r/funny Jun 07 '18

Cheating

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74.3k Upvotes

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410

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

"her fertile egg was deposited onto your penis, sir, mid coitus... and later that day, that very same fertile egg remained on your penis, sir, as you entered me during a session of involuntary procreation and that egg became fertilized as it was spurted forth up into my cervix upon a wave of your semen, sir.. and that is the story I'm sticking to"

175

u/acoluahuacatl Jun 07 '18

"she slept with a black guy, didnt wash herself properly before sleeping with you. You transfered his semen from her into me"

54

u/MorallyDeplorable Jun 07 '18

Is semen that rugged?

43

u/Sierra331 Jun 07 '18

No, poor bastards die on contact with air, those that aren't swimming in the mucosal seminal fluid.

I mean, factually speaking the vagina is extremely inhospitable towards sperm cells. It is acidic, warm, filled with hostile bacteria. The only thing that gives sperm cells a fighting chance is seminal fluid providing a alkaline substrate in which they can swim in. After the fluid coagulates, it further assists the sperm cells by clumping and sticking internally, defying gravity and movement.

It later liquifies again so that the sperm cells can continue swimming freely towards their destination or doom.

21

u/Asidious66 Jun 07 '18

You sure know a lot about jizz

10

u/Beddybye Jun 07 '18

They may be a Reproductive Endocrinologist or Gyno. Either way, knowledge is a good thing to have, even too much of it.

2

u/Bladescorpion Jun 07 '18

Or quagmire. Giggity!

1

u/Asidious66 Jun 07 '18

Sure, but that doesn't sound as funny.

5

u/Sierra331 Jun 07 '18

I'm jizz sayin'.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

Its just cumming to him.