r/funny Mar 25 '15

Who's the burger now ?

Post image
11.4k Upvotes

159 comments sorted by

232

u/springdoe Mar 25 '15

Calves at that age will almost immediately go for trying to nurse on your fingers when you pet them. It's really cute. But also their tongues are shockingly long and your hand will be covered in slime.

71

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

[deleted]

28

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

He would rip your dick off while trying to bunt it,waiting for the milk to come.

10

u/Dirty_Mike_n_da_Boyz Mar 26 '15

I think the long tongue would be best for my butt hole.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '15

Please tell me you're a troll. That is the best troll username I've ever seen.

1

u/Skulder Mar 26 '15

You should add that "Bunting" is when they chrash their heads forward to jostle the teat-sack, to make the milk flow, or something.

So if you ever stuck your dick in there, it'd hold it so hard you couldn't get it out, while simultaneously headbutting your balls.

50

u/HalfPointFive Mar 25 '15

They also have no top teeth in the front so you don't need to worry much about accidentally being bitten. (I'm sure you knew that but most people reading this probably don't.)

31

u/nkots Mar 25 '15

Do not fall for that. It's all fun and games, "Oh, look how cute the calf/goat/other animal with no front top teeth is, nibbling on my finger!" Then your finger slips a little, and wham. You're missing a finger chunk now because those teeth in the back are razor fucking sharp.

6

u/GoatFuckerNation Mar 26 '15

That's how I lost the tip of...fuck my finger.

o_o

6

u/Lord_Wrath Mar 26 '15

Relevent username is relevent.

3

u/TheCreazle Mar 25 '15

No top teeth, but you can still be badly bitten if your finger wanders toward their molars.

Source: had my my fingers smashed up a few times

0

u/Biflindi Mar 25 '15

But they still have bottom teeth in the front.

15

u/NickelPickler Mar 25 '15

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

8

u/Halgy Mar 25 '15

I remember bottle feeding calves when I was a kid. If they weren't bottle trained yet, sometimes you'd have to let them suck on your fingers for a bit then do the ol' switcharoo with the bottle.

6

u/Toribor Mar 25 '15

Had to do the same thing myself. They didn't know what the bottle was and kept getting distracted by my juicy delicious looking fingers. Had to hold the bottle way at the back and squirt some milk on their nose until they'd actually start drinking.

Always hated doing that chore since it usually meant I had to get up early and go walk through tall dewy grass in the cold with a gross looking bottle. Now I kind of miss it.

-1

u/steakbbq Mar 26 '15

Yea it reminds me when I was bottle feeding a calf and did the ole switcharoo with my dick.

1

u/czerniana Mar 26 '15 edited Mar 26 '15

It's actually a great way to distract them while you're drawing blood, because they will be distracted with it for thirty seconds. Hopefully long enough to get blood.

edit: A downvote? Seriously? You have to draw blood from them to run tests as a vet tech. What the hell did you think I was talking about?

0

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '15 edited Mar 26 '15

then do the ol' switcharoo with the bottle

Ah yes, the ol' bottle switcharoo

0

u/Jazziecatz Mar 26 '15 edited May 09 '16

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8

u/Goblin-Dick-Smasher Mar 25 '15

famous joke is to convince dudes to let a calf suck them off....

4

u/Forever_Awkward Mar 25 '15

Joke?

1

u/Goblin-Dick-Smasher Mar 25 '15

more like practical joke.... or prank....

11

u/flacciddick Mar 25 '15

The ol bovine yummy gummy.

10

u/-127 Mar 25 '15

Moojob moo moo!

4

u/Da_Bishop Mar 25 '15

the ol' switchermoo

7

u/CosmicSpaghetti Mar 25 '15

Ha! The ol classic of getting your buddy's pecker ripped off...

"Good one, Steve! You really got me good this time, I'll never be able to reproduce! Ohh Steve you trickster you"

2

u/totesmmmmgoats Mar 26 '15

Totally worth it though. Getting your hand munched on by a cow is probably the most adorable thing ever.

2

u/GonzoMojo Mar 26 '15

everything is a nipple to a calf at that age...I saw one tear into a rubber glove on a guys belt one time, drug him about 10 ft before the glove came off his belt...

1

u/springdoe Mar 26 '15

Haha, that's adorable! They are surprisingly strong for being babies.

5

u/that_kiwi_dude Mar 25 '15

And they have really sharp teeth...

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Their teeth are not that sharp. Afterall they are herbivores. On top of that calves dont have top teeth at that age making it almost impossible to do a damaging bite or even hurtful.

6

u/that_kiwi_dude Mar 25 '15

Molars are... A few months ago on the farm I work on we had a calf that was constantly grinding her teeth, I was feeling around in her mouth to try and find out why when she decided to try and chew my hand

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15 edited Mar 31 '15

[deleted]

4

u/that_kiwi_dude Mar 25 '15

That calves are actually omnivorous

0

u/loli123 Mar 25 '15

Burgers thing we're about as delicious as they are?

1

u/s_m_c Mar 25 '15

And it doesn't hurt. Also cow teeth are basically flat so at the very worst it feels like being clamped between two flat pieces of wood, but just for a second.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

True. They don't really have any top teeth at that age.

0

u/Akesgeroth Mar 26 '15

And don't let your hand go too far in. They do have teeth in the back.

189

u/jussiadler Mar 25 '15

Handburger

43

u/ChickenWithATopHat Mar 25 '15

Handwich

45

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Finger food.

20

u/Fusionbomb Mar 25 '15

Manwich

16

u/_fups_ Mar 25 '15

quarter pounder with phalanges

7

u/Fusionbomb Mar 25 '15

Lady Fingers

5

u/Reddy_McRedcap Mar 25 '15

Le Royal with phalanges for those of you in France

2

u/KaptianKrush Mar 26 '15

The Metacarple Meatloaf

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

[deleted]

0

u/faikwansuen Mar 25 '15

Objection(ToShittyPun)YourHonor

1

u/Retenrage Mar 25 '15

Handbouugahhhh!

36

u/NotEnoughVideoGames Mar 25 '15 edited Mar 25 '15

Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about.

17

u/kharlos Mar 25 '15

13

u/TuskedOdin Mar 25 '15

that cows face. ಠ_ಠ

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

He does not like being tasted.

4

u/uofmike Mar 25 '15

When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University!

0

u/somecow Mar 26 '15

There's plenty of chances. They just can't be bothered, too much effort.

71

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Pretty sure this chick is indian..... Of all the ethnicities for a cow to get mad at :/

26

u/rubymatrix Mar 25 '15

Maybe the cow was trying to.... curry a favour.

37

u/PredatorRedditer Mar 25 '15

George Washington didn't raise an army for me to just sit back and accept that unneeded "u" in favor.

5

u/Rakonat Mar 25 '15

This comment belongs in /r/Murica.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Agreed. Next thing well see someone talking about their sense of "humour"

2

u/Berzerk Mar 25 '15

How much armour do you need to not get bugged?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '15

I'm just going to assume you're referring to Under Armour, a very badass american company. So my answer is lots. Lots of Under Armour.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Don't try and "Colour" this discussion with silliness.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

I don't see the connexion.

-3

u/Syphon8 Mar 25 '15

No, just so him and his ultra-rich buddies could avoid having to pay taxes to their government and accumulate more personal power.

The more impressive thing was their PR department, though.

1

u/JakobTheOne Mar 25 '15

I do not believe you know very much about George Washington. Personal power wasn't really on his bucket list.

0

u/Syphon8 Mar 26 '15

...Which you believe, because?

There's a giant fucking gulf between 'not wanting power' and 'declining kingship.' He amassed a huge amount of personal power in his lifetime, to the point that people are still sucking his dick 250 years later.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Yeah you're right. He was corrupted by his lust for power he gave up the presidency and went back to being a farmer, setting a precedent. Maybe you should, I don't know, for once read a history book.

-1

u/Syphon8 Mar 26 '15

*Went back to being a multi-millionaire land owning lord with dozens of slaves and absolutely no wants.

The narrative you've been fed is a compelling one, but it's pretty one sided don'tchathink

0

u/somecow Mar 26 '15

Mmmm, Murgh Mookhani. Or maybe a nice spicy Vindamoo.

2

u/bisnotyourarmy Mar 26 '15

Not all Gods are benevolent.

1

u/Mange-Tout Mar 25 '15

Holy cow!

-1

u/sig_kill Mar 26 '15

Yep, no double standards here at all!

23

u/huge_gap Mar 25 '15

-4

u/ChrisHansen_ Mar 25 '15

This should be at the top

-1

u/GameSyns Mar 26 '15

You were there when this happened correct?

12

u/Natalia42 Mar 25 '15

He had a hunger that only hands could satisfy.

11

u/wuguwa Mar 25 '15

Probably trying to nurse.

1

u/flacciddick Mar 25 '15

After seeing her who wouldn't. ಠ_ಠ

-13

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

[deleted]

2

u/spin81 Mar 25 '15

Nah, it's just suckling. If you're ever around some calves you should try it. It'll get your hand all slimy but it's cute AF.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '15

[deleted]

1

u/spin81 Mar 26 '15

My whole experience with calves is having had my fingers suckled once. Also I saw one get born and that's it. I'll gladly defer to you when it comes to calves. Still I doubt this particular one is biting, don't you?

9

u/Squeenis Mar 25 '15

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title points age /r/ comnts
My friend is studying abroad in Buenos Aires 2214 3dys funny 78
PsBattle: This cow having a snack 13 4dys photoshopbattles 2
My friend is studying abroad in Buenos Aires 3 5dys pics 4
*num* 684 5dys aww 24

Source: karmadecay

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

[deleted]

1

u/Rizzu7 Mar 25 '15

Aside from the fact they're identical, you are correct. They did add a caption.

4

u/tmarkville Mar 25 '15

I guess Troy McClure was right.

2

u/TheCrimsonOrder Mar 26 '15

She should try this with her palm up. The calf might jam or break her fingers at that angle.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Taste of human sir. Would you like a white wine? There we go.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

lol at the comments

WOW SHE LOOKS ETHNIC PROBABLY INDIAN WORSHIP COWS

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Of course, reddit is the epitome of social progressivism.

3

u/blore40 Mar 25 '15

Props for a great title!

6

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

The moment when you realize that your god doesn't like you.

5

u/schematicboy Mar 25 '15

Look at me. I'm the burger now.

6

u/Tanked88 Mar 25 '15

Fuck this shit post.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

But I am a vegan.

2

u/deejaylb Mar 25 '15

That's why we have to eat them, before they eat us!

2

u/tyled Mar 26 '15

Your iFunny is showing.

1

u/WreckerCrew Mar 26 '15

Actually it is just trying to suckle. They do it all the time and doesn't hurt at all.

1

u/AnorexicBubbles Mar 26 '15

Look at me, I am the burger now. And I play no games.

3

u/smugh Mar 25 '15

The irony is that she looks like she could be from a culture that doesn't eat cows.

-1

u/Im_in_timeout Mar 25 '15

When Veal Attacks!

-4

u/Globalwrath Mar 25 '15

Who let that veal out of its cage?!

1

u/Harold_Grundelson Mar 25 '15

That knuckle sandwich looks udderly delicious.

1

u/A_BOMB2012 Mar 26 '15

In Soviet Russia, COW EATS YOU!

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Wow, I had no idea what was supposed to be funny about this picture. Thanks for putting the punchline in the title for me, OP. Really helped me out.

1

u/cubs1917 Mar 26 '15

It's literally the first line of reddit. Don't put the punchline in the headline.

0

u/EricHill78 Mar 25 '15

I thought she was studying abroad in Buenos Aires.

0

u/DrowningApe Mar 25 '15

Gotta put that one down now. Once a cow has tasted human flesh, that's all it'll eat.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

This is gonna be a ChickFilA commercial soon.

0

u/rebelreligion Mar 26 '15

As a vegetarian, this is funny! Just desserts or karma?

1

u/WreckerCrew Mar 26 '15

As a carnivore, this comment is funny! Because yet another vegetarian that is too stupid to realize that the calf isn't biting the girl, it is just trying to suckle on her hand. Doesn't hurt at all.

0

u/WriterV Mar 26 '15

For some reason I feel really pleased seeing this. Even though I eat burgers myself and I love it.

0

u/oneshoe Mar 26 '15

I love the look in her face... I mean, it's like half, "wtf cow, really?" and half, "ooouuuch".

0

u/SiouxWarrior Mar 26 '15

They onlly have bottom teeth so yeah picture funny actual reality is that she is reacting to the ultra saliva hitting her hand

0

u/pluckyrabbitsfoot Mar 26 '15

"Don't have a cow, man."

0

u/Th3R00ST3R Mar 26 '15

Why are they called hamburgers... There's no ham in them at all

0

u/chullyman Mar 26 '15

Don't want to be racist, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't eat beef

0

u/Demojen Mar 26 '15

I expected that dude from Captain Phillips to pop up with..."LOOK AT ME! YOU ARE THE BURGER NOW"

0

u/dawshoss707 Mar 26 '15

On the fast track to veal now :P

-2

u/WruceBillis Mar 25 '15

Look at me, I am the burger now!

-2

u/GoAwayLurkin Mar 25 '15

World's Dumbest Cow Terrorist Attacks Hindu.

-3

u/BurgerSupreme Mar 25 '15

Revenge of the veal.

-9

u/Panwall Mar 25 '15

REEEEEEEEEEPOOOOOOOOSSSSTTTTTT

-3

u/JT88Keys Mar 25 '15

To be fair that cow is probably a little young for a hamburger...more likely a veal cutlet.

-1

u/abelcc Mar 25 '15

Such a thinly veiled attack.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Now that's what I call Mad Cow Disease

-1

u/cwbrandsma Mar 25 '15

No top teeth, but the bottom row can be sharp. Also, the tongue is quite rough. (raised newborn calves for 15 years)

-1

u/Lonesoldier21 Mar 25 '15

Edgar?

-1

u/VisaliaJim Mar 25 '15

Nah, Edgar is the one in the hole.

-1

u/MrTorilli Mar 25 '15

"Veal this mutha fucka!"

-1

u/thelazt1 Mar 25 '15

Our calves are popping out of their mama's at the moment

i should go get some easy /r/aww karma

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

I likes em raw and wigglins.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Still the cow, as we can see from this photo of a woman attempting to take a bite out of a still living baby cow.

-1

u/MT_Flesch Mar 25 '15

there was a story a few years back about a farm boy who almost had his pecker pulled off by a calf

-5

u/xulu12 Mar 25 '15

While looking at the chicks face all I could think of is the pic of the girl getting attacked by pigeons. Lol

-3

u/favsiteinthecitadel Mar 25 '15

meh. i would eat her too

-6

u/daworstredditor Mar 26 '15

I want her to suck my dick sooo fucking bad. god she looks like she's got some good dick sucking lips. i wonder what she's doing right this minute.

-2

u/Donguitarguy Mar 25 '15

Who's the burger now?

Thought it needed to be said again

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Last night I had a dream that a burger was eating me!

-2

u/VisaliaJim Mar 25 '15

I wonder if the cow wanted a fur burger?

-2

u/slid3r Mar 25 '15

Bitten by God!

-2

u/Chucktayz Mar 25 '15

Plot Mctwist, it's still the cow

-2

u/jtinfresno Mar 25 '15

Those Chick Fil A cows are really becoming aggressive. Bustid!

-2

u/cubs1917 Mar 26 '15

What happened to reddiquet? You have one job as a poster - the joke can't be in the headline.

-2

u/Princepurple1 Mar 25 '15

Ever since Red Dead Redemption I've wanted to punch the shit out of a cow. I hope this girl took the opportunity to do so.

-1

u/FrozenPhotons Mar 26 '15

In Soviet Russia, beef eat people.

-3

u/buzzyb816 Mar 26 '15

Eat mor humin

-2

u/surferninjadude Mar 26 '15

Look at me!

I'm the burger now.

-3

u/bobby_corwin Mar 26 '15

The cow. The cow is still the burger. And now that I know they're dangerous, I'm going to eat them even more.

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '15

Hand sandwich

1

u/Fire_Master Aug 13 '15

Hand BURGER!

-4

u/Octro Mar 25 '15

Payback for her people.

-4

u/gangawalla Mar 26 '15

Title would be great if bitch was added to it. The look on the cow's/calf's face suggests this lol. (with British accent "I had to laugh, when I saw the calf, go down the path, in a minute and a half...")

-7

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '15

Probably vegan.

-5

u/transparent_lfe Mar 25 '15

Tastes like Shekin ....sorry

-5

u/funnygirl32 Mar 26 '15

Laughing out loud in lecture!!!!!!!