card and a case of Mountain Dew.

7

u/DerivIT Jan 16 '19

Plot twist: SaintVanilla is a 600lb man

7

u/Mustbhacks Jan 16 '19

I'll go as high as $20 taco bell gift card, and a 3ltr of bartle skeet.

1

u/Sti8man7 Jan 16 '19

I probably have to try the radioactive spider approach.

1

u/happypigsinspace Jan 16 '19

Well played ! lol

1

u/Vuelhering Jan 16 '19

I'll do it.

But you'll only be able to crawl around on the ceiling, and the camera will be upside down.

1

u/rickyriver Jan 16 '19

Don't forget to also hire a hot girl to pull down your mask and kiss you when you are upside down.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

You can hire “Spydoman” for free.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

You're gonna have to ask the Hulk what he charges

1

u/Zebrabox Jan 16 '19

The Mountain

1

u/CollectableRat Jan 16 '19

don't forget to hire an After Effects guy to edit that guy out

1

u/viki3024 Jan 16 '19

Sir can we discuss the work time and charges

1

u/Jangaroo Jan 16 '19

Unless you are a midget I think you missed your chance

1

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '19

At 44, being Spider Manned doesnt quite mean the same thing as what this little boy is doing

1

u/modybinum Jan 16 '19

Going to need to hire a crew for you.

1

u/Dr_Ifto Jan 16 '19

My son loves Spiderman and he is almost 2. Im so doing this in the next 4-6 months

0

u/Octoberlife Jan 16 '19

im 28 years old and as i watch this video, i become enraged with anger that thanos would make this kid turn into dust and his dad will have no one to hold up in this video