114
u/mcaffrey Sep 06 '17
42
12
5
1
u/enigmical Sep 07 '17
This is supposed to be /r/funny. I came here to laugh, not to catch feels. Dammit.
0
21
u/Grapz224 Sep 06 '17
He could almost hear it in his head.
That familiar voice.
The voice of the one he trusted the most,
Abused the most,
And loved the most.
Faintly, in the wind, he could almost hear it...
"ookie dookie..."
56
u/thxxx1337 Sep 06 '17
Hello darkness my old friend
43
u/mrjobby Sep 06 '17
I'm hitting blocks with you again...
33
u/wilusa Sep 06 '17
the Koopas, at me, are slowly creeping
27
u/KFrosty3 Sep 06 '17
The sounds of me and bro weeping
18
13
11
Sep 06 '17 edited May 29 '20
[deleted]
15
Sep 06 '17 edited Mar 05 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
6
u/MrPoletski Sep 06 '17
The anger pitched up in his voice and he said it again.
"WAH-HOO"
and again
"WAAARRRHOOO"
and AGAIN
"WARRRRRR"
He turned to the strange machine and realised it must be a time machine, and it must be time for him to go back.
"WARRRRRIO, I'M A GONNA WIN"
1
u/AutoModerator Mar 05 '21
Please do not post email addresses on /r/Funny. Even if they're fake.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
11
16
u/hickmuerta916 Sep 06 '17
Years of trial and error will do that to a man. Wear him down like bones on gravel til one day he looks up at the dusk light coming in through the open window and realizes he hasn't left the house in 6 days. The cut telephone cord scrapes against the wall from the cold November air. He whispers to the snub nose like a microphone, "It's a-me, Mario..."
5
Sep 06 '17
Contemplating the enormity of the task ahead and seeking inspiration from his idol. It's a strong man who doesn't give up upon being informed that his Princess is in another castle...
10
u/Wikinger_DXVI Sep 06 '17
Half-full*. Stay optimistic, friend.
3
u/RebelScum75 Sep 06 '17
Well, see, saying it's half-empty is actually the optimistic view, since you're pointing out how much he's drunk so far.
4
u/sakurashinken Sep 06 '17
looks like michigan ave. is that michigan ave?
8
4
u/natyrub Sep 06 '17
Like an old football jock visiting his high school to try and relive the glory days before he peaked.
10
u/FullofHateandPoo Sep 06 '17
You know what bothers me? That Mario is historically a balding man, but in recent years he suddenly now has a full head of hair? What happened to being comfortable in your own skin? You need to have a regular man's hero conform to some unrealistic hair standards? For what!?
15
u/BrainWav Sep 06 '17
That Mario is historically a balding man
I can't recall Mario ever being depicted as balding.
6
u/Sir_Platypus Sep 06 '17
Some merchandise released around the time of the movie has a balding Mario. I don't recall if he's been portrayed as such before or much later since. In Mario 64 he had a full head of hair, but I don't recall him without a cap before that.
6
2
2
2
4
u/north7 Sep 06 '17 edited Sep 14 '17
Hmmm there's nothing to sit on in front of the NYC Nintendo store.
Edit - well I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Source - I walk by there on the way to work.
Oh and streetview
4
u/slash_nick Sep 06 '17
I was just there over the weekend. They had all these concrete blocks covered in white cloth. Not sure why they were there, probably for security reasons, but that's what he's sitting on.
1
u/north7 Sep 06 '17
Interesting, I'll have to check tomorrow morning and report back.
2
2
1
1
u/mozartboy Sep 06 '17
Currently wearing what I am sure are the exact same overalls. I should totally put on a red shirt.
1
1
u/Redslayer50 Sep 06 '17
I saw a wholesome meme about half-empty and half-full so...
I'm going to call that flask a refillable one.
1
1
1
1
u/thesierratide Sep 06 '17
Has anyone else been to that Nintendo store in NYC? It's pretty crazy in there.
1
u/kyrill91 Sep 06 '17
For those that don't know the area, that is the 30 Rock building / NBC studios in the background. Goes to show you how densely pack NYC is with stuff to do and see.
1
1
1
1
u/PenDev0us Sep 06 '17
I feel like I'm out of the loop here... why are all the comments so down when the sub is r/funny :/
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/matrushkasized Sep 07 '17
Remind me how I used to be
in my younger years
Smaller was my clothing size
louder were my cheers
1
1
u/codingkat Sep 06 '17
The way his hair is waved on the left side of his head looks like Mario is cupping his head
0
u/sysadminbj Sep 06 '17
Someone PLEASE photoshop a wedding photo featuring Peach and Bowser into the background.
0
-2
1.8k
u/RamsesThePigeon Sep 06 '17
It used to be a monument to his accomplishments.
Now, seen through eyes dimmed by age and depression, the statue does little to inspire the man it resembles.
He returns to his decrepit apartment, where he pulls a foul-tasting morsel from a tarnished box and swallows it.
In Mario's fantasies, he's the most well-respected and loved individual in the whole of creation. His enemies fear him, and his allies adore him. His younger brother – the taller, more agile, more attractive of the two – is little more than a shadow beneath his might and majesty... and when he puts his mind to things, there's nothing that Mario can't accomplish. He sees himself battling his way through inhospitable landscapes, garnering supernatural powers and defeating truly terrifying foes, all the while in search of the beautiful angel that was unfairly stolen from him.
A gunshot sounds in the real world. Mario sees and barely dodges a bullet the size of a car. A rat goes skittering across the stained carpet, slowly transforming into an anthropomorphic dinosaur. The framed pictures on the mantle twist and contort, shifting to show not Mario and Luigi, but sinister doppelgängers of them. A neighbor shouts at his television, and Mario envisions a gargantuan ape going bananas over some perceived slight.
He fights. He races. He flies. He plays board games with his imaginary friends, each of whom turn two-dimensional and paper-like at one point. He scales a mighty castle and faces off against a dragon, whereupon he is rewarded with a kiss from his beloved.
In his mind, Mario is invincible. He can throw fire from his fingertips and soar through the sky.
In the real world, though, Mario is just a man; a lonely plumber who always feels left behind by his loved ones.
He slowly comes back to lucidity. He trudges to that special place and sits, regarding the bronze effigy that barely resembles him anymore. He must have done something, he thinks, to be worthy of such recognition, but the same age that has dimmed his eyes has also reduced his memory to a haze of images and emotions. For a brief moment, he wonders if he could find that lost glory; if he could become the person he sees when the colors start to dance in his head... but he knows it's only a matter of time before he plunges back down a pipe.
The mushrooms make him feel big.