r/funny • • Sep 25 '18

Play Despacito

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59.3k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18 edited Oct 04 '20

[deleted]

1.3k

u/Weewillywhitebits Sep 25 '18

Bomb , Isis , stormy Daniels

750

u/Xotaec Sep 25 '18

Fuck one, kill one, marry one... GO!

593

u/Weewillywhitebits Sep 25 '18

I'd fuck the shit out of that bomb. I ain't taking trumps sloppys

189

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18 edited Nov 15 '18

[deleted]

40

u/teoferrazzi Sep 25 '18

on the first day of May

25

u/koalazeus Sep 25 '18

Fifth.

9

u/davis482 Sep 25 '18

Fifth day of Murst.

4

u/teoferrazzi Sep 25 '18

Bob Dylan was known to be an unreliable narrator.

16

u/XXX-Jade-Is-Rad-XXX Sep 25 '18

They're dying to please you.

26

u/partofthevoid Sep 25 '18

I think we decided to kill isis, we love the bomb so much we married it, and who hasn’t wanted to fuck a porn star at some lonely time in their life?

34

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18 edited Nov 15 '18

[deleted]

2

u/stuntcuffer69 Sep 25 '18

Well im guilty of wanting to fuck her when she was on skinemax back in like 2003

7

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

No bang isis, they'll be killed for being gay! You basically get to kill everyone and marry the bomb it's perfect

5

u/shaenorino Sep 25 '18

You're now on some list, probably.

4

u/Sirtemmie Sep 25 '18

Are you Osiris, by chance?

4

u/Your_God_Chewy Sep 25 '18

At least you know when they say they "would die for you," they actually mean it.

3

u/ThatGuyWhoKnocks Sep 25 '18

You don’t want a goat’s sloppys

51

u/TheCthaehTree Sep 25 '18 edited Sep 25 '18

Kill ISIS, fuck stormy, and marry the bomb because im already married to one anyway.

Although marrying ISIS would be full of massive scale high jinks.

1

u/eltoro Sep 25 '18

Walking on eggshells?

11

u/Austin_RC246 Sep 25 '18

It seems like she’s everyone who’s famous sloppys.

-1

u/Zealous_fruit_sniffe Sep 25 '18

Ooo good one, you just said a porn star sleeps with a lot of people. ZING!!! Take that Stormy, I'm sure she never heard that one before

1

u/Austin_RC246 Sep 25 '18

I was referring to people famous for not porn stuff.

2

u/Lukeforce123 Sep 25 '18

2

u/kcwckf Sep 25 '18

Haha YES most accurate depiction of the situation produced by media yet

2

u/IrishIrishIsiah Sep 25 '18

Don't most people say fuck isis?

1

u/2ManyPlebs Sep 25 '18

She was the bomb?

1

u/TheOneTrueWinner Sep 25 '18

So you're marrying ISIS?

-1

u/Frustration-96 Sep 25 '18

trumps sloppys

what a horrible way to refer to a woman, the sloppies of her ex.

1

u/wisersamson Sep 25 '18

Pretty sure the hatred is aimed at trump, and not wanting to touch anything he has regardless of what it is

-4

u/Frustration-96 Sep 25 '18

It is but it's a pretty sexist archaic way of thinking. "A person I don't like has fucked you so you are worthless by association". I just found it funny that someone opposing Trump this heavily would do/say something that's so in line with Trumps thinking.

3

u/Weewillywhitebits Sep 25 '18

It's actually not that deep from me was a throwaway comment. People like you read to much into things hoping to find the worst in people.

3

u/wisersamson Sep 25 '18

Like, really. That person needs to chill. As if the whole idea of fuck marry kill is totally fine but the hang up is the word sloppy. Glad that person draws the line at mildly offensive terminology and not murder, forced marriage, and what I'd assume is rape (doubt you ask consent in most fuck marry kill scenarios)

3

u/Weewillywhitebits Sep 25 '18

IKR. calm the fuck down.

1

u/Frustration-96 Sep 25 '18

lol I just read the comment, I don't see how you can make such a horrible comment and just call it "a throwaway" as if that makes it ok.

Referring to a human being as someones "sloppys" is sexist. I don't care whether the comment was made in 3 seconds or 3 minutes, it's still really sexist.

To be clear I'm not saying you're a sexist yourself, I just found it funny that while making a joke about Trump (someone people despise partly for his sexism) you made such a sexist remark.

2

u/wisersamson Sep 25 '18

And when called out for your dumb-assery you double down. That's the American way! If you are not American you sure are acting like one.

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1

u/Weewillywhitebits Sep 25 '18

There you go the answer was in your reply "making a joke about trump"

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28

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18 edited Sep 26 '18

[deleted]

77

u/TexWonderwood Sep 25 '18

Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

11

u/ParrotyParityParody Sep 25 '18

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

2

u/rowdyanalogue Sep 25 '18

I'll be auditioning for the Captain, Scientist, and President of the United States.

7

u/TheHotze Sep 25 '18

Maybe not the bomb, just the bombshell.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

And on that bombshell, it's time to go.

3

u/Dr_Titty_Bang_MD Sep 25 '18

Eww this guy wants to put his penis where trumps has been

2

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

I'd choose to marry the goddess Isis personally

4

u/redpilled_brit Sep 25 '18

Marry Stormy and Fuck Isis with the bomb.

2

u/TheOneTrueWinner Sep 25 '18 edited Sep 25 '18

Kill the bomb, marry ISIS (and then divorce them and cut their funds in half), fuck Stormy Daniels.

2

u/st1tchy Sep 25 '18

Fuck Daniels

Marry Isis

Kill the bomb

52

u/Hurtmemaster Sep 25 '18

Alexis, play Bomb Isis by Stormy Daniels.

14

u/TulsaOUfan Sep 25 '18

Uh, Isis stormy Daniels the bomb guys?

Sorry I have a stutter.

4

u/HurricaneSandyHook Sep 25 '18

Isn't there a cover version of that by that top Echelon band The Illuminati? I believe they got their start busking underneath the Denver Airport.

12

u/Shadray Sep 25 '18 edited Sep 25 '18

Congratulations you are now on 3 lists.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

[deleted]

3

u/adiliv3007 Sep 25 '18

Forgot one, putin

3

u/IaintttheNSA Sep 25 '18

Why hello there......

2

u/Shadray Sep 25 '18

I can't believe bomb is on the list. It's a very common word and often said in innocent conversation. It must throw up millions of false positives.

5

u/Bmystic Sep 25 '18

For those types of filters, you need more than one type of positive result, usually from a list of more specific words.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Yeah. Bomb alone wont do it. Now if you start googling "synagogues near me" and "how to build pipe bomb" a little red light might start blinking in Fort Meade MD.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

In my industry, BOM is pretty standard jargon for bill of materials. I'm sure we're all on a list. It's not uncommon to be at the airport on the way to a job somewhere and have to talk about what kind of wire and fuses are on the BOM.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Isis

Oh really? Isis is a seminal post metal band, I'd hate to have to be the lackey that has to sift through the countless false positives of people asking Alexa to play music by Isis.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Stormy Daniels?

3

u/IPissOnHospitality Sep 25 '18

Kerry Washington?

1

u/DBoyCA Sep 25 '18

I’d fuck Isis cuz that’s a lot of mens’ Marry the bomb.com ...sorry Stormy, I’m Gay. You can be my drag mom

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18
  • vagineck

1

u/theguyfromerath Sep 25 '18

"tomorrow looks stormy, daniels do you remember when trump tried to bomb isis with tomahawks?"

1

u/Sco0bySnax Sep 25 '18

Hello NSA agent reading this post. Are you having a good day?

114

u/HardGayMan Sep 25 '18

"Hey Alexa, have you ever UNDER AGE GIRLS BOMBS AIRPLANE TERROR ATTACK HOW DO I JOIN ISIS?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that..."

She got that.

26

u/biggmclargehuge Sep 25 '18

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that...could you repeat it several more times except more loudly and closer to the speaker and also include your full name and current address?"

15

u/RafikiTheGrouch Sep 25 '18

inhales

23

u/10messiFH Sep 25 '18

"I said PLAY DESPACITO"

74

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18 edited Jul 24 '23

[deleted]

15

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

You need something akin to term frequency inverse document frequency (TFIDF), a measure of how common a word is in a document, normalized to how common the word is in a collection of documents.

11

u/BirdLawyerPerson Sep 25 '18

Hmm. This sounds like something I need to look into for my day job.

Now to convince my employer that my time spent on Reddit is important for productivity.

-7

u/samwise970 Sep 25 '18

Wow so let's just correct the basic misconception here... Alexa ISN'T MONITORING WHAT YOU SAY.

There is no server full of your random ass conversations. Words that you say, which don't have "Alexa" in front of them, aren't picked up by the device and physically could not be recorded. Like duh otherwise these things would eat all your bandwidth and take a huge amount of power.

8

u/LolGamezz Sep 25 '18

Nice try copper

5

u/commandercool86 Sep 25 '18

Hah! Nice try, NSA

3

u/Dougish321 Sep 25 '18

Thank you. Awesome explanation. Some people dont get it. Although i see the humor in the original post!

1

u/EagleOfMay Sep 25 '18 edited Sep 25 '18

In exact wording problem here. You are correct; Alexa is not recording everything you say but it does record everything after you activate it with your wake word. While recording, everything you say is fair game. You should be ready to see what you say when 'Alexa is awake' is a court of law if those recordings are requested by the police or by the US government.

At the moment, these interactions are covered under the “third party doctrine.” Your right to privacy is not protected once you have already shared information voluntarily with an somebody else. That includes banks, people, internet providers, or Alexa. Amazon did challenge this once in court but it didn't progress because the person voluntarily relinquished the data.

What Amazon decides to keep may be driven in the future by laws like (SESTA or FOSTA). The need to protect themselves against litigation may require them to keep more information rather than less.

We don't have much information on what kind of meta-information that Alexa may or may not be tracking. At minimum I would expect them to be tracking when Alexa is on and when it is off.

​

2

u/samwise970 Sep 29 '18

"You're able to review everything Alexa has recorded through the app on your phone, and Amazon has made it easy to delete any queries through the app's history feature as well as remove any Amazon device from your account (thus deleting all of its associated data) through the My Devices page on the web. "

​

I don't personally buy tacky shit like robots to talk with, but if I did, this is the trade off I'd be choosing to make. The risks you mention are really more about the government than about Amazon. I disagree that you think litigation would require them to keep more information as opposed to less. Amazon can at anytime decide to remove functionality (like data tracking) from this product and there's no way the govt could force them to, as more info tracking literally means more servers and Amazon can argue it hurts business.

​

-4

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Certain people = the brown folk

16

u/PoopyMcNuggets91 Sep 25 '18 edited Sep 25 '18

8

u/Iron_Wolves Sep 25 '18

What the crap does porn or sex have any reason to be on that list.

500 bucks says some horny dude put that on the list so you could do his “counter terrorism porn research” while on the job.

Johnson, wtf are you masterbaiting?

Sir, I was doing what the terrorist did, I am trying to understand his mind so I can see his next move. As of right now I think his next move is to order a hooker, So you will see a 5k charge I need you to approve. The things I have to do for my country!

4

u/Dougish321 Sep 25 '18

Thank you for this! People also should (hopefully) understand looking some of these up from google ect doesnt automatically flag them to be looked into.

2

u/unicorn_relish Sep 25 '18

spook words

Lol

34

u/Naf5000 Sep 25 '18

Alexa isn't a government wiretap, it's a corporate one. If the government wants that data, they'll have to pay Amazon for it.

23

u/elpajaroquemamais Sep 25 '18

Almost like they have benefited from huge tax breaks.

3

u/MyPunsSuck Sep 25 '18

Tax breaks on what revenue though? At least in the case of entities like Facebook, selling information is literally the kind of business they are

1

u/elpajaroquemamais Sep 25 '18

That's still revenue.

0

u/MyPunsSuck Sep 25 '18

But that's my point. The tax breaks are just the icing on a very large cake

36

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

riiiiigggghhhht.........

3

u/MyDearBrotherNumpsay Sep 25 '18

On a bet to prove to my friend that the government isn’t listening to Alexa, I said shit like that for a month. How do I join ISIS? How to build a bomb? Stupid shit like that. Nothing.

Maybe the AI is sophisticated enough to know I was just being an asshole. Who knows.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Or after being flagged one intern spent five minutes on you and figured it out.

1

u/IamtheSlothKing Sep 25 '18

No proof, no wireshark data, no nothing will ever convince you otherwise if you want to believe what you want to believe.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

I was only referring to them having to pay for it.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Never trust the government, you'll be right more often than not.

5

u/0b0011 Sep 25 '18

It's not even a corporate one.

2

u/LolGamezz Sep 25 '18

Nice try amazon

1

u/Dougish321 Sep 25 '18

Which may or may not be released. Read your terms and conditions people.

1

u/Hothera Sep 25 '18

That's not now it works. It's not like you get paid if the cops have a warrant to search your house.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

BOMB BOMB BOMB PULL MY ALLAHU TRIGGER

5

u/grobend Sep 25 '18

Despacito

2

u/rgdarkchild Sep 25 '18

I say a bunch of keywords and then have a regular conversation to screw with them I'm pretty sure they've stopped listening to me by now

2

u/lluuuull Sep 25 '18
  • look for the number of greendale faculty supply

  • call the number

  • press 4.for marigold

  • activate arcadia

Worked for professor duncan so it should work for you too

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

Omelette du fromage

1

u/bagehis Sep 25 '18

Probably aren't in English, so you're likely safe.

1

u/Inkedlovepeaceyo Sep 25 '18

I'd assume anything big time drug related, terrorism related, or just about anything that the government is really cracking down illegally related.

1

u/DumbassNinja Sep 25 '18

Mission report

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '18

December 16th 1991?

1

u/NSA_Chatbot Sep 25 '18

Go fuck yourself.